Menage a Trois
by Mrs Muir
Summary: Sequel to Three Hearts Entwined. The honeymoon is over and the three are going through major life changes. Can their love survive? NOW COMPLETE
1. From LA to Sunnydale

**Title:                **Menage a Trois  

**Author:             **Mrs Muir

**Rating:             R **

**Disclaimer:      **All things BtVS belong to Joss Whedon, UPN, WB, Fox and whoever else has legal claim to them. It doesn't belong to me, that's for sure.

**Author's Note:  **The literal translation of 'Ménage a Trois' is 'Household of Three' and that is why the title was chosen and not for the sexual connotation of it.

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**Chapter 1 – From LA to Sunnydale**

"I can't believe I am doing this," Buffy muttered, slamming another book onto the shelf.  It wasn't fair. Everything had come together, the three of them were together, everything was understood and accepted and overnight it had all changed. So, here she was helping one of her mates establish a home an hour and a half away from where he belonged. 

"I told you that you didn't have to do it," Angel said, making the bed. "Cordelia said she'd help me."

"I just bet she would."

Spike was amused. Buffy could see the corners of his lips twitching as he fought back the laughter and she wanted to throw a book at him. Serve the little weasel right. He was just as jealous and upset as she was but he was hiding behind the big bad vampire routine while she was looking like an insecure shrew. Telling herself to calm down, Buffy righted the book she had thrown on the shelf then took the last two out of the box and put them on the shelf. She broke down the box and put it on the stack with the others. After Spike finished with the few knick knacks, the apartment would be set up and it would soon be time for them to leave Angel. 

"Anyone want some water?" Buffy asked, making her way into the kitchen. After not getting a reply, she grabbed a bottle and took a long drink before wandering back into the other room. Angel was now lying on the bed and when he saw her, he held his hand out to her. She hurried over to join him. She couldn't imagine spending time away from him and if it made her look pathetic then pathetic she would be. He pulled her down on top of the bed and she instinctively straddled him. 

"Don't worry," Angel whispered, his hands tangling in her hair. "I love you and Spike and no one else. Okay?"

Buffy nodded, happily lowering her head for a kiss. It was sweet and full of love as his lips moved along hers. She was the one who took it further, needing the passion, her tongue dipping between his lips which parted easily to give her admittance. Lost in his touch, the worries and pain of the impending separation departed, leaving her breathless and needy. His hands cupped her bottom, squeezing and pulling her closer to his growing erection.  Through her haze, she remembered Spike was there somewhere in the apartment but wasn't joining them. Buffy didn't want to be the one who interrupted things between her and Angel but she wanted Spike included. Thankfully, Angel was the one who broke their kiss and she buried her face in his neck.

"Spike, come here," Angel called, glancing over at the other vampire though never taking his hands off of her.

Raising her head when she felt the bed give, Buffy looked up to see Spike lying down beside them. She shifted to give her mate room to lie on Angel and the weight of Spike's leg fell over hers. This was perfection, she thought as the three of them tangled together. Kisses were shared between the trio, her mouth moving from one to the other as they gave pleasure. Hands roamed over her back, bottom and legs while she freely ran hers over them. Buffy heard herself mewl as fingers massaged between her legs and she wanted more.

"We need to stop now," Angel interrupted them and Buffy looked up into stormy blue depths and both smiled as they rolled off their mate. 

The three lay beside each other and stared at the ceiling while they tried to calm their rampaging needs. It had been a group decision for all of them to abstain until Angel could participate without fear. Unfortunately for them, the decision had also been made to establish Angel Investigations first and it had been almost a month since any of them had indulged in sex. This weekend when Angel returned to Sunnydale the spell would be cast and they had their fingers crossed that by Saturday night they would be locked together in their bedroom. Angel and Spike were constantly making jokes and establishing who got to be with who first but Buffy was scared even though she would never tell them that. Only Spike had been given all of her and as much as she loved Angel it terrified her to think that he would also be making love to her. It was confusing and their jokes were only making it worse. It seemed to take the love out of it leaving her even more insecure. With a sigh she shifted to her side to look at her vampires and reminded herself how much they loved her. In the end they would work it out as they always did.

A cell phone started to ring and Spike reached over on the nightstand to find the one that was interrupting them. It was Buffy's.

"Hello."

"Hi, honey, its Mom," Joyce's voice came through the small instrument.

"Hey, what's going on?" Buffy asked, scooting to sit cross-legged on the bed. 

"Are you still in Los Angeles?"

"Mom, I told you that I would take Dawn shopping for the new term tomorrow and I will. Spike and I are leaving tonight and I will be there as promised."

Buffy knew she sounded annoyed but the last thing she wanted was to deal with her little sister right now. Dawn was spoiled rotten by her mother, her friends and by Angel and Spike, and it wasn't fair. 

"I'm just trying to make sure. I have a meeting with a buyer tomorrow afternoon and I don't want Dawn to be left alone."

"She's fourteen," Buffy started. "No, sorry, bad Buffy, I forgot how delicate the kid is. I'll make sure she is protected and safe."

Spike laughed at her whining but Angel stood and started to collect boxes. She stuck her tongue out at his back while listening to her mother's lecture. Sounding properly chastised, Buffy gave the correct responses until her mother said good-bye and clicked off.

"Angel, are you upset with me?" Buffy asked.

"I think you need to be a little more helpful with your sister. Joyce counts on you and you don't seem to want to help her or me anymore. If there is a problem than you need to say something instead of keeping quiet about it."

Buffy wanted to run to him and tell him all her fears but he was closed off. He didn't want her to talk about it. He wanted her to change. After all, he had given her every assurance that he could in the last month since all this started but it just wasn't making her feel better. It was her. It wasn't anyone else and she knew she was being a brat. Or a bitch as Spike reminded her when she took it out on him. She was the one with the problem and telling them for the thousandth time wasn't going to make it all go away. She had to find a way to deal with it all.

"I'm sorry, Angel," Buffy said. "I'll try harder."

Great, now she sounded like a whipped little puppy and from the sigh emanating from her mate he felt the same way. Spike's hand rubbed her back but she pulled away and stood. Spike always made her feel better and if she let him comfort her, she would start crying and she wasn't going to be that weak. Not in the last few hours they had together before the weekend. Leaning over, she kissed the corner of Spike's mouth to let him know it wasn't him before going to hug Angel. His arms wrapped around her and a kiss was placed on her temple. 

"It's all going to work out, Buffy," Angel said. "Quit worrying so much. What happened to that theory of yours about sprouting wings on the way down?"

"Oh, that was before I realized they messed up the lines of my clothes," Buffy joked, smiling up at him. "I'm depending on the two of you to catch me and the amazing Slayer healing powers if you miss."

He smiled, just the way she wanted him to and a quick kiss was dropped on her mouth. 

"Hello, people, you all dressed?" Doyle asked, skipping down the stairs. 

"Yes," Angel said, letting go of her and turning to his new partner. 

With reluctance, Spike also stood and waited for Doyle to explain his visit. It seemed that Doyle had another vision and knowing that she wouldn't be needed, Buffy wandered upstairs. Of course, she wasn't needed here. Los Angeles was Angel's town and he had all the help he needed in Doyle and Cordelia.  Cordelia. She snorted and spat the name from her lips like a bug. She was woman enough to admit that she was jealous. She had lost Angel once before and she didn't want to again. In spite of the comfort by her mates, her mind was reeling with all the changes and she finally settled behind his desk trying to sort things out. Every once in a while her eyes would dart out to where Cordelia was typing something on the computer. At least the feeling was mutual and her former classmate was as unhappy with her being there as Buffy was with Cordelia.

As if she had conjured her, Cordelia was leaning against the doorway.

"Don't mess with any of the paperwork," the brunette commanded. "I have everything laid out according to priority."

"You know what priority means? I'm impressed," Buffy said, and just to be spiteful switched a couple of the folders.

"What are you trying to do?"" Cordelia asked, changing the folders back to where they belonged. When she was done, she crossed her arms and glared down at Buffy. "Ruin everything for me. I need this job. Some of us have to work for a living. And besides I think the Powers That Be have a little more idea of what's going on than a mere Slayer."

"We don't listen to the Powers."

"Oh, yes, the great triangle of love that has changed the destiny of so many. Let the innocents die so Buffy can have her cake and eat it too." Cordelia snapped, rolling her eyes. "And you called me a vapid whore."

Unable to take the needling from her former rival, Buffy stood to face off with her. It wasn't like Angel had really wanted Cordelia to work for him. She had forced herself into the situation and Angel being the easy touch that he was, hired her. At least that was what she kept telling herself to keep from giving anymore insecurities free reign in her heart. Buffy smoothed down the pink leather of her pants and licked her lips.

"You're just jealous of my position."

"Which one? I'm sure you've been in them all," Cordelia said, giving the Slayer one last glance before marching from the room.

"Not yet," Buffy muttered feeling defeated and flopped back down into the chair. "But I'm sure I will be soon."

Voices on the stairs indicated the three men were coming this way and Buffy hastily straightened Angel's desk. As much as she wanted to irritate his office mate, Buffy really didn't want to mess this up for Angel or any of them. It was giving Spike an opportunity to really feel like a contributing member of the trio by opening a branch in Sunnydale. Spike would be in charge of that office and together he and Angel would keep everything going between the two cities. The three of them would be equals when it came to fighting evil. And in their personal relationship it meant that none of them came into it with any outstanding insecurity which for Spike was very important. To her and Angel he was a vital part of their relationship and neither of them wanted him to forget it. Professionally or personally.

~~~~~~~~~~

It was going to hurt Buffy and Angel hated having to tell her that their plans had changed. He and Spike was supposed to take her to dinner and then to a club for the night as an early birthday celebration. Spend some relationship time with her and maybe help her with these fears she had been having. He knew the last year had been rough on her with one change after another but it was time to move past them. At first, she had been excited and eager on the new developments. Buffy had helped pick out the building for him to live and work in. She had been the one to suggest a dual office in Sunnydale for Spike and she had been eager to have his soul anchored. Now, a month later she was wallowing in these doubts that were irritating him. Everyone else was on board, even Spike, and giving everything they had to get things together while Buffy was complaining and whining. She always wanted to be coddled and reassured like a child. And he was getting tired of doing it. Buffy was a woman now and she needed to start acting like it.

If anyone should be the most insecure about the relationship it should be him. Neither Buffy nor Spike was going to be living alone in a new city by themselves. They got to go home and sleep with each other even if they weren't having sex. They had the familiarity of Sunnydale and friends and family. Cordelia was trying but he could only take her in small doses and Doyle was still new to him and therefore still under suspicion. He sighed as he stepped in the office and the crestfallen look on his mate's face made him feel guilty. 

"I'm sorry, Doyle has a vision that we need to check out." Angel explained. "This weekend when I get home, I'll make it up to you both."

Expecting sarcasm or the very least a comment to make him feel guiltier, Angel was surprised when Buffy covered up her disappointment with a smile. 

"It's okay," Buffy said. "Work has to come first."

Her small hand squeezed his and a sense of pride came over him. Maybe she was going to try harder to get through this. 

"Come on, let me walk you and Spike out to the car." 

After telling Doyle and Cordy he'd be right back, Angel accompanied his mates out to the car. Their bags had been stored in the trunk earlier and for a moment they stood there awkwardly. Maybe they should have said good-bye inside instead of out on the street where anyone walking by could see them.

Deciding the hell with it, he drew the two close to him. It was going to be two days before he saw them again. Their arms wrapped around him and he inhaled their scents, trying to imbed them in his memory. The separation was going to be hard on all of them and he wanted them to know that he would miss them. Angel kissed each of them with leisure, trying to infuse them with his love. 

"Take care of each other and I'll be home as soon as I can," he whispered to them, before releasing them.

Angel stood on the sidewalk until the Desoto was out of sight. It had to be one of the hardest things he ever had to do. And later that night, sitting in the nightclub, D'Oblique, he realized that this was one thing he could never tell Buffy about as he talked to an attractive blonde. She would never understand this was part of his job, especially after the Riley fiasco. But he had to go where the visions took him, didn't he?

~~~~~~~~~

The Desoto slipped easily onto the highway, streaking through the black January night. Never before had leaving his Sire affected him so much. This time he could feel the tear in their blood ties the further he got from LA. His fingers touched the mark on his neck and felt the power of that bite screech along his nerve endings. He had surrendered everything that he was to his Sire without any regrets. Spike knew Angel, his strengths and weaknesses, when he lied and when he would stand behind his convictions and somehow in the last seven months he had had given his trust to the older vampire. If Angel said he loved him then he was going to believe it. He had to because Buffy was drowning in the uncertainty of the changes.

Spike glanced over the girl huddled against the car door. She had been trying so hard to be strong the last couple of days. When the doubts first teased her she had been vocal and shared with them but the more Angel withdrew from her over them, the more she shut down. Buffy needed strong boundaries to feel safe and loved and all the ones she had been counting on were disappearing. He saw her blink back the tears and he reached over to tuck her hair behind her ear.

"It's okay if you want to cry," Spike said. "I miss him, too."

It was what she was waiting for as she slid across the seat to cuddle against him. His arm wrapped around her and held her while she wept. 

"I'm sorry for being a baby," Buffy said, sitting up a little more. "I know I'm annoying everyone."

"I just don't understand why you're giving into the doubts, pet. We're going to make all this work."

"I'm scared, Spike, I'm scared that if I don't hold onto everything really tight then it's all going to be over."

"The tighter you hold onto everything, the more it's going to struggle to be free," Spike whispered. "We love you and we're not going to go anywhere."

She nodded and lay across the seat, her head resting on his leg. She wasn't ready to hear it yet and Spike only hoped that she would before she did push Angel away. Angel liked his little girl to adore him without questions and the clinging demands would only anger him. Spike ran his fingers through her hair, listening to the breathing that slowed as Buffy succumbed to sleep. He settled further into the seat and vowed that he would be the rock that their girl could cling to in the next few stormy months as they settled into their new lives. His love would be the one thing that she could count on for security and give her the foundation to build her strength again.

to be continued…


	2. Preparations

**Chapter 2 – Preparations**

Spike clicked the television off when he heard the front door open. He turned his head and smiled as Buffy bounded into view. Her short khaki skirt gave him an exceptional view of her legs and her pink shirt clung tightly around her breasts and Spike licked his lips in anticipation. No sex was the order of the day but that didn't mean they couldn't indulge in a little fun. He stood to pull her against him and was leaning in to kiss her when…

"Hi Spike," Dawn said.

His head snapped up and he started to growl, but forced a smile when he saw the younger Summers' sibling. His afternoon plans were thrown out the door completely when he noticed Giles bringing up the rear. He bit back the sarcastic retort forming on his lips and offered a half-hearted hello instead.

"Sorry, Spike, Giles and I need to go over some training maneuvers," Buffy said, her fingers tickling his side while she grinned at him. "And I was wondering if you'd watch Dawn while we're busy."

"Of course I will," Spike replied, smiling at the teenager who was trying her best to look more grown up for him. He knew Dawn had a crush on him and he reveled in the knowledge that he had won her long standing affections away from Xander. "We can play some gin and maybe I can win her allowance away from her."

"Sorry already spent it," Dawn answered, heading for the kitchen. "Okay if I grab a soda?"

"Just one," Buffy called after her then turned to Spike. "Don't let her get full on junk food. Mom has to go on some business dinner so it's going to be pizza tonight."

Spike nodded like a good boy and quickly dismissed the order from his mind. There was nothing better for a growing girl than junk and besides if she couldn't have it then neither could he. Buffy patted his stomach and headed for the bedroom, presumably to change and he tossed Giles the remote.

"Be right back," Spike said. "Need to check on something with Buffy."

Stepping into the bedroom, his gaze landed on Buffy pulling her shirt over her head. Her skirt was already on the bed and he felt the rush of arousal at the sight of his Slayer dressed in her knickers and bra.  With a growl he pulled her back and she wiggled her bottom against his crotch as he wrapped his arms around her.

"You're going to get us both in trouble," he chided, his fingers slipping beneath the waistband of those so small pink panties and right into his idea of heaven. Her small whimper didn't in any way encourage him to stop so he tousled her curls before dividing and searching. "Your little sis is out there and so is Watcher man. We could get caught." But she only moved one foot onto the railing of the bed giving him better access to her. "Maybe Buffy wants to be bad," he whispered as his index finger circled her clit. 

"Uh huh," Buffy moaned, wrapping a hand around his wrist to keep him where he was. "I've missed the way you make me feel."

With a last look over his shoulder at the closed door, he hugged her tighter. A quick finger fuck wasn't what he had intended but it was better than nothing. It also meant later when everyone else was gone; Buffy would be inclined to reciprocate. Her head fell back on his shoulder and he took advantage of her seemingly acquiesce to his games by flicking open her bra. His hand molded itself to the luscious mound, squeezing and massaging it before rolling the nipple between his fingers. His other hand was still buried between her legs, teasing and coaxing her along.

Someone knocked on the door.

"Spike," Dawn called, "are you coming or what? I've got the cards and stuff on the table."

"Was trying to get someone to cum," Spike muttered and watched Buffy slip away to the bathroom. "Be right there Dawn. I just needed to check with big sis on something." 

The bathroom door was closed and Spike knew that fun time was over. He shrugged, licked his fingers before pulling his jeans down and realized that wasn't going to help cover his obvious reaction to Buffy. Not with Miss Nothing Escapes My Attention out there and grabbed one of Angel's shirts and pulled it on. It wasn't perfect but it would do and with one last look around made his way to the kitchen.

Dawn was sitting at the kitchen table and shuffling the cards. Spike grabbed some chips and a mug of blood before sitting across from her. He ripped the bag open and offered the first grab to Dawn.

"Buffy said…"

"Now, Buffy isn't here, is she? She's off with Giles doing highly important learning to balance on her head stuff and won't know the difference. Just don't get sick and eat the pizza when it gets here."

Who said he couldn't be the responsible babysitter? The first time Buffy suggested that he watch the kid, Joyce had almost been beside herself having a conniption about it. But everyone had been in a bind so Mom had given in after many dire warnings to his future wellbeing. He had proven that Dawn was perfectly safe with him. And as long as she kept her mouth shut than he would continue to be the preferred sitter. No one else needed to know about the 'R' movies, the tales of vampire days, and the eating of much junk. It wasn't like he was letting her do anything that was really bad just giving her enough freedom so she would behave when she was under his care.

The girl's eyes opened wide for a second before grabbing a handful. "Do you all have more of that dip?"

"In the fridge, 'lil bit."

Spike took over the cards and shuffled them again before dealing. For a few minutes they ate the chips and dip and played gin rummy with Spike letting Dawn win. 

"Spike, is Buffy a bad girl?"  
  
"Who said that?" Spike asked, frowning. 

"Mrs. O'Grady. She works with Mom down at the gallery." Dawn explained, laying down some cards. "I overheard her talking to someone else and she said that Buffy wasn't a nice girl because she lives with two guys."

"That's bleedin' rubbish, Buffy is just fine."

"She said that Buffy was overcompensating for the fact that our father isn't around. That she needs one of you to be her boyfriend and one to be a Daddy figure."

"You lost," Spike said, gathering up the cards. "Look, it's an unusual relationship but it works for us and some people aren't going to understand it. Do you think it's weird?"

Dawn laughed, "No, it's cool actually."  
  


"Then, don't let close minded twits bother you about it."

A couple of hands later, Dawn looked back up at him.

"Did Buffy tell you about the magic shop?"

Spike shook his head as he dealt out the next hand.

"We went there today to get some books they needed for training," Dawn took a deep breath indicating this was going to come out all in one rush, "got to ride in Giles' new convertible and we ran into Willow and Tara. But when we got to the shop the owner was dead. So, gross and I only got a glimpse before they rushed me outside. I think it was vampires."

"Seems to happen a lot in this town," Spike commented as he sorted through his cards. "Did Buffy say she was going to do some extra patrolling or something?"

"Yeah, she said she was going looking for the new gang tonight." Dawn answered, laying down her first play. "Is there something wrong with me?"

Out of the corner of his eye, Spike saw Dawn fidget nervously with her cards. Whatever it was had upset her and he sat up a little straighter.

"Where did you get that idea, Niblet?"

Dawn looked up at him, her green eyes filled with confusion and doubt, more than the usual teenage angst. Just as quickly she glanced away and squirmed in her seat. Spike waited knowing that when she was ready she'd talk. It didn't take but a few moments more before she met his eyes again.

"There was this crazy guy outside the Magic Box. He was talking really off the wall, said he was a cat and there was something about curds and whey," Dawn paused, looking down at her hands, "he said he knew who I was and that I didn't belong."

Wishing he was comfortable enough to hug the girl, Spike leaned closer over the table. He didn't understand why humans had to be so cruel to one another. In less than an hour he had been told about two different people picking on his girls and he wanted a chance to let his demon loose on both of them. He sighed and caught the tear that was hanging on Dawn's chin.

"Don't let people get to you. The guy was obviously a lunatic and had no clue what he was talking about. I think you're perfect and I should know being perfect myself. And who are you going to believe some mad blind fool or me?"

Spike smiled at her and tried to project the protective older brother vibe to give comfort. He didn't find out if was working or not because Buffy chose that moment to return. Her arms crossed over her middle and her foot started tapping as she surveyed the chips on the table.

"Fine, filled up on junk food, so I guess it's veggie pizza tonight," Buffy pronounced, her hand lifting in defiance over the moaning protests coming from the table. "Don't want to listen to me then you will pay the price."

Spike winked at Dawn, waggled his eyebrows and stood. He eyed the Slayer and slowly stalked toward her. Buffy tried to stare him down but when it was apparent it wasn't going to work, she squealed and took off at a run. The halls of the mansion thundered with the sound of a Slayer, vampire and teenage girl as they played tag, well at least until the pizzas arrived; one veggie, one with pepperoni and a double order of wings for the vampire who knew how to get what he wanted.

~~~~~~~~~

Spike pulled the corner of the sheet off the bed and sighed because Buffy was still sleeping on the other side. He leaned over and smacked her nicely rounded ass that was draped invitingly over a pillow.

"Come on, Baby, it's time to get up," Spike said. "Angel is on his way."

"Mmmh, just a couple of more minutes," Buffy muttered, her hand patting behind her until she found the comforter and pulled it over her head.

Pulling the bottom corner free, Spike walked over to Buffy's side of the bed and freed the sheet completely.

"You need to get up and get ready."

Buffy only burrowed further into the bed, unwilling to get up, so Spike folded the sheet over her and lifted.

"Hey, come on, I just want a couple of minutes…oomph," Buffy exclaimed as she was deposited on the floor with the dirty bed clothes.

Spike noticed her peeking out at him as he threw the new red silk sheets over the bed and after giving her a fierce scowl she darted back into the pile. Knowing that her stubbornness was legendary, especially after being on the receiving end of it, Spike waited until after he had made the bed to approach her again. After smoothing down all the wrinkles and dragging the oriental designed shawls over it he made his way over to the mound. Sighing, he peeled back the layers until he found the petite girl curled into a fetal position in the middle. 

"What's going on?" Spike asked as she glanced up at him and stretched out on her stomach. Taking advantage of her new position, he made himself comfortable by using her bottom as a seat. "Why are you being all avoidy girl?"

Buffy giggled as he had intended. She pushed up and he shifted his weight to his legs so she could roll over and settled again on her stomach.

"Avoidy girl?" Buffy asked, her hands running up his legs. "Have you decided to come down to the level of the rest of us children?" She pulled her eyes away from his as her hands stopped over his zipper.

"You are not a child," Spike said, grabbing her hands and pinning them over her head. He brought his face to hers until they were nose to nose. "Much too sexy to be a child. 'Sides you are about to be nineteen which means you are definitely a woman." He dropped a quick hard kiss on her lips. "So, are you going to talk or do I have to get violent to get an answer out of you?"

"Is that what you want?" Buffy asked her voice dropping to a mere whisper. There was a slight flush to her cheek and Spike pulled back and tilted his head as he contemplated her question. He lay down next to her, his head resting in one hand while resting the other on her stomach. 

"Do I want to get violent with you?" Spike asked trying to establish where this was coming from. "Have I ever…well, besides that one time, even suggested such a thing?"

Buffy turned onto her side, facing him, her small face earnest as she searched his for answers.

"You and Angel have been making these jokes about…about Buffy sandwiches and me in leather and using whips. Is that what the two of you are expecting?"

Spike laughed from somewhere deep in his belly at the visual of Buffy being a dominatrix and when she tried to stand he pulled her back down. Holding her tight, he rolled onto his back with her sprawled over him. 

"It's not you," he squeaked out between the laughter. "Oh my God, we were joking, pet, joking. I'd be petrified to have you use a whip on me." He caught her wrist before she could smack him and kissed the palm. Turning serious, he gazed up into those hazel eyes still clouded, "Buffy, there are games, sexual games that involve pain that Angel and I were involved in another life and maybe under certain circumstances might enjoy again being vampires and all." He tucked a lock of hair behind her ear. "We vampires being the violent lot that we are need to get into a spot of it now and then to be happy but it's not something you need to be involved in, if you don't want. Okay?"

Buffy nodded, her lips curving into a smile and he pulled her down to whisper into her ear.

"Admit it, girl, the thought of being all naked and sweaty between Angel and me makes you all hot and bothered, doesn't it?" He hugged her tight when she giggled and nodded shyly with her face buried in the crook of his shoulder. Sometimes it was hard to remember that she was still innocent in a lot of ways because she had become so uninhibited around them. But then again their roles had been clearly defined and she had been able to relax knowing exactly what was and wasn't going to happen between them.  They were taking her to a whole new level of sexual awareness by anchoring Angel's soul and he hoped that she would trust them enough to know that nothing would be done without love and her consent. 

"Spike?" Buffy asked, rising up on her elbows to peer down at him. "Does it bother you at all, about Angel and me, you know being able to do it?"

"Yeah, some, but I know that you both love me so I'm going to try not to let it bother me," Spike said, trying to be honest. "I have a feeling though that when you two actually have sex it might be a whole other story." He pushed her hair behind her before cupping her face. "I was going to ask you if you would do me a favor."

"Of course."

"Tonight or whenever this happens, I was wondering if…I know that you and Angel have been waiting forever but," Spike said, took a deep unneeded breath to calm his nerves, "If I could have Angel first. I figured us being guys and all, we would probably be all rough and tumble the first time and then the second time we could be all soft and loving for you."

Spike was nervous about Buffy and Angel being able to make love after all these years. What if they realized that they did want it to be just the two of them? That they would see they didn't need or want him anymore.  He was hoping that if he had a chance to be with Angel that he could remind his Sire how much he loved him. And he also knew that by them being first it would take pressure off of Buffy.

Buffy's lips met his in a soft and gentle kiss that showed her awareness of his insecurity and he relaxed. Her understanding of his needs sometimes amazed him. A lot of the time she was wrapped up in the busyness that was her life and ignored him but when he was feeling insecure and alone somehow she was there. And he knew the more that he gave to her the more she gave back. It was like watching a flower blossom in front of his eyes. Spike just hoped that the delicate bloom wouldn't be crushed in the harsh reality of life.

"I love you, Spike and if that's what you want it's fine with me."

"Thanks, Luv," Spike said, tickling her and rolling her onto her back again. Their lips met in a fiery kiss that gave all the promises of the night they were looking forward to. It was only when the phone rang saying Angel was pulling off the highway that they broke apart and Buffy ran for the shower.

~~~~~~~~~

Angel pulled the car under the shaded awning outside the ballroom. Grabbing his bag he slid out of the passenger door and hurried into the house. He was in a state of contradiction emotionally. Part of him was relieved to be home and part of him wondered if he had been missed while he was gone. He could hear the sound of Buffy laughing as he crossed the floor and as he strained to hear Spike, the double doors were flung open and Buffy was running toward him. He dropped his bag and caught her as she jumped at him. Her arms wrapped around his neck and kisses were rained on his face and neck. He hugged her and smiled at Spike as he joined them. Buffy draped an arm around Spike so that she was held up by both of them allowing the two men the opportunity to kiss hello.

It was good to be home as his mates dragged him into the house and into his bedroom. Stunned, he stopped in the door of the room and took in all that Spike had done. The bed was made with new sheets; there were candles on every surface, including ones that were in tall floor holders next to the bed. The room held the scent of spices and musk and he moved to check out the assorted bottles on the nightstand. They were massage oils in different fragrances and he sniffed at a couple before putting them down.

"Thank you," Angel said, pulling Spike to him. He didn't even think of Buffy because this had the trademark of the vampire in his arms. Sensual and passionate. Watching the nuances on Spike's face he slowly pulled him into a kiss. The cool lips molded to his and he took his time, moving over them, tracing them with his tongue before darting in to tangle with his. He could taste Buffy on them and it was like kissing them both.

Buffy had disappeared by the time they separated and Angel looked around.

"What's up with her?' 

"She's a little nervous," Spike said. "And maybe a little hurt because she did help me with the shopping."

"Oh," Angel answered, turning to find Buffy.

She was in the kitchen washing dishes. Angel wrapped his arms around her and nuzzled her neck.

"Thank you," Angel whispered. "I'm sorry about not doing it sooner."

When she turned around, he kissed her, tangling his hand in her hair to keep her close. Pushing her into the counter, Angel leaned his body over hers so that he could feel every curve against him. She was wearing clothes that screamed don't touch me but the long denim skirt and bulky sweater only intrigued him and he let a hand slip underneath of it. He encountered her silk covered torso and followed it up to cup a breast, massaging and stroking it.

"It's going to be so good," Angel murmured into her ear before nipping it. "I love you so much and I've been waiting a long time for you."

"Me too," Buffy whispered holding onto him. 

There was reservation in her voice and it made Angel think twice. Spike had said she was nervous and it bothered him that she didn't appear to be as excited about the prospect of making love to him as he was with her. He forced himself to temper his passion and remember the doubts he had when the issue was first raised. That he was the one who had known that she would be uncomfortable with making love to them both and he pulled her close to him.

"It's going to be okay, Buffy," Angel said, pulling her into a tight hug. "Remember I love you and I've waited this long so it's when you're comfortable and want it."

It was the hardest thing he had ever said but he knew it was the right thing to do because he did love her and wanted her to be happy. It was going to be torture to be able to touch her and be denied the right while Spike still made love to her. And as the doubts and insecurities ran through them, he couldn't help but wonder again if they had made the right choice.

to be continued…


	3. The Inner Demon

**Chapter 3 – The Inner Demon**

The three lovers wrapped their hands around the chain and pulled. It didn't give. Not even a little and satisfied they dropped it and proceeded to repeat the process with the other three. All were secure and when they had finished the testing, Angel gave the all clear to Giles.

It was time to anchor Angel's soul. Besides his mates and Giles, the basement of the mansion also held Xander, Jenny, Willow and Tara. With two powerful witches and a gypsy techno pagan, they had more than luck on their side. They had gone over every aspect of the spells and were confident that nothing would go wrong. The only drawback was that they had to let Angelus loose momentarily, facilitating the need for chains.

Spike hated the thought of seeing his Sire in his unsouled state and didn't want Buffy to see it either. So, why were they here? He shook his head. He knew why; it was to show that their love was stronger than anything, even Angelus. He knew what they were in for but Buffy and the others had no clue.  Not even Giles, whose extensive studies included texts on Angelus' deeds, could understand the extent of the cruelty of this particular demon.

Spike watched as Angel walked over to them and enfolded Buffy into his arms. 

"I love you, Buffy," Angel whispered. "Remember that I always love you."

She nodded and tears filled her eyes as they kissed and Spike's guts twisted. Buffy had this little cry face that could break Satan himself and he molded himself to her back to comfort her. Buffy sighed as she was wrapped in her favorite embrace between them. She had once told them that this was the only place she could completely relax because they were protecting her. And for a Slayer that was a big deal.

A hand tangled in his hair and Spike met his Sire's gaze. Fear simmered in those brown depths along with so much love and hope. To be able to love freely was worth the risks they were taking or so they had decided. But now as the moment neared Spike was terrified that something would go wrong and they would lose Angel forever. He took his turn to receive kisses and assurances of love before Xander and Giles fastened the shackles around Angel's wrists and ankles.

"I've changed my mind," Angel said, as the last shackle closed over his ankle. "I don't want the two of you here. Go. Please."

"No," Buffy said, her voice stronger than her fragile emotions. "We're not going to leave you to face this alone. You're not Angelus."

Spike met Angel's eyes and saw something he never thought he would. Shame. Angel knew how cruel his demon could be and he wanted to spare them that. It was that protection that made him decide to stay. Angel should know they loved him enough to go through hell for him.

"We're staying," Spike said. "We love you and we are going to be here for you."

Relief flooded his Sire's face. Angel did need his mates with him and Buffy darted over to kiss him one last time before returning to the security of Spike's arms.

"Ready?" Giles asked.

The three mates nodded as they watched the others prepare for the first spell to be cast.  Candles were lit and incense burned as the witches formed a circle. Jenny was to cast the first spell freeing Angelus and as she began to chant, Buffy clutched Spike's hand in a tight grip. He stepped closer to her and she leaned into him.

"Free the soul," Jenny chanted and a gust of wind rushed through the room extinguishing the candles and casting them into shadows. 

A shiver ran though Spike at the soft chuckle coming from his Sire. It was devoid of any warmth and love and he knew without any hesitation that Angelus was with them.

"Hello, boy," Angelus said, leaning toward them. "It's been a long time, hasn't it?"

"Too bad we won't have much time to visit," Spike said, trying to be braver than he was. "Soon, you'll be all locked away where you should be."

"Oh, I'm always here, watching and laughing. Watching you cling to him, 'Oh fuck me Angel. I looove you.' It's really quite pitiful how much of William you still are. What a waste of a cock."

"He doesn't seem to mind it," Spike retorted, wishing they would hurry up.

"He lies. Has to think of other things to cum," Angelus taunted. "Buffy knows how unsatisfying you can be and you were her first so she has no room for comparison. But she'll know now just like Drusilla did. Won't you, sweet thing?"

"You don't know anything," Buffy replied, wrapping her arms around Spike. 

Spike kissed her temple as he let her burrow into him. She was trembling as she got another taste of pure evil. He would never admit it but he appreciated her holding onto him. Spike wanted to get away from this nightmare from his past.

"Oh, I know more than you ever will," Angelus said, leaning forward onto his chains. "Look at you, clinging to the thing that you are supposed to destroy. Must be such a disappointment to your Watcher." He snapped his fingers. "That's right. You're Watcher isn't much of a Watcher is he? Taking away your power, leaving you helpless and letting them hurt your mum. You're just lucky I wasn't around that day because you wouldn't have had a cherry left for Spike."

"Leave her alone," Spike shouted.

"Don't antagonize him," Giles cautioned. "It's what he wants you to do."

The scent of candles and incense burning saturated the air as Willow prepared to return the soul and anchor it permanently. They all watched the preparations for a moment before Angelus returned to his games.

"I thought that was the idea of this," Angelus said, "so that I could have a ride on that little thing. Finally going to find out what a real fuck is, aren't you?"

"You're not going to know anything," Buffy declared, wrapping her hand in Spike's shirt. "It's for Angel not you."

"Do you really think that Angel is going to put up with you?" Angel sneered. "You think that you're a woman because you part those milky thighs but you really have no idea how to satisfy a man," Angelus said, letting his eyes rove over her slowly. He met her gaze and licked his lips. "He's not going to put up with your whining protests of purity." His voice rose to a falsetto. "Oh, we can't do that. It's wrong and only bad girls get fucked in the ass. When we're done you're not going to be able to move from what we plan on doing to every orifice on that luscious little body of yours."

Angelus strained against the chains making Buffy jump and Spike wrapped his arms around her. They stepped back and Spike glanced over to Willow. The Wicca's eyes had turned black as she chanted. The Latin flowed from her mouth as if she spoke it everyday. The orb of Thessulah glowed brightly as the air became charged with electricity. Spike turned back to Angelus and smirked knowing he was going to be gone soon. 

"So, long, Angelus, hope you have fun watching everything that you can't participate in."

"You fools," Angelus said. "You're not getting rid of me. The spell you cast is only going to make us one." He screamed and slumped forward.

Willow collapsed. And the spell was done. 

"Is it true, Jenny?" Spike asked, furious that they hadn't been told that. "Are we going to have a part of Angelus back?"

"No one knows for sure," Jenny replied hesitantly. "No one has ever anchored a soul before but I doubt it. All we did was take out the clause so why would he be any different from before."

"Spike," Giles offered. "Angelus knew he was being forced aside again by the soul. He was only trying to upset you."

Angel moaned and everyone turned toward him. He raised his head and shook it for a moment. His gaze was dazed as he looked at them and Spike took a step toward him. Buffy wrapped her fingers in his belt and followed him over. 

"Angel?" Spike asked, letting his fingers drift over his Sire's face.

"Yeah," Angel answered, smiling first at Spike then to Buffy. "I have a headache." He laughed softly. "It's me. And I don't think I brought any part of him with me."

There was only way to know for sure and Spike cupped his face staring into the brown eyes holding so much love before pressing his lips to Angel's. There was only tenderness in the answering touch and Spike deepened the kiss knowing that Angelus never would let love into this. He pushed his Sire back into the wall to control the kiss, to see how far he could push Angel but he only let Spike have his way. And Spike breathed a sigh of relief when it ended. Angelus was gone.

"It's Angel," Spike announced happily.

The shackles were undone and Angel was freed to welcoming arms.  Hugs were given generously and it took a moment for Spike to realize that Buffy wasn't rejoicing with the rest of them. Although she was standing between the two vampires and her face held a smile it wasn't reaching her eyes. Spike brushed his fingers along her arm to catch her attention and she brightened her smile before looking at him. 

"You okay?" Spike asked, leaning to whisper in her ear. 

She nodded and wrapped her hands, first in Angel's and then in his, squeezing them.  The party cleaned up the magic supplies and packed everything up, giving the threesome a chance to be alone. 

~~~~~~~~~~

The pale January sun hung high in the sky bringing warmth to Buffy and reminding her that there was life beyond her small world of existence. After meeting Angelus, the darkest part of her first love, she had been chilled to her very soul and even a snow flake might have given her heat. His words, especially the constant use of 'we', had made her question how far apart Angelus and Angel actually were. Were they really two beings or did the soul only reign in the evil that existed inside of him? Logic and emotions warred within her and in the basement of their home emotions had been winning. Emotions that Spike had noticed and would have caused further damage to the fragile position the three were trying to balance. Buffy had walked her friends outside to give her time without her mates to control those feelings and let what she believed to be the truth to reassert itself.

Giles closed the trunk of his car and turned to her.

"Buffy, please, remember that you are not obligated to do anything…" Giles started.

"I am obligated," Buffy interrupted gently. "They are my mates and I made a commitment to love them no matter what." She drew her Watcher into a quick hug. "Thank you for the concern. I'll be all right."

Willow hugged her next with the same apprehension on her face. 

"Me, being your best friend and all," Willow said, "I'm going to repeat what Giles said. I know you love them and they love you but that doesn't mean you have to make yourself unhappy for them. Those were some pretty harsh things he said and after…well, after the whole Riley thing, it's understandable that you would be upset."

"Its fine, Willow," Buffy said, hugging her friend tighter. "They were only words; words that my Angel never would have said to me and I need to remember that."

Reluctantly her friends finished saying their goodbyes and Buffy watched them drive away.  When the car was no longer visible she turned her face to the sun.  The paleness of that star warming the earth from so far away reminded her of the brilliant heat of her vampire's love for her and each other. Even when Angel was in Los Angeles she could feel his love like a cloak around her. She knew without a doubt that no other could ever own her heart except the two of them. Anyone else would be a poor substitute and Buffy turned to look back at the mansion. Her life was through those doors but she couldn't make her feet return just yet.

A blast of wind whipped around Buffy and her hair blew haphazardly around her face. Buffy was aware of the differences between her and the two vampires; the seeming immaturity of her barely nineteen years to the maturity and life experience of over three centuries of her mates was hard. Their experiences and choices sometimes left her feeling like a foolish child but she knew they tried as did she. But she wondered if she would have the time to do all the growing up she needed to do when she couldn't really count on a future beyond the next battle. And every once in a while when she wasn't expecting it, the resentment would creep in that they could live forever while she would be lucky if she reached twenty. Their decision to love each other was difficult in the best of circumstances and the changes they were going through was bringing the differences into clearer focus instead of just being a mild irritant making them all more emotional in their responses. 

A renegade tear wound its way down her cheek and she furiously wiped it away. She fought through her doubts and found the strength of her heart. The strength that got her though each fight and allowed her to love those two in the first place. She knew she was luckier than any other Slayer had ever been by having found love at all. The sacrifices they were all making were going to be worth it in the end. With a sigh she turned back to the house because they were all feeling the hurt and isolation and by her distancing herself from them, it was only going to make the rift wider. She swore that somehow she wouldn't let Angelus win by letting him take away their happiness. Not today; a day that all three of them had been looking forward to.

Buffy followed their voices into the kitchen and pasting a huge smile on her face she walked in. Angel was standing at the counter with his back to her. He was chopping vegetables while Spike was sitting at the table. Her attempt at being happy was met by Angel ignoring her presence and Spike throwing deadly glances her way. Her lack of enthusiasm at the releasing of Angel and her absence since then had obviously made her mates feel rejected. Buffy hopped up onto the counter next to Angel and snitched a mushroom which she promptly popped into her mouth. Her returning fingers were met with the playful waving of a knife.

"Hey," Buffy teased, "Violence not needed."

"That is your opinion," Angel said, the brown eyes flashed a hurt he couldn't hide.

"So, whatcha doin?" Buffy asked, deciding to change the subject to something less volatile. She was going to be pleasant and get them back on an even keel. She just needed to be rational girl and the sweetie they both loved.

"Spike said you hadn't eaten yet today. Thought I'd make you an omelet."

"Putting poison in it?" Buffy asked, reaching over and helping herself to some grated cheese. Okay that wasn't exactly a rational or sweet response but something that flew off of her tongue. It was all right though because it had coaxed a half-hearted smile from him. 

"I told him that he should make it slow and torturous," Spike said, coming to stand beside Buffy with a crooked smile. "Poison wouldn't be much fun."

Although they were reacting with humor Buffy knew it was time to talk to them. The air needed to be cleared before they even attempted to test the anchored soul. Buffy looped an arm around Spike's shoulders pulling him closer to her side and she cupped Angel's face so that he was facing her.

"I needed a few minutes to myself," Buffy said. "I was upset and wanted to calm down before I was around either of you. I didn't want to hurt you by emotionally reacting but I guess I did anyway. Believe me it wasn't my intention."

"So, you went the one place we can't go," Angel said. "The one place guaranteed to shut us out."

Buffy withdrew her hands into her lap and studied them for a second. The way Angel had said it was like she was rejecting them completely and not just taking a few minutes to herself. She told herself to stay calm but her emotions were already threatening to flow over the small wall that she had dammed them behind.

"Am I not supposed to go into the sun?" Buffy asked, looking from one to the other. "I'm sorry that I'm still alive and like the daytime. California girl here, raised on sunshine."

"That's not the point, pet," Spike said, clasping her hands. "It was supposed to be a victory for us. A time to celebrate and be together and it appeared that you didn't even want to be with us."

Angel turned to the stove and poured the eggs in. Buffy watched the precision of his movements as he cooked for her. It was in everything he did. Careful thought. Rarely did his emotions rule him and she knew why now. With all of that hiding within him, he had to be terrified that one wrong move would bring it out. But that was something to be put in the past. With the soul anchored, Angel was free to be whoever he really was and to experience any emotion. Angry, hurt, loving, etc., and that wall he lived behind could be knocked down for good. Only it was going to take some time, so she was back to being rational girl.

"I do want to be with both of you," Buffy explained, "Hence the sitting here with you now."

The omelet was slid onto a plate which Angel put onto the table.

"Come eat, Buffy," Angel said, going to the refrigerator to take out the decanter of blood for them and juice for her. 

No one spoke as Buffy and Spike sat at the table and Angel finished his task of heating blood for Spike and himself and pouring a glass of juice for Buffy. Buffy wasn't sure if it was just being the upset with her or just tension that was driving them all to the edge. The air crackled with electricity and one spark would send them all up in flames. She began to eat, trying to figure out to fix it when she felt his stare. Those blue eyes were boring into her soul and she saw the fear in them. Already it was about her and Angel and Spike was feeling that he was on the outside. Her gaze fell to their mate as he sat across from her.

"Thank you, Angel," Buffy said. "It's delicious and I was starving."

"You're welcome."

The silence returned while she ate, Angel drank his blood and Spike fiddled with a loose thread on a napkin. Kicking her shoe off, Buffy ran her toes up inside his pant leg and almost giggled when he turned startled eyes to her. The smile was enough but now Angel looked confused and hurt. It was going to one from the other in a mad merry-go-round of insecurity. Buffy took the last bite of her food and looked up at them.

"The tension in this room is stifling," Buffy said, holding her hands up so they would let her continue. "And I think we are all nervous about the same thing. Are we all still going to love each now that the rules have changed? Does everybody still want everybody else? I do on both counts. I don't know what's going to happen when we all do get into bed together again but there's only one way to find out."

They both had stunned expression on their faces. And if she had to be honest, Buffy's was fighting off massive butterflies that had taken up residence in her stomach. But she decided like she had the night she had lost her virginity that her mates were worth taking chances on. They had taken care of her before and since, so why would now be any different? It was best to just take the chance and sort everything out later.  It was the way they had made all the major decisions in this relationship because there was no logic in their partnership. With a quavering smile, Buffy stood, kicked off her other shoe, undid the fastenings on her skirt and let it pool on the floor. On the way to the door, her sweater was pulled over her head and flung to the side. Hoping she wasn't making a fool of herself, she turned with one hand resting on the door frame and the other on her hip. She gave them a second to take in the pink teddy she was wearing before issuing the invitation.

"I say we just hit the sack and let nature takes its course," Buffy said in a breathy whisper, trying to imitate a movie actress Spike had once told her he thought was sexy and she had been practicing the husky voice until she found the right time to use it. She batted her eyes and slowly turned to saunter to the bedroom.

It took only a second before she heard a chair hit the kitchen floor and two sets of footsteps running to catch up with her. Yep, sink or swim they were going to do it together.

to be continued…


	4. Shining Bright

**Chapter 4 – Shining Bright**

Buffy was nestled between her mates. She was warm and comfortable but her body was telling her she needed to get up and reluctantly she scooted out from between them and headed for the bathroom. By the time she had returned Spike and Angel had migrated toward each other and were sleeping cuddled together.  Smiling, Buffy put on Angel's discarded shirt and slipped from the room, closing the door behind her. 

The last few hours had been beautiful as they had made love to Spike and then they had made love to her. But it bothered her that they had fallen asleep or rather she had fallen asleep before Angel had received his turn to be loved. He had surprised her with his declaration of waiting and his words resounded again in her mind.

_"I want to say something. Something maybe I should have said before. I don't expect just because the soul is anchored that you make love to me. I want to be with you and please you but_ _it's your choice and even then if all of us are not comfortable with it, it won't happen. I love the both of you more than I thought possible and I just want to be with you. And I am grateful for what I am given in this relationship."_

He should expect her to make love to him.  She was making more of a deal about making love to the man she had been in love with for years than she had about giving her virginity to the vampire who had caused her so much heartache. 

She sighed and opened the refrigerator. She grabbed a bottle of water and some yogurt before heading to the living room again. She turned the TV on as a distraction but her mind was still on the problem of her and her lovers. It scared her that maybe she had fallen more in love with Spike than Angel. This game they seemed to be playing of them versus Angel frightened her and it wasn't fair to any of them. She was torn trying to make them both happy and it wasn't right that she was more concerned about assuring Spike's happiness than Angel's.

Sitting the yogurt on the end table after realizing she was only playing with it, Buffy scooted down into the cushions and wrapped her arms around herself. Angel had been her boyfriend. The one that she had hung her moon and stars on, he was her hero. And though he still was, the shine was gone from their relationship. She knew him intimately and her feelings weren't the same as they were in the beginning.

"Hey," Angel said and she jumped from his sudden appearance. He had pulled his slacks on and hunkered down next to her. His hand pushed her hair from her face. "Are you okay?"

It was all it took before she launched herself at him and started to cry. She wrapped her arms tightly around him afraid he would disappear.

"Shhh, Buffy, what's wrong?"

Gone was the irritation he had showed to her recently. Gone was the impatience that had affected the attitude he had displayed and she only hung on tighter. Angel picked her up and settled her in his lap in his chair. His hands stroked her back when she buried her face in his neck.

"I love you, Angel, I do," Buffy whispered, through her tears. "I'm sorry that I can't be everything that you want me to be."

"I know you love me," Angel said, kissing her forehead. "Where is this coming from?"

"I've just been so confused lately. Everything is changing and…and I'm scared."  
  


"So am I. Actually I'm terrified."

His confession shocked her. She knew he had been worried about things, uncertain about their relationship but he was Angel. He always handled things. He was always strong. And he was terrified? Buffy pulled back to search his face. It was there and probably had been if she had taken the time to look. 

"You too?"

"Yeah," Angel said, giving a small smile, "me too."

"What are you scared of?"

Angel hesitated, looking anywhere but at her. Sighing, his eyes landed back on her face and his fingers traced a path along her jaw.

"Of losing you, of losing Spike," Angel whispered. "I'm scared that you'll realize that you only want Spike and that he'll feel the same. And that you'll forget me when I'm in Los Angeles and that you don't want to make love to me."

He knew and that scared her too. If she loved him the way she should then he wouldn't be feeling the lack of it. She had been so wrapped in her own insecurities she hadn't been thinking of trying to take care of him. Well, her own insecurities and Spike's. But Spike was so vocal in his confessions to her, in the middle of the night when it was just them, Spike would talk to her, tell her what he was feeling and she felt obligated, no she wanted to protect him. Except now Angel was telling her the same thing. It wasn't fair. Someone in this trio needed to be the strong one. Maybe it was up to her. Maybe she needed to push aside her own fears and concentrate on the two of them. Buffy swore then and there that she would take care of her vampires and try not to complain as much as she had been. 

"I do want you, Angel," Buffy protested. "For almost three years I dreamed and fantasized about how you would be my first. Then you told me it was impossible," her fingers danced along the planes of his face, "that we could never make love and you gave me Spike. And for months now he's been the only one except for the foreplay and stuff. And all of a sudden it's like here and we can make love and I'm petrified."

"Are you scared of me? Because you shouldn't be," Angel said, his arm tightening around her while the other hand caressed her thigh in slow long strokes. "Or are you scared of hurting Spike? I know why you suggested we play the game."

"You do?"

"Yeah," Angel said, chuckling. "I'm not totally dense even though I'm not as emotionally outspoken as you two. I know that Spike has the same fears of you choosing me instead of him or me choosing you instead of him; whichever it works out the same. We are both afraid of losing each other and you."

"Are you mad about it?" Buffy asked, her fingers playing with the few hairs on his chest. 

"A little hurt but I understand. I don't want either of you to feel left out."

"I feel the same way," Buffy whispered. "I'm so torn about things."

"We wait then," Angel said, "Until everyone is comfortable." He hesitated for a moment. "I know that Angelus hurt you. Do you want to talk about it?"

"It's just that," Buffy said, looking away from him. Her hand that had been caressing his chest dropped to her lap but she kept the one arm around his shoulder. "He kept saying we, like you or he wanted or were making plans for us having sex. Do you think I…well, that I'm…?"

Buffy studied his face as she asked. And she could see that what Angelus had was true. Angel did think she was acting too innocent. She tried to stand but Angel held her down.

"Buffy, I'm not going to lie to you. You don't want me to do that, do you?"

"No," Buffy answered, shaking her head. "I guess I don't. You think I'm being a goody by saying no to anal sex?"

"Hey, is someone getting buggered besides me?" Spike asked, walking across the living room confident in his nudity. He sat on the couch throwing his feet up on the table and lit a cigarette. "Angel is giving a sex lecture to the child and no one woke me up. Now if you want a proper talk on shagging you have to ask me."

"Funny, Spike, funny," Angel commented. "Buffy was asking me if I held the same views as Angelus."

"On buggering her? Well, go on talk; don't let me interfere in this stimulating conversation."

Buffy giggled. Spike's presence and blunt words had eased the tension. He winked at her as he took a drag of his cigarette. She shifted on Angel's lap twisting so she could see Spike so he could be included if he wanted to.

"Do you have to be crude? Buggering Buffy," Angel said, then cracked a smile. "It sounds like a porn movie."

After swatting him for his impropriety, Buffy waited for him to answer her question. Realizing that she was trying to be serious, Angel turned back to her.

"Buffy, I want you and yeah, I fantasize about making love to you." Angel said, hesitated and covered her hand with his. "If I could I'd have sex with you in just about anyway you'd let me including that sweet rounded bottom of yours."

"Do you like it?" Buffy asked, turning to Spike. 

Spike ground out his cigarette and smiled at her.   
  


"Look, I like it otherwise I wouldn't let anyone near my ass. Okay, Angel's been the only one who I've let do it and it started because he was my Sire and demanded it. But now," Spike shrugged his shoulders." Yeah I like it. It's part of being in a relationship with Angel and I love him. I don't know if I'd bend over for anyone else."

"And you?" Buffy asked Angel.

"I did it to show Spike how much I love him. He was considerate of that fact and he made it feel good. I'd let him do it again." Angel said, leaning his forehead against her. "And if you agree than you could have both of us at the same time."

"One Buffy sandwich," Spike joked.

Buffy and Angel broke out laughing. She kicked Spike's foot still resting on the table and he grinned at her.

"Higher," Spike said, using his hand to show her that he wanted her to lift her leg higher. As soon as she did, he cocked his head looking up the shirt she was wearing. "Yeah, here sweet kitty, show it to Daddy."

Buffy quickly brought her leg closer to her body again as Spike and Angel laughed. She broke out in giggles and squirmed a little on Angel's lap. All the talk about sex and Angel's continuous nonchalant caresses was turning her on. And they knew it. It was embarrassing sometimes that she couldn't hide it from them. Angel's hand was venturing further up her thigh and she decided to take a chance and she opened her legs for him. She saw the surprise in his eyes but his hand slipped between them and he sighed. She looked over at Spike expecting to see the hurt in his eyes but all she saw was desire. 

"Ride it out," Spike said, his voice filled with lust. "Don't stop. I want to watch."

It was all she needed and she hadn't even known it. Spike had given his permission and it freed all the all pent up wanting in her. Buffy straddled Angel, rubbing her sex against his burgeoning erection while his hands cupped her bottom. The only thing between them was his slacks and it was too much. He pulled her to him in a kiss as her fingers struggled with the button. Almost there, just the zipper and he would be inside of her. Their tongues wrapped around each other as she slowly pulled the barrier down. 

The phone rang and all three ignored it. Angel was lifting her. The answering machine picked up. He was there, so close, one downward movement and…

"Buffy, its Giles, pick up it's an emergency…."

_To be continued in Chapter 5 – Points of View_


	5. Points of View

**Chapter 5 - Points of View**

By the time the trio got to the 'emergency', of course, it was no longer an emergency or even a pressing matter. Giles had apologized profusely for interrupting them on their day but the new gang of vampires was creating havoc on a neighborhood not far from Revello Drive. Joyce had been driving home and had at first thought it was kids until she saw one of their faces. She had called Giles who had in turn called Buffy because as he said, one or two they could handle without her but a gang was a different matter. 

The street was quiet when they got there but the damage was still evident. Car windows had been smashed, trash cans overturned and one drained body left on a front porch. It was a message left for the Slayer that she couldn't handle her town and the mood that Buffy had started the search off in had increased a hundredfold. She was out for dust as she stomped through the streets following her mates who were following their noses. They were being led on a wild goose chase as the scent of the vampires had first led them through downtown, then the seedier side and now the warehouse district. 

Buffy felt a tightening in her womb and perked up. She might get her wish after all. And as a large biker vamp came ambling out from between some buildings, Buffy took off running. She ignored the sounds of indignation coming from Spike and Angel because she wanted this one for herself.  Her first punch didn't even sway him. He laughed and she batted her eyes and smiled at him.

"You might regret that, big boy," She said and let all her frustration and anger out on the unsuspecting demon. 

Her mates watched as she played for a few minutes and when her senses cleared some, Buffy put him out of the misery of his undead life. 

"Feel better, Luv?" Spike asked, rubbing her shoulders.

For a moment she leaned back against him. "Yeah, it helped but he wasn't who we were looking for," she said, straightening up as a security guard approached them.

"Go on," the guard said. "Get out of here. No rave parties tonight."

"Sorry," Angel said. "We must have heard wrong."

With Angel leading the way they walked toward the gate.

"Hey, does this belong to you?" the guard asked, holding out a glowing orb.

Spike, being behind Buffy, took the orb from the man. He turned it between his fingers letting Buffy look at it before she took it from him.

"Thanks," Buffy said, slipping it into her bag. "It's just one of those cool glowy light things to have at those parties. Hate to be without it."

The guard smiled and wandered off muttering things about stupid kids. Angel held the gate open for his mates to slip through. Buffy went first and waited for the two of them before choosing a direction.

"Any more ideas?" Buffy asked, waiting while they sniffed the air. 

Sometimes it was a little creepy to watch them when they were one the prowl. They stood back to back, heads raised, nostrils flared as they searched for the scent again. Slowly they turned, stepped apart and started off down the street. She watched them walking away from her for a moment, black leather flying behind them. Two ends of a spectrum, brunette and blond, their strides matching the other in military precision.  Buffy felt her body tingling and her sex moisten in response to her mates almost animalistic concentration in following their prey. There was something so primal about it that it called to the very core of her womanhood. 

"You coming?" Angel called, turning slightly and she watched as his nostrils flared as he caught the first wave of her arousal. His need for her filled his eyes and she was almost flying as she ran to catch up to them. 

None of them said a word as they continued the search but the hunger for each other hung heavy in the air between them. They climbed the back wall into the cemetery and even though she could easily jump it, Spike's hands caressed her body as he lifted her to the top. And Angel was waiting to catch her on the other side. Their bodies radiated their need as he let her slide along him as he returned her to the ground. Eyes held the other's gaze until the thud of Spike landing interrupted them. It could have happened there as he approached them, circling them, marking his place in their game. Buffy could already feel herself on the precipice of an orgasm. All it would take would be one touch, one stroke and she would explode. They knew it and this time it wasn't embarrassing. She felt only power, raw and unyielding, because it was drawing them to her. Their desire for her ran just as deep as hers. She arched back as Spike molded himself to her back and Angel never surrendered one bit of space as he followed. Their needs pressed against her and she inhaled sharply at the intensity of the craving. 

Waiting would only make it more intense and she could feel that the goal of their mission was close. Without a word but with total understanding, they separated. Fanning out they circled the crypt the gang had taken refuge in. One door in, no way out, three adrenaline pumped champions and five clueless vampires. It didn't take long. The only surprise was that Buffy knew them. They had been classmates of hers from high school and probably were turned in the battle at graduation. Most surprising was Harmony trying to lead them. Buffy taunted her with the leading them to a dusty end before raising her stake. In the end, Harmony got away while her minions returned to the ground where they belonged while the blonde vamp ran for her undead life. The big threat to Sunnydale's safety was now vanquished and it was deduced that Harmony was probably on her way out of town. Victory was theirs and it was time to celebrate.

~~~~~~~~~~

It was to be anything but this. His dreams had weaved a poetic and romantic first time between them. He would be tender and she would be shy. Angel would seduce the innocent maiden with love and the first quickening of her lust. Buffy would blush as she saw his body for the first time and he would rush to reassure her thus freeing her to boldly explore him. It would be candlelight and lace and sweet whispers of adoration.

Not this.

Filling their nostrils was the musty smell of a crypt that hadn't been opened in forever and the dust of deceased vampires. Instead of satin and lace, Buffy was stretched out on Spike's duster, nude from the waist down, legs wrapped around him as he pounded her into a sarcophagus. There was no delicacy or romance in the urgent coupling of their bodies. Her fingernails dug into the crumbling marble as she rose to meet every thrust. Her breath was rapid and her moans increasing in tempo as she came again. She was riding a crest of them that had started as soon as Angel had entered her. 

There had been no seduction, or soft touches. One look, one movement and he had her by the waist, lifting and setting her on the grave. Spike was one step ahead of them, spreading the duster, before her bottom ever touched down. No kisses, only hands stripping her of her pants and boots. Those legs clenching around his waist as her hands pulled him to her, into her. 

"Bloody inferno," Spike whispered as Angel shuddered from the first feel of her surrounding him. "Its heaven, isn't it?"

His Childe hovered around them, touching light as a feather on their bodies, encouraging in the mating of his Sire and Slayer. It was more than Angel had expected from him. And his words was only spurring them both on. Angel looked down at Buffy. She was staring at him, her breath floating in the cold air, as she panted. Her tongue darted out and she reached for him, holding him against her as she shuddered again. And he couldn't hold out anymore and he joined her in the free fall from paradise.

Her stomach rose and fell with each breath and Angel went along for the ride. Her fingers combed through his hair making him smile in a happiness he hadn't felt, well, since he had been with Spike. There was no comparison. They each brought him their own special magic and with it a perfect happiness. He rose and reached for Spike, pulling him between them again. His hands undid the belt as Spike sat between Buffy's legs. She held him, reclining against her, as Angel freed Spike's from his pants. Giving one last smile to his lovers he bent taking Spike into his mouth. They were his and giving to them in every way was what Angel wanted. Spike jerked as Angel scraped his teeth along his length and with a final tug along the tip, his Childe came. 

It was time to go home. Clothes were tugged back on and fastened. Smiles and helpful hands held them together as they broke through the brief respite from their life. It had been a day of enchantment much like a honeymoon and they each wished that it could last forever. But once again the ringing of a telephone brought reality crashing back to their world. 

Hard couldn't even describe the way it felt to pack his bag again. Angel had taken a quick shower and was throwing clean clothes into his duffel bag as his mates watched. He couldn't even meet Buffy's eyes. After promising her love and commitment, he felt like heel for leaving so soon after having sex with her. What he wanted was to crawl into bed with her and make love to her properly but another vision from Doyle was calling him back to Los Angeles. Spike was sitting on the edge of the bed with Buffy's feet in his lap. Angel tugged the zipper closed, stood and threw the bag on his shoulders. Without a word they stood and walked him to the front door. 

Buffy came to him first. Her arms wrapped around him so tight he thought she might break a rib in her enthusiasm.

"I love you," Angel said, pulling her as close as he could. "This isn't what I want but I promise we will be together for your birthday."

"Business before pleasure," Buffy quipped, drew back with her eyes open wide. "I'm sorry. I do understand."

"I know you do," Angel said, smiling at her. "I'll call as soon as I can."

With a few whispered words of good-bye, Buffy slipped away to give him time with Spike. The two vampires looked at each other for a moment before Angel pulled Spike by his belt. His hands slid to his waist and around to his back.

"Take care of each other," Angel whispered, leaning his forehead against Spike's. "This is so damn hard."

"All those emotions might make you crack your tough guy persona," Spike said, burying his face in Angel's neck. "I wish you didn't have to go."

"Me neither," Angel said, giving him a quick kiss good-bye.

It was time to let go of the romance and the exposed hearts and return to the real world. Their brief fantasy world had been found and was vanishing from their hands. With a last goodbye, Angel disappeared in the night and Spike watched his taillights until they disappeared from view.

~~~~~~~~~

Drying his hair, Spike stepped from the bathroom. The steamy air followed him out into the coolness of the bedroom giving an illusion of him magically stepping from smoke. But the figure on the bed hadn't noticed. Buffy was lying face down on the bed, propped up on her elbows, reading while her feet waved gaily behind her. He threw the towel backwards in the vicinity of the bathroom and advanced on the bed. She still didn't pay attention. He crawled slowly across the bed and she didn't look at him. Grabbing her by the ankle, he kissed the bottom of her foot and she gave a small smile. A kiss to the back of her thigh and she didn't respond. His fingers lifted the lacy band of her panties and tried a nip to the curve of her bottom.

"Spike, stop," Buffy said, not looking back. "I need to read this chapter for class on Monday."

"You have all day tomorrow," Spike said, his hand slipping beneath her tank top. "Make love to me."

Buffy glanced back at him. She rolled her eyes and returned to her book.

"I need to meet Giles tomorrow at the old magic store," Buffy said. "He said he had news and I told my mom I'd visit. She hasn't been feeling well."

Spike reached for the book but she held it out of his reach and suddenly it didn't matter anymore. Obviously, he was the last thing that mattered in her world and he didn't need a sledgehammer to drive it home. He rolled away from her and slipped beneath the covers, turning the light off on his side of the bed leaving Buffy in darkness. She sighed and turned the lamp on her side on. She leaned back against the pillows and continued to read.

The longer he lay there the more irritated he got. All he wanted was a little reassurance that he still mattered after she had sex with Angel. That he wasn't forgotten. Even if she turned him down, she could have taken two minutes and at least acted like making love to him wasn't a low priority. Even an 'I love you but not right now' would have done. No, it was 'I'm busy and don't have time for you'.

"Do you mind?" Spike asked, his question dripping with sarcasm. "I'm knackered and would like to get some sleep."

"Sleep then," Buffy said, rolling on to her side and pulled the comforter over her.  "I need to read this."

A part of him knew he was being unreasonable and childish but she was acting like he was an annoyance and it hurt. He stood, grabbed the comforter from the bed and walked out.

"Where are you going?" Buffy asked. "And why are you taking the comforter with you?"

"To my room and because you spilled oil all over mine."

"Spike," Buffy whined. "It's cold in here. Don't leave."

Spike stopped and the irritation began to boil into something else.

"Now, the little bint wants me around," Spike snapped. "Of course, she does, the princess is cold and wants Spike to stay. But when he wants something he's dismissed." 

"What the hell is your deal?"

That 'something else' was now officially anger and Spike walked out but continued to mutter under his breath about spoiled stuck up children. With a small amount of satisfaction he heard her padding behind him. 

"Spike," Buffy called. "Talk to me."

"Can't sorry, I'm busy and don't have time."

He ascended the stairs with the comforter trailing behind him until he felt her tugging on it and he yanked it away from her.

"I'm going to sleep," Spike said, wrapping the material into a ball. "When you want to sleep come to my room and I might share. Or better yet, go to your room and sleep."

"You know what. I don't have time for this," Buffy yelled, turning and heading back to Angel's room. "Be an asshole. See if I care."

"I'm being an asshole?" Spike said, letting one arm rise and fall in a gesture of futility. "Isn't that the bitch calling the kettle black?"

Spike watched as Buffy stopped in her tracks. Her back stiffened and she turned around to look at him.

"What is wrong? What the hell did I do to piss off Angel's perfect little boy now?"

He went back down the stairs, to the midway point and leaned over to look at her.

"Me? Angel's perfect little boy? What are you talking about little 'Miss I've fucked Angel now so I don't have time for anyone else'?"

Buffy had the audacity to smirk and it made him to want to smack it off that cute little mouth.

"Is that what this is about?" Buffy asked, her hands lifting before falling against her thighs. "You're upset because Angel and I had sex." 

"No, bitch, I'm upset because you stuck up your crooked little nose at me."

"I did not," Buffy yelled her hands on her hips. "And my nose is not crooked."

Before he could say anything else, Buffy turned on her heel and marched into the bedroom. 

"Fine, walk away again," Spike screamed. "I don't care."

_Slam_. 

"Stupid, soddin', fucking…cu…bitch," Spike muttered, stomping back downstairs. 

Just because she closed…rather, slammed the door didn't mean she had the last word or gesture. Spike settled on the couch. He turned the TV on, flipping the channel until he reached the Pay per View adult channels. Fruits and Vegetables. Bunny and her boyfriend get busy in the kitchen. Click. Bought it. Yeah, Bunny and a banana. Turn the volume up. 

Load moans filled the living room. Bunny screaming for more. Spike's hand reached beneath the comforter stroking himself. 

Spike only glanced as Buffy flung the door. 

"What the hell are you doing?" Buffy screamed, striding toward the television. "Do you not get that I need to read this chapter for school? Do you not get that I can NOT baby your ass 24/7?"

"Nobody asked you too," Spike said, wishing she would leave so he and Bunny could finish together. His hand was still holding himself when Buffy's eyes flew open when she saw what Bunny was doing.

"Gross. How can you watch this filth?" Buffy asked, turning to look at him. Her eyes wandered down to where his hand was still pumping.  "What are you doing?" Her voice had dropped to a mere whisper.

"I'm wanking off. What the bleedin' hell does it look like I'm doing?"

"Why?'

Her eyes were round as saucers as she watched him for a moment. Spike grinned, threw the covers back and returned to what he was doing. If she wanted to watch, he didn't have a problem giving her a show.

"You are DISGUSTING," Buffy pronounced, heading back to the bedroom.

"And you are an uptight, self-centered, glacial virgin wanna be."

It wasn't fun anymore. He let his head fall back on the pillow and his hand rested on his stomach. All he had wanted was some attention. Not a free for all fight and guilt niggled at him because he knew that Buffy was doing the best she could. The door didn't slam shut and he peeked out from beneath his lids. She was trembling from head to foot. Her eyes were clamped shut and her hands were clenched at her sides.

"Look, pet," Spike whispered prepared to apologize but the next thing he knew he had a hundred and four pounds of pissed off Slayer on top of him. Her fists pounded him as she squirmed around on top of him. 

"You bastard," Buffy cried. "I hate you."

Spike tried to grab her wrists but she wrenched them free. Wrapping his arms around her waist, he flipped them over, pushing her into the cushions, using his weight to hold her down. 

"Is that all you can manage, Slayer?" Spike taunted his anger returning as she resorted to the use of her nails along his chest, arms and back when he pinned her beneath him. "You're not hurting me so why don't you just calm your little ass down?"

"No, I won't. Let go of me."

"Are you going to quit using me for a punching bag?"

Her legs wrapped around him and her heels slammed into his legs, ass and lower back. He rolled trying to get away from her and they fell still entangled on the floor. They knocked over the coffee table and Buffy scrambled to stand over him. He grabbed behind her knees and she fell on top of him. One roll and she was pinned beneath him again as he ground against her. 

Their eyes met and her hands and feet fell away from him in a show of submission.

"Just go ahead and do it, Spike," Buffy said. "Fuck me if it's so important to you."

Her eyes closed and he stared down at her in disbelief. The reality of what he had started hit home and he was sorry for hurting her. It couldn't be undone but this fiasco could be stopped. Bringing her with him, he stood and took her into the bedroom dropping her on the bed. He fetched the comforter and covered her with it. She lay watching him as he turned the lights out. 

"Good night, Buffy," Spike said, from the doorway. "I'm sorry. I just needed you."

He cut the television off and righted the table before heading to his room. He stopped in her room to grab her comforter before crawling into his bed. It had been weeks since he had slept alone or even been in this bed. Now he didn't deserve anything else. He lay on his back watching the shadows chase each other around the ceiling and was startled when the door opened.

"Can I sleep with you?" Buffy asked softly. 

"Come here, Luv," Spike said, pulling the covers back so she could crawl in.

Buffy settled next to him with her head on his chest and her hand caressing his stomach.

"Did I hurt you?" 

"No, don't worry about it." 

"Don't say that. I shouldn't have hit you."

Spike shifted onto his side so he could see her expressions as they talked. He sighed when he saw her concern and guilt.

"I was being a right bastard. You were right," Spike said, tucking a stray lock of hair behind her ear. "I shouldn't have bothered you and pushed you. I know that school is important to you."

A tremulous smile graced her face and she squeezed his hand.

"I love you, Spike. Don't ever doubt that."

With her snuggled into his side, Spike held her while she slept. It had been a hell of a day. Giving up on trying to solve the riddles of their life, he followed her into slumber. Tomorrow would be there soon enough with its own problems but for now he was holding his girl and that made everything okay.

_To be continued in Chapter 6 – Duty Calls_


	6. Duty Calls

**Chapter 6 – Duty Calls**

Buffy kissed Spike's cheek before slipping from the bed. It was almost four and she hadn't been able to sleep most of the night. She wished she had just made love to him when he had asked. The fight wouldn't have happened. She could have returned to her book when they were finished and still maybe got a few hours of sleep. She sighed. Not only did she make him feel rejected but that led to the fight which led to hurting him. To top it off she still didn't read the book and hadn't slept a wink. And finally it had taken her less than twenty-four hours to break her vow to take care of them. 

After tucking Spike in, Buffy headed downstairs. She retrieved her book from the bedroom and heated some coffee before curling up in the study. The words blurred in front of her but she tried to concentrate on what Nick and Daisy was up to in the current chapter. A noise caused her to look up. She smiled when she saw Spike standing in the doorway with the comforter wrapped tight around his body.

"Getting a little attached to your blankie, aren't you?" 

"Only thing keeping me warm these days," Spike groused, wiping his blurry eyes with the heel of his hand. 

Buffy melted at how much he looked like a little boy. She discarded the book without a second thought and swore she would keep her vow as she held her arms open wide.

"Come here, Baby," Buffy said.

"Don't want to keep you from your studying."

"You're more important," Buffy whispered. "Come here."

It was all it took. Spike shuffled to her, grinning when she slid to lie down on the couch. He covered her with his body, pulling the blanket over them creating a cocoon far away from the world. Her hands ran down the smooth skin of his back to clutch at the tightness of his ass. 

"Angel doesn't want us shagging on the couch," Spike said, wiggling between her legs. "Its leather and he doesn't want stains on it."

"Well, now Daddy isn't home is he?"

"You are such a bad girl," Spike whispered, turning them so she was on top. "I think I like it."

Buffy made love to him. Gave him everything that he needed as she moved over him and whispered constant reminders of how much he meant to her. She placed kisses on each scratch or bruise that stood out on the paleness of his flesh. It was warm and sweet and when it was over, Spike cushioned her between him and the back of the couch. She wrapped her arms around him, buried her nose in his neck and told him she loved him. Knowing that things were right between them again, Buffy let sleep claim her.

~~~~~~~~~

Spike knew the moment Buffy went to sleep because her body went totally lax. She was pure heat and he burned where her skin covered his. Unable to resist the flame he snuggled closer to the body that was draped over him so casually.

This situation he found himself in sometimes still didn't feel real. The Big Bad in love with the Slayer and his Sire. And even more surreal was that they loved him. He knew it in his heart. It was his head that every once in a while needed reassurance that it was true. Never had he felt such contentment in his existence as he did with these two. The thought of spoiling it and ending up alone was unbearable and he shivered every time that thought crossed his mind. 

Life was definitely good and it was only going to get better. Buffy and Angel had finally had sex. In his opinion it had been better that it had been a mad passionate shag instead of the tender scene they had both planned on. Less time to think about what they were doing and now that it was over with it left the three of them ready for new games. The last of Buffy's inhibitions would be broken down one by one until she would be ready to try just about anything. He squeezed her a little tighter as he thought about it. That was one thing he hadn't been wrong about in the beginning. She was a great little fuck and was getting better all the time. Spike contemplated waking her up to relieve the erection his thoughts had given him but he knew she needed sleep so he left her alone.

After their fight last night he had decided he would take better care of her. He would prove to her that he was worth keeping around. So, to pass the time until she woke up, Spike raised an arm above him and felt around on the table till he found her book. It was _The Great Gatsby_. One he had read decades ago. All he needed was a little refresher. With one hand he found the chapter she was on and started reading. This way if he read it he could summarize it for her. Argue points with her and help her in her class like he had with her poetry class. There would be no way that anyone could say that Spike wasn't the perfect mate.

~~~~~~~~~

Buffy held the door of the magic shop open so Spike could make a dash from the car to the protective shade of the indoors. She smiled as he flung the blanket off and shook himself like a cat. It had been a perfect day so far. From the love making at dawn to the hours slept in his arms to the shared breakfast and to his volunteering to help her with her day. They were falling all over each other trying to out do one other in the race to be the best mate. It was silly and cute. It was exactly what she needed. She slipped her hand in his before turning to look for Giles.

"Giles are you here," Buffy called, walking further into the shop. "Hello."

"What do you think?" Her watcher asked as he stepped out from a back room. His arms flung out to encompass the shop in his question.

"Of?" 

"The shop. I've bought it."

"Oh," Buffy said, looking around a little dubious about the announcement. "Are you sure? You know the life span of said shop owners in Sunnydale."

"I am quite sure that I need something in my life besides watching Passions in the afternoon with your boyfriend," Giles said. "Come with me."

Patiently Buffy followed him with Spike still attached to her hand. He was bored already and she squeezed his hand in sympathy. Giles opened a door and gestured them into another room.

"I thought we could use this for a training room," Giles said.

They stepped into the long room and Buffy could see the potential of it. Excitement danced in her eyes as she turned to her Watcher.

"Really? Not a library, not a ball room, but an actual training room," Buffy said walking around. "It's like a birthday present." She turned back to the men when they chuckled at her excitement. "Don't be mean," she pouted. "It's like I'm official or something."

"You've always been bloody official," Spike said. "Remember me? Breaking my back and all that lovely rot."

Her arms crossed over her body. "And you're one of the reasons that my birthdays are always bad."

"That was Dru. Not me," Spike said, stepping behind her and wrapping his arms around her. "And look around." His hand waved around the room. "First birthday present making good with a new start and besides everything is better now because I was the best present you ever had."

"Ha," Buffy joked. "Stick a bow on…"

Giles cleared his throat loudly. "Please, no sticking of bows, at least not here and not within earshot of me."

"Sorry," Buffy said, laughing. "Let's go and see the rest of your shop."

Buffy put her hand on Giles arm and led him from the room. She tried to keep her interest as he led her around the shop and through the storage rooms and up the stairs to the loft. Spike followed them, behaving himself and asking questions on space and display possibilities. Buffy was surprised at his astuteness and the ease at which the two men spoke. Their television watching must have been a friendship building time, too.  As they talked about Giles' plans for the loft she wandered down toward the end. She was surprised to find there was a door tucked at the end of the shelves.

"What's in here?"

"It's a small room for storage," Giles answered, unlocking the door. "It has an outside entrance."

As soon as Buffy walked in the room, she knew. The windows along one wall faced north giving the room only indirect sunlight. As Giles said it had a door leading to stairs that ended in the alley between the Magic Box and the small store next door. It wasn't really big but she put her hands out and measured.

"What are you thinking, Pet?" 

With a huge grin she turned to them.

"I think we just found the office for the Sunnydale franchise of Angel Investigations," Buffy said. "Look, its perfect. We don't need a lot of space and it has its own entrance and I could come here after school and train and be close to you and you have access to research and…"

"You're babbling, Buffy," Giles interrupted. "I don't have a problem with it. It would make sense."

Buffy watched as Spike walked around the room, skirting the sunlight stretched on the floor. He nodded and grinned at her.

"Works for me," Spike agreed.

"Yay," Buffy said, launching herself at Spike. He caught her and swung her around. "I love you. This is going to be great. Just like being in high school again."

As soon as Spike put her down, she hugged Giles. He was rigid in her arms for a moment but relaxed and hugged her back. It seemed like an omen that things were looking up and she sighed in relief. Her day was getting better by the moment. 

"Hey, what are we celebrating?" Willow asked, from the door.

Behind the red head was Tara waving shyly at them. Buffy explained their news. The group headed back downstairs, discussing plans for the Magic Box along with the extra perks that were going along with it. 

"And I even have the official first research for the new Scooby central," Buffy announced, once they were downstairs again. She reached into her purse and pulled out the orb. "We found this last night on patrol."

Giles took it from her to study it. "It appears to be paranormal in origin."

"How can you tell?" Willow asked. Her brows furrowed as she took a closer look.

"That's easy," Giles said. "It's because it's so shiny."

"And now we know why he is watcher man," Spike drolly said. "We bow to your genius."

Laughing, Buffy smacked him on the shoulder but Giles only smiled at the vampire. 

"All right, evil dead one," Giles shot back. "What is your assessment of the shiny, glowing sphere?" 

"Oooh, Giles is getting down with it," Spike said, laughing. "Why it's magic of course. It has to be it's all shimmering and glowy."

"And my life so often hangs perilously in the balance dependent on these two to save me." Buffy said. "Thank God they aren't the only ones though."

"That's right," Willow said, looping her arm through Buffy's. "You have me and Tara and Xander and Anya."

"I feel so much better," Buffy joked, turning to hug her friend. "And you forgot Angel."

"No, I didn't," Willow protested, "Because he's Angel and you know you have him and you don't need me to remind you.

The hug became a tight squeeze as Buffy rocked her friend back and forth. It was true. It had taken her running away to realize and accept that she did have people who cared about her in her life. All she had to do was go and be reassured that her mom was fine and the day would be perfect.

"I have to go by my Mom's to check on her," Buffy said turning to Giles. "Will you start looking into whatever this thing is? And I'll check in with you later."

"Certainly," Giles said. "Tell her I hope that she feels better soon."

"Thanks," Buffy said.

She said her good-byes and led Spike from the shop. In the ride to her mother's Buffy stayed on her side of the car and kept changing the radio station until Spike slapped her hand away. When the car pulled into the driveway she took a deep breath before scooting next to Spike. Her hand caressed his cheek.

"Baby, I really appreciate everything that we've done today but…"

"You want to spend some girl time with your Mum and Sis," Spike finished. He smiled and pulled her close. "I understand, Luv. I'll go home and crash since I didn't get much sleep last night. Just call me when you're ready to come home."

The tension left her body replaced with an intense feeling of love for the demon holding her in his arms. Buffy pulled him down for a kiss. She put all the emotions she was feeling behind it as her tongue darted in to the warm recesses of his mouth to dance with his. The world slipped away as he sheltered her against him making her feel safer than she had in days. 

"Thank you, Spike," Buffy whispered. "I love you."

"I know," Spike answered, tugging on a lock of hair. 

With one last small kiss, she slipped out of the car and waved good-bye to him before stepping into the house that had once been her home.

~~~~~~~~~~

It was almost four hours later when Spike pulled into the drive at 1630 Revllo again. Buffy was sitting on the front steps and didn't even look up when he walked over to her. Tears streaked her cheeks and he cursed whatever God had taken the light from her eyes again. She had been so happy all day and at this new turn he knew that Joyce had to be sicker than what they had thought. He sat beside her, running his hand down her back.

"What's wrong?"

"Can we just get out of here?" Buffy asked. "If I start talking about it now then I'm going to fall apart completely."

"Whatever you want," Spike said, although he didn't feel as generous as he felt. He knew it wouldn't be him that she would confess her sorrow too. It would be Angel. He was her benefactor and the one she needed to be strong for her. Spike was her playmate. Her friend and the one she got into trouble with. He wasn't the one she turned to when she needed to feel safe. But he would try to understand the role he was assigned as he led her to the car. As long as she still loved him then one day she might turn to him for security. One day he might be able to prove to her that he would be there until the end of the world for her.

At Buffy's request they stopped at Giles apartment to find out if he had found anything out about the orb. Jenny opened the door and invited them in.

"How are you two doing?" Jenny asked. 

"Okay," Buffy said. "Is Giles around?"

"He's upstairs but he'll be right down. He was looking for a book or something. Come sit." 

Buffy and Spike settled on the couch while Jenny sat in what used to be Spike's chair. Buffy had commented to him enough that she was glad that Giles had found someone in the woman that had helped to anchor Angel's soul. Jenny was outspoken enough to cajole the Watcher from his stuffiness and bring out the relaxed side of him. They were practically living together even though they had only known each other a short time and she was already a welcome part of the group. 

They all turned at the sound of Giles descending the stairs. He smiled at the visitors and sat on the arm of the chair that his girlfriend occupied.

"I'm sorry I haven't had a chance to research the orb yet," Giles explained, looking slightly guilty but he rested his hand on Jenny's back letting them know why he hadn't. "I promise tomorrow and I'll call you as soon as I do."

"Tomorrow's not good," Spike said. "Remember we're heading to LA for Buffy's birthday dinner."

"I…I don't know if that's such a good idea," Buffy said, nibbling on her thumbnail. "My mom is supposed to go in for tests on Tuesday and I don't think I should be that far away."

Disappointment burned him but Spike understood. Buffy's family was important to her. If anything happened to Joyce while she was off having fun, she'd never forgive herself or them. He reached out to take her hand.

"Its okay, Luv," Spike said. "We'll plan it for later when we know your Mum is okay."

The relief shining in her eyes made him realize he had said the right thing. She leaned into him and all he wanted was to take her home and take care of her.

"How would you feel if someone," Jenny said, "Say Giles and I spent time with your mother and Dawn tomorrow night? I know that the three of you have been planning this dinner for weeks. Maybe you could spend part of the day with her and we'll go over right before you leave."

Buffy looked at Spike then back to Giles.

"I don't know," Buffy said tremulously. "It seems selfish of me to just go off when my Mom is sick."

"What did she say about it?" Spike asked.

"She told me to go and have a good time because I couldn't do anything for her until we know for sure what's going on."

"I promise we'll take good care of her for you," Giles said, leaning forward and taking one of Buffy's hands. "If you cancel it will only upset her and make her feel guilty. She knows how important this birthday celebration is for you. Go. I promise at the first sight of anything we'll call."  
  


Buffy nodded and a part of Spike rejoiced at her decision. The three of them needed some time to relax together to solidify their relationship in the wake of all the changes. But Spike knew he would do whatever was best for her or whatever she felt she needed.

As soon as they arrived home, Buffy headed for the phone as he figured she would.

"I'm going to call Angel," she said, heading for the bedroom.

Spike shrugged and threw his duster over the back of the chair and grabbed the remote. He may as well find something to occupy his mind while she talked to his Sire. 

"Hey," Buffy said, peering out from the bedroom. "Do you want to come in here and I could talk to you and Angel at the same time?"

Surprised that she had asked, Spike stared at her for a few seconds before following her into the bedroom. She patted the bed next to her and without hesitation he laid down beside her. Spike wrapped his arms around her as she settled against him and put the phone between their ears so the three of them could talk together. It was his hand she held as she told them about Joyce being sick and later when they had bid Angel good night it was his shoulder she cried on. It was suddenly scary to be the one she needed to comfort her and Spike could only hope that he could live up to her expectations.

_To be continued in Chapter 7 – Steamy Encounters_


	7. Steamy Encounters

**Chapter 7 – Steamy Encounters**

Hot water sprayed across Spike's body as he rinsed the shampoo from his platinum locks. He grabbed the bottle of conditioner and sniffed at it suspiciously. Cordelia had gotten Angel to buy it and the label guaranteed soft and silky results. Why would that little trouble maker care how Angel's hair felt? Shrugging his shoulders he worked some in then reached for the soap. 

The door opened and large hands settled on his waist. Spike stiffened. It had to happen sooner or later and maybe it was better that it happened now. Fingers trailed lightly across a scratch before moving on to the next one. After his back and bottom was inspected Angel turned him around to examine his front. The bruises and scratches were almost gone but they hadn't faded completely. 

"Was this done in play?" His Sire asked with hands planted on either side of him.

Spike wanted to lie. He wanted to protect Buffy so he nodded his head.

A kiss was placed on the corner of his mouth and Angel rubbed his nose along his cheek.

"Don't lie to me," Angel said whispering in his ear and his hand cupped him. "You mean as much to me as she does. And if you don't tell me then I'll ask her."

"It's settled either way.  Let it go."

"No, it's not settled. That was one of the first rules. She was not to hit you in anger and if she has broken it I need to know."

"I provoked her and pushed her when I could've stopped her. We were fighting and I deliberately said the one the one thing that I knew would cut so we're even."

Spike ran his hands along the muscled chest of his lover. He didn't want a fight tonight. It was Buffy's birthday and he knew she really needed a night for her so he was going to try and distract Angel. It was just an added bonus that he would enjoy the distraction, too. His fingers flicked at the small brown nubs on either side of the plane of flesh he was feeling.

"Trying to divert me from my mate's disobedience?" Angel asked returning his hands to Spike's hips.

"Is it working?" Spike asked, licking along Angel's neck before tugging on his ear lobe with his teeth.

"Yeah, for now," Angel answered, his fingers digging into Spike's buttocks. "But just be warned I haven't forgotten."

Neither one of them paid attention as the door click shut when their lips met. At first it was a slow exploration, lips meeting, separating, a tongue flicking along the pouting lip of Spike before he couldn't handle the teasing anymore. His fingers delved into those brown locks and pulled Angel closer. Tongues dueled and Spike rejoiced as hands glided over wet flesh. It had been so long since he had his Sire to himself. It wasn't that he minded sharing with Buffy but it was different when it was just the two of them. They could let loose without worrying about hurting her. 

It was sweet torture when Angel broke their kiss and peppered a trail of heated desire along Spike's jaw, halting at his throat. A small growl echoed against the tiles as Angel vamped out. Spike groaned when fangs scratched along his neck and shoulder. His toes caressed Angel's ankle then calf before he wrapped his leg around his lover's waist. 

"That's it, Baby, make it easy for me," Angel moaned as his tongue lapped across Spike's muscled stomach. His hand wrapped around Spike's other thigh and lifted it so it could be wrapped around his waist.  

Spike wrapped his hands around the pipe that hung over the shower when Angel lifted him and he hoped to hell it would hold his weight. 

Angel dipped his tongue into his Childe's belly button, licking, before letting one of his fangs scrap along the inside the small crater. Spike arched upwards at the sensation wanting more. His fingers threaded through the drenched threads of Angel's hair pulling him closer. He was pulled outwards so his back was almost parallel to the floor and one hand lifted him again, hooking Spike's knee over Angel's shoulder. Grinning in anticipation Spike moved his other leg up. He felt like he was floating in a rainstorm as water splashed over his stomach and chest, streaming over his body before falling to the tiled floor.  The sensual feel of the water was ignored as he watched Angel's mouth pleasure him. 

"Please, Angel," Spike begged.

Angel knew him too well and with his mouth and hand quickly brought Spike to his release.

Angel gathered Spike against him in a hug that only reminded him that his Sire was still in need of his own release. His hand slid down the brunette's belly.

"I want to make love to you," Angel whispered.

Spike let Angel push him to the floor. Angel took him without restraint and the force almost made Spike slide across the slick floor. Hands held his hips and he knew he was safe in his lover's embrace. This part of him was only his Sire's. No one else had ever taken him and no one else ever would. In a way he pitied Buffy because her body was no longer the sole domain of just one of them. This was sacred between Sire and Childe and the emotions it invoked made Spike vamp out. Snarling he moved to his knees and pulled those hands across his stomach. His head fell back.

"Take me, Angel," Spike implored. 

He wanted to be dominated. He wanted the lust and the blood and the power of this creature that held him so tightly. The fangs broke through his skin and Spike roared with the submission of his body. The thrusts sped up and there was almost pain with the strength of them. It didn't matter. Nothing did but the feelings between them.

"Damn, boy," Angel moaned as he released Spike's throat. "You are the only that makes me feel this way."

His Sire shuddered as he found his own release.  For a long moment they merely sat there while Angel petted and caressed Spike. It was only when they heard Buffy moving around in the bathroom did they separate and finish their preparations for the night.

~~~~~~~~~

His anger returned when he heard Buffy. She had been acting as if her feelings were the only ones that counted. How dare she lay a hand on Spike? For a moment a white hot rage flooded his heart but the pressing of lips against his back changed his mind again. In order to maintain the peace Angel pushed those explosive feelings aside as he opened the door to the shower.

The anger started to melt.

Buffy stood waiting for them to step out. In her hands was held a towel ready to wrap around his waist.

His eyes drifted over the rest of her appreciating the way her hair was piled on top of her head. Her make up was meticulous with her eyes carefully outlined so they appeared mysterious and large in her face. And whatever bad feelings he had blended into an intense rush of adoration at the sight of her swimming in his robe. The silky material had to have been wrapped around her tiny waist twice and it fell to her feet. 

It was only when a hand was pressed to his back that he shook off the stunned feeling and stepped out. A coquettish smile was offered as the towel was pulled around him and fastened. Another towel was thrown over his shoulders and he stepped out of the way so she could repeat the procedure with Spike. 

His and Spike's razors were laid out on the counter along with a bottle of Acqua Di Gio after shave lotion, and bowl of warm shaving cream. His girl had been busy. Her hand on his arm pulled him around.

"Sit and let me take care of you," Buffy said her voice sultry and seductive and he felt a tug of desire through his loins.

"Have you ever shaved anyone?"

"Spike taught me."

Angel looked up at Spike sitting on the counter. 

"We get bored when you're not around," Spike explained, shrugging while towel drying his hair.

"Glad to know that you're being productive," Angel commented as he sat on the toilet seat. 

Angel lifted his face as Buffy spread shaving cream across his jaw line. Her fingers were sure as she stroked him and he had to admit that it was enjoyable to be pampered as she scraped the razor across his cheek. Buffy was all business as she turned his face from right to left to make sure that she hadn't missed anything. A warm towel wiped the last of the cream from him only to be replaced by the cooling scent of the after shave lotion. Angel started to stand but a delicate feminine hand pushed him back.

"Your hair now," Buffy said.

She spread gel through his hair with patience and the hair dryer was directed where Buffy's fingers mussed through his hair. Angel glanced over at Spike who gave him a thumbs up to his silent inquiry on how he looked.

"All done," Buffy said. "Your clothes are laid out on the bed."

Angel headed for the bedroom as Buffy started the procedure with Spike. He was curious as to what had started the geisha routine. Guilty conscious maybe? Spike didn't want to answer his questions and he wondered if there were other things going on that he didn't know about. But Spike wasn't the type to put up with shit for very long. He was a fighter and he couldn't see him bending to anyone's will especially a Slayer. He glanced into the bathroom as he tucked his shirt in and wondered if maybe he was wrong. There was a look of love on his Childe's face as Buffy styled his hair the way she wanted and the depth was nothing he had ever seen before not even for Drusilla.

Smiling like children his mates spilled from the bathroom. Buffy brushed his hands aside so she could do his tie. 

"Spike, teach you this?" Angel asked as her fingers flipped the material.

"Actually it was my father," Buffy said. "A very long time ago when he still cared."

"I'm sorry," Angel said, placing a kiss on her cheek. 

"Don't be. I've accepted it by now," Buffy said, moving to help Spike finish dressing. 

Spike was grumbling about having to wear a suit but Buffy smoothed his ruffled feathers. She whispered how hot he looked in the black garment with the light blue silk shirt. His tie was fixed and she grabbed her bags.

"I'm going to dress in the bathroom," Buffy said, grinning as she shut the door behind her.

"Surprise?" Angel asked, nodding toward the door that separated them from their mate.

"Yeah, she and Jenny went shopping last week and Buffy wouldn't let me see," Spike said. "She's actually kept it at her Mum's.  
  


Slipping his arms around the back of Spike's waist, Angel hugged him. 

"Is everything all right?" Angel asked.

"Yeah, why wouldn't it be?"

"Just wanted to make sure," Angel answered, turning his Childe so he could reach his lips. They spent the next few minutes kissing while they waited for Buffy to exit the bathroom.

The door opened and they broke apart. Buffy stood at the edge of the bedroom. Her hands smoothed down the skirt of her dress as she waited for them to comment. The black lace clung to every curve emphasizing the swell of her hips and the low v-neckline left an ample view of her breasts. Bell sleeves played peek-a-boo with her hands that were echoed with the skirt that flared slightly around her knees. Her legs were clad in black stockings tucked into impossibly high black pumps. 

"You are beautiful," Spike said.

A flush glowed on her cheeks as Buffy waited for Angel to respond. Something kicked his brain into gear as stepped closer to her. He took her hand, raising it to his lips to kiss it.

"You are the most exquisite creature I have ever seen," Angel said. 

"Thank you," Buffy whispered.

Angel pulled her to sit on the bed. He handed her a box and she smiled as she ran her fingers over the wrapping paper. The ribbon was pulled carefully apart as he sat next to her. Spike took a seat on the other side of her. The wrapping papers was refolded and placed behind her before she flipped opened the lid on the jewelry box.

"Oh, Angel, it's beautiful," Buffy breathed, her fingers running over the delicate necklace. It was a platinum chain with a single diamond pendent. She extricated it from the box and held it out to him. "Fasten it for me."

Buffy turned her back to him and he hung the necklace around her neck, fumbling for a moment before getting it fastened. His fingers stroked the back of her neck before she turned around again. He was rewarded with a soft kiss and shining eyes. 

"Oh, I guess you want something from me, too," Spike joked when Buffy turned expectant eyes to him. "Thought I was present enough for you?"

They laughed and kissed. Buffy had called Angel earlier and told him that she had woken that morning to find Spike with nothing but a bow on his chest. He had told her that he was her birthday present. 

Spike stood to retrieve a present from the dresser top. He handed it to her and Angel could feel the tension that radiated from his Childe. He hadn't gone with a typically romantic present. And he knew that Spike was nervous about competing with him over presents for Buffy. Christmas had been easier. They had shopped together and put all the presents from Santa. This was the first time they had each selected and given a gift from them personally. 

Buffy opened the box and Angel hoped that even if she didn't like it that she would show the appreciation that Spike deserved for giving it. She gave a small gasp as it was revealed. It was a leather bound day planner. 

"I thought with you having so much going on that you could use it to keep track of everything and everyone," Spike explained.

Flipping through the pages Buffy hadn't said anything. Finally she looked up at Spike and cupped his face.

"Thank you. I do need it and it's going to be a great help," She said while her arms slid around Spike in a tight hug. "I love you." 

A feeling of relief flooded him when Spike smiled at him over her shoulder. Things were okay between the two of them. Realizing he may have been overreacting about Buffy's behavior with Spike he decided to drop the matter about the bruises. If his Childe wasn't holding any grudges over the matter then he figured neither should he.

A car honked outside and Angel went to look out the window. Just on time and he turned to his companions.

"The car is here to pick us up," Angel said.

"Car? You got us a limo?" Buffy asked, her eyes lighting up.

"Only the best for you tonight," Angel answered, taking her hand and leading her up the stairs.

The driver held the door open for them to slide into the car. Buffy sat between the two males and wrapped her hands in theirs. Angel was feeling indulgent as she repeated her appreciation to them both. As he watched the LA streets through the window he contemplated that it was the first time in a long time that he felt the pull of Angelus. There was a protocol to follow in the society that he once traveled in. And he had reveled in that life. The games of pretend with humans to get what he wanted and needed. That was one of the reasons he had so many problems with Spike in the beginning. Spike wanted to forget the society that had scorned him and wanted to live by the power of the fist. And Angel had wanted to forget his crude beginnings and revel in high society, flaunting his power at them.

Angel ran a finger along the shell of Buffy's ear down to the back of her neck and along the first curve of her spine. She shivered under his caress and he kissed the place where his mark lay. She was his. The thought was a power all its own. Spike may have killed two Slayers but he had tamed one. And she would bend to his will if he wanted it. It was a heady thought but he didn't want to break her. He wanted much more from this woman-child. He wanted her heart and soul.

The car stopped in front of a tall building and Angel stepped out first. He held his hand out to help Buffy from the car and then Spike. Damn anyone who didn't approve, he was proud of the beautiful blondes that were his lovers and mates. Buffy tucked her hand around his arm as he led them to the elevator. 

Buffy was nervous. The fragrance rippled in the air around her in fragile waves that teased his demon. Her eyes were a little wider as the small car climbed to the 30th floor of the building. When the doors opened with a near silent swish, Angel allowed Spike to escort Buffy into the lobby of the restaurant. The hostess welcomed them to the Panorama restaurant. It was located on the top floor and as the name suggested it offered a 360 degree view of downtown Los Angeles.

Heads turned as the three made their way through the tables. Buffy followed the hostess with the seductive sway of her hips enhanced by the high heels and men stared hungrily at her. The women's eyes feasted on Spike and Angel dismissed any looks directed at him as jealousy that he was the one to accompany these two. They were shown to the table in the corner that he had requested. It would give Buffy an unsurpassed view from three different sides. And he knew he made the right choice as she looked around with a dreamy gaze. 

"Do you like it?" 

"Yes, I love it," Buffy said, smiling happily at him. "It's beautiful and am feeling very loved here."

"That's because you are," Spike said. 

Their server came to the table and went through his spiel of welcoming them and telling them of the specials. Angel ordered champagne and appetizers. He knew it was presumptuous and a bit arrogant but relieved any guilt he felt by telling himself that he only wanted to coddle them. The server glanced at Buffy and Angel only raised a brow over eyes that flashed gold before he could ask. He scurried away to fulfill the request.

Sipping at her water, Buffy glanced around the restaurant and the view. She leaned back in her chair and smiled at him before opening her menu. 

"Fancy food with no wings," Spike mumbled after giving it a quick look before closing it again.

"May I then?" Angel asked. Neither had complained about the appetizers so he offered because even Buffy's eyebrows were rising as she looked over the offerings. 

They both nodded and he looked over the menu deciding what to order. The champagne was brought and after he decided it was satisfactory it was poured for his companions. Angel consulted with the server and placed the dinner order.  He asked for extra plates to be brought so that his mates could share or taste as they saw fit.

"I'd like to offer a toast for the birthday girl," Angel said, raising his glass. When Spike and Buffy had raised their glasses he looked from one to the other. "To Buffy, a rare and exotic flower that has graced our lives with her beauty and spirit; may this birthday be the beginning of everything that makes you happy."

From then on it seemed that their meal was blessed. Neither of them complained over the dinner he had ordered for them. The only problem came when Buffy was popping a third stuffed mushroom cap into her mouth and Spike whispered that she was eating escargot. Her eyes got big as she forced herself to swallow it. Angel told her that she had been enjoying them thus far so why get upset at that point. He laughed when she stuck her tongue out at Spike and popped a fourth in. 

The extra dinner plates turned out to be an excellent idea as the two shared the split roasted chicken with warm spinach salad and the Angus Filet Mignon with Smoked Gouda potatoes. For dessert Angel had arranged for a small cake to be delivered to the table with one candle burning. Buffy was glowing as she made a wish and blew it out. He even tasted the cake when Buffy took a bite then kissed him. He licked the frosting from her mouth and watched as she did the same for Spike. Several people stared at their antics but he didn't care because they were all in high spirits. 

By the time they exited the restaurant, Buffy was as bubbly as the champagne she had drank and he wrapped his arm around her to keep her steady. On the ride down in the elevator, she kept kissing both of them and making promises for when they returned to the apartment. A silly song was being piped into the lobby and he watched in amusement as Spike waltzed her across the marble floor singing along about the Glory of Love. The evening had been successful and Angel tucked Buffy under his arm on the ride home. She pulled Spike to her until their weights were comfortably heavy against him. His fingers stroked them as they made out on the way home. If they made it home as Spike's hand kept wandering under her skirt. He pulled on his slacks and wished the driver would hurry.

~~~~~~~~~~

Buffy ran a hand along the lace of her dress one last time before she zipped its bag closed. With a deep breath she turned to the mirror and gave herself a critical look. The black merry widow corset clung to her body and pushed her breasts impossibly close together and up. She looked older and sexier than she had ever felt before in the lingerie with the stockings held up by garters. For a moment she debated about whether to take her hair down but left it up after remembering reading somewhere that men liked to do that for women. Her teeth were carefully brushed and she checked her makeup one last time. A deep breath and she stepped out into the bedroom. 

The room was lit only by the glow of a lamp from the living room. But she didn't need the light to find her mates. Angel was stretched across the bed on his back while Spike still wearing his slacks was lying on his side. His fingers were trailing across his Sire's flesh. Buffy felt the small intake of her breath at the vision they made. It was Angel that came to her. His hands possessed her hips, stepping closer to her till there was only a breath between them. His fingers skirted around her sides, lifting her until she pressed against him. Her hands clutched at his arms to keep from falling backwards and she heard more than felt the snap of the T where the straps of her panties met. Then it was gone and falling to the floor. 

Angel released her, stepping around her as if stalking his prey, and his fingers tickled across her skin to her neck and up into her hair. Buffy caught Spike's eyes and focused on the sapphire blue to keep on her feet. Her hair began to fall across her shoulders as the pins were pulled from it. Cool breath across her upper back coaxed her body to a level of pulsating need that had only been hinted at all night. She licked her lips when the last pin was withdrawn and Angel combed her hair with his fingers arranging it to suit him. 

Tilting her head back she looked up into the face of the vampire that had held her heart for so long. Buffy wasn't even aware of the tears that had gathered in her eyes until the back of his finger wiped one away.

"Don't cry," Angel whispered against her mouth. "We're going to catch you."

And she knew that they would. Tonight she was going to let go of everything and let them love her like they wanted. No inhibitions, no fear and no jealousy. He turned them and backed her up to the bed until she sat.

"Do you know how unbelievably sexy you were tonight? Everything screamed come take me even these shoes. Wear them for me more often?"

Angel continued to whisper, hypnotizing words, as his hands continued upwards, over her knees, "I love you", were whispered against her sex. Unable to watch, wanting only to feel, Buffy lay on her back, her hand searching for Spike. He scooted closer to her and placed a kiss on her forehead. His fingers caressed her cheek as he watched the brunette love her. 

"Angel," Buffy moaned. "Please…"

Her hand squeezed Spike's until she thought she would break his fingers and her other hand grappled with the sheets trying to find an anchor in the storm of sensations.

A satisfied growl emanated from the vampire teasing her unmercifully.  Her fingers wrapped in his hair pulling him closer to her. When she reached the point of beyond he forced her into a sweet oblivion of pleasure.  Her body quivered as she was rolled and pulled upwards by Spike. Angel came to cover her and her hands cupped his face so she could kiss him. The gesture surprised him and Buffy felt the power of her attraction as he shuddered against her. One hand released Angel only to pull Spike closer, kissing him, fighting for dominance as their tongues caressed and mated. 

They moved over her, taking turns kissing her before Angel rolled them so she was on top. The woman gloried in her power to be the one in control as she straddled him. Angel's groan of delight was smothered as Spike kissed him. His hands stroked Angel's chest and stomach as she moved with him. Her hand tangled in Spike's hair as he licked Angel's belly.

Angel's hand moved over Spike's back and the other moved along her hip. She needed to hold onto something, anything, there was too much, too many signals being sent to her brain. Her fingernails sank into flesh and she closed her eyes in a feeble attempt to become grounded.

"Let it go, pet, scream for us," Spike encouraged as his mouth floated over her throat. Her hair was pushed aside as he moved behind her. 

He moved along with her and his hands linked with Angel's on her hips. This was what she loved about them, this dance they did so easily, no one needed to ask or direct. Souls entwined and somehow she knew even though Spike didn't have one, he was there with them in this astral plane they reached when the three of them moved together. It didn't matter who was technically connected to whom as long as their bodies touched in this fever they created. 

This was more of the lovemaking they had once planned on for their first time. She searched his eyes to make sure he was still the man she loved and that some twist of fate hadn't lied to them all and stolen him away. The warmth in his eyes held only love for her and she relaxed. For a moment she leaned back against Spike but he had other plans. 

His slacks were quickly shed so that he could make love to her. But there was something else that she wanted. Something she knew Spike would want. She only hoped she was right.

Rising to her knees, she knelt in front of him. Spike's arms wrapped around her to hold her steady. He buried his face in her neck and she sighed.

"Want to feel your fangs scraping me," Buffy whispered. "Make me feel like I am truly yours."

It was something they had discussed but they were too scared of his chip to try him biting her. Her eyes quickly searched Angel's eyes for permission and he only looked puzzled. He maneuvered out from under them and knelt in front of her. Shaking her head, she mouthed for him to wait and the puzzlement turned to wariness. Spike vamped out so lost in what he was doing that he was unaware of the silent communications of his mates. She knew he would want to please her and she was right as he dragged his canines along her flesh. While she was lost in her release she pushed up while she pulled Spike's head down. Her body shook from the pleasure as Spike broke through her skin. He realized what was happening and while she was still lost in the pleasure he sank his fangs all the way in. 

~~~~~~~~

Her blood poured into his mouth and Spike knew he wouldn't be able to hold out much longer. He drank the rich nectar and tightened his hold on her. He wanted to cry from the gift she had given him. It was the one thing he had wanted to do but hadn't been able to in fear of the pain it might bring. He had been left frustrated watching Angel perform while he only been able to receive the leftovers. His demon screamed his pleasure as he sucked at her. Knowing he had to so he wouldn't hurt her he let her slip away from him. Buffy collapsed against Angel and they grinned at each other over her head. They had worn her out. Angel licked at her bites. It was him that received the leftovers as Spike savored the hot blood that coated his mouth. 

"I don't want to go home," Buffy said, sleepily.

"Not yet," Spike said. "We can sleep for a few hours."

"Good," she whispered as she snuggled between them. 

Spike and Angel talked while she slept. They talked about their night, about their plans for the future which was alternated by short moments of slumber. But somehow they maintained contact between them and with her. And it was only when daylight was almost there and they couldn't put it off any longer did they awaken her. She needed to be home to accompany her mother to the hospital by nine and she would want time to shower and change when she got home.

"Buffy, its time for you to leave now," Angel said, shaking her gently.

Barely awake she stumbled from the bed and moved to the bathroom. Spike packed their things while he waited for her to clean up and get dressed. It didn't take her long and he smiled in appreciation at her timeliness. He didn't want to deal with having to cajole her along so they could get on the road. She came out wearing cotton pants and a UC Sunnydale sweatshirt with tennis shoes on her feet. 

Picking up the bags, Spike waited for her to say good-bye to Angel. 

"Spike, can I have a moment with Angel?" Buffy asked.

It hurt after the night of closeness that all of them had shared and he nodded his head and without saying anything to either of them turned to leave. She darted between him and the stairs to search his face.

"Stay then," Buffy said. "I'm just embarrassed to say it and it seemed easier one at a time."

"What is it, Luv?"

He dropped the bags and put an arm around her as she faced Angel. Her small body trembled with emotions close to fear and he pulled her tighter against him.

"I heard you all in the bathroom," Buffy said. "And Angel, I know you were angry about what I did to Spike. I know it's not an excuse but I was angry and really hurt." She bowed her head for a minute. "I love Spike and I didn't mean to hurt him. We've, at least I think we've made up over it.

But I'm sorry. Really sorry."

"Come here, Buffy," Angel said.

She hesitated and Spike pushed her gently to get her started. It would only anger Angel more if she didn't do as he bid. The slight push was all she needed and she came to stand in front of Angel. His hand cupped her face and he leaned down to kiss her.

"I know you're sorry and I can tell how much you love him. If nothing else than by the way you've treated him tonight." Angel said, looking up to glance at Spike. "Both of you need to learn not to hurt each other so much."

With a happy smile that she had been left off the hook, Buffy came back to Spike. Within a few minutes they were on their way back to Sunnydale and the life they were making without Angel.

_To be continued in Chapter 8 – Discoveries_

**Author's Note**: Thank you to Alantie/Allison for sending me a picture that inspired the first scene in this chapter.


	8. Discoveries

**Chapter 8 – Discoveries**

Buffy chewed nervously on her thumbnail and watched her mother disappear into the doctor's office. She couldn't help but wish that she had taken Spike up on his offer to accompany her. She had refused because she didn't want to appear weak and needy. She leaned back in her chair; she could do this. She was the Slayer after all. A little doctor visit was easy and her mother would come out and everything would be fine. Well, at least she hoped so.

A gurney turned the corner and Buffy pulled her feet back to get out of the way of the three men pushing the patient down the hall. As they passed her the patient suddenly convulsed and the orderlies jumped into action to try and restrain him. Without thinking Buffy jumped up to hold him down when one of them was roughly pushed to the floor.

"Restrain him now," one of the men said. After the patient was tied down he turned to Buffy. "Thanks for the help. I don't think I've ever seen a girl with such muscles. Radioactive spider bite?"

"You're welcome." Buffy said stepping back as the men finished strapping him down. Then with a grin, "How'd you know?"

"I'm a doctor or almost," Ben said. "By the way, I'm Ben."

"Hi, I'm Buffy," she said, shaking his proffered hand. 

His handshake was firm and Buffy smiled as she returned it with only a fraction of her own strength. Let him think that maybe her help was only an adrenaline rush or something. She stepped back to let them go past her when the patient suddenly grasped her arm.

"Hey," Buffy yelped, starting to pull her hand away but for the first time she really looked at the man lying on the gurney. Her eyes widened when she recognized him. It was the guard who had handed her the orb. "I know him. He's not crazy."

"If you say so," Ben said, his expression letting her know how crazy he thought she _was._

"No, I saw him a couple of nights ago," Buffy explained. "He was fine then."

"They're coming at you," the guard said, tightening his grip to pull her closer to him. "Don't think you're above it, Missy. They come through your family. They get to your…family."

He released her hand and slumped back while Buffy tried to comprehend his words. She felt Ben's hand on her back and she turned to him hoping he would give her some answers.

"Buffy, he's crazy," Ben said. "Don't listen to him. Come on guys let's get him out of here."

She grabbed the railing to stop them from leaving and leaned over the guard. 

"What do you mean? Tell me, please?"

The guard collapsed into hysterical laughter and Buffy stared as they pushed him away. She tried to assimilate what had happened but it only drifted in disjointed fragments. 

"Are you going to be okay?" Ben asked.

Buffy nodded and returned to her seat as Ben hurried after the others. She contemplated calling Spike but he had been sleeping when she left the house and she hated to bother him with what could be nothing. Before she could figure anything out, the doctor leaned out and invited her into the exam room.  She rushed into the room. Her mother was sitting on the table and her hands clutched some papers. 

"I'm going to go and check when we can schedule you in," the doctor said. "I'll be right back."

The doctor left them alone and Buffy hugged Joyce in an effort to make them both feel better.

"So, what's the diagnosis?"

Joyce shrugged and patted the table next to her. 

"Sit, sweetie," Joyce said. "They don't know. Another prescription for now." She waved the papers in her hand.

"What is he scheduling?" 

"A cat scan. They are going to take a look inside my head."

"Oh, what are they looking for?" Buffy asked, sitting next to her mother and slid an arm around her. 

"I don't know. The doctor said it could be a lot of different things. So, they are going to check it out and see if they can find a way to stop these headaches of mine." Joyce said, offering a smile to her daughter. "How are things with you? You told me about your birthday but you haven't talked about how you and Angel are doing after the spell." She held a hand up. "And please limit the details."

"It's okay, it wasn't, I mean," Buffy got up and wandered around the room. "We've been planning and wanting it for so long and then it wasn't, well, the first time wasn't romantic at all."

"It was a bit of a let down from the fantasy?"

"Yeah," Buffy said, smiling at her mother. "Not that I'm saying it wasn't good or anything. It was just not the," She sighed. "Yeah, it was a let down."

"Have you told him how you're feeling?"

"No, no, no," Buffy said, shaking her head. "There is too much going on. Last night was better and I'm sure that it's just the circumstances haven't lent itself to the romance I was expecting." She laughed while she played with a tongue depressor. "It's kind of funny because in the beginning, with Spike it wasn't going to be romantic and everything and now it's reversed."

"Come here, honey," Joyce said, holding her arms out to her daughter. She waited until she was hugging Buffy before finishing. "You and Spike have had months to build a relationship and get used to each other. Give Angel a chance. He's probably feeling the pressure that you are and don't forget that he loves you."

"Thank you, Mom," Buffy whispered. "I don't know what I'd do if I couldn't talk to you about this stuff."

The door opened and the doctor stepped back into the room. His almost arrogant air made Buffy uncomfortable. Didn't he realize how nervous her mother was and a few warm words or a kind gesture would make her feel better?

"Is day after tomorrow at eight AM all right, Mrs. Summers?"

"You can't do it any sooner?" Buffy interrupted, not caring that she was being pushy. "I mean, she's worried and we'd like to know what's going on."

"I'm sorry," the doctor said. "That's the earliest appointment I could book for a non-emergency patient."

"It may not be an emergency to you but…"

"Buffy, it'll be fine," Joyce interrupted. "Thank you, Dr. Klein, I'll be here."

Joyce took the appointment card from the doctor and led Buffy from the room. Buffy still wasn't happy about how things had been handled but it seemed she didn't have a choice in the matter. On the ride back to her mother's house the security guard's words came back to her. She started to connect things together and wondered if the orb had anything to do with her mother's illness. After making sure her mother was going to take a nap and reassuring her that she would pick Dawn up from school Buffy hurried to the Magic Box.

There was a strong feeling of familiarity when Buffy walked into Giles' new shop. She had been right when she compared it to being back in high school. Her watcher was there along with her friends and she savored the feeling of being safe and accepted. Giles and Xander were busy constructing shelves. Anya was setting up the customer service counter while Willow was researching.

"Hi everybody," Buffy said.

"I am now an employee," Anya said, grinning while she pushed a button on the cash register so a bell went off. "Giles decided that I could be a big help. He's my boss."

"Congratulations, how is everything else going?"

"They're doing great on the shop end," Willow said. "But on the orbular front we're batting zero."

She closed the book she was reading and let out a frustrated sigh that imitated just how Buffy felt. Still not having anything to go on was not what Buffy wanted to hear.

"Buffy, I'm sure we're going to figure something out," Giles said.

"Everybody keeps saying that," Buffy said. "It's going to be fine. Give it time. We'll work it out and you know what, not working anymore. I am not being reassured."

"Did something bad happen at the appointment?" Spike's voice asked and surprised that he was there Buffy turned to find him looking down at her from the loft.

"No, not really," Buffy answered, embarrassed at her outburst. "She has to have a cat scan on Thursday."

Spike leapt over the railing to land in front of her and she went willingly into his arms. It was safe here too and she let it flow over her.

"I'm sorry," Giles said. "I should have asked right away."

Buffy waved her hand to dismiss his apology. 

"No, it's me," Buffy said. "Everybody is going through stuff." She turned to Spike, "Remember the security guard from the factory. He was at the hospital this morning as a mental patient."

"He wasn't crazy when we saw him," Spike said, his brows furrowing together. 

"That's the thing. It may be the orb that is making her sick."

Her watcher and mate looked at each other over her head.  
  


"Excuse me," Buffy said. "I have not gone around the bend from stress, people. He was fine and then he had the orb and now he's sick. It's got to be from supernatural causes."

Willow hurried away from the table where the orb still sat. Everybody stared at it from a safe distance before turning back to Buffy.

"Let's not taunt the Happy Fun Ball," Willow said, stepping behind Xander to peer over his shoulder.

"I don't know if it's the orb itself," Buffy said. "But this guy said things."

"Like what, pet?" Spike asked.

"That they were going to come at me through my family."

"Who will?" Giles asked. 

"I don't know yet," Buffy explained. "But whatever touched this guy made him see through what the rest of us are seeing. He knew. Someone is hurting my Mom and they're using her to hurt me."

Giles sighed and took Buffy's hand. "It's possible, Buffy, but the ramblings of a madman are not much to go on. It is also possible that her condition is purely physical."

"I know but I have to try and find out."

Spike rested his hand on her lower back and she appreciated the silent support. She looked at her friends as they contemplated what she had said.  It was her mother and she would do anything, follow any lead to help her. To accept the continual pat answers from the doctor was unbearable to her.

"You know, Buffy," Anya said. "There used to be this French sorcerer, back in the sixteen-I-don't-know-what's named…"

"Coultier," Giles completed. "He had this spell called…"

"Hey," Anya interrupted. "This is my helpful suggestion that you are trying to take away. The demons hated this spell, called 'Tirer la Couture'."

"Which means?" Buffy asked.

"Pull the curtain back," Willow translated.

"All spells leave some trace signature," Giles explained. "They're just not perceptible to the human eye. In this case, it could be the image of a hand choking your mother."

"Or a cloud of mist around her," Anya said, leaning on the glass case.

"Or maybe the shape of the demon performing the spell," Willow said, stepping out from behind Xander to take a more active part in the conversation.

"Possibly but you'll have to remember the image because there is no other way to capture it," Giles said.

"Okay," Buffy said. "What do I have to do? Give me the supplies and point me in the right direction."

"Are you sure you're ready for this?" Giles asked. "Coultier was legendary and his concentration skills were quite developed."

"We've been practicing," Buffy said. "I have to do this. I don't have a choice and Spike can help me." She turned her head to look at him. "You will won't you? And by the way what are you doing here?"

"Sketching out plans for the office," Spike said, and dropped a kiss on her lips. "But yes, I'll make time for you. What do need?"

"You," Buffy whispered, wrapping her arms around him. "My mom is home napping and I told her I'd get Dawn from school." She looked up at him. "I was thinking we could go over and cook dinner and you could keep them occupied so I could do the spell."

"How about we pick up dinner?" Spike said. "And rent some movies to help with the occupying. Your Mum is getting more comfortable around me but she'd be suspicious if I was having a running monologue with her."

"Works for me," Buffy smiled.

She felt better now that there was a plan and she could fight back in some way. Being helpless and out of control was intolerable to her. It was the Slayer part of her. She needed to fight. She just hoped that the spell would give her some answers.

~~~~~~~~

Spike settled back into the chair. Joyce was lying on the couch while Dawn was curled up at her feet. They had just finished a take out dinner of roasted chicken, mashed potatoes, and salad. His of course had been washed down with blood. He was surprised at how relaxed he felt being with all of them. It was family, he reminded himself, because Buffy was his mate now. Somewhere along the line Joyce had accepted that he and Angel were a permanent part of her daughter's life and that they would defend her until the death. And now that they had been accepted Joyce was willing to extend the arm of, if not friendship, then tolerability. 

"Spike," Joyce said. "Buffy told me that you are setting up an office above the Magic Box."

"Yeah," Spike answered. "Going to be a branch office of Angel Investigations. Help them with things in LA or work on cases here."

"That's good," Joyce said. "It will give you something to occupy your time."

Spike nodded figuring that it gave him an edge of respectability other than evil undead.

"Mom, Spike said I could help with filing and answering phones when I'm there," Dawn said. "Isn't that cool? He even said he'd pay me."

His eyes met Joyce's and he hoped that she understood that he had only said it as a way of appeasing the girl. Dawn had been bugging him about it and he had promised the little tidbit to tide her over. Joyce smiled at him and he relaxed. 

"That will be good," Joyce said. "Why don't you put a movie in? Where's Buffy?"

"She had to do a quick homework assignment and said she'd be down when she was done," Spike lied. 

"Okay."

Grateful that his slight untruth had been accepted, he relaxed and settled in to watch the movie. Dawn turned the lights off and snuggled under a blanket with her mother. Spike was surprised when he felt a tug of tenderness for the two women that were so important to Buffy. He made a silent request that the spell would reveal what they needed to make Joyce better.

The scent of incense burning wafted down the stairs followed by the sound of a door opening upstairs. Buffy came down the stairs looking a little stoned and Spike stood to check on her. She walked past him and picked up a family photo. She frowned before putting it down and picking up another. It was put down and she glanced at him, dismissed him and moved to the couch.

"Honey, are you all right?" Joyce asked, sitting up.

Buffy didn't say anything. She ran her fingers over the planes of her mother's face, turned to Dawn and repeated the gesture. She frowned and hurried back upstairs. Spike followed her into her sister's room. Buffy turned around and shook her head. Dread lined her face and Spike got a sick feeling that what she had seen was not good.

"Buffy, who said you could come in my room?" Dawn asked her arms crossed in front of her. "And bring your boyfriend in here?"

"You're not my sister," Buffy said. "What are you?"

Her words stunned them both and Spike could see Dawn's face fall but the teenager quickly covered it with an insolent sneer. 

"Like I wanted to be related to a freak like you," Dawn shouted.

Spike stepped in between them. His hand reached for Buffy's trying to establish a contact that would bring her back to them before she caused further damage with her words. He was still confused by what she had said and wasn't sure if they were a result of the spell or if she was just pushing Dawn's buttons.

"Buffy, come on snap out of it." 

"Was she doing magic?" Dawn asked. "I am so telling Mom."

Buffy shook her head and looked around the room. The veil seemed to lift from her eyes and for a moment they were a vast well of pain and uncertainty. It was if everything she had believed in was taken from her and she was looking out over hell itself. She met his eyes briefly before turning to her sister. Her arms crossed over her stomach and she covered up whatever she was feeling by turning it into nothing more than a spat with Dawn.

"I think Mom has more important things to deal with than my using magic," Buffy retorted.

"Yeah, but you were in my room without permission, using magic and you were mean," Dawn said.

Spike rolled his eyes even though he knew it was nothing more than an act on Buffy's part. Still here he was, a master vampire, dealing with squabbling sisters. Where had his life gone to? 

He put a hand on each of their shoulders to keep them apart.

"Look, Buffy is all grown up now," Spike said. "And I think Joyce has got more important things to deal with then one of your little insult exchanges."

"He told you," Dawn taunted. "Back off and get out of here."

"I am so going to kill you," Buffy said, reaching for Dawn."

"Stop it now," Spike commanded, "Before I bite both of you. Niblet, let me talk to big sis for a minute, then we'll be down."

Giving a look that clearly indicated that she was only doing it for him Dawn turned on her heel and huffed out of the room. Buffy rolled her eyes and Spike couldn't hold back a chuckle.

"Come on," Spike said. "She's not so bad."

"Please," Buffy said. Her face grew serious and tears filled her eyes. "What I said was true, Spike."

"Buffy, phone," Joyce's voice called. "It's Giles."

"Give me just a minute," Buffy said, heading down stairs.

~~~~~~~~

"Thanks, Mom," Buffy said, taking the phone from her. "Hello."

"It seems we have more of a problem than we thought," Giles said without preamble. The worry in his voice was evident and Buffy felt her stomach knot. "This orb, it's called The Dagon's Sphere. It has a history that goes back centuries."

"What's it do?" Buffy asked.

She looked around and found that her mother and Dawn had returned to watching the movie. Spike was hovering in the doorway between the living room and the hall. He was making sure that she could speak freely and she moved a little further out of earshot of her family.

"It's a protective device. Used to ward off ancient, primordial evil."

"And this evil is?" Buffy asked, wondering if it could be the girl she was calling sister.  "And what does it look?"

"This is where accounts gets vague," Giles said. "All we've pinned down is that The Dagon's Sphere was created to repel that which cannot be named."

"I'm going to go down to the factory. Whoever planted this doohickey's got answers."

"Buffy, be careful. Anything that goes unnamed is usually an object of deep worship, or great fear. Maybe both. You could be facing a level of raw power you've never known before. Have you completed the trance?"

Her fear was getting more intense with each moment. Buffy looked up and met Spike's eyes. He knew it and he was worried about her. About them. She closed her eyes and reminded herself that she wasn't alone. They would find the answers together, including who or what Dawn really was. She just needed to take it a step at a time.

"We'll talk after I go to the factory," Buffy said. "And don't worry I'm taking my blond vampire with me for back up."

"Good," Giles said. "I'll feel better. Call me when you're done."

As soon as the phone was put down, Spike was there, his arms encasing her in a protective shield and for a moment she let herself take strength from them.

"It seems all I'm doing anymore is letting you hold me," Buffy whispered. "Thank you."

"That's why I'm here, Luv," Spike said, kissing her cheek. "To help you anyway I can. So, we're taking a trip to the factory."

"Yep, and then we'll talk," Buffy said.

They both started when someone cleared their throat behind Spike. It was Dawn. She looked angry and hurt.

"I thought you guys were going to stay and watch movies. Are you all just going to run out on us?"

Buffy didn't understand what was going on but when she looked at Dawn all she saw was her sister. How could she be evil? Not with the hurt and uncertainty in her eyes. She was feeling as scared about her Mom's illness as she was. Smiling, she moved to hug the girl.

"No, we'll stay a little longer," Buffy said. "Come on. I hope you saved me some popcorn."

Whatever it was could wait a few more hours. Spike took his place in the chair again while Buffy snuggled down between her mother and sister to watch the end of the movie. It felt safe here and she let herself be lulled into a sense of security that she only hoped would last even after the visit to the factory.

_To be continued in Chapter 9 – Strength_


	9. Strength

**Chapter 9 - Strength**

Spike waited until Joyce slid the lock home before walking off the porch to Buffy waiting at the bottom of the steps for him. He could feel the emotions threatening to overtake her but she was trying to remain composed. Her hand slipped into his and their fingers interlocked like two halves sliding together. And just as quickly as the thought formed it was shattered with the reminder there was someone else to their union.

Angel's car stopped behind the Desoto. He stepped from the car as Buffy raced to his arms and Angel lifted her into his arms and kissed her. Two halves to a whole--until Angel held his arm out for him and Spike joined their embrace. They were three parts to a whole. Buffy's feet didn't touch down as her arms were wrapped around their shoulders. 

"I guess you missed me?" Angel asked, pulling them closer. 

"We're glad you're here," Buffy said, nuzzling his face. "A lot has happened since this morning."

"Is it Joyce?"

"Partly," Buffy said. "She has to have a cat scan Thursday. We really won't know anything until then."

"Damn, I'm sorry, Baby," Angel said. "I was hoping for good news." He set Buffy down and pulled away just enough to look them both in their eyes. "You said partly; what else is happening."

"We got some information on the orb," Spike said. "We're on our way to the factory to see if we can find anything else."

"Let's go," Angel said, breaking their hug and opening the driver's door. "If you don't mind we'll take my car and come back for yours."

Spike nodded and climbed into the car first so Buffy could sit between them. It had been a relief to see Angel. Giles warned that a great power might want the orb back and they had no idea of what they were walking into. On the ride Buffy filled Angel in on everything that happened from Joyce's appointment to the spell and finally Giles' warnings. 

"Are you saying that Dawn may not be your sister?" Angel asked, unable to keep the surprise from his voice. "Is it safe to leave your mother alone with her?"

"I still feel like she is my sister whether she is or not," Buffy said. Her voice dropped as she looked at her hands. "And if Dawn is something else then she has no clue we are on to her. So, my mom should be safe for now."

"Don't worry, Pet. We'll get it figured out."

Angel echoed his sentiments as the car rolled to a stop at the factory's gate. The chain was cut to ensure a quicker getaway if they needed it. The threesome stood in front of the building for a minute. 

"Spike, go in through the rear door," Buffy instructed, the power of the Slayer crackling in the air around her. "Angel and I will go through the front and split up. We'll meet together on the upper floor. Keep your ears open."

~~~~~~~~

Spike gave his assent with a nod and trotted around the corner. Buffy gave him a couple of minutes before she led Angel to the front door. Her flashlight barely cut through the darkness of the factory and she hesitated a moment to let her eyes adjust.

"I'll go to the left," Buffy said, "Go to the right and we'll meet upstairs."

Buffy's instincts were telling her that something was wrong here. The place reeked of an evil that rivaled the Master's cave and she shivered. She let the momentary fear flood her body with adrenaline. All her senses were heightened as she made her way through the first floor. Even as she searched she knew whatever it was, it wasn't down there and she quickened her steps to the second floor. A rat scurried in front of her, most likely running from whatever was wrong in this place. 

The flashlight illuminated the cement pillars and stained walls before landing on the figure of a man tied to a chair. Buffy rushed to his side, crouching down to untie him. He was barely conscious and she could see it was with a great effort that he looked up at her.

"It's you, isn't it?" Buffy asked. "You planted the Dagon's Sphere. I've got it. Don't worry. We're not alone. I've got friends who can help."

His eyes tried to communicate with her but she already knew. The tingling along her spine let her know that someone was trying to sneak up behind her.

"I'm stronger than I look."

Buffy continued to mutter to the man in almost incoherent sentences until the time was right. Until the unseen person was close enough and lulled into a false arrogance. 

"And most of all I'm not stupid," Buffy said, her hand shooting straight behind her catching the assailant by the throat.

Buffy's eyes locked on a woman that studied her with a mild curiosity before backhanding the Slayer. Buffy flew through the air and hit the wall with enough force to indent the concrete and steel. Buffy fell to her knees and stared at the woman already discerning that the other blonde was much more than a regular woman.

"You sure about that last part?" Her attacker asked grabbing her by the neck and sending Buffy face first into another wall. 

Buffy barely noticed the plaster that fell to the floor with her. Pain wracked her body as she tried to regroup. Glancing over her shoulder, she didn't have to time to react as the woman clamped down on her wrist in a vice grip.

"And another thing I want you to know," the attacker said, slamming her into one of the columns. "This whole 'beat you to death' thing I'm doing." She threw Buffy back against the wall. "It's valuable time out of my life that I won't get back."

Rolling, Buffy stood and tried to kick the woman but missed. The woman grabbed her hands and she listened to the taunting as her mind finally began to come out of the shock.

"You know the things with worms where, you rip 'em in half, you get two worms. I wonder if that will work with you."

This time she was ready. Buffy shot forward with a head-butt enjoying the look on the woman's face. 

"Ow, are you crazy?" The attacker said, holding her nose and bursting into tears.

Buffy didn't waste any time as she began to pound the woman. With each kick and punch the woman staggered back keeping up a running monologue.

Ignoring her words, Buffy took a deep breath, let loose with a high kick to her chest and screamed, "Angel, Spike."

The woman's eyes got bigger as she realized Buffy wasn't alone. Before her vampires got there, Buffy went for a punch but the woman caught her hand and flung the Slayer back into the wall. 

"I just realized you have super powers," Glory said. "Can you fly?"

Running footsteps were headed their way and with renewed strength Buffy rolled out of the woman's way. A feeling of glee overcame her as she watched Angel pick the bitch up and toss her into the wall. Not sure if Spike could attack the woman, Buffy shouted for him to get the man out of the factory. 

"Hey, hands off my holy man," the woman shouted. 

"Don't really care what you want," Buffy said, wrapping her hands in the woman's blonde mane. "Let's see if you can fly."

Buffy tossed her into one of the columns making it rumble under the impact. A crack appeared that quickly divided the floor.

"It's coming down," Angel shouted, grabbing her hand.

Together they followed in Spike's path, out the window. They tumbled through the air before hitting the asphalt. Buffy bounced, tucking her body into a roll before she finally came to a stop. She turned to look at the factory where the sounds of it crumbling could still be heard.

"Who was that bitch?" Buffy asked, scrambling to stand.   
  


Angel cupped her elbow as he check to make sure that she was all right. Buffy quickly reassured him even though every part of her body screamed in pain. This wasn't the time for weakness and she looked around for Spike and the holy man. They were at the car. Spike had the beaten man sitting in the passenger seat. He didn't look too good as Buffy and Angel hurried over. He had the answers she needed was all she could think as she crouched down beside him. He looked at her through pain blurred eyes.

"My journey's done, I think," the holy man said.

"Don't go metaphory on me," Buffy said, holding his hand. "We're going to get you to the hospital and you'll be fine."

He shakes his head weakly. "You have to…The Key. You must protect the key."

"Okay, we'll protect the key but first we have to get you to the hospital. Then you can tell us all about it."

Buffy started to get up as Angel slid into the driver's seat but the holy man pulled her back with one last burst of strength.

"Many have…died…many more, if you don't…keep it safe."

Every word he spoke was an obvious struggle and Buffy hoped he hung on long enough for her to find out what she needed to know.

"How? What is it?" 

"The key is energy. It's a portal. It opens the door…"

"The round glowing thing?" Buffy asked her confusion was growing with each word the man said. Looking up she glanced at her mates but the man was tugging at her hand again.

"No, for centuries it had no form. My brethren…its only keepers, then," the holy man lifted a finger to point back at the factory. "The abomination found us. We had to hide the Key…gave it form. Molded it flesh, made it human and sent it to you."

With a clarity that shook her very soul, Buffy put the puzzle together.

"Dawn."

"She is the Key," the holy man said nodding.

"You put that thing in her mother's house," Angel said, grabbing the man's arm. "How could you put them in danger like that?"

"We knew the Slayer would…protect…"

"My memories, my mother's memories, everyone's," Buffy said. 

The magnitude of what they had done was overwhelming to her. It was like waking up in someone else's life. Tears filled her eyes as she waited for the holy man to finish his tale.

"We built them."

"Then unbuild them," Spike said, growling. "You can't mess with people's lives like this."

"I didn't ask for this," Buffy said. "I don't even know…what is she?"

"Human," the holy man said, his voice gentle as if explaining to a child. "Human, now and helpless. Please, she is an innocent in this and she needs you."

"She's not my sister," Buffy protested, hoping there was still a loophole in this man's insane plot.

"She doesn't know that."

He started to cough laying his hand on the headrest. The impact of the man's words hit her. Dawn was an innocent human formed from an ancient evil of which she had no memories of. How could she reject the girl that Buffy could remember as a tiny baby coming home from the hospital? She looked up to ask more questions and found the holy man had passed on. 

"Come on, Pet," Spike said, pulling her to a standing position. "We need to get rid of him."

Wrapping her arms around herself, Buffy watched in detached attention as her mates carried the body toward the factory again. There should have been something more for the man other than the unceremonious dumping of his body in the abandoned factory. She laughed. What did she care? This man was part of a group that had changed her life and the life of everyone around her by thrusting a sister on her that was apparently being sought by some kind of beast. Tears caressed her cheeks as she tried to figure out what to do. 

"You ready?" Angel asked, wrapping her arms around her.

Buffy nodded against his chest. She was bundled into the car, pulled into Spike's arms on the ride back to her mothers. The silence was comforting as the thoughts in her mind jumbled together. But only one took precedence. She loved Dawn. Her mother loved Dawn. They were right. Buffy the sister and The Slayer both would defend the girl to the end. 

"I'll meet you back at the house," Spike said, as he slipped his arms from around her.

"I'll be right back," Buffy said, following him out of the car. 

The house was quiet as she climbed the stairs. She opened the door to her mother's room quietly and after assuring herself that she was sleeping, closed it again. Dawn's room was next. Buffy stood over her sister's bed for a moment before sitting. Her hand drifted over the long brown hair before pulling the covers over her sister again. 

Vowing that she would see this through, Buffy returned to her mates who were waiting for her. It was time to gather information and start strategizing. The brief respite after the fiasco with Riley was gone. It was time to prepare for battle.

_To be continued in Chapter 9 – Discoveries_

**Author's Note: ** The last two chapters have been pretty much rewrites of the episode _No Place Like Home_. I take no credit for the dialogue that I have borrowed. As this episode was important to Season 5 I felt that it was necessary to add these chapters to this story for a base and to show the new dynamics in the fight. 


	10. Aftermath

** Chapter 10 – Aftermath**

Buffy stepped out of her bath and reached for the large fluffy towel that had been left for her. The long soak had given time for her mind to slow down. She almost felt relaxed and just needed to snuggle between her mates so she'd know that everything was going to be all right again. She quickly dried off and slipped into boxer shorts and tank top before heading downstairs to find them.

Following the sounds coming from the ballroom, Buffy padded down the hall, stopping in the doorway when she saw her two vampires wrestling. Both had changed into workout pants sans shirts before taking to the mats and they were beautiful. At first there didn't seem to be any give as they grappled but she soon observed the caresses that intervened in between the holds. Neither of them seemed to notice her as she slipped into the room to watch. Sitting with her arms wrapped around her knees she tried to be invisible so they wouldn't stop. 

Angel seemed to have the upper hand as he flung Spike off of him. But the blonde didn't give as he laughed and rolled to his feet. They circled each other, feinting the other, searching for an opening; Spike found the opportunity he was looking for and launched himself at his mate. They landed in a pile as Spike tried to pin Angel but he wrapped his legs around the blonde and lust clouded blue eyes as he lost his hold. Buffy giggled at the devious maneuver and they both turned to look at her.

"Come play," Angel said. She shook her head. "You're a warrior so let's see what you can do."

It had been a long time since she had sparred with either of them. Deciding it might help work out her aggressions she moved to join them. 

"Two against one that's not fair," Buffy said, as they circled her. Spike leaned into kiss her and she relaxed. Which they were evidently banking on as Angel knocked her feet out from under her and she landed on her ass.

"Thought you were a Vampire Slayer," Angel taunted. "You'd have been dead by now."

Tears clouded her eyes as she looked up into the two faces that she loved. They were acting like they didn't care about everything that was going on with her. Their laughter pissed her off as she jumped to her feet. All she had wanted was to be made love to and they wanted to play. Fuck them. She started to leave but an arm circled her waist and she struggled to get free.

"Let go of me," Buffy shouted. "I don't want to play."

She kicked out at Angel and he smiled at her as he caught her feet. Stepping between them, he hands slid to the back of her knees and she watched wide eyed as he came closer to her. The erection that had diverted Spike was rubbed between her legs now. Her pulse raced with uncertainty and a lone tear slid down her face. She whimpered when Angel's cool tongue obliterated it from her cheek.

"Can't handle it, Baby?" 

Anger and frustration were blinding her to everything else and she head-butted Angel forcing him to stagger back and as her legs came free, she flipped over Spike's shoulder. Instinct took over and she kicked the blonde in the back causing him to fall against Angel. They landed in a heap. This time she laughed but there was no mirth in it. 

"Feeling a little dusty, boys?"

For a moment they stared up at her as she slipped into a fighting stance. Angel came at her first and she sidestepped as he tried to take her down but his distraction gave Spike an edge. His touches were playful and she held him off easily so that his chip wouldn't activate. Angel wasn't holding back. He came at her again. Spike was forced to step away unable to keep up with their aggressiveness. 

The laughter dancing in his eyes forced Buffy to the edge. She enjoyed the sound of her fist connecting to his chin and the blood that dripped from his lip, his tongue darting out to taste it. Her eyes never moved from him as she waited for him to make a move. Sweat dripped into her eye and she impatiently wiped it away. The only sound was the squeaking of the plastic beneath their feet and her labored breath. Her body hummed under the exertion. She didn't fear Angel. She knew that if it was forced she could take him out. It was the hurt that he seemed to enjoy inflicting on her that was bothering her. 

"What's the matter, little girl? Did you really think that hurt?"

"Why are you doing this?"

"Because I can," Angel said, his lips twisted in a grin that only hinted at the potential evil beneath the surface. "Do you give?"

"Never."

The next thing she knew she was on the floor with Angel on top of her.  His goading had sidetracked her. They wrestled as she tried to get out from under his bulk. Frustrated, she started to cry as she relented to him. Her tears came in huge gulping sobs as everything she had been holding back was released. Strong arms wrapped around her and they pulled her on top of Angel. He stroked her hair as she cried.  Even through her tears she felt Spike sit beside them. His mere presence offered comfort. 

"I hate you," Buffy croaked. "How could you be so cruel?'

"Because you needed to release your emotions so you can think clearly."

"What by hurting me more?" 

Buffy pushed off of him and ran. Everything hurt as she bounded up the stairs and pulled clothes on. She couldn't be around him. A part of her understood why he had done it but a part of her was enraged. He had no right to manipulate her emotions and decide what she needed. 

"Buffy," Spike said, standing in her door. "Where are you going?"

"Away from him. Away from here."

"Don't go. He was only trying to help you."

"I don't need that kind of help." 

She shoved some stakes in her waistband, grabbed her jacket and swept past her mate. Angel was standing in the living room waiting for her but she ignored him as she slammed the door behind her. She only got halfway down the driveway by the time he caught up to her. 

"Stop and talk to me."

"Why? So, you can tell me what a child I am? That your way is the only way."

"I made a mistake, Buffy, okay, but I knew you were closing down. I thought if you could let it out that it would help."

"It isn't your place to decide what I need."

"I know," Angel said, stepping closer to her.

Part of her told her to run and part of her told her to accept his apology. This was the second time she had a niggling feeling of something wrong with her relationship with Angel since the soul had been anchored. The first time had been when he was talking to Spike about their fight. Her instincts told her something wasn't right but at the moment not a lot was going right. His hands stroked her arms as he pulled her against him. She didn't fight him as arms encircled her and she burrowed against him.

"Forgive me," Angel whispered in her ear. 

Buffy didn't want to argue with him. This was what she needed. To be held and caressed as they whispered that everything would be all right. She nodded looking up into his eyes. For a moment triumph shone from their depths before it was quickly shuttered behind concern. She had to have imagined it. This was her Angel.

~~~~~~~~~

Spike watched the exchange between his mates from hooded eyes. The match had confused him as much as Buffy. For Angel to use violence and hurt to drive Buffy to release her emotions had been a mistake. If his Sire had asked either of them, he would have been told that she needed what he was giving her now. They passed him, arm in arm, and he turned to follow them back to the bedroom. Their relationship had been shifting since the curse had been anchored. Once where Buffy was the center, holding the two demons together, Spike found himself keeping the two of them together. 

He sighed and lay on the bed when the two disappeared into the bathroom. What they needed was time alone without distractions to connect again. It didn't seem likely that it would happen anytime soon with the lives they were leading. He listened as Angel took Buffy in the shower and he could smell the uncertainty from the girl. Didn't Angel notice? Did he care? But then murmurings reached him as Angel talked to her and soothed her wild emotions. Spike closed his eyes as he waited.

"Spike," Buffy whispered. "Are you awake?"

"Yeah, Pet," Spike said, sitting up.

Buffy sat on the side of the bed, towel drying her hair. He took over and ran the towel along the golden waist length hair. A comb appeared at his side and smiled his thanks to Angel before untangling her hair. Her head was bowed as he worked and his knuckled danced along the back of her neck. The scent of wildflowers clung to her still damp skin teasing at his senses. He could almost imagine them sitting in a meadow after taking a swim in a nearby river. Shaking his head at his fanciful musings he concentrated on finishing his task. 

"Thank you for taking care of me," Buffy whispered.

"I always will."

The three settled into the bed with Buffy curled between them. Angel's touch was gentle as he pulled the comforter over them and cuddled closer to Buffy. Spike ran his hand through the brown locks of the other man knowing that Angel had the best of intentions toward them both. He was as confused as they were. His palm was kissed before fingers interlocked with his. Buffy covered their hands with hers and rested them on her stomach. Sleep evaded them though. Spike wasn't sure if it was because of emotions too stretched or words unsaid. Angel had shifted to his stomach facing away from them, he stared at the ceiling and Buffy tossed and turned between them. Once it had been so easy for them, curling together as if one body, content just to be touching as they let sleep take them. Not tonight. 

"I hate the darkness," Buffy whispered. "I feel like it's closing in on me."

It was Angel who stood and lit candles to illuminate the room. The flames sent shadows dancing across the wall giving them something to gaze at as slumber still eluded them. Spike moved closer to Buffy pulling her half beneath him. 

"I don't want to cry anymore."

"Don't then," Spike answered. "There's nothing certain yet."

"Nothing seems right anymore."

Angel lay on his side away from them but his fingers stroked her arm. He was reaching out to her but she ignored him as she stared at the ceiling. 

"You have us, Luv."

"I know," Buffy said her eyes fluttering closed before opening to look at them. "I know I'm being weak it's just my mother and Dawn. My family…"

"We'll do everything we can," Angel whispered. "Your family is our family now."

"Don't leave again, Angel," Buffy pleaded, turning tear filled eyes to him. "I need you here. I'm so scared that something horrible is going to happen…something that I can't fight."

"You don't have to fight alone. We're here for you."

It was a platitude. Angel wouldn't or couldn't give her the promise she needed. Spike knew he would be here if they really needed him but he was making a life in Los Angeles. Something was truly spooking Buffy and she needed to know that she was secure. It was the only way she could wholeheartedly throw herself into the fight. Angel had been there since the beginning. He was her base and she was floundering without the security of his presence. Deciding he would talk to their mate the first chance he got, Spike turned his attention back to Buffy. 

But she was pulling away again.  Frustrated he turned to lie on his back and flung an arm over his eyes. She followed him, covering him, light kisses trailed across his chest. Her touch ignited his ardor and his hands moved to her hips. A glance to Angel and he knew it was all right. There was only an answering passion in the brown depths and Spike surrendered to her demands. Even if she wanted only him, Spike needed the three of them moving as one. 

Rolling them until she was underneath of him, Spike rained kisses along her torso. She threw her head back as he suckled her nipple. Her legs parted and he slipped between them.

"I want you both," Spike whispered, slipping inside of her warmth. "May I?"

His question was directed to her. 

"Yes," Buffy urged, thrusting her hips to take him deeper into her. "I need you both."

Angel kneeled above over them, kissing Spike, his hands running over them both. Spike wondered if Buffy could take their combined weight. She was tiny even if she was the Slayer but her willingness was given as her legs rose to slide over Angel's hips. He stilled his movement to allow time for his Sire to slide into him. He groaned as he was filled and Angel stretched out above him, his weight resting on his hands. 

Letting Angel set the rhythm, Spike waited until his Sire thrust into him. Soon they were moving as one, Buffy rising to meet him, as he thrust when Angel did. Her hands and feet moved over them, increasing their passion, as their mutual needs were met. It had been forever since they had been joined together like this. She was the first to slide over the edge taking Spike then Angel with her. 

They rolled apart but not very far, staying on both sides of Buffy. Angel pulled her into his arms and Spike molded himself to her back. They were together again. This was better as they drifted off to sleep that finally came. Morning was soon enough to make plans and decisions. Tonight they needed each other too much.

_To be continued in Chapter 11 – Shadows and Light_


	11. Shadows and Light

**Chapter 11 – Shadows and Light**

Hospitals had to be the worst places on earth. At least that was Buffy's opinion. Nothing good ever happened in them. Maybe except for the babies but that was special.  

Buffy sighed and snuggled closer to Angel's side. At least today she wasn't alone while she waited for her mother. Angel and Spike were with her. Along with Dawn who at the moment was learning the finer points of poker from Spike. She smiled as her sister raked the pile of pretzels in her direction. Spike must have let her win a hand again. And a wink from dancing blue eyes over Dawn's bowed head confirmed it. 

The day seemed interminable. They had been there all day, waiting for one thing or another. First the CAT scan that had given them the 'shadow' diagnosis, which wasn't a diagnosis at all. There was the wait for an operating room and now they were waiting for the doctors to complete the biopsy. Then they'd know. They'd know how sick her mother was. 

Footsteps on the linoleum made Buffy look to see who was there. She jumped up when she saw it was Dr. Isaacs, her mother's physician. His face wore its standard expression, a combination of detachedness and impatience. 

"Everything went fine," Dr. Isaacs said. "They're moving her to recover now."

Buffy stepped closer to him, aware that as she moved, the others moved with her. Dawn was by her side while Angel and Spike flanked them. She knew without looking that Angel's hand on her lower back was mirrored with Spike and Dawn. They weren't alone.

"Do you have the results yet?" Buffy asked.

The doctor hesitated for a moment and his hand swept toward the chairs. "Why don't we sit for a moment?" His gaze flickered to Dawn for a moment, asking if it was all right to speak in front of her.

"No, I'm not going anywhere," Dawn declared, gripping Buffy's hand. "She's my mother, too."

"Its fine, Dr. Isaacs," Buffy answered. "Please just tell us, without us sitting down. That's all we've done today, from one waiting room to the next."

Nodding, the doctor shifted on his feet, "Your mother has …The term is 'low grade glioma. It's a brain tumor."

Stunned, Buffy lost focus for a moment as the doctor droned on.

"The clinical name's Oligo…dendro…glioma. It's in the left hemisphere of the cerebrum. In your mother's case, the tumor seems to have started there. In other words it hasn't spread there from other parts of the body…which in a way is good news."

_Pay attention, you need to know this_, Buffy thought as she felt herself sway under the diagnosis. The hand on her back became an arm around her shoulder and she leaned grateful into Angel's body. She felt the pain in her hand as Dawn gripped it even tighter. Her sister's crying was muffled but Buffy didn't look, she knew Spike was taking care of her. For a moment she thought she actually saw compassion on Dr. Isaacs' face.

"I know this is very difficult. And unfortunately, because of the nature of your mother's illness, things could progress very quickly."

"Things?" Buffy asked, snapping back to alertness. "What things?"

"Symptoms," Dr Isaacs said. "There is a fair variety that might present. Loss of vision or appetite, lack of muscle control, mood swings, personality changes…"

"But what can we do?" 

"Not much until we determine if the tumor's operable, which we are working on right now."

"Well, there's some literature you might want to look at. If we aren't able to go in surgically, there are a number of new treatments which are very promising. Your mother's prognosis is a lot better today than it would have been only a year ago. Even if the tumor's not operable, she has a real chance."

Everyone seemed to lean forward at his last words.

"What's a…real chance?" Buffy asked, not sure if she wanted to hear the results. It could mean the difference between having her mother and losing her. 

"One in three patients with this condition does just fine," Dr Isaacs said his delivery was as if this was the best news in the world.

Buffy tried to hold on as question after question was fired at her. Her fingers rubbed at her forehead as she tried to figure things out and pay attention at the same time. But it was too much she was hopelessly lost.

"Does she have to answer these right now?" Angel asked.

"The sooner we know the better," Dr Isaacs said.

Someone appeared behind the doctor, touching his shoulder. Buffy noted with relief it was Ben from the last time she had been here.

"Doctor, you're needed in ICU," Ben said. "They sent me to find you, something about your beeper not working or something."

"Oh, thank you," Dr. Isaacs said, looking at Ben then turning back to Buffy. "Tomorrow morning then we'll go through all the questions and schedule the surgery. She's going to be asleep for six or seven hours. There's not a lot you can do. Why don't you go home and get some sleep yourself?"

"Hi, Buffy," Ben said, looking around at her entourage as Dr Isaacs walked away. "You looked like you could use a break."

"He wasn't needed in ICU?" Buffy asked confused. 

She could almost feel the air tense around her as her vampires stepped closer toward her. They were both eyeing Ben with jealousy. If she wasn't so upset over her mother, she'd probably find it either amusing or be touched by their feelings.

"I'm sure he was needed somewhere," Ben answered. "Guy's great but he doesn't have that bone in his head, telling him when to back off."

"Thank you then," Buffy said. She quickly introduced the resident to her mates and sister. "He said there was nothing I can do."

"He's right. Take his advice, go home, get some sleep and you'll be able to see her in the morning," Ben said, looking up as a page sounded for him. "I need to go. Good luck."

Buffy looked around, taking in Angel still holding her up, Spike with his arm around Dawn's shoulder and Dawn looking devastated. She wrapped her arms around her sister.

"It's going to be okay," Buffy said, hoping she was right. "We'll know more in the morning."

"What are we supposed to do until then?" Dawn asked. "I just want to see her."

"I do too but they said she's asleep and will be for awhile. Let's go and pick up some stuff for you from the house," Buffy said, walking down the hallway, her arm around Dawn's shoulder. "Then we'll go pick up some junk food somewhere and you can beat Spike at poker some more."

"Bloody likely," Spike said. "I'm getting the pretzels this time."

"Yeah, right," Dawn answered.

It was going to be okay. It just had to be, didn't it?

~~~~~~~~

"Are you a back door girl?" Dawn asked, reaching for the corner of the sheet.

"Excuse me?" Buffy asked, standing with her hands on her hips. She and her sister were making up the bed in her room so Dawn would have a place to sleep. For the last few minutes they had been quiet as they pulled and tucked the sheets. Her question had come completely out of the blue throwing Buffy into a momentary daze.

Dawn straightened and managed somehow to make the asking of such a personal question look like it was perfectly normal. "Janice said the only way that you could be having sex with two guys at one time was for them to be…you know…"

Now, Dawn got uncomfortable. 

"It's none of your business," Buffy said. "And you shouldn't be talking about stuff like that."

"It's sex, not stuff," Dawn declared, tossing her hair back and crossing her arms. "And I'm not a kid."

"Yes, you are."

"Liza at school has had sex lots of times and she's my age."

Buffy dragged the comforter over the bed while she tried to rein in her temper. Her little sister was pushing all the buttons to not only make her uncomfortable but to make her angry. 

"You're still too young," Buffy answered. She was proud of the calmness of her tone of her voice. It was almost motherly. "And my sex life is not up for discussion at all. Grab that end."

After a loud, dramatic sigh, Dawn pulled the comforter over her end of the bed. It was then that Buffy realized what was really wrong with the teenager. She was covering her hurt and confusion about their mother. She wasn't going to push her sister but she wanted her to know if she wanted to talk Buffy was there. 

"Dawn, you know if you want to talk, I'm here."

"As long as you approve of the subject," Dawn said, slumping down on the bed. She flopped back dramatically and stared up at the canopy. "It's not fair. I'm not a kid. I'm fourteen and that is not a child. You started slaying when you were only a year older than me."

Buffy sat on the edge of the, leaning on one elbow so she could look at her sister. It was an old argument that never came to a satisfactory conclusion. Buffy had told her several times that she'd wish someone had let her remain a kid a little longer. It was hard growing up because you could never go back.

"Why would you want to hear the icky details about me having sex anyway?" Buffy teased, changing the direction of their conversation hoping to avoid an argument.  "Me naked, all hot and sweaty with…"

"No, no, no," Dawn squealed, grabbing a pillow and holding it over head. "I don't want to know, I don't. That's disgusting…"

Laughing, Buffy started tickling her, until they were rolling around and playing. It was a much needed release after the day they had.  It was a duel to the end of the pillow. Dawn was on her knees hitting Buffy over and over with it until it exploded. Amidst a cloud of white feathers, the two sisters collapsed onto their backs in a state of giggles.

"Oh God, Dawn, you killed the goose," Buffy said, batting the floating feathers away from her face. "Angel is going to be so pissed."

"You did it. Challenging me like that. I told you I could fight."

"I give, okay, and so did the pillow."

Contented for the moment they lay next to each other and watched the feathers fall around them. Buffy knew the moment Dawn's mood shifted. A heavy cloud seemed to descend above them chasing away the silliness of only a few moments before. She waited for her sister to form the words to express what she was feeling. A hand crept into hers as Dawn curled onto her side with her head in Buffy's lap. Buffy ran her fingers through the long, brown locks of Dawn's hair.

"Buffy, is Mom going to be okay?"

It was a hard question because it was the same one that Buffy had. Mom was all they had left. They hadn't heard from their father in months and he wasn't returning their phone calls. The checks still popped up on schedule but after investigation it was found that they were being sent by his accountant. The last they had heard from Hank Summers was that he was taking a holiday in Spain. He'd promise that he'd be back to take Dawn for a couple of weeks last summer but he'd never shown. 

"We won't know anything until after we talk to the doctor tomorrow," Buffy said, trying to be honest and upbeat at the same time. "She loves us and won't leave us if she has anything to say about it."

Dawn shifted onto her stomach, her face propped up on her hands so she could look at Buffy. "If…if it something does…happen are you going to send me to Dad?" She rolled her eyes. "That is if you can find him."

"Not if you don't want to," Buffy said, knowing that she should talk to Angel and Spike before making promises. But Angel was big on family and Spike adored Dawn so she didn't think either of them would mind. She just prayed that it would never come to that.

Dawn rolled off the bed and brushed feathers off of her clothes. 

"Is there any ice cream?"

"Is my name Buffy Summers?"

They took off running toward the kitchen in a race to reach the treat first.

~~~~~~~~~

Someone needed to be the first to say it. Spike knew if it was going to happen it would have to be him. He hesitated because he didn't want to jeopardize his own relationship with his Sire. It was confusing. He just wished they could have held onto to those few precious weeks when it seemed like everything was perfect. 

It never was though.

"What's going on, William?"

"It's Buffy."

Angel stopped so suddenly that it took Spike a few strides to realize that Angel still wasn't next to him. He turned to find his Sire staring at the ground. For a moment that face he loved was unguarded showing the tumultuous emotions Angel was trying to conceal. It hurt just to see him and Spike wrapped his arms around him. Angel and Buffy were both hurting so much but for some reason neither of them could express it to the other. His Sire allowed him to comfort him but he was soon pushed away.

"We need to finish patrolling," Angel said, continuing the trek through Sunnydale Cemetery. His stride was brisk and determined as he wound his way around the graves. 

"Bloody hell, Ang, you can't ignore her or this conversation," Spike said, running to catch up. He sighed when Angel pace quickened. "Do you still love her?"

"Why would I have stopped?"

"For the same reason you were such a prick the other night."

"Watch it," Angel growled. 

"No, I won't," Spike said stopping. "I'm your mate now and you just can't intimidate me into shutting up."

Angel stopped, put his head back and appeared to be studying the night sky. Spike waited for him, giving him the space to sort through whatever was bothering him. The brunette's head dropped to stare at the ground before he turned to look back at him. 

"I'm sorry," Angel said his voice husky with emotion. "You're right. It's hard and I keep trying to make it go away. But it doesn't and I end up hurting her."

"Make what go away?" Spike stepped closer to him. "You need to tell someone and since you refuse to talk to her, talk to me."

"I shouldn't feel like this," Angel said, sitting on the nearest tombstone. His hand pushed through his hair as he sighed.

"Bollocks, Angel, this is ridiculous."

Silence followed Spike's plea and he plopped down next to the object of his frustration. Spike was considering putting him in a bubble bath and feeding him ice cream to see if that would make him talk. There was also the possibility of torturing him which would make Spike feel better too.

"I'm angry."

The words were spoken so quietly that Spike almost missed them. "Angry about what? Did Buffy do something I don't know about?" Curious filled eyes were turned to his mate. 

Angel stared at his fingers, arching and interlocking them, only to repeat it a moment later.

"It doesn't make sense. At least no rational sense," Angel met his gaze. "I hate that she wasn't a virgin for me." 

The gaze turned to sweep over the cemetery while Spike sat in shock. It was the last thing he had expected to be the problem. 

"I don't understand," Spike said. Thoughts ran a mile a minute through his head as he tried to grasp Angel's reasoning. And trying not to be hurt because if Angel was angry with Buffy about it then he had to be furious at him for taking what he considered his. "This whole thing was your idea."

"Oh, it gets worse," Angel said, laughing for a moment. "I told you that it makes no sense. I'm not angry with you at all. It's all her. I keep asking myself why she gave up so easily. Why was she so eager to take you to her bed?"

"To soddin' get you back," Spike declared. Spike shook his head in amazement. Angel had gone round the bend down there in Los Angeles. It was the only logical explanation for this. What reason was there for him to even doubt Buffy's love or loyalty? His eyes narrowed as an idea formed. "Is this some load of horseshit that Cordelia's been feeding you?"

"Of course not," Angel protested, but his eyes stayed glued to a tombstone off in the distance. "Cordelia has nothing to do with this."

Spike jumped up and stood in Angel's line of vision. This was going to get settled now or he'd find a way to get rid of that interfering trollop. Angel was his too and no one was going to break the three of them up. Not while he had anything to say about it.

"Buffy loves you, too much sometimes," Spike proclaimed, his arms waving as he picked up speed. "You know that. Don't know why you'd doubt it now unless someone is filling your head with lies."

"It's me and my doubts, okay? I just look at her sometimes and I wonder if I even know her. She's not the girl I fell in love with."

"Well, that's just rich, mate," Spike said, having to laugh at the irony of it. "Did you expect her to remain fifteen forever? She's growing up and changing for the better as far as I can see."

"Yeah, you see it that way because you're the one she's turning to," Angel said. "She's complaining all the time. She's either clingy or prickly, changing from one moment to the next. And every time I make love to her, I feel like she's only doing it because she thinks she has to."

"I'm not doing this again, Angel," Spike said, cupping the other man's face. "We both love you. She needs you. Part of the problem is that you're gone half the time. You made her dependent on you. That's one of the reasons she's made it so far, is because of you and her family. Without you she gets insecure." 

"It's my fault that she's like this?"

Spike leaned his forehead against Angel's. Why couldn't he see? But Angel was blinded by his fear and pain. If the rift between the two was to be mended it would have to come from Angel. Buffy was too scattered among the problems in her life. She couldn't light in one place long enough to fully deal with anything. Her mercurial moods were often dependent on which situation she was in and dealing with at the moment. Even though Angel denied it, Spike knew that Cordelia and possibly Doyle were feeding into Angel's doubts about his life in Sunnydale.

"No, it's not your fault," Spike answered, trying and hoping to find a way to make him understand. "Don't give up on her, please. Just keep telling her how much you love and need her. Maybe spend some time just the two of you."

"I can't believe you just said that," Angel said, lifting Spike's chin with a finger. "Are you desperate to keep us together or have you finally accepted that I love you."

Spike grinned and stepped closer so he could kiss the corner of Angel's mouth. "Both." His fingers trailed along his Sire's zipper. "At least I've accepted that you love how I make you feel."

Spike was pulled into the other man's arms. They circled him and pressed him against the body he craved like he did the blood he needed to stay alive. Buffy was forgotten as Angel's hand slid around the back of his neck. He tilted his head so that Angel could nip at the tender flesh there. Grateful that the fates had brought them back together, Spike surrendered to his mate's desire. It was only later when they returned home that he realized that they hadn't decided what to do about the petite blonde they shared a bed with.

_To be continued in Chapter 12 – The Big Ugly_


	12. The Big Ugly

 **Chapter 12 – The Big Ugly**

The brightness of the morning was in complete contrast with Buffy's demeanor.  She felt like a huge black cloud was hovering around her. Pausing at the bottom of the stairs leading to Spike's office, she shook her head as if to rid herself of the dark mood. 

_Everything is under control and I am so not going to be depresso girl._

Pasting a smile on her face she bounded up the stairs. She wanted a moment alone with Spike before facing everyone else and was using the outside entrance. 

"Hey, there gorgeous, "Buffy said, flinging the door open and letting it swing shut behind her.

Startled blue eyes met hers before sweeping over the rest of her. Determined not to let him know how upset she really felt she let her hips sway a little more than necessary as she approached his desk.  Spike arched an eyebrow and Buffy gave up. He knew. It was Spike. She could fool everyone else but not him. His feet hit the floor and one hand patted his lap. She practically leapt into his arms, wrapping her arms around him and burying her face in his neck.

She was safe for the moment.

Buffy breathed deeply letting his scent fill her lungs. Those hands that could draw so many things from her body and soul, stroked her back in long, slow sweeps. The tension eased and the fear dissipated as he murmured nonsensical rhythms. The words themselves didn't mean anything. It was the tone that vibrated upwards from his chest into his throat and descending into her ear. It was a lullaby that drew her into a magical world where bad things didn't happen and love conquered all.

"Do you have any idea how happy you make me?" Buffy whispered, her fingers tickling at the nape of his neck. "I love you so much."

The wetness on his cheek and the arms that squeezed her tight told Buffy more than any words could. She pulled back so that she could look at him and the joy and wonder etched on his features gave her back the power she needed. Everything was all right as long as he trusted her with his heart.

The spell had to end. There were things to do, schedule to meet, battles to win, evil to conquer and after a deep kiss that held promises for later, Buffy crawled off his lap.

"Where's Angel."

"Downstairs with the others," Spike said, standing. "Guess we need to go make with the 'play nice with the group' thing instead of shagging on my desk, huh?"

"Later," Buffy laughed, trailing her fingers along the polished surface on the way to the door. "Give us something to look forward to."

"What are you looking forward to?" Angel asked, stepping into the office. 

Buffy blushed, feeling like a naughty child as Angel's eyes raked over her. Why was it like this? Why was she uncomfortable around him? He had been in her life for almost four years now but at times she still felt like she didn't know him. 

"Seeing you," Buffy lied, wrapping her arms around him and lifted her face for a kiss. "Missed me?"

"Always," Angel said, kissing her quickly. His fingers lingered over her cheek before tangling in her hair. "How is your mother?"

"Scared but resolved to be optimistic."

"Good, that's the best thing for her," Angel replied. "When are they going to operate?"

"In a few days," Buffy said. "Is it all right if Dawn stays with us until then?"

She could have kicked herself for asking. It just slipped out and the flash of irritation in his eyes let her know it was a mistake. 

"Of course it is all right," Angel answered smoothly. His arms dropped from around her and Buffy stepped back. "We need to meet with the others. Something has come up."

Nodding, Buffy followed him downstairs. She wished she could have a few hours alone with him, just to talk and hold each other. Maybe she could find the connection between them again. Hating herself for even thinking it, she wished it was Angel who was still her strength instead of Spike. She knew it wasn't fair to the vampire who clearly needed her to look up to him. But for so long Angel had been the one that protected and loved her. She missed that relationship. She missed him and the warmth she rarely saw anymore.

They descended the steps and everyone was waiting for them.  Buffy hesitated on the perimeter and took a second to judge the mood. No one was comfortable and she looked at each of them directly as Spike and Angel went to stand on opposite sides of the room. Xander kept fiddling with the book in front of him, Anya leaned on the counter and looked away from her and Willow kept glancing between her and Giles.  Finally, she focused in on Giles who was decidedly uncomfortable.

"What's going on?"

"The, uh," Giles said, "demon woman was here, the one who attacked you."

Her gaze swept over them again looking for signs of injuries or damage.

"It's no biggie," Willow said. "She-she just got an amulet and a bloodstone."

"That can create a monster," Anya said.

Buffy closed her eyes and took a deep breath. No weakness. She could handle this. Opening her eyes again, she looked at Angel and Spike, squaring her shoulders. 

"Give me the scoop," she said, displaying confidence she didn't feel. "Tell me what I'm fighting and how to do it."

~~~~~~~~~~

Buffy stepped into the house with relief. The fight with the snake monster had left her body hurting and the visit with her mother had left her emotionally drained. She still had to spend time with Dawn and figure something out for dinner. 

_In a minute I'll deal_, Buffy thought as she headed for the bedroom barely noticing her sister was plopping on the couch, Angel heading to the kitchen and Spike following her. It wasn't until her bottom hit the toilet seat that she noticed him leaning on the door. 

"Enjoying the show?" Buffy asked sarcastically. 

"I'm offended," Spike said, grinning. "I thought we were beyond all types of modesty."

She couldn't help but smile. "Sorry, I was looking to be alone for two seconds. That's all."

"Worried about you, pet. You say everything is fine like its some damn mantra but I can tell its not."

"Let's keep that our secret," Buffy said, pulling her pants up and flushing the toilet. "I am fine. Everything is going to be fine."

"And your blonde mate is extremely fine."

"Ha, ego much?"

It was good to joke even for a few minutes and it was helping her mood. Turning the faucet off, she grabbed the towel behind him, rising on her toes for a kiss. He wrapped his arms around her, pushing her against the counter as he devoured her mouth. Their tongues played in a game of tag and she sighed when they pulled apart. She felt much better now and knew that had been his intent. 

"Am I taking care of you?" Buffy asked, her hand cupping his face. "I've been taking so much from you in these past few days."

"It's all good," Spike said. "I'll collect it back when I need it."

"You're all good," Buffy teased, pressing against him. "That is as much as an evil, soulless, demon can be."

"Just good where you need it," Spike said, his knee separating her legs.

It would be so easy to forget everything else and let him take her on the counter. A good, hard fuck that would make her mind and body only focus on him. She leaned back pulling him against her.

"Ouch," Buffy yelped. "My shoulder."

"Still hurting? Come on," Spike said, leading her to the bed. His hands were gentle as he pulled her top over her head and had her sit on the bed. "Tell me where the pain is?" His fingers brushed along her shoulder and upper back until she whimpered. "There?" She nodded and he went to work relaxing the muscle.

Buffy's head fell forward as he did make her forget everything else. The door opened and they glanced up to see Angel step into the room.

"Dawn is wondering about food," Angel said. "Spike, why don't you order something to be delivered? I'd like to talk to Buffy alone for a minute."

His tone surprised them both and it was Spike who reacted first. "Is that an order?" 

"If it needs to be," Angel said, his fingers drifting along a strand of Buffy's hair. Those brown eyes stared into hers before he added, "Please."

Buffy nodded and she felt Spike stand. A memory washed over her of that day in the hotel room when Angel slapped her and she shivered as dread chased along her spine. Angel took Spike's place, his fingers taking up where the blonde's had left off. His touch was a little rougher but more effective as her body yielded to his strength.

"What did you want to talk about?"

"You," Angel whispered, kissing the space between her shoulder blades. "Is that better?"

"Yes."

His fingers undid her bra and pushed the straps down her arms. She finished taking it off, letting it fall to the floor as Angel pulled her back against him. He didn't do anything sexually, just settled her against him as his hands entwined with hers on her stomach. It felt good for him to hold her and Buffy relaxed in his embrace. 

"How are you holding up?" Angel asked, his words a tickle in her ear.

"Better," Buffy answered, not seeing any reason not to be honest to her mate. "It's been a rough day…a rough week."

"It's showing, kitten," Angel whispered, kissing the slope where her neck became her shoulder. "You need to pull it together."

"What?"

Angel directed her onto her back on the bed. He rested his head on his hand so that he was looming over her. His free hand drifted along her stomach. Buffy wanted to relax again but he seemed to have an agenda other than calming her. His fingers caressed her breast and she found herself holding her breath as she looked up at him.

"I watched you fight that snake tonight and I think you need some more intense training. I'm worried something will happen to you."

It sounded like concern. All the right words to show how much he cared about her but it was the cold and deliberate delivery that panicked her. He suckled at her breast and she let her fingers clutch at his hair as he alternated nips and tongue lashes with the suckling. Angel was taking the arousal that Spike had stoked and taking it to a burning level. Her zipper was undone and his fingers stroked her. 

"Do you care, Angel?" She whispered.. "Tell me you love me."

He didn't answer as he continued his ministrations bringing her orgasm crashing down around her. Buffy closed her eyes as she tried to regain control over her body and senses. 

"I love you, Buffy," Angel said, against her mouth. "Why wouldn't I love something that is mine?"

She pushed against his shoulders and slid out from under him. Anger flooded her system as she stared at him.

"Yours," She demanded, fastening her pants again. "Is that all I am? Something for you to possess like your car or your clothes. Tell me."

Buffy fastened her bra and reached for her blouse. Her mistake. His hand wrapped around her wrist and he pulled her down to the bed. He pushed her on her back again, covering her, as his hands pushed hers over her head.

"I am only going to say this once because I'm tired of the interrogations. I love you. You, Buffy Summers, but things change. You've changed, we've changed, all three of us and I'm only trying to hold on the best way I know how. I'm really sorry that it's not good enough for you."

~~~~~~~~~

Angel stared down into the face he adored. He did adore her. Had since that first day he'd seen her outside of Hemery High School. He just didn't understand why he was getting all the blame for the things wrong between them. Did either of them think how he was feeling by himself in Los Angles? Or that he hated making love to her knowing that everything he did was being compared to Spike? Didn't they realize they had changed while he was gone, their bonding no longer centered on him? Did they even see how much he was hurting?

He closed his eyes and waited for her to reply to his declaration.

Those hands that drove him mad cupped his face and her lips touched his. Gentle and sweet just like he wanted his girl be. 

"I'm sorry," Buffy whispered. "You don't have to try to hold onto me. I'm right here and always will be."

It was funny that she would declare she was his but he couldn't echo those words. He nodded and smiled at her while he hid his own unease. Did it really matter who said the words as long as they were said. She was his just like Spike was and he had already killed to prove it. Nothing was going to take his mates from him. 

Maybe Spike was right. Maybe they just needed some time with the two of them. He couldn't even remember the last time they'd been alone for any length of time and the absence of being there for her was wearing on Angel. He missed her so much and wanted to show her; wanted to take the time to make love to her. 

A tentative knock on the door broke his thoughts and Spike opened it just enough to peek in. "Sorry to interrupt but dinner just got delivered."

"Go on," Angel said, rolling off her to lie on his back. "I'll be out in a minute."

"Hurry out," Buffy said, pecking his cheek and left without saying anything else.  

Spike was right. Buffy was growing up. No longer was she a girl trying to deny her destiny but was learning to embrace the path that was chosen for her.  Angel hated to admit that he had made her too dependent on him to back her up and to help her make decisions. He had always been there except for that brief period last summer. He had known it then but had missed her so much that when she came back he had returned to their previous relationship. She needed to learn how to do without him. To discover her full potential before something did befall her and she paid the ultimate price for it.  But every time he tried to take a step back or to explain it to her, she took it as rejection.

And as much as he loved Spike, he wasn't making the situation any better. He stood between them. Acting as her knight in shining armor by stepping into the role he was trying to vacate. Buffy already knew there was something coming. Something she wasn't sure she could beat and she needed to be ready. He just wasn't sure how to get through to her or to Spike. 

Angel stood up and sighed, making his way to the living room. Maybe they both needed to fly without him. His mates and Dawn sat around the coffee table eating Chinese food. The three of them were comfortable with each other. There was laughter and sharing as they ate. It was a part of their lives that he couldn't or wouldn't join in. 

If their relationship had any chance of surviving things had to change. Choices had to be made. He didn't want to lose either of them. Of that much he was certain. 

"Join us," Spike offered.

Two little words that held all the other things that Spike didn't say: Don't be standoffish, Make an effort, and Show us that you love us, Let us know how you feel. The same sentiments were echoed in Buffy's eyes. A part of him wanted to sit with them, laugh, and pretend that their lives and relationship wasn't crashing down around them. They blamed him for their problems and expected him to fix it, too.  He wasn't just their mate, he was Spike's sire and Buffy's substitute father and sometimes the burden was too much. He took all the responsibility when things were wrong.

"Later," Angel said, forcing himself to smile. "I'm going to take a walk but I'll be back. Maybe we can play some cards or something."

They murmured their acceptance and he left the small family group wishing that he could join them. The wind whipped around his body as he headed for the cliffs. High above Sunnydale it made him feel like he was more than what he was; a vampire struggling to become a good man, struggling to be a champion, struggling to be a good mate, struggling to keep his alter ego at bay as he pounded away at their soul and tempted his conscience. 

~~~~~~~~

"Are you ever going to share what's on your mind or are you just going to keep brooding?" Spike asked. When Angel hadn't come back as promised he had gone in search of him. His Sire held that same mixture of pain and hopelessness on his face as he had that night in the cemetery.

"Just doing some thinking," Angel said, glancing over his shoulder at him before returning his gaze to the town lay open before them. "You both have let me know that it is me causing the problems so I assumed it was up to me to fix it."

Spike wanted to throttle the stubborn vampire before him. They didn't blame him; they wanted him to talk to them, to tell them what was going on, to tell them why he was pushing them away.

"Nope, you can't make decisions without including us," Spike said, wrapping his arms around Angel, resting his face against that beautiful back. "Sorry, we already settled that. Guess you're going to have to talk to us."

Angel's hand caressed his arm, soft strokes that were only meant to reassure. "Buffy is already overwhelmed. This time I think some things just need to be decided without her."

"Want to tell me what they are then and I'll let you know how I feel," Spike said, hoping that it wasn't Angel leaving them or something equally stupid.

"The first is the mansion. We need to find something smaller that is homier for Buffy so she can make it hers.  This place was fine for a vampire and all the mystique and crap that go with it but our girl needs something else," Angel said, hesitated for a moment. "And if…if Joyce doesn't make it, we can't bring Dawn here to live. And I don't think I can live in that house so I want to find a place that we can both be happy in."

Spike was startled by Angel's words that were anything but what he was expecting. Times like this he was awed by the love that his Sire had for them. Ashamed at the doubts he'd had, Spike moved so that he was in front of Angel. Before he could apologize he was pulled against the brunette in hug that took all his worries away. Angel gently kissed his neck.

"You don't think Joyce is going to make it?" Spike asked, wanting to take advantage of the openness that Angel was showing.

"The doctor said one in three does fine and that leaves two out of three that doesn't."

It wasn't optimistic at all but Spike had been trying to pretend for Buffy. To maintain the façade that everything was going to be all right for his mate and her little sister. They would both be devastated if something happened to Joyce. It was a relief that Angel was already making plans in case they needed it.

"Is there more?" Spike asked.

"Yeah, I'm putting Buffy on the payroll as your assistant. We'll figure something out so she feels she is earning it. But I want her to have an income to do with as she needs and wants. Those bastards at the Council should be paying her anyway."

Spike nodded and stepped back. "You have been making plans, haven't you?"

"Just trying to make sure you two are taken care of," Angel said. 

"Not planning on going anywhere, are you?" Spike asked his head tilting as he studied the man before him.

"Not unless I can help it," Angel said, laughing as he studied the view over Spike's shoulder. 

Maybe it was his demeanor or the flash of fear in his eyes that prompted Spike to ask the question that had been haunting him. The question that had been simmering beneath the surface since the spell had been done and always resurfaced when his mate was anything but the caring man in front of him.  

"I need to ask you something," Spike said.

Their eyes connected as Angel turned to look at him and Spike knew he didn't need to ask. Cold fear curled in his belly as for a moment he saw the creature that had once demanded so much from him.

"I don't know, Spike," Angel said, stepping closer to him. His hands settled on Spike's waist. "Something is different but I'm not sure what. My soul is still here," Angel dropped his gaze studying their shoes. "He just seems closer to the surface, taunting me, slipping out when I don't want him to."

Spike knew that Angel had taken a great risk by confiding in him. If anyone would reject him for the truth it would be him. Needing to connect with his mate, Spike cradled Angel's cheeks in his hands.

"Ang, I love you and as long as the soul is there, you'll find a way to keep him at bay. We'll find a way to get you through this just don't think you have to handle it on your own."

"Thank you," Angel whispered. "I thought maybe if I said anything that you'd go running for a stake."

Spike kissed his Sire and whispered against his lips, "Nah, carry my stake with me."

They both laughed and the seriousness of the moment was dispensed. Spike knew they'd find a way to make this relationship work. Angel may not be saying a lot but he was there for them. The confusion was gone for Spike now. Things had been set in motion for them to make changes that would help Buffy and in the end would benefit them all. As they approached the house, Angel rested a hand on his arm.

"Oh, there was one more thing I was thinking."

"What's that?" Spike asked, wondering if this was where the punch line came in and he'd wake from this dream.

"I want to know that if I'm in LA that our family is protected," Angel said. "So, I think we should start looking for a way to get your chip out."

_To be continued in Chapter 13 – Taking Care of Business_

  
  



	13. Taking Care of Business

**Chapter 13 – Taking Care of Business**

Spike put his finger over his lips and pointed at the door. He waited until Angel was beside him and whisked the door open. Cordelia and Doyle jumped apart, guilt flooding their faces as they looked at the two vampires. Spike rubbed his hands together at the turn of events. It looked like he had one less thing he had to worry about because if demon boy was keeping the princess happy then she would have less time to make trouble for him and his mates.

"I think Cordy needs a bonus for all the hard work she's putting in," Spike said, sitting on her desk. "Did you see how hard she was working just a moment ago?" He leaned closer to the former beauty queen who was now staring at her monitor. "Or were you working it?"

"Shut up, Spike," Cordelia snapped, pushing at his legs. "Can you just ignore me or something?"

"'Fraid I can't," Spike whispered. "Your scent is quite intoxicating." To emphasize his point, Spike sniffled and waggled his eyebrows at her.

"What are you talking about?" Doyle asked, sniffing the air. "I didn't think she had any perfume on."

Cordelia stood, grabbed some files and headed for Angel's office. "Control him or I'm going to use a crossbow on him." She slammed the door shut behind her.

"Why did you upset her, man?" Doyle said. "She was actually being nice to me for a change."

"I wouldn't worry about it too much." Angel snickered and patted his seer on the shoulder. "I think she likes you."

Spike nodded to show his support. He was all for encouraging a romance between Doyle and Cordelia. Anything to remove temptation from Angel's way when he was down here and lonely from his mates was okay with Spike. That was one of the reasons he'd tagged along today. To check things out and remind a certain female that Angel had people who loved him and satisfied him sexually in ways she wouldn't dream about doing. 

Angel knocked on the door to his office and rolled his eyes when Cordelia told him to go away. 

"Cordy, honey, I need to get in there," Angel coaxed. "Spike promises to behave."

"He won't."

And Angel thought Buffy was acting immature. At least she wasn't pulling a prima Donna act and thought the whole world had to revolve her. His Slayer had told him enough about Cordelia to make him dislike her before he ever met her. Since she started to work for Angel the girl hadn't give him any reason to change his mind. He slid off the desk to squeeze between Angel and the door.

"Cordelia's a chicken," Spike called and started to cluck. "Hiding away from the big bad vampire instead of…" The door whipped open and Cordelia thrust a stake at his chest. He backed up pushing Angel who was still behind him. "Hey, some people like having me around. Stop that."

"I don't know why anyone would want your sorry ass for anything."

It was too easy. Spike stepped forward trapping the girl between him and the door frame. He twisted a lock of her hair around his finger and looked her in the eye, "Because I'm a great piece of ass. Satisfaction guaranteed."       

"Leave her alone," Doyle said, grabbing one of Spike's shoulders.

"Back off demon boy," Spike said. "Or I'll…"

"Spike, stop now," Angel ordered. "You've proven your point now let it go."

His Sire was right so Spike backed off. He gave them one last grin of triumph before settling in a chair in Angel's office. Cordelia was flustered and Doyle was angry. _It was a good day for the undead_, Spike thought tipping his chair back and watching them. Sooner or later Angel would realize these losers weren't necessary and he would be back in Sunnydale for good. It would be sooner if he had his way. 

Cordelia was handing Angel some invoices and checks to sign, appearing to be the perfect office assistant. The checks were signed and pushed back across the desk. A folder was tossed on top of them.

"I want Buffy put on the payroll," Angel said, leaning forward with his forearms on the desk. "All the information you'll need is in there." He nodded toward the folder.

"Excuse me," Cordelia protested. "You're kidding right? Like what is she getting paid for? Keeping you warm at night?"

Spike's chair hit the floor with a thud but he remained where he was. Angel looked pissed enough for the both of them. About time he defended his mates.

"It's none of your business what she is getting paid for," Angel said. "It's enough that I want her on the payroll."

Cordelia threw her hands up in surrender. "Look, I'm sorry for saying that but we don't really have a great influx of cash right now. What is the branch office doing anyway to help out with paying the bills?"

"Right now they are taking care of Joyce and Dawn. This is a family business and that extends to all members," Angel said, glancing at Spike. "If any of you are sick or something than the other members help out."

Family? Oh, great, now he was supposed to include Cordelia and Doyle on the Christmas card list. Spike tilted his head as he stared at Angel for a moment. It occurred to him that his Angelus side was gathering his pack together. Spike had seen it when the four of them traveled together when a few times they'd settle somewhere for awhile. Angelus would cultivate select minions to join their family to help tend to business. Whether it was to raise revenue or plan revenge on an enemy, Angelus kept them close. Spike didn't know whether it that good or bad thing for Angel to be following his lead. On the one hand, Buffy and Spike would be kept at the head of the table but it also meant that Angel would consider them and other members as his toys for his amusement.

"How is Joyce doing?" Doyle asked, breaking Spike from his reverie. 

"We'll know more after her surgery tomorrow," Angel answered. "After we finish things up here, Spike and I are heading back."

For once Cordelia didn't offer an opinion as they returned to work. Nothing had opened up as far as cases were concerned and everyone was hoping it would remain quiet in both cities until after Joyce was out of recovery the next day. Angel gave Cordelia and Doyle instructions and the two promised to keep things together. Spike was surprised and a bit touched when Cordy said she'd pray for Joyce and told them to tell Buffy she was thinking of her. There might be a heart in the ice queen after all but he wasn't going to hold a breath he didn't need waiting to find out.

~~~~~~~~~~

It felt good to walk through the hospital corridors and have people move to let them through. Spike walked next to Angel enjoying the looks of admiration cast their way. Maybe it was egotistical but he knew they were both attractive men. The contrast of darkness and light made them a striking pair as they moved together. Their strides were long and sure giving Spike a sense of confidence he thought he'd lost along the way. And if his Sire and mate had his way he'd soon have his power back.

They turned the corner and spotted Buffy stepping out of her mother's room. For the first time since they'd entered the hospital their footsteps faltered. There was a forlorn and lost look on Buffy's face that tore through both of them and they hurried to her side. Spike stepped aside as Angel embraced her.  She clutched at their mate for a moment and stepped back but her hands remained on his arms.

"Has she made a turn for the worse?" Angel asked.

Buffy shook her heard and glanced at Dawn. "No, she's the same," Buffy said and added in a low whisper, "She knows."

Spike knew his surprise was echoed in Angel. How could Joyce know about Dawn? Neither of them had said anything to anyone. Not until they knew about Joyce and where they stood with Glory. The conversation would have to wait until they were home and the bit was asleep. 

"Is she coping?" Spike asked.

"Yes, we talked and she's handling it the way she is everything else," Buffy said, taking his hand. "I'm glad you got here though. She wants to talk to you both."

This was beyond a surprise. Angel met his eyes as they both wondered what Buffy's mother would tell them. It was probably to stay the hell away from her daughter again. Spike hoped she didn't have an axe in the room with her. Angel nodded and Spike followed him into the room. Joyce was propped up on pillows and she smiled as they entered. 

"Sit please," Joyce said, her hand sweeping the foot of her bed. She drew her feet up and curled them under her bottom. "Who would have thought that the three of us would be sitting down to talk?" She laughed and dropped her gaze to stare at her hands. 

"What can we do for you?" Angel asked, as they sat on the bed where she indicated. 

Spike was relieved that Angel wasn't in his detached mode and seemed to care about the woman before them. Buffy's mother was clearly upset and he wondered if it was the surgery that bothered her or the fact she knew Dawn wasn't her daughter.

"I need to know," Joyce said, meeting each of their gazes but maintained contact with Angel. "I need to know that you are going to be there for my daughters if something happens to me." Her hand rose as they started to protest. "You can keep the empty promises for Buffy and Dawn but I know as well as you do that there is a very good chance I won't come out of this."

"We've already started to make plans to care for Dawn if need be," Angel said. 

"And Buffy?" 

"Why would you be concerned about Buffy?" Spike asked, perplexed that Joyce would even ask unless it was part of the strange behavior she had exhibited over the last couple of days. When he saw that she was coherent, Spike could only assume she knew about Buffy's problems with Angel.

"She's scared," Joyce said, "That she is going to lose the two of you. She hasn't confided in me but I can tell. Little things, comments made here and there; it makes me think that things might not be as well as it can be between the three of you."

Angel stiffened and Spike covered his hand with his to support him. It would be a blow to his pride that outsiders could see the discontent in their relationship. To Angel it would be another sign that he was failing them. 

"Buffy is…my mate," Angel said. "I don't know if you understand exactly what that means but it is forever. She won't be left alone or without support."

"Will she have your love? I need to know that she is going to be happy."

Surprised, Spike watched as Angel covered Joyce's hands with his own. "I will do everything in my power to make sure she is happy and loved."

"Thank you," Joyce said, smiling and squeezing Angel's hand. "I'd never thought I'd say it but I'm glad that you're going to be watching out for my girls."

"We love them," Spike said. "It's not a hard thing to do."

"I know you do," she said, holding her arms out. 

It was an awkward moment as they hugged Buffy's mother. Neither of them still felt that she totally accepted them. A couple of months ago Spike had been barely tolerated and now she was hugging him. But it was extraordinary circumstances and maybe it had taken Joyce's illness for her to see the truth about her daughter and her mates. It was love that held them together even if it wasn't what had brought Spike to them. Hopefully, when she was home Joyce would still feel the same.

~~~~~~~~~~

Buffy knew they up to something and she had every intention of finding out what it was. She took a deep breath and marched into their bedroom. She cast them only a glance before stepping on the bed. Angel and Spike were lying on their sides, heads propped up on their hands and they had been whispering. There wasn't really room between them even for her but she walked through the space they did leave. She plopped down on the pillows, slid her feet under the covers and wiggled her way down. Spike laughed and Angel stared at her as she separated them. 

"Are you going to tell me what you two are cooking up or am I going to have to get…" Buffy said, stopping before she said violent. That wasn't really the impression she wanted to convey especially after Angel's warning on her birthday. 

"What makes you think that we are conspiring about something?" Angel asked. "The whole world doesn't revolve around you."

This wasn't going good. Already she had upset Angel and her eyes closed as she tried to figure out how to fix it.  Angel pulled her against him and she looked at him in surprise to find his eyes dancing in mirth. Instantly she relaxed as his hand stroked her hip.

"Yes it does," Buffy said, letting her fingers trail across his chest. "And I know because you stop talking when I enter a room."

"Is Dawn doing okay?" Angel asked, changing the subject abruptly.  "She was pretty freaked out about that mental patient."

"It wasn't the first time that someone has made her feel that something isn't right." Spike said.

It was something they would need to deal with soon enough but not tonight. Dawn was more focused on their mother than crazy people telling her she didn't belong. Buffy pushed the thought aside and flicked her fingernail across Angel's nipple. It beaded up under her attention and unable to resist she bit down on the small brown circle. His hand tangled in her hair and she trailed kisses up his chest.

"Are you going to tell me what you two are doing?" Buffy asked, each word punctuated by a kiss against cool flesh. "I'm going to find out soon enough so why don't you tell me."

"Why should I?" Angel asked, pulling her head back. His lips pressed against her hers with a bruising intensity. "Tell me one good reason."

"Because we're mates," Buffy whispered her hand feeling behind her for Spike. His hand caught hers and she heard him snickering. "And because there should always be honesty between us."

Her lower lip was caught between Angel's teeth and he tugged on it lightly. The whole time his hand continued to skim over her body, sliding on the cool silk of her pajamas. She relaxed hoping this was the beginning of a new start for them. It was then that Angel attacked. His fingers scurried across her rib cage and she giggled uncontrollable. She tried to scoot away from him but ran into the hard body of Spike who held her in place for their mate. 

"Stop, please, stop," Buffy said, continuing to laugh as she tried to escape those fingers torturing her.

Angel stopped his assault and kissed the tip of her nose. "Why should I tell you the truth when you lie to me without qualm?"

"When did I lie to you?" Buffy asked and flushed, remembering her lie about what she was looking forward to. She turned to Spike and swatted him. "I can't believe a grown vampire such as you running to Daddy to make yourself look better."

"I did not," Spike protested. "He knew it and asked. I wasn't going to compound your lie with another lie."

Angel turned her to face him again. His fingers drifted along her hip again, "I wonder what I should do to punish you for your infraction. You do have this tendency for disobedience which needs to be broken."

"It was a teensy lie, Angel and not totally untrue." Buffy pleaded, draping her leg over his hip and pushing herself against his erection. "I always look forward to seeing you again."

Swat. Her eyes flew open in shock as his hand connected with her bottom. She went to roll on her back to escape his raised hand but Spike was holding her up. Swat. 

"Ouch," Buffy protested, trying to escape. "Stop Angel, please."

Her butt stung as he spanked her again. It was only the laughter from both of them that kept her from exploding. She was rolled on top of Angel. He cupped her face so he could place a gentle kiss against her lips. 

"I love you, Buffy," Angel said. "Don't lie to me about little things because each time you do it gets easier to do the next time." His fingers covered her mouth and he shook his head. "Spike and I have a few plans but we're saving them until after your mother is feeling better. And anything you don't like you can veto but I don't think you will."

She nodded. The lie had slipped out unbidden and it had been playing against her conscious ever since. The truth was important and she wouldn't want either of her mates to lie to her for any reason, big or little. It was hard enough to keep honesty between two people and three was even harder. It had to be well tended to so that it was never left to become a problem. And without honesty there couldn't be trust. With that in mind, she decided not to question their plans for the moment. She hated the small voice that reassured her that she could trust them to tell her later because Spike was in on it. 

"Good," Buffy said, "Right now I just want to focus on my mom and the operation tomorrow."

"Oh," Angel whispered in mock seriousness. "Then you don't want Spike to kiss your ass and make it better."

It was too much and she felt a rush of love for her mates. She yielded to their distractions and reveled in the love they gave her. It would be those moments she'd hold onto when everything grew dark.

To be continued…


	14. Leather

** Chapter 14 – Leather**

Buffy knew Spike was faking. She leaned over his prostrate form and moved the ice bag so she could see his eyes. He groaned, rubbed his forehead and moved it back.

"It still hurts, doesn't it, baby?" Buffy cooed, her fingers drifting down his chest. "I'm so proud of you though. You're my hero." She kissed him on the cheek while her hand moved to cup him. "I think you deserve a special reward for what you did."

Spike nodded. "Oww, shouldn't have done that," he muttered. His eyes opened and Buffy fluttered her eyelashes at him. "Would you lamb? I think it'd make me feel a whole lot better."

"Are you sure it won't hurt you more?" Buffy asked, undoing his belt buckle. "I don't want to do anything to set the chip off again."

"It won't," Spike promised, his hand resting on her shoulder.

Buffy slowly undid his zipper and straddled his thighs. "I just hope that my wittle Spikey is feeling better by tonight so you can go to Tara's party with all our friends." She caressed his hardening length, tilted her head and looked up at him. "No, no, we can't do anything. The birthday girl will be so disappointed if you don't show. You need to rest." She crawled off of him and sat cross-legged beside him. 

"Pet," Spike whined. "Please…come on. I was a hero today. You said so."

"Yes, yes, I did," Buffy whispered, stroking his chest. "And I really should give you whatever you want." She waited until he relaxed with a grin teasing the corner of his mouth. _Take this faker_. And she twisted his nipple.

"Bloody hell, woman," Spike yelled, sitting up and rubbing his offended body part. "What did you do that for?"

Buffy giggled and scooted away from him. "You were faking to get sympathy and a blow job." She wagged her finger back and forth. "That wasn't nice."

He wrapped his arm around her leg and pulled so she fell onto her back. Buffy kept giggling even as Spike switched to vampire guise and pretended to attack her. He deserved the praise he'd been hustling for; after all he'd proven that Tara wasn't a demon and had set his chip off in the process. It was just after hours of him complaining about his head that Buffy decided enough was enough. This was more fun anyway, she decided as she fought back, and the 'attack' quickly became a wrestling match that was nothing more than an excuse for some groping and feeling as they rolled around. 

"Hello," Angel said, appearing at the end of the bed. He dropped his suitcase and a shopping bag as Buffy and Spike stopped to look up at him. "Is anyone going to say hi to me?"

"Angel's home," Spike said, grabbing Angel's arm and pulled him onto the bed. 

Their mate was covered in kisses as they welcomed him home. The Power's That Be had given them a break while Joyce had undergone her surgery. But it seemed as soon as they'd receive the good news that Buffy's mother was in the clear, Los Angeles had been overrun with problems. Angel had been gone for almost a week without any chance for visits. 

Angel cuddled Buffy next to him, kissing her but Spike pulled him away for his own kisses. Buffy watched as Spike was rolled on top of their mate. Their kisses getting deeper and more passionate, laced with snarls as Angel vamped out to match the blondes still demon guise. It was apparent they had a need only for each other so she slipped out of the room and headed upstairs. It stung that she wasn't included in the reunion but she was also aware of the increasing need of the vampires for violence in their sexual escapades. 

Neither of them had ever invited her to join in their games. Even in the times when the sex between her mates and her hadn't been gentle, it could still be called making love. The growls and sometimes screams that came from behind their closed door made her wonder what caused them. She had found a trunk with their toys in Angel's closet and shivered at the thought of the pain they might cause. 

Deciding not to let it bother her, she continued to her bathroom. She settled into a bath with her favorite scent letting the hot water ease away her tension. Tonight she and her mates were going to Tara's birthday party at the Bronze and she wanted to look special. It was an unusual occurrence for her to be able to hang out with her friends and mates at the same time. Besides, this was something to look forward to after the last few weeks. Joyce had even given permission for Dawn to go with them while Giles and Jenny were going to keep her mother company.

Buffy had just picked up her razor when Angel stepped into the bathroom. He smiled as he slipped into the water with her. He held his hand out to her and she went to put the razor down but he took it from her.

"Let me," Angel said, positioning her foot on his shoulder. He proceeded to shave her legs in careful strokes. "You're so beautiful, Buffy, you know that don't you?"

"Thank you," Buffy said, unsure of what he wanted from her. 

His hand drifted over her leg to make sure it was smooth before his eyes met hers. "I know so." 

"Hey," Spike said, stepping into the room carrying bottles of beer. "Brought one for everyone." He handed one to Angel and stepped into the tub indicating Buffy to scoot forward so he could settle behind her. 

Buffy accepted a bottle with a small thanks and her eyes dropped to the bubbles that still floated as Angel became absorbed in his task again. When Spike had entered, she'd seen the fresh scratches and bruises marring Spike's body. She wondered how there could be pleasure from something that hurt. The biting she understood but the other was mystifying to her. Anya and Xander played games but nothing that left marks like Angel did. Spike had said it was the need in vampires for violence but how could you do something like that in love?

Spike wrapped his arm around her, pulling her back against him. She let her head fall back on his shoulder so that he could nuzzle her neck while one hand fondled a breast. It was a wave of sensuality to have him touching her and Angel shaving her legs. Their attention was pulling her into a haze of need. Her arm curled around behind Spike's neck pulling him closer to her throat. He complied by nipping and sucking along her flesh to her shoulder. She opened her eyes when her leg was returned to the water. 

Angel was staring at them with hunger in his eyes. 

"Let me watch," Angel whispered, leaning back with his arms along the sides.

Buffy was confused by his request but let Spike move her to her knees as he slid further down. She went to turn around but he brought her down with her still facing Angel. She swallowed as Spike was enveloped inside her and her eyes fluttered closed.

"Keep your eyes on me," Angel said, his foot caressing her leg. "I want to see the passion in your eyes."

Her hands clung to the sides of the tub to give her leverage as she began to move on Spike. They had never made love in this position before and she let his hands guide her. Angel's gaze continued to rake over her as she moved in the water making her uncomfortable. She was used to there being someone that watched when she made love to the other but this felt more like a performance. Her eyes locked with Angel's as she rode Spike, clenching and unclenching her muscles to bring him to his climax faster. It was relief when she felt him shudder behind her and she dropped her head as she faked her own orgasm. 

Spike cradled her against him as he stroked her back. When she dared to look over at Angel, she realized he knew that she hadn't cum. His eyes narrowed for a moment but then he relaxed again. Shame flooded her and she tried to climb from the tub but Spike slid his arm around her waist.

"Don't leave, Luv, let's just relax for a few," Spike whispered, his hand slipped between her legs. "And we still have more to shave, don't we?" 

Buffy tried to calm down but trepidation was making it almost impossible. Every time she glanced at Angel he was staring at her making her guilt even more. She tried to rationalize her deceit but couldn't find any reason except for the unease she felt around Angel. When he left for Los Angeles it seemed they were finding their way back to each other and now that he was back she was on her guard again. She wasn't sure if it was really him or if it was her. Her gaze returned to his face and for the first time in four years asked herself if she was still in love with him.

~~~~~~~~~

Buffy was a beautiful woman.

Angel stood behind her as she preened in front of the mirror wearing the gift he'd brought her from Los Angeles. And even though she hadn't said, he could tell she was wavering on whether she liked it or not. It was a sheer black lace body suit with a floral design and a pair of black leather hipster pants with a silver chain belt. 

He ran his fingers along her thighs. "You're exquisite. It makes me feel good to buy things that only enhance your beauty." His hands cupped her bottom before sliding over hips. "Walking into a room with you on my arm makes me feel like the luckiest man in the world." He wrapped his arms around her waist pulling her back against him. "I know that it's not your usual style but I saw it and thought of you." He kissed her shoulder. "If you're not comfortable, don't feel like you have to wear it."

Spike's eyes were boring a hole into his back in disapproval over his manipulations. Angel glanced over his shoulder at his mate and smiled before returning to watch Buffy as the doubt in her eyes faded to acceptance.  Seduction wasn't hard when you knew your subject. Buffy was craving his love and approval and all he had to do was exploit that need to get her to acquiesce to his desires. The outfit gave an edge to her looks that hinted at the darkness hidden in her nature. He had seen it when Buffy had been hanging out with Faith. And Angelus wanted a mate that his equal and not a child that needed to be pampered. 

It was a compromise. It was hard to deal with the urges that Angelus taunted him with and it took everything his soul had to keep from giving in. That was one of the reason's he'd needed to be with Spike when he came home. The other vampire not only understood his needs but echoed them as well. Spike was bound by his chip and his love for his mates while Angel was bound by his soul but the aggression never disappeared; it constantly simmered below the surface. In each other's arms they found an outlet that was only a small fix to a larger problem but as long as they had that, it made the dealing a little easier. 

Hurting Buffy was the last thing Angel wanted. It was a tight line between introducing her to the dark side and letting her go too far over the edge. He knew that she'd been almost lost when Faith had tempted her with a flagrant disregard for the rules that Buffy lived by. He just wanted to broaden her horizons not break the fence down completely. It was something that would satisfy his Angelus side and not take away from what Angel needed from the girl.

Angel stepped back as Buffy turned around. 

"I'll wear it," she said, smiling up at him. "Thank you."

It was victory and Angel smiled before he pulled her to him for a kiss that left them both yearning for later.

~~~~~~~~

_You always make me smile when I'm feeling down  
You give me such a vibe, I is totally bonafide, mmm  
It's not the way you walk, and it ain't the way you talk  
It ain't the job you got, that keeps me satisfied___

His demon was in a state of rapture. The music took Spike over as he circled his prey. Her arousal was the sweetest scent as it teased at him. He knew it was an elixir of the gods that he'd been fortunate to have tasted as it flowed from her fountain. Buffy was ethereal as she moved to the beat; a mischievous sprite leading him to his downfall. He wouldn't fight her knowing that there would be only pleasure at her hands even when she destroyed all that he'd once been. 

_Your love it feels so good, and that's what takes me high  
Higher than I've been before and your love, it keeps me alive  
Thought I should let you know, that your touch it means so much___

The surprise was Angel as he slipped behind Spike with his arms encompassing them both and it took only a beat before they moved as one. So, many times had they moved like this but never as people watched. It was intoxicating to be liberated by their mate as Angel was let the world know they belonged to him. Spike's demon rejoiced at the claim of his mates. There were a few looks that were cast their way but they didn't care. Buffy slipped from the front to move between and Spike turned around so he could mold himself to her back. His and Angel's hand interlaced over her hips cherishing the tiny woman that loved them. 

_Oh won't you understand how I feel yeah deep inside  
Uh huh, you made feel all I need to feel  
Yes, in my heart___

Spike looked up into Angel's eyes and saw only love to give the final touch to make their world right again. The family was celebrating together and his mates were finding the magic they'd thought was lost between them. Angel's fingers caressed Buffy's face and she could only stare at him in adoration. His Sire bent to kiss her and Spike wrapped his arms around them both as their ardor escalated. They'd never make it home and when Angel backed up taking Buffy by the hand neither shied from his invitation. Good-byes were quickly given to the others as they made their exit. Willow promised to get Dawn home leaving them free to concentrate on each other. 

Angel slid into the passenger side of his car putting Buffy in the middle while Spike started the car.  By the time they pulled out of the parking lot her pants were on the floor and the body suit was around her waist. When they turned the first corner Angel was inside of her. Spike was happy they hadn't slipped into the back so he could be a part of their reunion. His fingers slid through her hair as it flowed over his lap. He took the car out to the coastal highway so they could take their time. 

"I love you, Buffy," Angel whispered, holding her tight against him. "You're my everything and I can't live without you beside me." His hand curled over Spike's knee, stroking it as he kissed Buffy. "I will never let you go. Say you'll always be mine."

And a chill ran down Spike's spine as Buffy promised everything she was to their mate.

_to be continued…._

Author's Note:  Song lyrics are Feels so Good by Sonique.


	15. Deuce

**Chapter 15 – Deuce **

Buffy leaned forward to take another sniff of her flowers. They were a gift from Angel who had returned to Los Angeles a few days previously. The roses had arrived earlier that afternoon with a card saying that he couldn't wait to come home to her. Since the night of Tara's party Angel had been attentive to her with several phone calls a day, a bracelet that had arrived by overnight courier and now the flowers. It was a sweet courtship that had her falling in love all over again.

Even with the threat of Glory still hanging over their heads life seemed to be getting better every day. Her mother was recuperating, Angel was making her feel like she did at sixteen and Spike was, well…Spike. He filled all the empty places inside of her that everyone else seemed to miss. He guarded her darkest fears and shared her laughter. She smoothed down her skirt and walked over to him. He looked up from the file he was reading when she leaned on the desk next to him.

"What's up, Pet?"

"Just wanted to tell you that I love you," Buffy said, smoothing his curls back with her fingers. She kissed his cheek and straightened back up. "And that I'm going down to check in with Giles. See if he's had any luck getting information from the Council."

Spike studied her for a moment and nodded. He returned to his file without looking back at her and she laid her hand on the papers he was trying to read. 

"Is there something wrong?" Buffy asked. "Did I miss something?" She looked back toward her desk and the empty in-basket. It hadn't taken her long to figure out that the job was just an excuse so they could give her a paycheck. But since Spike had taken a few cases there had been some filing to do and she came in after school to answer phones. Occasionally there was research or actual leg work that she'd helped with but mostly it was nothing. But what work there was she did with diligence. 

 "No," Spike said, standing to hug her. "Everything's fine. Guess I'm impatient for Angel to get home tonight."

"Are you upset about the flowers and the other gifts?"

In Angel's renewed interest in her, Buffy noticed that Spike seemed to be neglected. She didn't want him to be hurting while she and Angel worked their problems out. There had to be a way for them to balance their relationship so that everyone received what they needed. Spike seemed sad as he tucked her hair behind her ear.

"I'm not upset," Spike answered. "I'm happy that you and Angel are close again. It actually makes me feel better. There are still some things we need to talk to you about and I guess it's weighing on my mind."

"Things are smoother right now," Buffy said, wrapping her arms around his waist. "And I agree that tonight we need to sit down and get everything out. It should have been done the last time Angel was in town."

"Yeah, it should have but we had the whole telling Giles about Dawn speech," Spike said. "And then you and Angel couldn't keep your hands off each other long enough to do any talking."

Buffy grinned as her hands drifted downward to cup his ass. "And if I remember your hands were involved quite a bit too." She tugged him closer to her.

"Had to get my loving too," Spike said, kissing her. "Now go on and talk to your Watcher. See if those prats in the mother country have anything useful to tell us."

With one last lingering kiss, Buffy headed downstairs. Her mind was full of the possibilities of the night ahead when halfway down the stairs everything started spinning. She reached out for the handrail but missed and stumbled. She fell on her bottom and slid down about four steps before she could get a hold of the railing to stop herself. 

"Buffy, oh my God," Willow exclaimed, rushing to her. "Are you all right? What happened?"

Buffy clutched at her head as she willed the room to hold still. She was aware of everyone gathering around her and closed her eyes. 

"Pet, are you hurt?" Spike said, sitting beside her and pulling her into her arms.

"I don't know what happened," Buffy said. "I got really dizzy for a second."

"Are you feeling better now?" Giles asked.

"Yeah," Buffy said, sitting up again. "All clear headed now but embarrassed at making a fool out of myself." She tugged her skirt down. "Next time I take a plunge down the stairs someone remind me to wear pants."

Her quip had the intended result as everyone laughed. She was mortified that she, a Slayer, had been too clumsy to go down a flight of stairs. And she'd been walking not even running them.

"Might be fine," Jenny said, reaching for Buffy's hand. "But let's go get you a glass of water."

Buffy accepted the older woman's hand and allowed herself to be taken into the bathroom. Willow followed the two women in and the door was closed behind them. Buffy took a seat on the toilet lid as Jenny got her a cup of water. 

"How are you really feeling?" Jenny asked, handing her the cup. "I hate to say it but you look a little pale."

"I don't know," Buffy said. "My stomach's been a little upset the last few days but this was the first time I felt dizzy."

Willow and Jenny looked at each other before they turned back to her. 

"Buffy, is there any chance you're pregnant?" Willow asked, clasping her hand.

"No, absolutely not," Buffy said. Angel had told her in the beginning of their relationship that there would never be children between them. Therefore there had never been any further discussion of the subject. She'd accepted that she wouldn't be a mother because of her relationship with Angel and Spike. "Vampires can't get women pregnant and I haven't been with anyone else. Keeping the two of them happy is more than enough."

"Sweetie, it is possible," Jenny said kneeling beside her. "It's very rare but has been known to happen. There are legends from the old days of these children. Giles can even tell you that it's possible. Is your period late?"

"My periods have been irregular since I was chosen. It doesn't matter because I'm not," Buffy said. "Angel would never risk it. He told me that it would never happen. And I believe him."

"You have the symptoms," Willow said. "Upset stomach, dizziness, mood swings," Buffy made a face and she added, "sorry but you have been moodier than usual."

"I am not pregnant," Buffy insisted. "Look there's a lot of stuff happening in my life. My mom, Glory, Angel's not around, trying to keep up with school and the job that doesn't exist. Plus Angel's got me on this intensive training schedule. He wouldn't push me so hard if he thought I could have a baby."

They did it again. Jenny and Willow looked at each other as they passed a silent message.

"Stop that," Buffy said. "Look, I'm not pregnant. I don't want to be." She buried her face in her hands as she burst into tears. "Please, not something else. I can't handle anything else right now. It was all coming together and a baby would ruin everything."

Jenny pulled her into a hug and rocked her as she cried. It was too much. There was still a part of her that wanted that normal life that Angel had left her for. Sometimes she stilled pulled the fantasies out and played with them. She'd imagine a baby girl with Spike's blue eyes or a little boy with Angel's build. But she knew it was a fantasy. It was just something to while away the time and not anything that could ever be. She was a Slayer and the lover of two vampires. And death was still a daily threat. Babies, a home, a wedding were all things she'd left behind her.

"Buffy, listen to me," Jenny said, stroking her back. "You're probably right. Those symptoms could be just because you're exhausted, emotionally and physically. But they could also be from pregnancy and the only way to find out for sure is to take a test. How about I give you a ride to your mother's house and we'll stop to pick one up on the way? That way you know for sure. And once we know that you're not then you can go to the next possibility. But you need to find out."

"No, I'm not. I can't be."

"What if you are?" Willow asked. "And you don't find out and something happens to the baby when you're fighting Glory or something?"

Her hand covered her stomach. She knew she couldn't handle it if she was and something happened to the baby because she refused to accept it. And what she'd do to herself was nothing compared to what her mates would do to her. With acceptance of one more thing she had to take care of she turned to Jenny.

"Yeah, would you take me to pick up a test?"

~~~~~~~~

Spike lit his cigarette, inhaled deeply and lay back on the pillows. He watched as Angel returned to the bed to lie next to him. His Sire reached for the cigarette and he passed it to him. They were alone. Buffy had gone to her mother's to have dinner and spend some time with her and Dawn. He wasn't sure if it was because Buffy was gone or if it was only because they needed it but this time their reunion had been slower and sweeter instead of the games of the last time. His Sire seemed to have a need to be reminded how much he was loved. The loneliness had filled those brown eyes and Spike was quick to tell him with words and touch how much he loved him.

"What do you have planned for Buffy?" Spike asked, accepting the cigarette back. He had tried to figure out another way of asking but in the end it all came out the same. May as well be blunt and get it over with. 

"What do you mean?" Angel asked, turning on this side to face him. 

Spike sighed. He was hoping he wasn't going to have to play this game. They had just made love. When would Angel trust him? He looked around the room and spotted the present for Buffy on the dresser. He knew it was another step in her seduction. Enough was enough. If Angel wasn't going to talk then he'd find the answers out for himself. Spike stood to grab the bag and dumped it out on the bed. The contents tumbled out in bright hues; scarves and a blindfold.

"This is what I mean," Spike said. "How far are you going to take this?" His answer came in the form of a laugh which only angered Spike more. "Do I have any say in this? I'm her lover too or does only what you want count?"

"William, I'm confused," Angel said. His voice held such surprised innocence but not to Spike. It was nothing more than the seductive tone a spider used on a fly that would soon be caught in its web. "I thought this would be what you would want. You mean you have never thought of Buffy over your knee with that sweet ass begging to be spanked. Or you've never fantasized of being at her mercy as she refuses to let you cum without one more stroke of the crop."

Desire rushed through his veins and Spike closed his eyes as he tried to control his cock hardening at the mere thought. But Angel had seen the truth. He couldn't deny it. He did want it. But he also knew that to take Buffy to that level of eroticism would change something fundamental about her. 

"Yes," Spike said, meeting those eyes that knew him so well. "I've thought about it. I've dreamed about it. But no I don't want it. I like the innocence in those eyes and the naiveté that is still in the stroke of her hand. I know what you're doing. You're whetting her appetite, letting her think it's her decision to go further but it's not because you've a master at this game."

"It's not a game," Angel said, threading one of the scarves through his fingers. "You may be satisfied with the girl but I prefer the woman."

"Don't do this, Angel," Spike said. "I'll tell her everything that I know."

It took only a blink of an eye before Angel was beside him. "Don't threaten me, boy. It's my decision to teach and if," he shrugged his shoulders, "she wants it, who am I to refuse?"

"Please, don't, "Spike begged, not caring if it made him appear weak. He couldn't lose the girl he'd come to love so much. "I don't want another Dru and if you do this, somewhere along the line she'll break. Buffy is made to be in the light. You can't bury the sun underground and expect it to still shine."

"How poetic," Angel said, caressing Spike's cheek with the barest tip of his fingers. He sighed and moved his fingers through the blonde locks of his lover. "I know that a part of it is that you are afraid of losing this life we have, isn't it?" He waited for Spike to nod. "You are afraid of losing control when you're chip is gone. If Buffy is in the darkness then you won't have anything to keep you in the light."

"Yes, Angel, we have it good here. I don't want to lose it."

"I know, I know," Angel seemed to shake out of the mood he'd been in. "I don't want to lose it either."

"Don't do this then," Spike said, hugging his Sire. "Love Buffy the way she is. I'll do anything you want to satisfy those other needs."

It was a very long time before Spike realized that he'd done the same thing as Buffy. He'd given Angel control of everything he was.

~~~~~~~~

The directions were easy. All Buffy had to do was gather up enough courage to take the test. Jenny had been helpful as they picked out the test and given her a lot of loving encouragement before dropping her off at her mother's. She'd promised to call her friend as soon as she had the results. The test had been buried in her bag as she hung out with her mother and sister. It had been pushed to the back of her mind while they shared dinner. But she couldn't delay any longer. It was now or never. Angel and Spike would be there to pick her up in about an hour. Taking a deep breath, Buffy opened the box.

"Buffy," Dawn screamed.

There was fear in her sister's voice. Her first thought was Glory as she threw the test in the back of the bathroom cabinet. Buffy ran downstairs and skidded to a stop in the doorway to the living room. Her eyes widened as she gazed at one person she never thought she'd see again.

"Did ya miss me, B?"

_to be continued…_


	16. Topsy Turvy World

**Chapter 16 –  Topsy Turvy World**

The microwave beeped but Spike and Angel were too entranced with each other to pay attention to it. Spike's fingertips traced the planes of Angel's chest leaving goose bumps in their wake and the brunette shivering from his ministrations. Spike licked one nipple and smiled in satisfaction when it beaded. Angel growled and pulled Spike closer, who didn't disappoint as he rained kisses upward to nip at his Sire's throat. He laughed when Angel had enough and pinned Spike between him and the counter. It was playful and loving, their kiss passionate and deep, tongues dueling for pleasure.

"The blood is going to congeal," Spike whispered, kneading at Angel's shoulders. "And we need to pick Buffy up." He pushed at Angel still licking along his neck. "Later, all of us," he promised.

It was so hard to stop. His body ached for his Sire's touch; for that claim that told him he belonged to someone. That he would never be alone again in a world that didn't understand him. Angel's hands held his face and he was forced to look into eyes that were a fathomless well of emotions. Conflict and devotion warred in those brown pupils and he pulled Angel closer.

"Thank you, Spike," Angel said. "For not being afraid to tell me when I'm wrong. For keeping me grounded." He leaned his forehead against his Childe's. "Just don't ever forget that I love you and Buffy."

"I know, Ang, I know," Spike said, stepping out of arms he could let hold him forever. He opened the microwave to pull out their mugs and handed one to Angel. After taking a sip, he shook his head and added some Berber weed to the liquid. "Much better," he said after taking a sip. 

Taking the lead, Spike headed back to the bedroom. It was almost time for them to pick Buffy up and their room, especially the bed needed to be straightened before she returned. This time had been making love but it didn't mean they were any less gentle on the furniture or the bed. He picked up the pillows and tossed them in the general vicinity of the bed while Angel righted the nightstand. One of them had kicked out for support and knocked the table halfway across the room.

"Maybe we need a bigger bed," Spike said. "Just for playing, not sleeping because I like all of us wrapped together."

Angel smiled and seemed to be contemplating the idea as he studied their current sleeping arrangement. "Might be a good idea. Maybe something with bars in the head and footboards and somewhere to hang the…"

Spike threw a pillow at his Sire, laughing because there was a twinkle in Angel's eyes as he caught the airborne object. It was going to be all right between them. Angel, not Angelus, really loved Buffy the way she was. There wasn't going to be 'lessons' but they had compromised on letting Buffy choose her own path. In the end it was different things in the Slayer that they were attracted to and loved just like it was different things in them that she loved and needed. Together, somehow, they all received the things they needed. 

They moved to separate sides of the bed to make it and Spike reached for the scarves. Bright, silky and with a delicate hint of a perfume that was sensuous enough to make a man heady from desire. An image of Buffy moving over him, tying him to their bed flashed in his mind and Spike closed his eyes to savor it for a moment. 

"Hello, boys," Buffy said, from the doorway. She was leaning casually on the frame, her hands resting on her hips as her eyes devoured them. 

"Couldn't wait for us?" Angel asked, holding his hand out to her. "I've missed you."

"Missed you, too, Baby," Buffy purred, moving into Angel's arms. She tugged his head down to kiss him. No premise, no teasing, her tongue darting out even before their lips met. Their hunger for the other was so evident as they fed the other's ardor. A twinge of jealousy replaced Spike's desire and he turned from them. Buffy's hand caught his arm and pulled him back around. "Not so fast, lover." She was leaning against his Sire now, her bottom pressed to his crotch as she pulled Spike to her. "Need you, too."

It was the way she kissed him. The way her hands moved over him as if she didn't already know the spots that gave him more pleasure that whispered something was wrong. He let the kiss continue; let her take the lead until he could figure what that something was. She pulled away him and he watched as she wandered around the room for a moment, only to end up at the foot of the bed. 

"Oooh, scarves," Buffy cooed. "Is it play time?" With deliberate moves Buffy sat on the bed, glanced at them, and then lay back, crossing her wrists. "Who first?"

"Oh, you," Angel said, crawling onto the bed next to her. His hand slid along her hips and then slapped her bottom. "Up with you." He waited until Buffy had turned before he looked at Spike indicating that he also knew something was wrong. 

Spike joined them on the bed, watching as Angel tied her wrists to the headboard. He slipped his leg between hers, hooking his foot under her knee. Angel nuzzled her neck as his arm draped over her waist.

"So, why the change of mood, Buffy?" Angel whispered, still stroking her gently as he baited her with a lie. "When you left this afternoon, you said an emphatic no to being tied up."

A brief flash of fear before the girl between them regained her composure. She smiled, "Had time to think about, that's all. Letting me be at your mercy sounds like fun."

Angel kissed her as a hand reinforced the scarf at her wrists. "You look like my girl, smell like my girl, but who exactly are you? Because you're not my girl."

'Buffy' didn't even try to argue as she attacked. They thought they'd planned it well and would be able to subdue her but she had Buffy's strength or had knowledge of the body she was in. And she fought for her very life as she surprised them with the fervor of her assault. Spike saw stars when her head slammed into his nose. He saw Angel fly into the wall as she pushed him away from her. Spike tried to follow her with Angel darting around him but she was gone. Vanished into the night and they stared at each other in their failure. But there was still the unanswered questions, who was she? And where the hell was their Buffy?

~~~~~~~

The sirens were getting louder. 

Buffy picked up speed as she moved through the backyards. It was still hard to accept what had happened after she'd seen Faith in her mother's house. To accept the fight that had destroyed her mother's living room and several dining chairs, the moment when Faith had grabbed her hand and she found herself looking at herself. Her mother had hurried back into the living room, yelling at her to leave because she'd called the police. A murderer like her had no right being in decent people's houses and Faith standing there in her body smirking at her. Buffy was just glad that neither had tried to stop her as she ran out the back door. 

The only thing she could think of was to get to her vampires. They'd protect her. They'd know what to do. A police car screeched to a stop in front of her and Buffy panicked. It didn't matter; they'd said they'd shoot her if she tried to run. She stood there as the one cop walked behind her to put the handcuffs on her. She waited until the cold steel of the cuffs grazed her skin that she acted.  In one quick motion, she elbowed the officer behind her in the jaw and disarmed the second with a roundhouse kick to the wrist.  She didn't bother to check on them and fled, traversing through several backyards before finding the sewer grate and hopping down into the filthy water. Spike had shown her the routes one afternoon when they were bored and wanted a new game to play. For hours they'd played hide and seek in the water system. Thinking back to that day hurt her heart, the possibility that she would never see him again mingled with the realization that she and Angel would never able to work things out.

"No," Buffy screamed when she remembered the test she had been about to take. What if she was pregnant? Faith wouldn't care about it. A rush of love for someone that she hadn't even wanted that afternoon took her by surprise as she picked up speed. Water flew out from where her feet separated it without disregard. She had to get home.

The house was quiet as she crept up to the window. She looked inside, searching for them, they were getting dressed to go and pick her up. Doubts filtered through her belief leaving her edgy. What if they didn't know it was her? What if they didn't believe her and turned her into the police? What if they just killed her like they had Riley? Buffy wiped a tear from her cheek and knew she had to try. They were her only hope.

She slipped in through the door by the garden. The foreign shoes on her feet squeaked from being wet and her whole body shook as she silently prayed for help. 

"We'll go by her mother's first," Angel said, leading her mate from the bedroom.

Buffy froze as she looked at them and they did the same when they noticed her. Their eyes roved over her and it was then that the tears came in. She wanted them to hold her so bad. 

"Angel, Spike," Buffy hiccupped through her sobs. "Listen to me for just a minute…I'm Buffy."

Spike reached her first, wrapping his arms around her and then Angel was there too. They knew and she relaxed. It was going to be okay. She burrowed against the strength of their bodies, enjoying the warmth they brought and the smell of sex that still clung to their skin. It was familiar and home.

"What happened, Buffy?" Angel asked. "She was here."

"You knew; you knew it wasn't me?" Buffy asked, suddenly afraid of that scent that just a moment ago had comforted her. Had they slept with her? 

"Shh, don't," Spike said, cupping her cheek. "You're our girl, even if you…" He giggled and she smacked him. "Sorry, but is still cheating if…" He ran his fingers through Faith's hair as his eyes lighted on the brunette's more ample chest.  More tears formed and he kissed the corner of that mouth. "I was joking. I only love you and I much prefer your body."

"Liar," Buffy said, turning to Angel to see his reaction but he was glowering as he looked her over. "Is she still here?"

"No," Angel said. "She got away. See the bruise on your lover's forehead."

Her fingers touched the small spot above Spike's scarred eyebrow that was slightly swollen. It was then that she remembered and fear took her over again as she thought of Faith fighting in her body.

"We have to find her," Buffy said, clutching at their hands to pull them along. "Hurry, please, before it's too late."  

"Hold on," Angel said not moving. "Tell us what happened."

"No, I'll explain later. Please, come on."

"What aren't you telling us, pet?"

Damn Spike and his uncanny perception of her moods and needs. Buffy chewed her lower lip. She'd have to tell them before they'd leave. They seemed to circle her, giving her no where to run, forcing her to confess. 

"I…Imightbepregnant," Buffy rushed out. Disbelief and annoyance she expected but she was unprepared for the flare of Angel's nostrils accompanied by a low guttural growl of jealousy. "I haven't been with anyone else."

"Then how and why?" Spike asked. His eyes shining with hurt as he studied her. "If you are then it couldn't be ours."

"You think I'd be with someone else?" Buffy asked. Spike's hurt was mirrored in her own aching heart. They both thought that she was so low that she'd sleep with someone besides them. "I can't believe it. Jenny said that sometimes it does happen and I have all the symptoms. I told them it was impossible but they wouldn't listen. Spike, you were there this afternoon when I had the dizzy spell."

"Let's go," Angel said, walking toward the door. "Let's find Faith and we'll sort this out later."

He didn't believe her or was it that he didn't want to? Buffy turned to Spike holding her hand out. He looked at it then back up at her and turned to follow Angel. They'd stick together and force her out of the trio. She'd always thought that Spike would follow her if things didn't work out. It was the one assurance that she'd held onto when she toyed with the idea of leaving Angel behind. But now she knew it was her that would be gone. They were vampires who understood each other and she was just a silly, emotional girl that they had to treat with kid gloves. A sob burst out of her before she could stop it and she turned away when they looked at her.

"I wasn't with anyone else," Buffy mumbled. "I wasn't."

It was Angel that came to her first, his arm settling across her shoulders, pulling her into the comfort of his body, and whispered, "I know, Buffy, I know."

~~~~~~~~

A protesting Buffy had been left behind at Giles while Angel and Spike went to find Faith. A phone call to Joyce to explain what had happened revealed that Faith had taken off with a couple of her credit cards. Another phone call let them know that a plane ticket to Mexico had been purchased and was taking off within the hour. They were headed for the airport while Buffy remained behind to help Willow and Tara find a way to reverse the body switch.

The tires of the car squealed as Angel turned a corner leading to the highway. His mind occupied on the conversation with Buffy earlier. Could she be really pregnant? Was it possible? And if she was then who was the father? He knew it was either him or Spike. Like he'd told her he knew she hadn't been with anyone else. He just hated that he didn't know if he was sure or not because he trusted her or because he and Spike would have smelled someone else on her. The disclosure and the subsequent conversation had revealed how far apart they truly had drifted. What once had been taken for granted was now being questioned. He sighed and glanced at Spike. His Childe looked as shocked and confused as he was. 

"We both need to concentrate on finding Faith," Angel said. "After that we'll deal with the other."

Spike nodded while his fingers drifted along the window. "You're right but I can't stop thinking about it…about her."

"I know, William, it's just too much to even contemplate."

They lapsed into silence as Angel concentrated on weaving through the traffic to get them to the airport. Once they reached their destination they settled into a more normal pace unwilling to tip Faith off sooner then they needed. Angel led the way after they got directions to the correct gate. She wasn't hard to find in the small waiting room. She saw them just as quickly and took off running. Angel was too fast, however, and caught her around the waist.

"All we want to do is talk to you," Angel said softly. "You have something that belongs to me and I want it back. Not that your body isn't beautiful but I have a partiality to this one."

"Forget it, Angel," Faith said. "You'll have to do without it." She wrenched away and screamed attracting the attention of everyone that was within earshot. The two vampires kept an easy pace behind her as she took off running in the confusion. In the parking lot they cornered her. "I'd rather die than go back."

"You've been pretty much that way for the last year or so," Angel said, taking slow and careful steps toward her. "You mean you prefer it that way or do you want to take a chance on living again."

"I won't go to prison," Faith said, looking around for a way out. She decided to scramble over a car but Spike caught her leg and pulled her back. "No, stop it, you son of a bitch." She screamed as she fought back. Her heel connected with Spike's jaw and he loosened his grip. Unable to keep her balance, Faith tipped over and fell against the car, stomach first. 

"Oh, my God," Spike yelled, "The baby." 

He reached for Faith but she seemed to have lost her fight as she slid off the car to face them.

"Baby?" Faith said, her hands going to cover her abdomen. "B's pregnant?"

"We don't know for sure," Angel said. "She has symptoms and was going to take a test tonight to find out."

"Guess I fucked that up for her, huh?"

"You don't have to fuck anything up," Angel said, soothingly. He took advantage of her hesitation to move closer noting that Spike was doing the same. "Let me help you. Go back with us and we'll do what we can for you."

"Whose is it?" Faith asked looking from one to the other.

Spike shrugged. "It's one of ours; not really sure whose but it doesn't matter because we're in it together."

"Who gave Buffy the personality transplant while I was asleep," Faith said, laughing. "And I thought little Miss Prissy's new digs with the tattoo and the nose ring was shocking. Hell, that ain't nothing compared with tight ass B getting it on with two vamps." She ran shaking hands through her blonde hair. "I get you, Angel, what with being soul man and all…but demon boy? It must be that fine ass shell that gets her all hot and bothered."

"Try love, sweetheart," Spike said. "That's what makes us mates."

"A lot of things have changed," Angel said. "Give us a chance to prove it."

"You know what," Faith said, patting Angel's cheek. "This actually works in my favor because I have my own little built in hostage. You're going to let me walk away because if you don't then it's, 'oh damn, I'm sorry I didn't mean to fall down and lose the baby.' That's right. I'll write when I land somewhere." With a final smirk at them she walked away.

"Faith, please," Angel said. "I'll do whatever you want but don't do this."

It wasn't his style to beg but the last couple of hours had hit Angel hard. The thought that a baby might be in their future had him more frightened than he'd ever been but it also was making him look at things differently. 

Faith kept on walking. He had to make a decision and he only hoped it worked. Glancing over at Spike, he pointed to Faith's legs, received the nod and they moved. Angel wrapped his arm around her neck and squeezed; she struggled but was at disadvantage when Spike grabbed her legs. Her cries died in her throat and the Slayer wearing their mate's body slunk into unconsciousness. 

"Time to get our Buffy back," Angel said, as they deposited Faith into the backseat. 

_to be continued…_

AN: Thanks to DarryJ, my beta, for once again, rewriting all fight scenes so they read like fight scenes and for the help with the Faith speak.


	17. Obedience

**A/N: **I apologize for the massive delay. RL has taken a massive unexpected turn and am still finding my feet. But I should have my fics back on schedule again because they're the only things keeping me sane.

 

**Chapter 17 - Obedience**

It was like looking in a fun house mirror except Buffy's image was self-animated.  It kicked and fought as her vampires tied the image to a chair. Faith was furious when she had woken up in Giles' apartment surrounded by the very people she wanted to avoid. So, Buffy had remained in the background unwilling to antagonize her nemesis any further.

"Let me go," Faith hollered, kicking out as Spike attempted to tie her leg to the chair. "I'm never going to give in to you."

"Don't have to sweetheart," Spike said. "You're already tied up and in a matter of moments Buffy will be back where she belongs and you'll just be a loser in this game."

Fury passed over Buffy's features before Faith used the only weapon she had left in her arsenal. She spat in Spike's face but it only made him laugh as he wiped it off. Buffy hated this. She hated what Faith was doing; what she was doing with her body, what she was doing to her mates and it made her angrier than she'd ever been before. Her hand slipped into Spike's for a moment to squeeze it reassuringly before she sat in the chair next to the one Faith was in.  

"Sorry about this, pet," Spike said, as he wrapped the ropes around her. 

"It's okay," Buffy said, smiling at the blonde before she looked at everyone else in Giles' apartment. Besides the three of them there was also, Giles, Jenny, Angel, Willow and Tara. The two witches had discovered the spell that enabled Faith to switch them and with it the ability to switch them back. So, as soon as they were both secured, Buffy would be at home in her body where she belonged.

Once Spike was satisfied that she was tightly bound he stepped back. Angel and Spike were standing so close but she couldn't touch them and it was driving her crazy. She wanted to be able to hold her mates and she wanted to find out if she was pregnant or not. And mostly she wanted to be able to teach Faith a lesson she'd never forget. 

"Let's do this, please," Buffy pleaded. "I want this over with."

Angel came to kneel in front of the two women. He smiled at Buffy before he placed the katra in her hand then he took Faith's hand and pressed them together. Dizziness confused Buffy as their hands began to glow. She shook her head to clear it and found herself back in the chair next to the one she started off in. She looked around, blinked her eyes and smiled in satisfaction when she found herself looking at Faith in Faith's body.

"It didn't work," Faith said. "Something went wrong."

"It couldn't have," Willow said. "We made sure we had everything just right."

"Well, it didn't," Faith repeated. 

Buffy rolled her eyes, turning to Angel. "It's Faith faking it. Untie me."  There was a moment of hesitation in Angel's eyes and Buffy glanced up at Spike but he was glancing between the two women. "Okay, fine, don't believe me. Spike you have this mole on the inside of your right thigh about two inches above your knee. And Angel there's this spot below your right shoulder that if it's nibbled on, you get…"

"Okay," Angel said, cutting her off from spilling anymore intimate secrets. His hands reached for the knots on the rope. "We get the point. You're Buffy."

"Thank you," Buffy said smiling down into his eyes. She waited until he was close enough before leaning over to kiss him. It had been too long and she needed him. His hand tangled in her hair as he returned her affection, pulling and holding her closer to him. She sighed, thankful that he knew her enough to give her what she needed.

"Oh, give me a break," Faith said.  

"You're just jealous," Spike said, holding his arms out for the freed Buffy. He pulled her tight against him. "Missed you, pet," he whispered right before he kissed her.

"I missed you, too," Buffy whispered. 

"Now what?" Willow asked. "We've got Buffy back so what are we going to do with Faith?"

Feeling secure in the return of her body and the reunion with her mates, Buffy turned to look at the other Slayer. 

"How dare you? How dare you think you can just take over my life?" Buffy spat unable to contain her anger any longer. "Did you really think that anyone would let you get away with it?"

"Oh, that's right, precious Buffy," Faith said, struggling with her bonds, "the little vampire fucking freak. Everybody just loves you so much."

"More than anyone will ever love you."

"Buffy, stop it," Angel said, grabbing Buffy's arm. He pulled her away from the other Slayer. "This isn't going to help anything."

"Help what? She's getting turned over to the police," Buffy said, heading for the phone. "The sooner she is out of our lives the better off we are."

"And what are you going to do when she spills everything she knows," Spike said. "She knows too much."

It was on the tip of Buffy's tongue to say that she didn't care but she did. Faith could cause them a lot of trouble. Trouble they didn't need added to the mix already polluted with Glory. She sighed as she looked around the room and at everyone looking at her. Faith had to be handled with care. She wasn't sure that the rogue Slayer could be reformed at this point but she wasn't if prison was the way either. Maybe the Council could help them.

"I'll take her to LA and deal with it there," Angel said.

"No," Buffy said. "No, you're not taking her anywhere. I'm not letting you be alone with her."

"Buffy, we can't do anything with her here. It's best to get her out of town and then decide what to do."

It was logical but Buffy was beyond logical at the moment. Angel was leaving, again, before they had time together, before they found out if she was going to have a baby or not. Fury swept through her. Faith had taken too much of her life already and she was still doing it. Everyone jumped at the crack of her hand hitting Faith's face. Buffy was getting ready to do it again when she was grabbed around the waist.

"Spike, take her home," Angel said, handing her over to their mate.

"No," Buffy said, struggling. "No, you are not going anywhere with that bitch. I need you. We need you.  Let me go." 

"Stop acting like a child," Angel said as Spike's arms wrapped around her. "Is that your solution to everything? To act like a brat?"

If it was the only way to get his attention what else was she supposed to do? Buffy stopped fighting Spike, waited until he loosened his grip on her before she pushed him away. She stepped between Angel and Faith.

"Please don't leave us again," Buffy pleaded, tears blinding her. "We had plans, things we have to do," she took his hand and put it on her stomach. "I don't care what you do with her just don't leave us."

  
"Angel, maybe…" Giles said, putting an arm around Buffy's shoulders in an effort to comfort her. He'd been told earlier about the possibility of her being pregnant and had been acting overly protective since then. "There has to be something that we can do."

"Like what? Do you want to take Faith anywhere?" Angel said. "Do any of you want the responsibility? Buffy can't handle it, Spike can't with the chip and that leaves me. Come here." He took Buffy's hand, tugging on it when she hesitated. Hoping that he would give her what she wanted, Buffy let him lead her outside the apartment. Once the door closed behind them, Angel stepped back from her. "Stop it now, Buffy."

"I can't," Buffy cried. She knew she was getting out of control but she couldn't help it. Everything had been piling on for weeks now and she needed Angel. She needed him to make everything all right again and he wanted to leave. There was a part of her that knew there wasn't anyone else that could take care of Faith but her duties, all of their duties, was the last thing on her mind. "Please don't leave."

"You need to stop this," Angel said, shaking her. "Buffy, it can't be helped and this is only making it worse."

"I don't care. I don't care about anything but being with you. If you leave tonight don't come back because I can't take this anymore. You don't care about me anymore…"

Something snapped in her mate at her words and she found herself pulled against him with his hand fisted in her hair.

"Listen to me," Angel snarled. "I've played your games as far as I am going to." The fingers of his free hand stroked her cheek. "Now, you know I love you so quit these hysterics before this has to get ugly. I don't want to have to teach you obedience but I will if it's necessary."

 "What are you talking about?"

Fear was becoming a predominant emotion as she stared up at Angel. He'd never talked to her like this before. She glanced at the door wondering why Spike hadn't come out to calm them down yet. He was always there but for the second time that night, he wasn't. Nothing had felt real in her life since Faith had shown up at her mother's house. Had something happened besides the body switch to change her world?

"Spike won't interfere," Angel said. "He understands things a little differently than you do. See, he already accepts that you belong to me, that you both do, and that there are just some matters that he shouldn't interfere in."

Buffy struggled for a moment longer but Angel wasn't budging at all. For the first time in their relationship she didn't feel his love for her. He was cold, so cold, and she was afraid she was really losing him and that she couldn't tolerate. 

"I'm sorry," Buffy whispered. "Please, I won't say anything else."

"Good girl," Angel said, kissing the corner of her mouth. "Go home with Spike and I'll call to let you know what we're doing with Faith. Tomorrow night, I'll be home again, and we'll talk more then."

The gentleness that she loved about Angel returned when she'd decided to acquiesce to his wishes. He petted her for a few minutes, kissing her and whispering his love to her before he sent her off to find Spike. Was it too much to ask? She didn't think so. Angel had lived a lot longer than she had and she'd always turned to him before to give her advice. Why should this be any different? The strength that she loved about him was as evident in the boundaries that he gave as it was when she was in his arms. With a renewed feeling of security Buffy went to find Spike as she had been told to do.

_to be continued…._


	18. Menage

**Chapter 18 – Beneath the Layers**

He wasn't happy. Something was going on that he didn't know about. And from the way she was behaving Giles didn't think that Buffy was even aware of it yet. His eyes narrowed as he watched Spike lead Buffy out of his flat as if she was a little girl that couldn't find her way home. His charge was the Slayer and she was being treated like a child. He felt someone staring at him and looked up to see Angel glaring at him. Giles straightened refusing to be intimidated by the vampire. 

"Hey, if you two will quit the mutual admiration society could we figure out what you think you're going to do to me," Faith complained, tugging on her ropes. 

"It's easy," Angel said, resting his foot on the rung of the chair and leaning over the rogue Slayer. "You are going to be turned over to a friend of mine that works for the LA police department. You are not going to make trouble for the rest of us because otherwise you won't even make it to the city of Angels."

"Is that a threat? You one of the good guys is just going to off me?" 

"Wouldn't be the first time, honey, that I've done what I need to do to protect my family."

Faith looked at Giles. Her eyes were wide, incredulous at what Angel was threatening. Giles decided to play along for the moment and shrugged his shoulders. He just wasn't sure who was and who wasn't a part of this 'family' that Angel was talking about. From what he knew he would assume that the rest of them were included if Angel was following the vampire side of him. His mind began to assimilate all the comments that had been made to him about Angel since the soul anchoring. For a moment he reeled under the realization that Jenny's words had to be coming true. Angel was merging with Angelus and Giles shivered under the possibilities of what might happen. 

"I would suggest that you listen to Angel," Giles said, coming closer to the pair. "I don't think anyone would really miss you so any chance you have is to do as you're told."

"Oh, come on," Faith protested. "Little Miss Perfect doesn't even make her own decisions anymore. Well, isn't that just lovely, a vampire now controls the Slayer. How come the Council hasn't gotten rid of her?"

_Because they don't know,_ Giles thought as he tried to make a decision about what to do. Buffy needed to be made aware of the threat Angel could be. "Angel, may I speak with you for a moment?" When the vampire nodded, Giles led the way outside. It would be nice to have a house where it was possible to have private conversations but until then the outdoors would have to do. "What exactly are you planning on doing with Faith? You're not really intending to kill her, are you?"

"No," Angel scoffed. "She might be an asset to us if she wanted to be but I want to make sure that she is good and scared of the other possibilities."

"You wouldn't hesitate would you though? Not anymore," Giles said, watching for a clue across Angel's face. Something, anything to tell him how fast he should be calling for help.

"Figure it out, didn't you?" Angel said. "If anyone would besides Spike, knew it would be you."

"Oh, thank God," Giles said, relieved that at least Angel was being honest about it. "I was hoping that it wasn't…well…"

"Time to stake me?"

"Yes," Giles said, removing his glasses and holding them as his fingers ran over the cool metal. "How bad is it? Why haven't you told Buffy?"

Angel shrugged. "I keep intending to talk to Buffy but something keeps coming up and we never do. I know I need to but Spike has been keeping an eye on me. Calls me all the time and keeps asking questions. There's time that I see something happening and I can't stop it."

"Like tonight with Buffy?" Giles asked, still perturbed at the Slayer's bending to her mate's demands. "Angel, I know she's overwhelmed with everything that's going on but it's got to make her stronger, not weaker. You just taking over and issuing orders not only usurp her authority but also her own self esteem."

"I didn't see a choice," Angel said, sitting on the low wall. "She's going to make a mistake and someone, most likely her, is going to pay the price. And I'm sorry but I'm not going to let it happen. You may not like it but she's my mate and I'll treat her accordingly."

"Get off your highhanded arrogant ass, Angel," Giles bit out. "I will not tolerate Buffy being treated like she is your property. She is the Slayer and that has to come first with her. If you're having problems with your Angelus side, then deal with it but don't bring that girl down because of it. I supported her decision to be with you because I felt that you had her best interests at heart but if it's not that way…"

Giles stepped back as Angel advanced on him. The champion he'd come to know over the past few years didn't seem to be anywhere in the persona before him. It was pure demon, pure Angelus, as he towered over the Watcher. Giles refused to give in to the fear that was twisting in his bowels at facing the former scourge of Europe. 

"Buffy is mine and no one, _no one_, is taking her away from me," Angel spat. "Especially not a washed up former high school librarian that couldn't save his own ass from a hemorrhoid. I will deal with her, training her to be the best that she can be and that will include her learning to act without questioning my authority."

The vampire turned on his heel and hurried back into the apartment. Giles stared after him for a moment before following him in. It was worse then he thought it was. He was hesitant to trust Faith with Angel but knew there wasn't a choice. There wasn't anyone else that could handle her and he could only hope that the trip would be made without incident. And after Faith was taken care of then they would have to deal with the Angelus issue. He prayed that Buffy would see reason instead of acting with her heart.

~~~~~~~~

Buffy flipped over on her stomach, burrowing further into the covers trying to will herself to sleep. It was evading her. Teasing her with its promise of oblivion but then would dance out of her reach when she wanted to submit to it. A hand curled over her hip but she ignored it and dug in deeper on her side of the bed. Her hand and toes held onto the mattress when the hand pulled on her. She didn't want to cuddle, she didn't want sex; all she wanted was to sleep. A growl emanated from behind her and she almost giggled from the threatening sound. A mouth closed over her shoulder and fangs gently gnawed on her flesh. The hand took advantage of her distraction and she found herself hauled back against a cool body. Sighing, she surrendered and let herself be molded against Spike as his rough tongue lapped at her shoulder.

"It's like being in bed with a big cat," Buffy whispered. "All you need is claws to knead with."

On cue, fingers spread across her stomach, Spike dilating and scratching them across her soft skin. His mouth continued its actions, either gnawing or licking her. She did feel like a kitten caught in its mother's arm and being given a bath. It was soothing. The first time that Spike had done it, Buffy had thought it was a sex game but soon found it was a way for a vampire to take care of one of his own. It was done between family members and only to give love or comfort. It usually would end up with the submissive partner drinking from the other but unless Angel was there, neither of them would be given the release they'd need. 

"Relax, Buffy," Spike whispered. "Neither of us is going to get any sleep until you do."

"I'm sorry for keeping you awake," Buffy said, curling further into a ball at his directions. "Do you want me to go upstairs?"

"No, I just wish that you…or I could…" Spike said, licking at the base of her spine. His hand slipped between her legs, petting her without the intention of really arousing her. "It's frustrating."  
  


"Do you ever want to turn me so that we…?" Buffy asked gasping as his fingers slipped inside her. 

"I like your heat," Spike said, pulling her onto her back. "I like listening to your heartbeat when I sleep." His head dipped between her legs to chew on the inside of her thighs. "It just leaves things unfinished when you can't take my blood."

Buffy reached down, her fingers dancing across his shoulders. "Is it wrong of me to want it too?"

In a flash, Spike covered her, his fingers brushing her hair away from her face. Golden eyes shined down at her in the dark and it was one of the safest sights she knew. There wasn't any fear when either of her mates let their demon through. Not to her anyway. The demons were a part of the creatures that loved her. And the demons along with the men would die to protect her. Maybe even more because they knew no fear. They were purely animalistic, possessive, and righteous in their demands of life and tempered only by the essence of the men left in them. Further tamed by Angel's soul and Spike's chip and need for love left her not fearing them. 

"I love you, pet," Spike said. "That is one of the nicest things you could say to me."

Her fingers reached up to trace the ridges of his face. He was beautiful in either incarnation and she sighed as she wished that Angel was as comfortable with that side of himself. Their mate didn't like for her to deal with his vampire side and couldn't understand why Buffy might love that part of him too just like she did with Spike. 

"He didn't come home tonight," Buffy said, wrapping her arms around Spike, pulling him down to cover her. "He said he would and he didn't."  
  


"He had his reasons," Spike said. "This thing with Faith has to be settled and Kate was out of town."

"How many other women do I need to share him with?"

Spike stiffened in her arms and rolled off. She'd done it again and when she reached for him, he didn't respond. Buffy flopped onto her back and stared through the darkness to try and see the ceiling. They kept tiptoeing around the subject of Angel. Spike kept defending him and she kept fighting to get some kind of response from their mate. Her hand covered her belly and she rubbed it…wishing for something…

"How long are you going to lie to yourself?" Spike asked, covering her hand. "I'm not trying to be mean, Luv, but we both know…"  
  


"That I'm not pregnant," Buffy finished, "That I'll never be pregnant. That I'll never have anything remotely normal and I'll never have Angel's love again…"

Tears flooded her eyes and she decided to have herself a good cry but the growl that broke through first wasn't one of comfort or possessiveness. It was one of anger. The sound of the dresser being overturned shocked Buffy into sitting up and turning the light on. She drew back from the sight of Spike as he screamed his rage and drew his lips back in an act of aggression. 

"I'm sick of this," Spike yelled, "The two of you, constantly complaining, constantly pulling on me. You think I'm going to leave you for him and he thinks I'm going to leave him for you. What happened to the three of us?" He paced the room, his arms gesturing wildly. "You're both too bloody human to deal with anything anymore. I wish he'd hurry up and find someone to remove this fucking chip so I can be free."

"Remove the chip?" Buffy asked hesitantly. Spike pounced, landing on the bed, forcing her to lie down again. His forced breathing was heavy in her face as his fingers repeated Angel's journey earlier that night, along her hair then down her cheeks. It was almost comforting to her even if it was supposed to be an act of intimidation. Her hand covered Spike's and kissed his palm, "I think it's a good idea."

In the next second with a shake of his head she was staring up at her mate's human guise again. The wonder in his eyes was amazing and a sense of power flooded her. In these moments when she knew that someone else's heart and happiness depended on her gave her an understanding of what cruelty could be. They thought she didn't understand but in so many ways she did. Like earlier when Angel threatened to teach her obedience, she had no clue of what he'd do exactly but she knew that it would make her feel unloved and unneeded. So much so that she'd give him anything to keep him near. Just like she knew that she could play Spike along, use him to get what she wanted, treat him like shit and only give him enough crumbs to keep him coming back. She wouldn't though because when he looked at her like he did now everything inside her melted. It was humbling.

"I'm sorry, Spike," Buffy whispered, sitting up to pull him into her arms. "You're right. I have been putting you in the middle and I shouldn't."

"Never, lamb, never," Spike whispered, pushing her onto her back and peppering kisses along her skin. "Love you so much, need you so much, we have to make it work…the three of us…I need you both so much."

"Let's go to LA."

"Tonight?" Spike asked, spreading her legs to settle between them. "You mean now?"

Buffy laughed then sighed as he entered her. "In a little while…In a little while…"

_to be continued…_


	19. Harder to Breathe

**Chapter 19 – Harder to Breathe**

It was almost two in the morning and Buffy was questioning her earlier decision to come to Los Angeles. She reached out and grabbed the back of Spike's duster before he could open Angel's door. He looked over his shoulder at her, waiting for her to state what was on her mind and she danced in place for a second trying to come to a decision without sounding indecisive.

"It'll be okay, pet," Spike said, chuckling. "He's our mate all the time not just at certain times."

"Thanks," Buffy muttered. "Well, go ahead." She gestured at the door for him to go ahead and Spike tossed a smile at her before opening it. The one thing she didn't want, which was to feel like a child, and Spike had unwittingly made sure she felt exactly that way. Not that she really blamed him. It was her. Angel wasn't immune, either, because he was the one yanking her emotions over the scales and she was beginning to suspect that it was deliberate. 

Buffy gave Spike a quick kiss as she passed him and headed down the stairs to Angel's place. Her mind was running scenarios for how to handle telling Angel why she had dragged Spike to LA in the middle of the night. She rounded the curve and looked up. Her hand went to cover her mouth as she stared at the scene before her. Angel was holding Faith. The other Slayer's arms were wrapped tightly around Angel as his hands moved over her back.

"Not interrupting anything, are we?" Spike asked, brushing past Buffy to stand before Angel.

Angel stood, reaching for his shirt as his eyes flickered between his mates. It was only as he buttoned his shirt that it registered with Buffy that he'd been half-naked…in the middle of the night…holding Faith.

"Oh, God, oh God," Buffy muttered, as she stepped back. She hit the wall behind her and the instinctive need to fight or flee overwhelmed her. "How could you?"

"Nothing happened," Angel said, reaching for Spike but when he turned away from him, he reached for Buffy. "A lot has been going on in the past couple of days."

"Well, excuse us," Spike said. "But that is kind of obvious."

"Look, B," Faith said. "I'm sorry but…"

"Don't apologize," Buffy said, glaring at the brunette Slayer. "Or I will beat you to death."

"Stop it, Buffy," Angel said. "You're acting just like you accuse her of being…"

Buffy's open hand snapping Angel's head to the side cut off any further explanation. Angel stared at Buffy but it was like something closing down in him. The coldness was there just like it had been two nights before when he'd threatened to teach her obedience and in that moment she gave up. Buffy was tired, overwhelmed by the expectations put upon her, and at the moment feeling lonelier than she had ever been. Even when she was living away from everything she'd ever known in Daytona. 

"I'm sorry, Spike," Buffy whispered. Her voice was ragged with the tears she was trying to hold back. "This has nothing to do with you. I love you more than I ever thought I could but right now I need to be alone."

"Running away?" Angel sneered. "Every time that Buffy can't handle something she runs away or goes into…"

"No, Angel," Buffy said calmly. "I'm not running away. I'm walking away from a situation I can't handle right now. Whatever you say I'm not going to believe and all I want is to kill her. I need to think and to slow down."

The hardest thing was the look on Spike's face. He was as devastated by Angel's betrayal as Buffy was or maybe even more and she couldn't be there for him. She couldn't take him with her. All she could hope is that he would understand her need to be alone so that she could listen to her own heart. Buffy gave him one last tremulous smile before she turned and walked away. She didn't know where she was going just as long as it wasn't with them. Without thinking of directions she started to walk the streets, not really afraid, but keeping her instincts on high alert just in case. The sidewalk didn't change as she covered block after block and eventually her own voice began to be heard over the din of all the other voices telling her what was best for her. 

It may have been hours that she'd been walking, time had ceased to matter. Her mind was still unraveling and her emotions were still rumbling but she was feeling better. With a sigh she looked up to see where she was. Her brows furrowed as she looked around at the unfamiliar territory.

"Oh, bloody hell," Buffy muttered. She had no clue where she was. At first she reached for her cell phone then remembered it was in Spike's duster. So, she patted her pockets for change when a scream interrupted her search. She quickly located the disturbance and ran toward it. She paused briefly at the entrance to the alley to take stock of what was happening. Two vampires were double teaming one human male who was putting up a valiant fight. Without further hesitation she ran to help. 

~~~~~~~

Spike watched Buffy walk away, unable to process her exit. In that moment he wasn't sure what was hurting him more, Angel's unfaithfulness or Buffy's desertion. He had never thought that he would lose both of them. He stood there, reeling with the emotions that were coursing through him, needing and wanting someone to tell him that it was a nightmare. That he was home in bed, cuddled between his mates, the way it used to be but the fates didn't seem to be with him this night. He had submitted to them both and their promises of love; had given up his plans and desires to play them against each other because he had believed that they were forever.

"It's not the way it looks," Angel repeated. His hand cupped the back of Spike's neck forcing him to look up at him. "I haven't done anything that I should be ashamed of."

"No, of course not," Spike said. "In the old days we always did that, didn't we? Play games with humans, fuck around and maybe if that was all it was, I could understand, but her? Faith? She has caused so many problems for Buffy and for you. And now I think it has destroyed us."

"Faith, go wait upstairs in my office," Angel said, adding a firm now when the girl tried to protest. Once she was gone Angel pulled Spike close. "Don't. I was only comforting her. Things have been rough the last couple of days and I think she is coming around."

"I won't share you with her," Spike said. 

"You don't have to," Angel whispered against his ear while his hands moved over his lover's body. "You know how much I love you. Don't worry. I'm always going to be here for you."

The words were all the right ones. All the ones that Spike longed to hear but they weren't reaching his heart. How could they? They were only said to manipulate him into complying with Angel's desires. Spike shoved his mate away from him. He made a quick turn, located what he wanted and strode toward it. On the way his duster was thrown across the couch, his shirt on the floor. He grabbed a whip from the wall and threw it to Angel. With tears in his eyes he leaned against the wall stretching his arms out so that his back was offered to his mate. 

"If you are going to force me to submit," Spike said; the raspy stumbling of his words making his pain visible in its tone. "Do it the right way. Do it in the blood that it is intended. Don't bring me to my knees with fancy talk that won't mean anything in the end."

"William," Angel laughed. "I'm not lying to you."

"Yes, you are." Spike said. His head was bowed to hide his shame. "God, Angel, I know you and I can smell it, hers and yours. How can you even think of lying to me?" He glanced behind him. "Do it. You want to. The blood lust is there. Your hand is even shaking with how much you want to strike me."

Spike looked into Angel's eyes that told him all that he needed to know. The conflict was raging in the depths of those coffee eyes. It hurt him to see Angel in that much pain because that was what it was. His Sire didn't want to hurt his mates. It was the depths of the demon that was bringing such turmoil to the surface; the need to rule, to cause pain, to feed again, and even to take pets. Spike had smelled the arousal as soon as he and Buffy had walked into the room. Maybe Angel thought he could control it but he was playing a dangerous game. He liked playing the hero, craved the worship that came from it, and Angelus would want the conquest. Faith would willingly go along with it even if it was only to hurt Buffy.  And she needed the power that Angel could provide. 

The whip was thrown to the floor and Angel shook his head. "No, Will, no, I don't want it. I don't." His hands covered his face. "I don't want to hurt you like that again. Please." Angel looked up at Spike. 

It was all Spike needed. He went to his Sire, wrapping his arms around him. If Angel was asking for help there was still hope left. The man hadn't lost to the demon yet. The two men embraced searching for the comfort and reassurance they both needed. Spike held onto his mate as if his life depended on it. They had come so far and he wasn't going to lose the vampire in his arms. His back would have been gladly given if it meant that Angel could find the outlet he needed instead of being with Faith. Any sacrifice was worth it to keep the three of them together.

"Angel, you can't let him win," Spike said. "The two of you are merging and you need to keep control."

"I'm beginning to feel like Jekyll and Hyde," Angel confessed. "Demon one second, me the next, it's almost like the soul slips away sometimes. I don't know."

"Things need to change. A lot of things."

There was a part of Spike that would welcome the demon taking dominance. It was the part of him that was also demon that was still hungering for the evil and violence of the old days. There was even a part of him that would have welcomed the whip. But it seemed that the man that had been emerging wanting the warmth of his mates and family around him was taking precedence in his heart. It was with them that for the first time in his existence that he had found the security he'd always needed. 

Angel stepped away. They both knew in the end the only one that could decide the outcome of the struggle would be Angel himself. It was almost a mirror of the days when he'd been first souled. Angel had struggled to remain as he was before, a master vampire intent on creating destruction and taking life as he saw fit. In the moment that he had saved the baby from Darla the soul had won over the demon and Angel had spent a century in remorse. In removing the clause from the soul it had once again given Angel the opportunity to choose his fate. There was no need for brooding and running from happiness. There was no longer a need to temper his passions and the demon demanded to be heard again. Maybe even in the freedom to make love and to be loved it had released the other desires within him. The desires that was only natural to a vampire. 

"Spike, I don't want to hurt you or Buffy," Angel said, running his hands along the back of the couch. "And I don't want to lose you either."

"Then you need to make us your priority," Spike said, perching on the couch so that Angel had no choice but to look at him. "It's what Buffy needs if she ever gives you another chance. It's what I need. We all need you in Sunnydale not playing hero in Los Angeles. Besides if your home where you belong then we can help you cope with the changes."

"How, Spike?" Angel growled, running his hand through his hair. "I'm supposed to be here taking care of the hopeless. I've got a business to run to keep all of us afloat. But when I'm here I think about what is going on there and vice versa."

There were footsteps on the stairs and the two males turned to find Faith hovering on the landing. She crossed her arms as she looked from one to the other.

"I've got an idea if you two are willing to hear it."

_to be continued…_


	20. To Never Go Back

**Chapter 20 – To Never Go Back**

"What makes you think that we would want anything from you?" Spike asked, dismissing the girl who continued down the stairs toward them. He looked back at Angel who was staring at Faith. His face was an unreadable mask. It made Spike uneasy because he knew his mate did want something from the girl; something that could destroy their family.  "Sorry, we're not interested," he added for emphasize but for the other two he had ceased to exist.

"What did you have in mind, Faith?" 

Buffy always referred to Angel as her Angel, giving their mate a power that was almost omnipotent in its context. It appeared that their mate had come to believe that power was really his. He stood before Faith like a god waiting to wield his judgment over her life. Spike snickered as he moved to stand closer to his mate. The gesture was meant to remind his Sire that he was exactly that and already sworn for life to others. The quick glance given him by Angel let Spike know that he hadn't been forgotten.

"Thin walls, you know," Faith said, attempting to cover up the fact that she had been eavesdropping. Neither vampire commented as they waited for her suggestion that was supposed to make all their lives better. "Look, the solution is easy. You get me out of this murder rap they want to hang me with and I work LA. That leaves you, Angel, free to baby-sit the kiddies."

"Not likely," Spike scoffed. "And besides you'd be the one that needs babysitting."

"At least I don't whine," Faith said. Her eyes raked over Spike leaving no doubt that she considered him to be nothing. "Oh, you never have time for me. Don't you love me anymore?"

Spike lunged for her fully intending on breaking her neck. Totally forgotten in his anger was his chip. It was only Angel's arms around him that caught him before he could set it off. 

"Let me go," Spike yelled, struggling to free himself. "I'm going to kill her."

"And cause yourself great pain," Angel said, holding him tight. "She's not worth that."

Spike twisted a couple of more times for show before settling down. His Sire's words had been enough to relieve his anger. He wasn't going to give Faith something else to torment him with by letting her think he was submissive to his mate. Spike knew that he would have gotten the release he needed if Buffy was there. She would have gone after the other Slayer and he would have held their mate back so that Faith could be taught the lesson she needed. And that was something that Spike would enjoy watching. 

"Going to behave now?" Faith asked.

"Be quiet," Angel barked, stepping between the two. "Before I totally lose it with this childish behavior why don't you tell me why you want to help?"

If he didn't know better, Spike might have fallen for the look on Faith's face. She looked almost remorseful as she looked around the apartment. She spread her arms out and shrugged before looking back at Angel.

"I can't undo what happened," Faith said. "We've talked a lot these last couple of days. There's a part of you that believes in me despite your loyalty to them. I want to believe, too. In prison I can't do anything but sit there. If I'm out here, I can help out. Try to make things right."

For the second time that night, Spike was hearing all the right words without believing their sincerity. Angel did though or he wanted to. Faith was an unfinished deed. Wesley had screwed up Angel's last attempt to help the wayward Slayer. It was something that had to be bothering his Sire on some level. His appointed mission in life was to help people and the ones that he couldn't help weighed heavy on his soul. To have a second chance had to be tempting. 

"How do we know that you aren't just going to take off when we're not looking?" Spike asked, deciding to support Angel instead of fighting what looked to be a battle he couldn't win. "I mean, we go through all this trouble to help you and then, poof, you're gone."

"I don't know," Faith said, "Except to tell you that I won't."

"You would answer to not only me but to Spike and Buffy also," Angel said, standing straighter and shoving his hands in his pockets. "And you would have to work with Cordelia and Doyle. There isn't room for a loner in this family. We all work and fight together."

"I can do it if they can."

"Oh, come on," Spike exclaimed. "You'd take orders from Buffy…from me? You hate her, you try to ignore that I exist and you want Angel. Do you think you can just go out and buy humble? I'm not falling for that particular line."

He got the reaction he wanted as a flash of anger crossed Faith's face. She wasn't the contrite individual she was trying to claim she was. Her admission of guilt was gone in a second. The innocent expression returned before her eyes even hit the floor. It was a great masquerade and Spike hoped that Angel had seen it.

"I agree with Spike," Angel said. "You've never been one to take orders. Buffy tried to make you a part of the team in Sunnydale but you kept pushing them away. I know that you're hurting, Faith, and that you want to change but I won't have this family torn apart."

"Why do you keep saying family?" Faith asked. "I mean, I know why they all hover around Buffy but when did you all decide you were family?"

"Buffy is mated to me and Spike by blood ritual," Angel said. "She became my family and the others are a part of it by right of claim. You were correct that first night when you were talking about a Slayer listening to a vampire. She is mine and my voice is the one she obeys."

"Or what?" Faith asked. 

"Something you don't want to know," Spike said. His voice held all the quiet terror at the remembered punishment at Angelus' hand. A brief glimpse of fear from Faith's eyes and he knew his warning had hit home. The slight trembling of his body from its own memories only added to the effect that he was frightened of incurring that punishment again.

Spike watched as Angel stepped closer to the girl. Towering over her petite frame his Sire stared into her eyes. Faith swallowed as she tried to straighten up but things had changed for her. The bravado she wore as a shield was wearing down under Angel. A part of her had come to trust the vampire and now she was facing a part of him she had only caught a glimpse of before.

"I told you that I would help you…be here for you," Angel said. "But in return I need your loyalty."

"And do you want me to obey you, too?" Faith asked, tossing her hair over her shoulder. "Like a dog on a leash or something?"

"Or something," Angel replied. "There is a ritual of magic and blood that would link you to me. Under this I will always instinctively be able to find you and if need be force you into following my orders. Agree to this and I'll find a way to get you out of the charges against you."

"No way," Faith exclaimed, backing away. "I'm not going to be your little pet."

"Well, pet," Spike said, deliberately insulting her. "It doesn't seem like you have much choice in the matter. It's either giving full trust to Angel or going to prison. I'm sure if you be a good little girl and do what you're supposed to do then you'll have the freedom to do what you want."

"He's right, Faith," Angel said. "If you're telling the truth then you have nothing to worry about. I wouldn't invoke the power unless you gave me a reason to. It's your life and your future to decide."

Spike wasn't sure how strong the bond between the two already was. There was clearly a silent conversation going on between the two as they stared at each other. He would prefer the brunette going to prison and being out of their way but the possibility that it would enable Angel to come home was enticing. The spell that would be performed would make Faith little more than a slave to Angel if he used the control that would be given him. It was never done to anyone that would be considered worthy of being a mate. It was another sign that although Angel might care and want the girl he wouldn't ever love her. 

It was up to Faith. Spike sat down to wait the end of this. Faith was mulling over her choices, occasionally casting glances his way, as she moved around the apartment. Buffy crossed his mind and he wondered where she had gone to. Had she headed home or was she still in Los Angeles? He glanced at Angel still holding his stance, never giving an inch, as he too waited. 

"Deal," Faith said. 

"Good choice," Angel said. He nodded toward his bedroom. "We'll talk in the morning. Go ahead and sleep. Spike and I have unfinished business."

With only a nod to give her compliance, Faith headed for the other room. This time it was the vampires who headed upstairs. The moment Spike stepped into Angel's office he strode to the window hoping to see Buffy coming back. She wasn't there and with a sigh he turned to Angel.

"I'm worried about her," Spike said. 

Angel joined him at the window to peer out into the pre-dawn light. "So, am I, William, so am I."

~~~~~~~~

The man grunted his appreciation as Buffy catapulted into the fight. She leaped over the trashcans so that she was behind the two vampires. Her movements confused them long enough for them to be divided. Her frustration found its release as she punched the being in front of her. A kick to his mid-section sent the vampire flying into the wall. She took advantage of his dazed state sending him bursting into a cloud of dust. 

Buffy turned to help take out the other vampire only to watch it also being destroyed. 

"Well, that took care of that. Now, didn't it?" the man said.

"Yes, it did," Buffy said, sensing something familiar about him. She stepped closer to try and identify him but he stayed in the shadows. "Do I know you?"

He laughed as he stepped forward into the light and even then it took her a moment longer to recognize him.

"Oh, my God, Wesley is that you?"

"Yes, it's me Buffy," Wesley answered. "I certainly never thought that I would run into you here of all places."

"Angel has a place here now…," Buffy said. Her voice tapered off when she took in the rest of her former Watcher. Gone was the bumbling prissy man that she and the others used to make fun of. Instead before her stood a man with an air of confidence with an added emphasize on man. He was rugged now from his unshaved face to leather pants and all the way down to his snake skin boots. She licked her lips unconsciously as she made her way back up to his face. She knew she'd been caught when she saw his knowing smile. A blush covered her face and she looked away.

"Really, why is Angel living here now?" 

"He…umm…the Powers That Be kind of ordered him here," Buffy explained, trying to regain her equilibrium. "But he's in Sunnydale as much as possible with me and Spike."

"Spike and you?" Wesley asked in confusion. "You surely don't mean William the Bloody do you?"

"A lot has happened since you left," Buffy said, walking from the alley. She sat on the curb relieved that Wesley followed suit. He wasn't exactly the kind that inspired anyone to confide in him but he was the only one around for Buffy to talk to. Maybe his attitudes had changed with his appearance. "Tell me what you've been doing since graduation." It seemed only polite to ask him before she unloaded all her problems on his shoulders.

"I've been spending my time looking for demons," Wesley said. "Not much else other than that. I've been doing a lot of traveling. So, tell me what's been going on in your life."

"Did some traveling too," Buffy said. "I left home, went to Florida, Angel came to get me, he brought Spike with him, and the three of us are together now."

"You mean the three of you are…well, to put this delicately are in a ménage a trois?"

"Yes."

The expression on Wesley's face made Buffy smile. It was kind of fun to shock someone with the news of her relationship to the vampires. 

"What does Giles have to say about this?"

"It's my life," Buffy said quietly. 

"I mean how…Spike; does he have a soul also?"

Buffy shook her head and sighed. She explained the chip to Wesley then moved on to the spell that had freed Angel to love her. Slowly, encouraged by the Watcher's gentle questions and nonjudgmental manner, Buffy explained her life and the problems she was currently facing. 

"It would appear that he was merging with Angelus into one personality," Wesley said. "Weren't you warned that it might happen?"

All her questions were answered with that one statement. Buffy wondered if that was one of the things that her mates never got around to talking to her about. Fury swept through her. How dare he know something so important and not tell her? He could play with her emotions, manipulate her into doing what he wanted but yet never utter one sentence that would clarify it all. 

"Angelus said something while we were performing the spell," Buffy said, her eyes narrowing. "He's known all along and has just been playing me." 

"Buffy, if Angel is aware of it then it would be safe to say that Spike would too, He knew Angelus intimately and would recognize him."

Tears ran down her face at knowing that Spike had betrayed her also, He had tried to keep her safe but he'd known. If they'd just told her it would have made everything so much easier. 

"How could they hurt me like that?" Buffy cried. "He let me think that I was doing something wrong."

"May I offer some advice?" Wesley asked, awkwardly patting her back. At her nod he continued. "I doubt that either of them was intentionally trying to hurt you. It would have been his Angelus personality that would have manipulated you. For as long as I've known you, Buffy, your happiness and confidence depended on how well your relationship with Angel was going. In the end you have only yourself to count on and you need to quit letting him be the center of your world."

"How can I do that? He's been there through everything. I don't know how to do it."

"What about when you were in Florida?"

Memories washed over her. She'd been happy enough there. She'd felt freer than she ever had and Angel had been an aching memory that had faded a little more with each passing day. Since being back with him they'd fallen back into their old roles. It didn't have to be that way. The talk with Wesley and her earlier introspection had made her want to take back control of her own life. She still wanted to be with her mates but she didn't want to be dependent upon them for everything from her shelter to her happiness. It was time that things changed for all of them.

"Thanks Wesley," Buffy said, smiling at him. "You made me remember and I know I can do it. It seems the fates have brought us together tonight. So, since you helped me I want to return the favor."

"There's no need."

"Sure there is," Buffy said. "I think we need you in the group again. Would you like to go back with me; work with us?"

"I'm fine, really," Wesley said, standing. "It was good to see you."

"Not so fast," Buffy said, standing also. "Do you have a place to go? A job?"

"Well, no…"

"Good you do now," Buffy said, smiling at him. "First assignment in your new position is to get me back to Angel Investigations in one piece."

"That I can do," Wesley said, capitulating with a smile. 

The first rays of sunlight stretched across the sidewalk and Buffy knew that the night had taken with it the impossible weight of yesterday's problems. There were still going to be things to work out but for now she felt better than she had in a long time. 

She climbed on the back of Wesley's motorcycle for the ride back to her mates. Eager to see them she smiled as they took off. Maybe she didn't just have to wish anymore…

_to be continued…_


	21. Divided by Truths

**Chapter 21 – Divided by Truths**

They could hear the sound of an engine reverberating through the empty morning street. Spike dashed to the window to check to see if it was Buffy finally returning to them. The last few hours spent waiting to hear from her had driven his emotions into a frenzy of worry. His logical side accepted that she was a Slayer with all the skills of a warrior to ward off attacks. It was the protector in him that feared for the sometimes naïve young woman alone on the streets of Los Angeles.

The sight waiting for him did nothing to bring him relief. Buffy was climbing off the back of a motorcycle in a flash of teeth and golden hair tossed over her shoulder. The man she was with said something and she laughed up at him. Jealousy weaved all his feelings together into an explosion waiting to happen. A warning growl echoed through the almost empty office as he watched them enter the building.

"Is it her?" Angel asked.

"Yes, and she's got some bloke with her," Spike answered, turning to look back at his mate. 

Footsteps pounding up the stairs muted out the conversation of the pair as they came toward them. The words were barely distinguishable but the coquettish lilt to Buffy's voice was a like a song they hadn't heard in forever. The smile that lit her face when she walked through the door was just as foreign. It hurt Spike more than he wanted to admit even to himself. Every insecurity he had came tumbling to the forefront as he witnessed Buffy being happier with someone else than she had been with them in a long time. Angel's hand on his back reassured him that he was not the only one stinging from her actions.

She faltered when saw them waiting for her but defiance replaced her fear. Her lack of concern for what she had put them through only added to Spike's already overloaded system.  He wanted justification and in her indifference to him he found what he needed. A nod from Angel and they moved in synchronicity.  Spike held Buffy against him as his Sire pushed her companion into the wall with his forearm at the man's throat. Angel vamped out and growled his displeasure causing the man to pull back as far as he could. A grin of satisfaction danced across Spike's face as he smelled the fear return.

"Angel, stop it," Buffy said, pulling free from Spike. She slipped between the two men and pushed back on her mate. "It's Wesley. Remember he was mine and Faith's Watcher."

"Yes, yes, it's me," Wesley sputtered. "I'm your old friend, Wesley, remember?"

"You were no friend of mine," Angel stated, releasing him with obvious reluctance as his eyes swept over Wesley taking in the changes. He turned to Spike motioning him to stand beside him as he slipped back into human guise. "This is quite a change for you."

"Time makes a difference for us all," Wesley said. "You must be Spike. Buffy has told me quite a bit about you; all good of course."

Spike took his time perusing the man before him. He'd heard of Wesley from both of his mates but this didn't match their descriptions of him. The Watcher he'd heard about was someone that he wouldn't think twice about letting Buffy be alone with. This man he didn't want anywhere near his girl. 

"You must have been seeing her for awhile if she has had the time to tell you that much," Spike said coldly stepping closer to him. "She hasn't mentioned you except in the past tense."

Angel moved in so that Wesley was forced back against the wall again. "This is true. How long have you been seeing Buffy? And what exactly is your business with her?"

"We just ran into each other tonight," Wesley said. "I haven't seen her since graduation."

Buffy laughed and stepped between her mates and Wesley. She looked up at Angel, tilted her head as she studied him for a moment. "We weren't doing anything more than what you claimed you and Faith were doing tonight."

The shadow of his guilt crossing Angel's face left no doubt that his encounter with Faith hadn't been totally innocent. _How much more hurt can I take?_ Spike thought as he watched the two beings he loved more than anyone else face off yet again.  He blinked back tears as he watched them wondering how long it was going to take before it was all over. How long until he was forced to choose between them? 

A hand curled into his and he looked down to see Buffy holding onto him. She didn't give any other indication that he was there. He squeezed it and some of his anxiety was alleviated when she returned the gesture. 

"Touché, Buffy," Angel said. He turned to Wesley. "Thank you for bringing her home. I'm sure there must be places that you need to be."

The Watcher glanced at Buffy as if he was waiting for something. Her deep intake of air warned Spike that something was about to happen that he and Angel wouldn't like. It was times like this that he felt the most torn. He closed his eyes as he waited for her to say the words that would probably only take more life from their relationship.

"He's not going anywhere," Buffy said, ignoring the growl from Angel. "We could use his expertise here in Los Angeles."

Spike laughed. What else could he do? There was nothing they could say to refute her decision. They'd chosen to retain Faith to help with Los Angeles without consulting Buffy so it seemed that it was only right for her to do the same. 

"Expertise in what?" Angel retorted. "Letting me die, destroying Faith."

"Don't," Buffy said. "Things and people change. Isn't that what you're going to tell me about Faith? I bet she's still here too. It doesn't seem to matter to you how I feel about something. You make life altering choices without me all the time."

"Isn't that what I'm supposed to do?" Angel asked. "Take care of you. Tell me, Buffy, what exactly do you want from me?"

"I want you to love me." 

Through his other tangled emotions pride became a dominating force within Spike as he watched her stand straighter to return their lover's stare without even a flinch. Something had changed Buffy while she'd been gone. A strength that he hadn't seen before made her almost glow in its power. Desire stirred his loins as he stared at the potential radiating from the girl revealing the woman she was becoming. If she didn't let go of it under Angelus' duress then there might be a chance she'd earn his demon's respect. 

"I do love you and if you would quit whining you'd see that." Angel snapped. 

"Maybe this isn't the time," Wesley said, interrupting them. "It's been a long emotional night for everyone."

Angel snorted. "It's always that way around Buffy."

"Wesley," Buffy said, ignoring Angel. "I agree this isn't the best time. There's a hotel down the street why…"

"No," Spike said, trying to keep her from leaving again. "There's an empty office down the hall with a couch in it if you don't mind roughing it a bit."

"That would be fine," Wesley answered with a laugh. "It's probably better than some of the other places that I have stayed lately.

The three faced off as Spike waited. Neither Buffy nor Angel seemed to be willing to give but it was finally his Sire that relented with a slight nod of his head. The relief was evident in the exhales of the humans. Spike stepped back slightly when Angel held his hand out indicating for Wesley to proceed into the hall.

"I'll show you where the office is," Angel said, giving a glance to Buffy before leaving the room. "We'll talk when I get back."

Buffy nodded, watching them walk away before closing the door with a decisive thud. She seemed to be in quandary about something and Spike waited. The only sound in the room around them was the sound of Buffy's breathing. The sun was attempting to sneak through the gaps in the blinds and he stepped away from the windows.

"I'm sorry, Spike," Buffy said, following him toward the couch. "I needed some time alone."

"You didn't seem very alone to me," Spike said, sitting down. "It seems you found yourself someone that makes you happy."

"You make me happy," Buffy whispered, kneeling between his legs. "I love you." Her hands slid along his thighs to his belt. "I promise you that no matter what happens between Angel and me that I will always be yours. I won't make you choose between us."

"I don't want to choose between you," Spike said, sliding his ass closer to the edge as she undid his pants. "I want both of you with me. The way we promised."

"I intend to do everything I can to keep that promise," she said, before leaning down to take him into her mouth.

"Oh, my, God, Buffy," Spike ground out as she sucked his cock. She knew everything that he enjoyed but this time it seemed she wasn't just out to please him. She was devouring him whole. The heat of her mouth slid along his shaft, alternating from sucking to licking him with long strokes. The pleasure was inducing him into a haze that he never wanted to return from.

The door opened and Angel stepped through. Their activities didn't even faze him as he closed the door behind him before leaning against his desk. Their eyes met but Spike couldn't hold his gaze as Buffy pushed him to fulfillment. Every stroke of her tongue along his length took him closer and when she cupped his balls, squeezing them softly, he fell over the precipice she was pushing him toward. Buffy lovingly arranged him back into his pants, fastening them before she stood to face their mate. 

"We need to talk, Angel," Buffy said. "Or should I say Angelus?"

"We are the same person."

Her arms crossed as she sat on the couch. Spike could feel the slight tremor of her body that appeared to be relaxed as she settled closer to him.

"Yet Angel has never treated me the way that you have," Buffy said. "You seem to have a real talent for making me feel unloved."

"And you have a talent for emasculating the very men that you proclaim to love. You run off, leaving us to wonder if you're all right, then you think a blow job is going to make it all go away."

Spike stood, looking around as if for a place to hide. Everything was starting to implode and he didn't want to watch. If there was only a way for them to see each other through his eyes maybe they wouldn't have to go through this. He felt Buffy stand beside him but he refused to look at her. He guessed she gave up vying for his attention when she moved away.

"Angel, I love you," Buffy said with determination. Spike looked up to witness her cupping their mate's face. "I love both of you." She sighed. "We need to talk not fight. I wish you had told me everything; about Angelus, about the chip and yes, even about Faith. I know that you love me even if I'm not feeling it right now. So, I'm going to give you some time to work things out."

_Please Angel, don't mess this up. She's trying._

"All right," Angel said. "Stay for today and we'll talk after I get a few things settled."

Buffy nodded and gave Spike a sense of hope that he hadn't felt since their arrival earlier that night. It was only compounded as his mates embraced. Their faces showed the love they had for each other. He was drawn to them and they welcomed him into their arms.   

_to be continued…_


	22. Sprouting Wings

**Chapter 22 – Sprouting Wings**

Angel knelt at the feet of his lovers, placing the sketch he'd drawn of them on the corner of the pallet they slept on.  The two blondes were curled together. Buffy's arm flung across Spike's stomach while his face was turned toward hers. The perfect portrait of fated beings reaching out to each other even in slumber and the artist in him couldn't ignore the chance to capture their beauty. 

His mind shifted to the night before to the hug that had felt like a new beginning. On tentative emotions they hadn't spoken of anything unpleasant instead they had worked together to get the makeshift bed made up. In the morning light Buffy and he had both made love to Spike; pouring the emotions they couldn't speak of for each other onto the mate they both adored. His Childe: the connection that held them together. Angel smiled at his new awareness of the love he had for Spike. It was one of the few things he and Angelus agreed upon. 

Angel's eyes flickered to the woman-child who was his mate. The only woman he had ever chosen to stand beside him. Unable to resist her allure he edged closer to her side. His hand splayed across her lower back, pushing the sheet lower on her bottom even as he kissed the sensitive area between her shoulder blades. Buffy stirred in her sleep but he brushed her hair away from her face and whispered to her, "Don't wake up; sleep and dream of happier times."

"I love you," Buffy mumbled, never opening her eyes.

"I love you too," Angel whispered before kissing the corner of her mouth even as his fingers traced the edge of Spike's cheekbone. Satisfied that his mates were for the moment well he stood.  

They had taught him what love was. They had shown him how to express it and they made him feel safe enough to lose himself in its power. They were lessons that had humbled him in its glory and struck terror in the heart of his demon. Now in his struggle to maintain the good within him he wanted to be certain his mates were strong enough to be independent of him. It was the greatest gift that he could give to them. He could only hope that the love between would find a way to prevail and they would still be together at the end of this trial.  

Buffy was already changing. He had seen it in her last night when she had stood up to him. An action that he'd both cheered and mourned. His little girl was growing up. He knew it was for the best if she was to survive what was to come. It would be the only way she would be able to destroy him if Angelus ever became the dominant force within him.

Angel could never tell her that he allowed his darker side almost free reign around her. It hurt him to watch her suffer but she needed to learn.  In the end when it was all lying in tattered ruins the only thing Buffy would have to rely on would be herself. She needed to find that strength that lay within her very essence before it became necessary. It was just that the demon and the man had different avenues to getting her there. Discipline and obedience were two things she needed to learn but they wanted it in different degrees for different reasons. 

Angelus wanted Buffy to be submissive to him. He was working against what Angel wanted by wanting to force the Slayer to her knees before him. It was the only way the demon could accept a Slayer into his life. For her to be broken to his every whim and Angel would never allow that. He would rather lay down his own life before Buffy was nothing more than another Drusilla. 

Angel was fighting to make Buffy more powerful than she had ever been. The discipline that would make her able to react beyond her emotions even in a fight that was personal. He knew that even against Glory her hunger for victory had to be stronger than her need to protect Dawn. His desire for her to be obedient was so that she would remember his voice telling her how to react. He drove her harder than she ever had been before so that the moves would be ingrained in her. There could be no room for weakness. 

And now that Buffy was on her way it was time to free Spike.

The office door was closed softly behind him as Angel stepped into the hallway. He was supposed to meet a doctor that he'd been told could remove Spike's chip. It would give his Childe the choices to truly be what he wanted. He wouldn't have to fear the very humans that should quake in his presence. Spike would never again feel that he had to stay with Buffy and his Sire because he couldn't protect himself. Finally he would know he was truly loved when neither of his mates rejected him because he didn't have a leash anymore. True power would be Spike's again restoring him to the status he once held. 

All of Angel's plans were falling into place giving him a sense of peace. If his worst fears came true and he was unable to stay with his mates he would know that they were able to survive without him. They would be stronger than they had ever been and most importantly they would be loved.

His fingers ran across the glass of his office before he left. It was getting harder everyday to stay in control of the evil that threatened him. He laughed at the thought that it would be his own black heart that would destroy his life. Once he would have relished the yearning for blood and mayhem. Now it was nothing but a nightmare he couldn't wake from. 

"Angel?" Wesley said, from the open doorway of the office he'd stayed in. "Are you all right?"

"I'm fine," Angel replied, turning toward the Watcher. He approached the other man eyeing him with curiosity. "So, you want to work for me?"

"It wasn't exactly my intention when I came to Los Angeles," Wesley answered. "I am at a cross roads and Buffy mentioned that you needed help. With my training and experience as a Watcher I feel that I could be of use to you."

"You don't work for the Council anymore?"

There was a faltering in Wesley's stance as the question hit a sensitive spot but Angel only waited patiently for the answer. After the fiasco of the fight against the Mayor and Faith it would be ludicrous for the Council to retain such a poor excuse of a Watcher. Yet Wesley was right. He did have the training and expertise that they needed here in Los Angeles. The constant calls they made to Giles was both annoying and ineffectual. It kept the older man from concentrating on his research of Glory and it was almost impossible to get copies of the information to them. 

"No," Wesley responded. His eyes lingered on the ground but somehow he found his backbone as he straightened and met Angel's gaze. "Actually they fired me for my inability to control my charges and for failing to destroy you."

"Giles couldn't control Buffy and he stopped trying after her eighteenth birthday," Angel said.  "And I don't think any human could control Faith."

"Yes, I suspect you are quite right," Wesley said, chuckling. "As much as they proclaim their differences they are similar in many ways. They are both determined to do things their way." He paused as if he had finally realized the meaning of Angel's words. "Any human? Buffy said that Faith was here but that she was turning herself in."

"She will but we are going to arrange for her to get out," Angel said. "She will be working with us. There will be a ritual performed to tie her to me…"

"Theagenenes** Binding?" Wesley asked. "Faith has agreed to such a thing?"

"It was either be bound to me by blood or going to prison. She chose the lesser of her two evils."

"And you, Angel?" Wesley asked, stepping back. "Have you chosen wisely? Are you going to be able to resist the temptation of having her under your control? Will Angelus?"

The Watcher had changed in his absence after all. A small degree of respect began to grow for Wesley having the courage to question him. It was unfortunate that he questioned Angel on a subject that only riled his anger. Faith was a temptation to him. With her by his side he could quickly control the demonic world again. The darkness in her would rival even Darla and she would be a prize for any vampire to claim as a mate. The thought of her unbridled passion given to him willingly sent a bolt of sexual thrill through him that Angel quickly denied. 

"She isn't a temptation," Angel replied, following Wesley. "I can handle it. Are you going to be able to handle working with her and with Spike?"

"Changing the subject isn't going to make your attraction for the girl go away," Wesley said, refusing to back down. "She isn't going to let it go. Faith has always pushed the boundaries set upon her. She will undoubtedly push you to give in as long as she can sense your weakness for her."

"Soon there will be no weakness," Angel said. 

"How is Buffy dealing with having to work with Faith?" Wesley asked. 

"She doesn't know yet."

"Buffy isn't going to just accept this. She was quite upset last night talking about finding the two of you together."

"It will be fine," Angel answered. He started down the hallway gesturing the other man to follow him. He needed to hurry to his meeting but he didn't want to leave this conversation unfinished. "Faith understands that she is to answer to Buffy."

Wesley laughed. "Do you really think that just because you say something that both Slayers will listen to you? Neither is just going to accept this. Not after their past. They will have to establish their own boundaries."

"The boundaries have been set," Angel answered, leading the way into the tunnels. "Buffy put Faith in a coma. It's been established who is the stronger of the two."

"You sound awfully arrogant," Wesley said. "If Faith is still Faith then she will feel the need to challenge that win. You know that."

"Why would she? If she beat Buffy then she would still have to contend with me and Spike as challengers."

"You and Spike?" Wesley said, chuckling as they sloshed through the water that covered the bottom of the sewer. "You want her and Spike is unable to fight against her."

"Not for long," Angel said, turning to watch the expression on Wesley's face when he heard the news. "That's where we're going now. There's a doctor that can remove Spike's chip."

If he wasn't so protective of his mate Angel would have enjoyed the surprise and fear that flooded the Wesley's face. He would have no one in their ranks that wouldn't cooperate with or work for Spike in his free state. Suspicion and doubt among them would only weaken their fighting abilities. It was better to know now if the Watcher could handle it.

"Buffy trusts him and so far her instincts have proven correct," Wesley said quietly.  "If he is truly mated to the two of you then I see no reason not to trust him also."

"Good," Angel said, nodding approval at Wesley before turning and continuing to their destination. "I'm glad that you are seeing it our way."

It was only a matter of time before everything was set. Los Angeles now had a Slayer to cover for him when he wasn't able to answer the Powers call. To help Faith was Doyle, Cordelia and Wesley. Sunnydale still had Buffy, Spike and the other to fight the Hellmouth and it's ever attracted evil. His mates were bound to each other in a love that he had introduced them to. He would soon be expendable if it became necessary. He just hoped that it would never come to that. 

_to__ be continued…_

****Author's Note**: St. Theagenes was conscripted into military service. He refused to serve and was sealed in a prison cell. Christ along with a choir of angels appeared to him in his cell. 


	23. Drawing the Line

** Chapter 23 – Drawing the Line**

There was no other way to describe waking up like this other than the perfection that it was. Buffy was curled against the hard body of Spike. Her leg swung over his and the hardness she craved nestled against her inner thigh as if it was trying to bury itself inside of her. She shifted until he was poised at her entrance. 

"Spike," Buffy whispered before sinking down onto him. His hands moved to her hips. Fingers gripping her flesh as she rose and fell on him. "Good morning."

"Morning, Luv," Spike said, opening his sleep filled eyes to gaze with love at her.

The only thing that could add to the moment was if Angel was there with them as he'd been earlier. Sometimes when she was making love to her mates it still surprised her that she had become so comfortable in the act. The three of them, touching, kissing, loving and even the watching had become as natural to her as breathing. 

In less than a year she had gone from virgin to a lover of two vampires and she felt no shame or regret at her decision. They were going through a tough time but she knew the truth now. And she was ready to fight for the life she had chosen. Things would be better soon and she was confident they would only grow closer in the days ahead. 

Buffy leaned down to kiss Spike's chest. Her tongue drew slow circles around his nipple until he clasped the back of her head forcing her to give him the attention he wanted. She sucked deeply on the brown nub before looking up at him. A grin lit her face as she locked eyes with him.

"I can't wait until your chip is removed," Buffy whispered huskily. She was breathless from the force that Spike was thrusting into her. "There won't be any hesitation in you biting me."

"I'm going to leave little fang marks all over that pristine little body of yours," Spike said. His hands pushed her up until she was leaning against his raised legs. "Make sure everyone knows that you belong to me."

"I can't wait," Buffy said. She reached for his hands, pressing them against her breasts as she let her head fall back. Her hips quickened the pace as she felt her orgasm gathering.

"Oh my God," Cordelia screeched. "What the hell are you doing?"

In their passion they hadn't even heard the office door open. Buffy's head snapped up to stare at Angel's office assistant plus Doyle and Faith standing at the entrance. 

"Haven't you ever seen anyone shag before?" Spike said, tilting his head to look at them while Buffy came down on his chest again. His arms closed around her. "Do ya mind closing the door so we could cum? I don't mind you watching but I think Buffy does. I promise we'll be out when we're done and we'll tell you how it turned out."

The door slammed shut and Buffy whimpered in mortification. It was one thing to be comfortable making love to her mates but yet another for others to catch them doing it especially people who didn't like her to begin with. She tried to scramble off of Spike but he only flipped them. 

"It's okay, pet," Spike said, resuming his thrusts deep into her body. "Everybody does this. They're just jealous that we do it so well and so often."

Buffy giggled, locking her ankles across his back, as something akin to pride took over her embarrassment. There was a strength and power in vampires that no human male could ever hope to obtain. She couldn't imagine ever being with a human after having two vamps in her bed. 

"Think of them on the other side of the door, listening," Spike said. "Imagining us together. Let it go. Sing for me."

His fingers stroked her bringing a loud moan from deep within her. Spike's smile of satisfaction only fed her willingness to forget everything else and give herself to him completely. He wrapped his arms around her and turned them again. His hands ran over her body and she didn't hold back. Her breathing and noises of delight only grew in volume until her mate pushed her over the edge. She wasn't the only uninhibited one as Spike growled in the claiming of his own orgasm. 

Their laughter joined together as they cuddled for the first few moments in the aftermath. Reality, however, quickly reminded them that there were other's around by the sound of Doyle's coughing in the reception area of Angel Investigations.  They hurriedly dressed ever mindful of others standing only a few feet away from them. Spike stayed between Buffy and the door, touching her with his thoughtfulness. After giving each other a quick glance to make sure they were decent Spike opened the door.

"Good morning," Buffy said to the others, taking Spike's hand.

"Is this the way it's going to be every morning?" Faith asked, sitting on the edge of Cordelia's desk. A coffee cup was clutched in her hand as she looked the couple over. "You two are going to waste the day away when we have evil to fight."

Buffy felt Spike stiffen beside her as the full impact of Faith's words rocked her senses. She looked up at Spike who only nodded his head in response to her silent query. They had done it again. Decided something and left her to find out from someone else. Why hadn't they said something last night when they were discussing Wesley? Buffy told herself to calm down as anger flashed through her system. 

"What's the matter, B?" Faith taunted. She put her cup down and came to stand in front of Buffy. "Do your boys think so little of you that they can't even tell you when things change? Sounds like a real solid relationship to me. Maybe they only want you for…"

Buffy slugged her. Faith staggered back, her hand going to hold her face, and her face lit up with a grin.

"I was so hoping that you were going to do that," Faith said, retaliating with a punch of her own. 

Buffy held her ground, refusing to even show that the other Slayer had even hurt her. It was unbelievable that Faith would even start with her. Hadn't they already done this? Hadn't Angel given her any restrictions? 

  
"Oh, did you just want an excuse to get another knife in your stomach?" Buffy asked.

"You bitch."

"Stop it," Spike said, stepping between the two. "This isn't going to happen. Both of you settle down now."

It was going to happen. Buffy knew that. Faith knew it too. It was going to have to happen because Buffy wasn't going to just accept her into their ranks again. Faith had tried to destroy her before and from the looks of things last night, she was going to go after Angel. The air crackled between the two Slayers with a challenge that couldn't be ignored. 

"I say let them go at it," Cordelia said. "I don't think a polite conversation is going to settle it. Look at them like a couple of dogs ready to fight over a bone."

"Very nicely put," Doyle added in. "And one I happen to agree with. There's a room down the hall that Angel trains in. It's got a mat so I say let 'em fight."

Buffy never broke eye contact with Faith while the others talked. She heard Spike agree. A thrill ran through as her mate set the rules for the impending fight. It was going to be until there was an obvious winner by knock out or by a death hold. Whoever won would be accepted as the stronger of the two and the other would respect that win. The two nodded their approval of the rules before he pulled Buffy away.

"Later, Luv," Spike said. "Let's go and get you changed. Fifteen minutes and you can teach her another lesson, okay?"

Spike led her downstairs to Angel's apartment.  Buffy waited patiently until they were out of earshot of the others but the moment they were alone she whirled on her mate. His look of discomfiture didn't stop her. She had forgiven Spike for his role in the deceptions knowing that the silence was orchestrated by Angel. This she couldn't let go. Something so deep and personal would have demanded the respect of a warning before she opened the door downstairs. It had made her look exactly like what Faith had alluded to. That she was nothing more than a sexual toy for the vampires and was not to be taken seriously.  It certainly didn't let the others know that she was an equal partner in the relationship. Everyone else knew about Faith before she did and it was something she wasn't going to let go.

"How could you not tell me?" Buffy asked. Her eyes flashed her anger as she advanced on Spike. "Do you consider this so unimportant that it could wait for that infamous talk that never happens?"

"She wasn't supposed to say anything until Angel returned."

"Oh, and that solves everything? Do you have any balls of your own or are you just Angel's yes man?"

"Bloody hell, Slayer," Spike snarled, returning her stance by leaning over her. "I'm trying to please…"

"Of course, fuck Buffy and shut her up while Angel goes off to do whatever he wants to do. I'm not going to take this anymore and it's starting with that bitch upstairs."

Buffy didn't wait for a reply. She grabbed her things and headed for the shower. Something crashed behind her as Spike released his anger, and for once she didn't turn around. Spike had chosen his side in the relationship and he'd have to deal with the consequences just like she was. She turned the water on as hot as she could stand hoping it would soothe her nerves. If she was going to beat Faith she had to be focused. The water poured over her and she closed her eyes hoping that somehow when she'd open them she'd find herself at home.

The shower stall door opened. She knew it was Spike and ignored him. Her fury was still too fresh to speak otherwise it would turn to tears of hurt. She felt him kneel and then his hands closed over her calf, massaging the muscles. 

"Relax, Luv," Spike murmured. "You're too tense. You're right that bitch has to be taught a lesson and I want to watch you do it."

The combination of the hot water and his hands was a bit like heaven. Buffy closed her eyes and put her hands against the shower wall to keep her balance. Spike continued to murmur words of love and encouragement melting her anger away, leaving it to swirl forgotten into the drain. She let herself fall under their hypnotic rhythm as the world seemed to shrink to just the two of them. His hands didn't leave a part of her body untouched and when he finally wrapped her in a towel to lead her from the stall Buffy was almost asleep. 

"Spike, what did you do to me?" Buffy asked, yawning as he rubbed the towel over her damp skin.

"Nothing," Spike answered, laughing.

It was then that his words changed to ones of power and victory. He forced her to look in the mirror as he dressed her for the fight. By the time he led her back upstairs to the training room, she was ready. Her anger and frustration was gone. Instead she was focused and prepared. In her mind she had already won and it was only a matter of going through the motions. She stepped to the edge of the mat and Faith faced her from the other side.

"I hope you don't mind, B," Faith said, pulling a knife from her waistband. She placed it in the middle of the mat. "I thought I'd add a little extra to the mix."

For a moment her confidence wavered but the memory of sliding the knife into Faith's stomach before washed over her. If it came down to it then it was just a matter of doing something she'd already done. 

"No problem, Faith," Buffy said, nodding. "Let's do this."

_to be continued…_

  
  



	24. Edge of the Knife

**Chapter 24 – Edge of the Knife**

The offices of Angel Investigations were deserted. 

It was late morning and no one was there to help the hopeless. There was evidence that at some point they'd been there. The coffee cups were still half full on Cordelia's desk and the coffee maker was still on warm for the pitiful remaining dregs. Angel and Wesley looked around then back at each other in a silent query of where they had gone.

"There doesn't appear to be a sign of struggle," Wesley said, stating the obvious.  "But where would they go without letting you know?"

Angel barely heard him as he looked around for clues. He stepped into his office and smiled as the sweet scent of his mate's earlier lovemaking wafted to him. He momentarily forgot where he was as a picture of them joining together filled his mind. It was the sound of Wesley's footsteps that cleared his mind. He quickly looked around. The pile of blankets was still heaped on the floor but otherwise there was nothing to indicate where they had disappeared to.  

With a sigh, Angel turned to head back into the reception area when another stronger aroma came to him. It was blood. Buffy's blood. The rich smell was growing in intensity and he vamped out as fear clutched him. He ran in the direction from where it seemed to be coming from with Wesley on his heels. 

"What's wrong, Angel?" 

"Buffy," Angel cried, pushing in the door to his training room. 

He stopped, staggering under the shock of Buffy facing off with Faith. The two Slayers were circling each other, reaching and jabbing for an opening.  They were so intently locked in their battle that neither acknowledged his arrival. Angel quickly glanced around the room. Cordelia and Doyle were leaning against one wall but quickly straightened when he glared at them. He dismissed them, turning his attention to his wayward Childe. Spike was hunkered down by the side of the mat watching and muttering comments. Their eyes clashed for only a second before Spike returned his attention to Buffy. 

A grunt from Faith returned Angel's attention to the Slayers. Faith was on her back but already rolling to her feet. Buffy was preparing to kick out before the brunette could fully recover. The blood that he'd smelled was still dripping from Buffy's nose in a thin crimson stream staining her shirt. Buffy's timing was off and Faith caught her foot, flipping Buffy onto her back. The blonde hit the mat with a thud and for a moment defeat flooded her face.

Anger surged through him at her weakness. She was the Slayer, mated to two Master Vampires and she was lying on her back like a pitiful human. Angel moved to the opposite side of the mat as Spike, copying his Childe's pose.

"Ahh, it seems the ladies are in a duel to see which is properly suited to share me bed," Angel said, reverting to the accent that had been his in another lifetime. "Both are worthy of such a position and get my blood boiling. I wonder whose legs will be wrapped around me tonight."

Angel watched the reactions from the Slayers; the look of pride gracing Faith's countenance and the betrayal on Buffy's. His words were meant to rattle his mate. To see what she would do in a true fight while dealing with her wayward emotions. He'd seen the knife and knew that it came from Faith. Buffy still had nightmares about what she'd once had to do and would only repeat history if she was forced to do so. The brunette's power seemed to surge as she pounded on Buffy who was again on her feet. 

"It seems that I'll be sampling something new after all…"

~~~~~~~~~

If it was meant to tear her heart in two then Angel had succeeded. Buffy's insides were bleeding from her mate so casually mentioning how he would love to fuck Faith. The blows the other Slayer was raining down on her were nothing in comparison to the single one from Angel. She tried ineffectually to deflect some of the blows while regaining her sense of ground. Here in this room she felt surrounded by the enemy. Cordelia would love to see her lose, Doyle didn't truly care for her and Angel, her Angel, was becoming lost to his dark side. 

"Come on focus, Slayer," Spike whispered.

It was only Spike that seemed to be on her side. She teetered on the edge of the mat and it seemed like everything froze as a single thought forced itself into the forefront.

_Everything would be lost if she let Faith win. _

It wasn't just a fight to see who was the stronger of the two but a battle between good and evil. If Faith won then Angelus would claim her. Angel would lose to the evil and so would Faith. They would encourage and push each other to see which one of them was more of a monster.  Angelus would use Angel's knowledge to have the chip removed from Spike then use the leverage to bring him back to the other side. Angelus liked his playmate and would want the blonde to follow him again. 

There would be no one to protect her family and friends if her mates were no longer fighting for good. Dawn and her mother would die if not by Glory then by the new threesome. It would be Angelus' desire to destroy whatever reminded him of the good that once dwelled within him. Her friends would follow. Picked off one by one, while they were tortured by the thought that there was no where they could hide. She had to be the one to keep them all safe.

The next thought changed her world.

_Angel was wrong._

Love was an emotion. It was the strongest one. In that realization, Buffy let the love she had for her mates, family and friends flood her being with its power. She didn't have to win by force but by the sheer determination of her heart.

Faith's next blow was easily stopped as Buffy wrapped her hand around the other girl's wrist. In the next instant Buffy flipped the brunette. Faith hit the mat with a satisfying thud while Buffy flipped over her to grab the knife. Surprise had given her the edge as Faith floundered long enough for Buffy to reach her again. A knee was pressed to her back while Buffy wrapped the brunette's hair around her hand. The knife was quickly pushed to Faith's throat. 

"Checkmate," Buffy said, refusing to look away even when she heard the murmurings of surprise and encouragement drifting her way. She tugged on Faith's hair to make sure that she had Faith's full attention. "Listen carefully. Angel is mine…" Buffy paused at her use of the word she once riled against but now it was one of pride. They did belong to each other and that ownership no longer scared her. "And so is Spike. The three of us are staying together. If you can understand and accept that then I can deal with you being here. And maybe we can be friends again." She drew the knife along Faith's throat but only enough to draw a minute amount of blood. "But every time you look in the mirror remember this day and your place in this company."

Victory was hers but Buffy didn't feel it yet. In a single motion she released Faith and wiped her own blood from her face. For the first time since he'd stepped into the room Buffy looked at Angel. He was still in game face and she knew that Angelus was reining at the moment. She could love both man and demon in Spike so why not in Angel? As long as the man was more in control there was something to admire in both. With her and Spike's help there was no way that Angelus could win. She walked to him with deliberate steps. 

"So, you've won your spot…" Angel began.

"No, I've won nothing because you can't win what is already yours," Buffy said, determined not to let him get to her this time. "We are mated…for life."

There was a glint of admiration in those eyes that were so cold. They wouldn't be for long if she had her way. She turned to look for Spike but found him already beside her. She lifted the knife and wiped one side of the blade with a finger. There wasn't much but it was the blood of her opponent and she offered it to Angel. A rush of triumph flooded her when he bent his head to suckle on her finger. When it was released she repeated the gesture for Spike. The blood was hers by vampire right. It was her foe and her win but by respect of their position she'd given it to her mates. 

Angel's hand closed around her neck, pulling her to him, and she went willingly. His kiss brought the coppery taste of blood that still clung to his tongue. By sharing it with her, Angel was telling her that she was worthy to stand beside him. The air surrounding the three crackled with their claim as it was reinforced by the sharing of the blood. 

A part of Buffy was grossed out by the taste of Faith's blood but the strength that was filling her was heady. Eagerly she went into Spike's arms to continue the sharing. Only after they were done did they turn a united front to the others.

Faith's hand still covered her throat as she watched them in fascination and envy. Wesley was only studying them in contemplation of the implications of their joining. Doyle's arm rested across Cordelia's shoulders where she seemed to be standing comfortably. Buffy hid a smile knowing that Doyle didn't have much longer to wait to claim his princess. It seems that watching the fight and her kissing her mates had done something to them because sexual tension hung heavy around the two.

"I'm disappointed," Angel said. "Faith, I asked you to wait until my return to announce your inclusion into this family. I hope though that you've learned your lesson." Buffy watched as he looked at everyone else in the room. "Nothing has changed. The three of us are still together and will remain together. Faith if she is still willing will help in the fight under the direction of Wesley. Spike is having his chip removed tomorrow night. If anyone can't deal with these changes leave now otherwise let's get back to work."

"Come on, Cordy," Doyle said. "I think it's time for lunch. Wanna go pick up something with me? "

"Sure," Cordelia said. She turned back to the others. "Do you all mind cleaning up the office? It doesn't look too good if clients come by and see the place in such a mess."

With that the two swept out of the room. Attention turned to Faith and Wesley. A silent conversation seemed to occur between Angel and Wesley. Buffy watched in fascination as Angel seemed to give control of Faith to their former Watcher. A level of understanding had to have occurred when they were gone for this to happen.

"Faith, is your choice still the same?" Angel asked.

Faith stared at Buffy for a long moment and finally dropped her hand from her throat. For once the brunette's histrionics wouldn't give her the center of attention that she wanted.

"Yeah, I'll stay," Faith conceded. "The foods gotta be better than what they have in prison, right?"

"Wesley, I think you have your work cut out for you," Angel said. "I want her training to start this afternoon. We'll do the ritual tomorrow back in Sunnydale."

"Very good," Wesley said, turning to Faith. "Let's go shall we? We can start discussing what training you need."

With a nod to the trio, Wesley led Faith from the room. They were alone. Buffy stepped away so she could face Angel and Spike. Her eyes swept over them but they seemed to be waiting for her.

"Tomorrow seems to be a big day," Buffy said. "Spike's chip, doing some kind of ritual with Faith. Were you planning on bringing her into the family?"

"No, Buf," Angel said. "It puts her under my control nothing more."

Buffy searched his face for signs of deception but there was only calm in the brown depths. She nodded her head. It wasn't over. It wouldn't be until Angel had the strength to dominate Angelus. He always felt the lesser of the two and until he knew himself which was stronger there would still be trouble. 

"I'm going to trust you," Buffy said. "Tomorrow we'll talk but for now I want to get home. It isn't safe for all three of us to be away from Sunnydale." She turned to Spike. "Are you going to stay here or return with me?"

The offered choice seemed to surprise Spike. It was always a given that he remained with Buffy while Angel was in Los Angeles and she wanted to give him the freedom to decide. If Spike wanted to remain with Angel then she would understand. The rules they started this relationship with were over. Spike was no longer hers but as vital and sometimes the most vital link in their ménage. 

"Go with her, Spike," Angel said. "Tomorrow everything changes and I want to know that the two of you are together. I'm going to be busy making all the final arrangements anyway."

Spike nodded and turned back to Buffy. "Guess I'm returning with you, Luv."

Buffy stepped back into Angel's embrace. Now that everything was settled she could feel the needy little girl in her wanting her boyfriend's assurances. Angel didn't disappoint as he pulled her closer to him. Then Spike was there behind her again as the three of them held on. If only there was enough time for her to make love to Angel. It seemed so long since it had been the two of them and she wanted his attention.

"Midnight and I'll be home," Angel promised as he tilted her head up to kiss her. "In the hours between then and dawn we'll make love."

When Buffy left with Spike a short while later it was with a hopeful heart. They'd come to Los Angeles for her to settle things with Angel. She'd felt that maybe if they hadn't settled things at least they'd come to an understanding. It seemed that maybe things were changing for the better. She let herself daydream of Angel's promise as she cuddled next to Spike on the ride home. 

_to be continued…_


	25. Evil is as Evil Does

** Chapter 25 – Evil is as Evil Does**

Buffy handed Spike the plate she'd just washed. She thought it was cute that he'd had a family dinner with her mom and Dawn and was now helping her clean up. He didn't.

"It's ridiculous Slayer," Spike groused, rinsing the plate, "Me, a vampire, with dish pan hands. I'd be the laughing stock of the demon world if they ever found out."

"Oh, please," Buffy giggled. "If you didn't scare them away with your bite then you could by showing them your hands."

"That's right. Make fun of the person going to be sharing your bed tonight. See if you get to keep the covers."

"Oooh, I'm going to cry now."

"You should," Spike teased, leaning down to kiss her. "Get those feet all cold with no way to warm them."

"Ha, doesn't work, your feet are always cold."

Spike wrapped his arm around her waist, pulling her closer, for a kiss that was intended to make her forget everything but him. He maneuvered them until she was pressed between him and the counter giving him the control he craved. He growled softly in his throat when Buffy pressed closer to him.  It seemed forever to him since they'd made love in Angel's office only earlier that day. They'd been too tired when they'd returned to Sunnydale to do anything but crawl into bed and sleep. By the time he'd woken up Buffy was already dressed and checking in with everyone by phone. 

The afternoon had been spent in catching up on the things they'd neglected in the last few days of dealing with Faith and the situation concerning their other mate. They'd spent some time at the Magic Box for a Scooby meeting and reviewing messages and mail at his office. From there they'd come here to have dinner with Joyce and Dawn. 

Now, all they had to do was finish the dishes, make their goodnights and they could go home and while away the rest of the night until Angel came home to join them. His hand cupped Buffy's bottom, pulling her further up his body so he could rub his erection against the juncture of her thighs. She gave a small hiccup of desire and the air around them was flooded with the scent of her arousal. 

"Buffy, Spike," Joyce called, running down the stairs.

"Bloody hell," Spike muttered, releasing Buffy and pulling his t-shirt down as he leaned against the counter. He smiled at Buffy's cheeks that burned red with embarrassment. Her discomfiture at being caught once today and almost caught in her mother's house showed the innocence she had somehow retained even in her uninhibited response to her mates. 

Joyce skidded into the kitchen panic clearly visible on her countenance. Spike's annoyance at being interrupted quickly vanished as it was replaced with concern. He stepped closer to Joyce even as Buffy rushed to her side.

"Mom, what's wrong?"

"It's Dawn. She's gone," Joyce said, looking around the room as if her youngest daughter would appear. "I think she may have climbed out of the window."

"Don't worry we'll find her," Buffy said, hugging her mother. 

Spike could see that his mate was trying to put on a confident front for her mother but he could see the panic and guilt in her eyes. 

"Let me go and look for her," Spike said.

Two pairs of Summers' eyes turned to him, both filled with hope that he would make everything better. Pride surged through Spike as he saw their trust in him and he hoped that his suspicions were correct.

"Do you know where she went?" Joyce asked.

"I think I may," Spike said. "But I can track her if my hunch isn't right. Why don't you two start calling the others and her friends to see if she's with any of them? Call me if you find her and I'll call as soon as I know anything."

"Go, Spike," Buffy said, wrapping her hand in his shirt. "Please if anything…"

"It won't if I have anything to do with it."

Spike kissed Buffy quickly, pecked Joyce's cheek and headed for the front hall. He wanted to double check his suspicions before leaving and as he searched Buffy's purse he knew he was right. Dawn had snitched Buffy's keys which included the key for his office. Access to his office would give her entry to the Magic Box and all of Giles' notes on Glory. They should have been more suspicious when the teenager had refused to back down when they tried to thwart her endless questions on the demon. 

All of his own demon speed was used to reach his destination. If Glory or her horde found Dawn the situation would be disastrous and if Dawn found the truth then that, too, would be disastrous. He only hoped that he wasn't too late. The shop was quiet but he could hear the soft rustling from inside as he made his way through the upstairs. A single candle lit the corner that she was curled into reading what he knew was Giles' notes. Spike didn't make a sound as he approached her from behind. She was intently reading and never knew he was there until he placed his hand on her shoulder.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh," Dawn screamed, jumping up to run. 

Spike wrapped his arm around her waist, hauling her back against him.  He could feel her heart pounding against his chest. The blood was rushing through her system and fear filled the air with its intoxicating aroma. 

"So, what's a tasty little treat like you doing all by yourself?" He whispered into her ear.

"You asshole," Dawn yelled as she recognized his voice and turned with a fist raised. "Why the hell did you scare me like that?"

"Because I could," Spike said, smiling as he gnashed his fangs at her and easily encircled her wrist with his hand. She tried to kick him next and he jumped back out of the way, laughing at her attempt. "Oh please, Niblet, like you could take on the Big Bad and win."

"Big Bad, my ass," Dawn joked, smiling now that she knew she was safe. "You are the biggest pussy cat that ever was."

"Eh, now, not true only for you Summers' women," Spike said, shaking his head to return to his human coutneance.

"And Tara and Willow…"

"Blimey, can't a bloke enjoy indulging his womenfolk without getting all accused of being soft because of it?"

Suddenly Dawn burst into tears and threw herself into his arms. Startled, it took him a second before he wrapped his arms around her. Except for Buffy and his own Mum no human woman had ever sought comfort in his embrace. Coupled with the trust that Buffy and Joyce freely gave him, Spike felt another part of his heart give to the side of good. Tears soaked through his shirt as Dawn burrowed closer to him. Her slim body shook with the force of her sobs and he could hear her trying to speak around her tears. 

"Shh, pet," Spike whispered, squeezing her tight. "Whatever it is, isn't that bad, now is it?"

"She…" Dawn hiccupped. "Glory, it's me she wants. It says so in Giles book. I'm the human form that Buffy is supposed to protect."

"Yeah," Spike said, knowing that there wasn't any way that Dawn could be protected from the truth now. "And not only Buffy, but me and Angel and everyone else are going to protect you. Don't let that freak bother you. You're safe."

"But if she wants me then I'm evil, right?"

"Not if you don't wanna be."

"Spike," Dawn wailed, stepping back to turn beseeching eyes to his. "How can I not be evil if I was made to be evil?"

"Uh, bit, vampire here, remember?" Spike asked. "It's a choice but it's going to be much easier for you since you were made human anyway."

Dawn sighed dramatically and flopped back onto the floor. She started to gather the books she'd been reading back into a pile. "Do you ever regret becoming good?" She looked up at him before returning to fiddle with the books in front of her. "I mean, if you could be either or…"

Spike sat beside her mimicking her pose. He lit a cigarette as he tried to figure out how to answer her. It was one that often played in the back of his mind. The urging of his demon to be let loose again and now that his chip was going to be removed it was more of a choice than it ever had been before.

"Loving your big sis' has changed a lot of things for me," Spike said, answering as honestly as he could. "And as long as her heart is mine I know which side I'm fighting on."

"Cop out," Dawn declared. "What if she stops loving you? What if you two break up or something?"

"Not going to happen," Spike said, smiling gently at the girl next to him. "Buffy needs to be loved to be grounded, a better fighter and happy and no Nancy boy human is ever going to be able to give her what she needs. Me and Angel are it. I know that but to answer you…" He glanced down at his hands and remembered his complaining about dish pan hands. He grinned. "It's not so bad being a part of a family like this. It's a good feeling to win. I like fighting and this has better rewards than the others." His voice dropped as he muttered, "'Sides it's the right thing to do."

"Do they really love me?"

"Who?"

Spike forgot his own discomfort as the small question tore through the air with the impact of a bullet into his heart. Another tear was winding its way down Dawn's cheek and after a moment of indecision he placed an arm around her shoulder.

"I'm not really Mom's daughter or Buffy's sister. Why would they want me around? Wouldn't it be easier just to…?"

"No, don't even think that. Monks were really smart and gave us all these memories of you. I even remember you that time when I first came to town and was following Drusilla on one of her mad schemes. Was watching your house one night and I saw you running down the stairs in your little footie pajamas, knew you were a special one then just like Buffy. And with those memories came the feelings that went with it."

"So I'm not just another sacred duty that Buffy has to protect?"

"Buffy loves you and so does your mother. Matter of fact they're at home all worried about you while you're here playing twenty questions."

"Oh," Dawn said, standing again. "Guess we need to be going, huh?"

"Guess so," Spike said, laughing. "Let's get this place cleaned up before Giles finds out and has a hissy fit."

"Wouldn't want that," Dawn said, gathering up the books.

The reunion a short while later was enough to let Dawn know that she was very much loved and needed. The three women gathered on the couch under a blanket reaffirming their bonds to one another. Spike served them hot cocoa filled sparingly with the little marshmallows having saved the majority for himself. 

It was a good day after all as he tuned out the chatter, sipped his cocoa, and indulged in daydreams of his former days on the killing fields…

_to be continued…_


	26. Sweet Release

**Chapter 26 – Sweet Release **

It was close to midnight by the time Buffy and Spike were making their way home. The remainder of their evening had been filled with a contented calm that had left all three of the Summers' women feeling secure. Spike had been included in the good-byes receiving hugs and kisses which gave him only more reassurances that he was fully accepted by Buffy's family.

The couple had done a quick patrol before heading home. Thankfully, the cemeteries had been relatively quiet giving a sense of relief to both Slayer and Vampire. Neither of them wanted to be out fighting on this night. Their mate was returning to them and bringing with him someone who would give Spike control over his own destiny again.

It was both a frightening and exhilarating feeling to Spike that in only a few hours he would be his own man…his own demon again. His life would be his choice again and never would he have to feel like he was less than his mates. He would be able to fight against human foes as well as the demons. No longer tickling at the back of his mind would be the dread that he would be helpless if his mates no longer wanted him. And most amazingly of all was the faith in him by the humans that were a part of his family. They held no fear of him in an unleashed state. Xander had given his token protests just to keep up pretenses but there was no real anger or fear there. 

Spike slipped an arm around the woman walking beside him. With no encouragement Buffy returned the gesture, aligning her body with his. The pace of their walking adjusted ever so slightly to match their companion's speed until they flowed together almost as one being. Every gesture and word of love not only gave him the affirmation he needed but was also a constant reminder of the responsibilities that came with it. 

His demon was roaring in anticipation of being freed, to be able to feed at will again while the man inside of him wanted to bask in the comforting warmth that he had found. A balance between the two would have to be found resembling the one that Angel struggled with now. But unlike Angel, Spike had nothing but the strength of his will and his heart to control the very evil that was his nature. He hadn't lied when he'd told Dawn that it was a choice. It would never be an easy choice and he knew there were circumstances that would make him return to the killing fields, but for now the benefits of being a white hat far outweighed the alternative. 

It would be unrealistic to assume that he would never again allow his demonic side his freedom. Constantly with him was the need for blood, for feeding and for violence.  They were all needs that could be tempered by the life he had chosen. He could never be a domesticated regular Joe but he could be in a loving relationship and fight alongside of his mates which would give both man and demon fulfillment. 

Spike chuckled as he thought of the first thing he wanted to do once he was free. It was something that he'd wanted to do for awhile, something he dreamed about and would only deepen his bonds with Buffy.

He wanted to fully claim her with no assistance.

"What are you laughing about?" Buffy asked, tilting her head to peer up at him.

"I'm just thinking about sinking my fangs into your sweet throat and claiming you right and proper."

"Oh," was all Buffy said but she shivered against him and he was once again treated to the fragrance of her need for him. It was all he could do to prevent himself from pulling her into the shadows of the trees to give them both a release. Knowing that Angel was already on his way to them helped him to maintain a hold on his desire. His footsteps quickened in anticipation of being able to make love to both of them at the same time. It had seemed forever since the three of them had been wrapped together. 

A smile stole across his face because he'd decided it was time to seduce Buffy into letting them both make love to her at the same. He knew a pleasure she'd never experience before was waiting for her if she'd allow it. Cocks and fangs, all buried within her would bring her to a new level of ecstasy and he'd wanted to take her there for a long time. 

They'd just turned the last corner toward home when another scent came to him. It sent a thrill through him as the masculine aroma tickled at his nose. 

"Angel's home, pet," Spike said. Her eyes lit up, mirroring the joy he himself felt. 

It took only a glance between them before they took off running toward home. 

~~~~~~~~

Angel had found his home cold and empty upon his arrival. It was a reminder of the time when he'd been alone, Buffy had run away and Spike had yet to return to him. All of him felt the quake of loneliness as he walked into the place that was usually filled with light and the laughter of his companions. It was only when he stepped into his bedroom and been reassured by the mess left by his mates that he was able to relax. 

Knowing that he was still wanted, Angel returned to the main room of the mansion to join the doctor he'd brought with him. Dr. Fletcher once worked for the government and had been a participant in the creation of the prototype of the chip. Disillusioned by the fiasco of the Initiative and driven by greed, he was now willing to remove the chips from any demon willing to pay his exorbitant fee. 

The man was looking nervously around the room as Angel returned. Usually the demons he treated met him at his choice of location. It was the stack of money that Angel had laid in front of him had brought Dr. Fletcher to what he considered the very den of iniquity. While he watched the man approached a low table by the fireplace that held photos of not only the trio but of their friends and family. 

"These are?" Dr. Fletcher asked, holding a portrait of Buffy and her mother and sister but his other hand gestured at the remainder of the pictures. 

"Our family," Angel responded, not elaborating on the smiling images.

"Human?" 

"Yes."

The brief exchange seemed to relax Dr. Fletcher and he even accepted a cup of coffee when Angel offered. A short awkward silence followed. Neither of them really had no interest in the other except for the exchange of money and service. Dr. Fletcher excused himself to set up for the procedure in the kitchen while Angel prowled the living room waiting for the return of his mates. 

Relief raced through Angel at the sound of footsteps pounding on the driveway. Smiling, he opened the front door to the sight of the pair racing toward him. A mere second later and his arms were full of laughing blondes' intent on kissing him first. It was in these moments that he forgot everything but his need for them and the bonds that held them together. 

"Where have the two of you been?" Angel asked with a twinge of gruffness brought on by his missing them. He stepped back so he could look from Spike to Buffy. "I was getting worried about you."

"About us?" Spike asked, grinning. "No problems there to concern yourself with."

"Probably slipped off to have a good time without me," Angel said, sniffing the air around them playfully. He already knew they hadn't but wanted to tease them anyway. And in a small way to remind them that he was often the one left out of their lovemaking. 

"No," Buffy said, smiling and shaking her head. "We were waiting for you."

"Needed to conserve our strength," Spike said then added anxiously. "Is he here?"

"Yes, he's setting up in the kitchen."

"Oh, that's great," Spike said, sobering. "He'll probably use a fillet knife on my brain."

"Don't say that," Buffy said, putting on a brave smile to hide her own worry over the impending procedure."

Angel had his share of concerns about what was going to happen. Dr. Fletcher had assured him that in most cases there were no complications but there was always a chance of brain damage. There was nothing to do but remain hopeful. If something did happen, Angel had already vowed that the doctor would never make it out of Sunnydale alive. 

"It's going to be fine," Angel said, his hand resting on Spike's back. "Let's go get you freed, shall we?"

Spike was maneuvered between Angel and Buffy in a protective embrace as they made their way to the kitchen. Hesitating in the doorway, Spike glanced around the room at the table covered in a white sheet and the instruments laid out on the counter. Dr. Fletcher stepped forward with a confidant manner and explained step by step what he was going to do.

"Now, if you'll go ahead and lie on the table we'll get started," the doctor said, turning away from them to check over his instruments one last time.

Angel watched as Buffy remained glued to Spike's side. She helped him onto the table with gentle hands and comforting whispers. After he was settled, she pulled a chair close to his side, wrapping her hand around his. It was then that Angel took a spot behind Dr. Fletcher where he could watch every movement that was made. His intent was to intimidate the doctor into not doing anything that he wasn't supposed to do. 

~~~~~~~~

Encouraged by the small hand holding his, Spike closed his eyes, trusting his mates to see him through this. 

"I'm going to numb the area before making the incision," Dr. Fletcher said.

There was a small pinprick of pain as a hypodermic needle penetrated his scalp. He'd been given the choice of staying awake or being under. Afraid that he wouldn't wake up again he'd chosen not to be put under which he thought was kind of funny considering he was already technically dead. Living, or as close to it as he could get, was too precious to risk losing.

Simultaneously, the doctor made the incision and Buffy squeezed his hand. He could feel every probe and cut but there wasn't any real pain. Spike concentrated on the soft inhales and exhales of Buffy's breath to lull him into an almost hypnotic state of relaxation. Time lost meaning as he waited for the leash against his demon to be destroyed.

"All done," Dr. Fletcher said. "Lie still a moment longer while I close you up."

The sound of something being dropped into metal signaled what Spike had been waiting for, the return of all that he was. A moment later he was told that he was clear and he opened his eyes to Angel holding his hand out to help him sit up. He knew it was only an illusion brought on by his elation but everything seemed brighter and clearer as he blinked his eyes to focus.

"How do you feel?" Buffy asked, coming to stand next to him. 

Spike grinned down at her. "I feel fine, Luv, but I want to know if it worked or not." He pulled her closer to him. "May I?" 

His heart soared when she nodded, turned her back to him and pulled her hair to the side. The blood rushing through her veins sang out to him as he encircled her waist with his arm. Everything hinged on this moment, all his dreams, hopes and ego. A quick shake of his head brought forth his demon visage and in one fluid movement he sank his fangs into the softness of her neck. 

_to__ be continued…_


	27. In My Blood

**Chapter 27 – In My Blood**

Buffy felt her orgasm approaching, thundering through her system with no way to stop it. Everything ceased to matter even the doctor that was hurriedly throwing his equipment in his bag so that he could leave. Angel stood as a shield trying to give them some sort of privacy as Spike's bite alone took Buffy over the edge. 

They had been in a constant teasing mode all day and her fantasies had been as involved as Spike's for this moment. His fangs sinking into her flesh was as intimate as the sex between them. 

"Oh, oh, oh," Buffy sang as she felt her belly tighten. Her legs weak she sagged against Spike, grateful that his arms were circling her waist and holding her up. 

Spike's fangs were retracted and she felt the gentle lapping of his tongue at the mark he'd left. Everything was humming around her and she opened her eyes hoping that Dr. Fletcher had left before the show.

"He's gone," Angel said, moving toward them. His eyes locked with hers and she knew that everything had changed between them. The power had shifted again. No longer were any of them dependent on the other for survival. They could stand as equals on the battlefield and lie together with no obligations.

Buffy knew what Spike wanted and what he needed. She wanted to give him both. This night she would give herself more to the demons in her mates than to the men. Spike needed the rush of the violence and her flesh was the only one that could be offered. Excitement at what was going to happen danced along her skin. 

Spike released her and she faltered only for a moment. There was a spark in Angel's eyes as she turned and in one motion threaded her fingers through Spike's hair. She twisted his head, bringing him down for a kiss that left no doubt about what she was offering. There was only a brief hesitation before a growl sounded deep within Spike's throat. 

It all happened in a flash. It was as quick as the change in her mate's countenance. Yellow eyes bore down into hers before she was flung over his shoulder.  All she could do was hang on as Spike strode through the house. He pulled her boots off on the way leaving Angel to dance around them as he followed them.

Spike dropped her onto the bed leaving her to bounce before she regained control. She watched as Spike pulled his shirt from his body. Overcome by need her tongue darted over dry lips as he dropped to his knees on the bed. Spike crawled slow and exact across the bed toward her sending blood rushing through her body, ready to answer the call of her mate. Blue eyes bored into hers as his hands slipped into the waistband of her jeans. 

"Hope you don't like these," Spike said ripping her pants from her body. She knew that it didn't matter anyway because he was taking what he wanted. The rest of her clothes followed in quick succession. In shreds they were thrown to the floor without a second thought. His task completed he sat back on his heels as his eyes ran over her body as if it was the first time. This time though Buffy knew how to please him. Power of her position, giving of her love, she opened herself to his gaze. He flashed a smile, dropping to his stomach in adoration of what she offered.

"Yes," Buffy hissed at the first contact. She collapsed in delight onto the bed, throwing her arms wide. He laughed at her eager participation causing a vibration that sent darts of pleasure through her rapidly heating body. She moaned low and deep within her throat surprising her with its almost inhuman sound. Another hand rested on her stomach and she looked up as Angel settled next to her. "Please?" She begged needing them both as her body moved into overdrive.

"Please what?" Angel asked, his hand sliding along her belly until it reached her chest. "Is this what you want?" Her breast was gently squeezed offering no release from the fire burning within her. She shook her head, drawing her lower lip into her mouth as she bit down on it. "Or is this it?" He lowered his head, suckled for a moment before biting down.

"Oh, God, yes," Buffy moaned, throwing her head back. "Spike, please, more." 

At her pleading Spike doubled his efforts to please her. All thoughts were lost as she let herself be pushed to the edge. 

Her head thrashed back and forth as they worked together. She was so close and she reached out to clutch at them. Her nails scraped along Angel's back as her other hand held Spike's face close against her. 

"Now, now," Buffy chanted as it came nearer.

They didn't give her a chance to recover as she seemed to melt into the bed. Spike crawled up to take a position on the opposite of her body than Angel. She watched as their eyes met in silent conversation. Eyebrows raised and Spike nodded as if to give consent. Events seemingly decided they quickly vested themselves of their own clothing before coming to lie next to her again. 

"It's only started, Buffy," Angel whispered from behind her. "Can you handle it?"

She nodded her head before sliding her leg along Spike's thigh. Accepting her invitation he rolled closer to her. Hands steadied her hips and she barely had time to acknowledge his presence before Angel surged into her.  

"Ungh," Buffy muttered. 

There was nothing else like the feeling of being taken by someone so sure of her acceptance. There was no hesitation as he pushed deep within her, filling all of her. 

Spike pulled her leg further over his body as he licked and nipped his way down her stomach. The first stroke of his tongue lapping against where she was joined with Angel made her quiver in delight. This was how it should be, the three of them moving as one being, fulfilling the love they had for each other. Her hands searched for an anchor amongst the bed sheets as their movements became more powerful. 

"Bite me, please, Spike," Buffy pleaded. Her fingers twisting in his hair pulling him upwards to her neck but he resisted. His hand pushed her leg up giving only the merest touch of his lip before his fangs were sunk into the fleshy area of her inner thigh. She exploded when Angel pushed her over on top of Spike as he moved deep inside her. 

Buffy knew this was what she was made for as her vampires feasted upon her flesh and blood. Never had she felt more alive, more of a woman than she did at that moment. This was completion and she sank boneless into the softness of the pillows when they released her. She raised a hand to see if the heat that clung to her body was making her glow. Disappointed at seeing only her normal flesh she allowed it to drop again. Her hair was brushed from her face and Angel kissed her temple while Spike nestled his head against her stomach.

"Spike," Buffy whispered as her hand caressed his shoulders. He lifted his head to look up at her and for a moment she was dazzled by the intensity of his gaze. "I love you," she whispered pushing him onto his back. Her lips met his in a furious battle of passion. He plundered deep within the recesses of her mouth ripping a groan from deep within her. His hand covered the soft mound of her breast, teasing her with agile fingers while his other hand followed the curve of her hip. She knew where he was going and allowed him to pull her over him. 

Buffy pulled back up to meet Spike's eyes before sliding down ever so slow. Her head fell back as he pushed through flesh still sensitive from Angel. Caring only about the vampire below her she started to ride him. 

Angel, not wanting to be left out, leaned over to kiss Spike. Their hunger for each other evident as their mouths opened letting tongues dart from one mouth to the other. Her own ardor escalated as she watched Angel make love to their mate. His hands teased and caressed the blonde's flesh until Spike was thrashing wildly beneath her. His head flung back as his mates fed what his body craved so deeply. Buffy could feel Spike twitching from his impending orgasm when Buffy was suddenly hauled off of him. She was flung down onto the bed and covered by Angel leaving her confused and Spike snarling in frustration.

"Time for things to change," Angel said, flipping them so that she was on top. He pulled her shoulder's down until she was lying on top of him. Her breath caught in fear when she realized what Angel intended. It curled in her belly but was easing into excitement as she waited for the rite of passage.

"You sure Ang?" Spike asked. "Should be yours since I took the first."

"No, it will give you more of what you need," Angel said being evasive but it didn't take Buffy long to realize that she was being offered to Spike because there would be pain involved. Pain that he needed to satisfy his demon. "Relax Buffy. Trust us."

"More pleasure than pain," Spike whispered as he covered her back. She'd assumed that he would prepare her but he didn't. It was taking too long and she wanted it over with. She nuzzled his arm and just as he started to penetrate her she sank her teeth into his flesh. Buffy wasn't sure which of them screamed louder as they tore into each other at the same moment. She shrieked, tears filling her eyes as she tried to free herself. The combined strength of the two vampires held her in place and in spite of her struggles they began to move in unison.

"Stop, please," Buffy cried.

This insensitivity was something she'd never known before from them. She fought back using her nails and teeth to return whatever pain she could but it only seemed to encourage their actions. 

"Relax Buffy you're too tense which is only making it worse."

"You want to hurt me, you pig," Buffy spat. "I hate you."

Buffy knew she had no choice but to wait it out. Pain she had been expecting. Maybe an introduction to one of the games they played. This act was even expected but not the callous manner in which they were treating her. It hurt more than the sacrifice of her body. She sniffled and buried her face in Angel's neck. 

The moment she surrendered they seemed to accept their triumph. Their hands and lips slid over her in an attempt to make her feel good. Spike's continued to stroke her as only he knew how to touch her. Against her will a small jolt of enjoyment shot through her from their ministrations. 

The sweat pouring off of her caused her to slide easily between them and they took advantage of it, moving her to increase their pleasure. She came to hate that brief moment as one entered and one exited because it promised a respite that never came. Spike was right. Beneath the constant pain there was also a twinge of pleasure.  Desperate to increase it she began to move along with them as she clung to the hope that she could find enjoyment in this act. 

Buffy rose up on her hands to give herself more momentum, her mates seemed to sense her participation and fell back into synchronized motions. Relief was momentary at the fluttering of her joy and she increased her movements to find more. The two vampires surrounding her were only instruments to find her release. 

Loud squeaking sounded the bed's protest of three supernatural bodies gyrating and crashing together upon it. There had never been such violence in the joining of the three, always before the males had been considerate of the tenderness of their female mate. Tonight barriers were broken as Buffy gave into her inner longings so she could join with her mates as they secretly yearned for her to do. None of them were spared from the blood that was ripped from fragile flesh as they thrashed together. She felt the quickening of their hips and this time when they bit into her she sank her teeth deep within Angel's chest.

Nothing she had ever felt before prepared her for the moment that she joined with two vampires in a claiming as old as history. Blood taken and given, flesh given and taken, three hearts joined and two souls blazed in a joining that defied all that had come before it. Buffy knew that something momentous was happening to them even if she didn't understand it. She could feel the blood rushing through her system and the beating of her heart seemed to echo from the undead hearts of Spike and Angel. For one brief second she felt their chests rise and fall on either side of her then it was gone leaving her to wonder if it happened at all. They lay sated as never before and if it wasn't for a surge of energy from Angel they would have lain uncovered as their exhausted bodies sought rest.

_to__ be continued…_


	28. Butterflies of Passion

**Chapter 28 – Butterflies of Passion**

Everything was shrouded in shadows. Their bedroom was colder than Buffy had ever known it to be. However, it wasn't the temperature that made her shiver but the memory of her the heartless treatment by her mates. She opened her eyes to a blinding darkness that brought tears to her eyes. It was all around them. So, thick that one could almost see it vibrating in the air. Something, maybe everything had changed between them. She mourned for the way they had been before the whole fiasco had started. For those days before they allowed Angelus loose. Since his awakening, they had slowly been losing the innocence of their love.  

Never before had she been afraid of her mate's demons. Angel had always taken care of her and not since Spike had vowed to love her had she ever felt alone in his embrace. This morning she knew she had been given the gift of both but yet somehow she felt closer to them than ever before. Her rose colored glasses were lying twisted on the floor somewhere and the truth was all she had. The truth of whom and what they all were.

Awakening a little more Buffy realized she was still nestled between them. Their arm's held her in a protective embrace or maybe it was possessive? She shuddered at the thought that maybe they wouldn't let her leave the bed. Praying they didn't wake, she crept out from under the blanket. Carefully she eased her way down the bed and crawled out between their feet. They moved together as she left, never stirring, and she breathed a sigh of relief. In slumber they were both so beautiful, so innocent appearing in their human guise, that it made her question if maybe it had been a dream. 

Her first footstep made sure she knew it wasn't. The single movement brought pain through her stomach, lower back and anus telling of just how uncaring they had been that they were hurting her. Buffy knew that a human would have died from their actions of the night before and she only hoped that the Slayer power that kept her alive would soon begin to heal her. Every hobbled step was agony as she made her way upstairs to her bathroom. 

A long soak in a hot bath was the only thing she wanted at the moment. The desire was even stronger than taking something to chase away the dizziness that kept making the room spin. A sense of relief flooded her once she had the water running as hot as she could stand. Only a few moments more and her body would hopefully have a reprieve from the nightmare that wouldn't go away.

Buffy turned to the mirror but was unable to face herself; too ashamed, too embarrassed, too unwilling to face the changes within herself. She chronicled the marks upon her body though, the bites on her neck and shoulders, the one on her thigh, the blood that had flowed and dried along her chest, back and legs. Finally, she touched the bruises that bore the imprint of their hands on her hips and her breast where Spike had held her close for the last bite. Tears filled her eyes and she blinked them away as she pinned her hair out of the way. Later when her body had healed would she allow her heart to cry. Not wanting to bear the truth anymore, she lit the candles that were placed around the room then turned the light off. It was more comfortable in the dark, easier to forget. 

There were only a few feet between her and the tub. Buffy closed her eyes to garner the strength to cross it but had to turn around. She barely made it to the toilet as she began to empty an already empty stomach. Hanging over the toilet she couldn't hide from reality anymore. It was there in the bile and blood that poured from inside her. 

Spike and Angel had raped her.

And in the acknowledgement came a rage she didn't know she could possess.

~~~~~~~~

Spike knew the moment Buffy woke. He felt her shudder when she realized she was still with them then her unconscious wince when she gathered the nerve to leave their bed. A sickening combination of sex, blood and fear hung heavy around the girl he had vowed to love forever. Needing confirmation that it had really happened he gazed at her from beneath his lashes and saw the injuries they had so callously lain upon her tiny form. 

Guilt like he'd never felt before rocked his heart when he watched her hobble from their room. Too ashamed to admit what he had done he stayed huddled next to his Sire when she left. He listened to each gasped breath that it took for her to reach the bathroom. His eyes were clenched closed but he could picture Buffy turning the tub on, could smell the lighting of the candles, then the sounds of her vomiting.

It was the last that drove him from the bed. He would have to shoulder the responsibility of his actions and try to make amends anyway he could. Spike made a detour to the kitchen to pour a glass of juice for her and to grab some pain medication. He took the steps two at a time, hurried down the hallway then hesitated at the doorway too terrified of what she would do. Tears filled his eyes as he forced himself into the room where Buffy was laying back in the tub. Her eyes were closed as he stepped closer.

"Is that the way it was in the old days?" Buffy asked, never opening her eyes. "You and Angelus having your way with a girl that you fancied but I guess I'm luckier. I lived. Isn't that right, Spike?"

"I'm sorry, Buffy," Spike offered, spilling some pills into his hand. "I know…know there is no way I could ever make it better. I brought you something for the pain and some juice."

"Put it over there," Buffy said, waving toward the vanity. "I want you here, where I can touch you." She indicated the floor next to the tub.

There was something different about her but the emotions inside of Spike were too intense for him to decipher exactly what they were. Needing absolution, anything to help ease the regret inside of him, he sat where she indicated. The feeling of her hand resting on his shoulder only intensified his guilt. How could she touch him so gently after what he had done to her?

"Do you love me, Spike?"

"Yes, I do."

"Then how could you?" Buffy asked. Her hand never stopped petting him. "How could you treat me like that?"

A sob broke free from deep within his chest. "I…I'm sorry. I don't know how I could have done it." It was a lie. He knew what had pushed him to do the one thing he swore he never would do.

Fingers drifted through his hair. "Yes, you do. Why do you lie to me now? We both know but confessing your sins will make that awful ache go away. Tell me."

"It felt good, Buffy," Spike cried. "Oh, God, it felt good to hurt someone…it's been so long since I've been free. It was like a drug I had to have and nothing mattered but…making you…forcing you to do what I wanted." He pulled his legs up, wrapping his arms around his knees, as inhuman weeping echoed around him.

"And Angel only encouraged it, didn't he?"

"Yes, he…he, I can't blame him…he didn't stop me but it's what I wanted. The fear and the blood, it was so sweet."

"Shush, my love. It's all over," Buffy said, her fingernail scraping along his ear. "I still love you. I always will. You know it too. Nothing can separate the three of us now." Water dripped over him as she leaned from the tub to whisper in his ear. "But we can't let Angelus rule us like we have. We need to take control and bend him to us. Isn't that right?"

"He's my Sire," Spike said, trying to look back at her but she pulled back into the shadows again. "I can't…it's not possible."

"Anything is possible now," Buffy whispered. "If you want to make it up to me then you will do as I ask. You do want me to be happy, don't you?"

The brief hope of keeping her love and gaining her forgiveness seemed to be fading. He had to choose between the demon who had caused him so much pain in the past and the girl who had given him so much love. The girl who was still willing to love him after what he'd done. He had to make it up to her, the burning guilt inside of him demanded it, and with a heavy heart he nodded. He gave her his loyalty and felt a minute bit of relief from the agony.

"That's my good boy," Buffy said, returning to caressing his shoulder as he turned back around. "Soon it will all come to pass, Luv, very soon."

~~~~~~~~

The moment that Angel awoke, he knew that something had changed. He lay there trying to figure out what it was. His mates were gone from the bed beside him but his heart reached out into the darkness to find them. They weren't hard to locate. The soft murmurings of their voices, and their very essences told him they were in Buffy's bathroom. A smile graced his lips at the thought of them bathing together then it faded just as quickly when he remembered the night before.

His eyes flew open as he sat up in bed and accepted the truth of what he felt. No longer was he torn between him and Angelus. It was an almost peaceful feeling inside his heart and head at being the only one. But, yet, at the same time he felt a connection with his mates that had never been there before.

Angel climbed from the bed, driven by the need to know if they felt it too. The stairs were taken two at a time as he rushed to them. Without hesitation he strode into the bathroom and stopped in surprise when he saw Spike sitting on the floor. He'd assumed they were bonding and recovering from their activities in a tub filled with scented bubbles. It was something they had often enjoyed together in the past. Neither of them looked up at him when he halted only a few steps into the room.

"Are you two all right?" Angel asked.

Buffy's was slowly stroking Spike's arm while he rocked back and forth. Angel's confusion only grew when he heard his Childe sniffle. He knew they had hurt Buffy the night before. He accepted it but if either of them would be in need of comforting he assumed it would be her and not Spike.

"You ask if we are all right? That's kind of funny," Buffy said, never looking up, never moving except for the motion of her hand along Spike's flesh. "Did you think that this morning we'd go back to being your happy mates?"

"Buffy, I know it got out of hand last night," Angel said, finally accepting how bad it had been for her. "I'm sorry."

"Are you? Or are you just sorry that it didn't work?"

"What didn't work?" Angel asked, stepping back into the shadows. He didn't understand how she could know. There was no way she could have found out. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"You've always been such a coward, Angel," Buffy said, twirling Spike's locks in her fingers. "You had to let Angelus do your dirty work. It wasn't very nice to turn him on the two that had vowed to love you forever."

"Angelus is gone," Angel said, hoping that the surprise would give him leniency. 

"I know that too but that doesn't change what you let him do," Buffy said then laughed briefly. "Did you think it would work? Did his plan to _help_ you really make you think that he would?"

"What did he do?" Spike asked, speaking for the first time. He turned his tear ravaged face to his Sire. "What did you do?"

Angel blinked at what he thought he saw but when he stepped closer Spike hid his face again.

"Tell him, _Angel; let Spike know of your plan."_

"I…I let Angelus free last night," Angel started but he couldn't speak the words of his betrayal. He hid his face in his hands as his body trembled under the pain he'd caused because he'd been afraid.

Buffy leaned over the tub again. "Angel thought he would gain your loyalty forever if he let you go first and that I would be so destroyed by the _rape_ that I would always be his broken doll. He would keep us by his side forever but he didn't know that he would only drive us closer together." She lay back in the tub with her eyes closed again. "Spike has given me his loyalty. Not you."

"I am his Sire. He can't do it. It's established in the power of the blood."

Everything was falling through his hands. Angelus had been so charismatic, luring him to his side by whispering of what he could be. His greatest fear of being left by his mates had been played so convincingly until he promised Angelus whatever he wanted as long as Buffy and Spike would stay with him. 

"Everything changed," Buffy whispered. "You feel it like I do. Accept what has come to be and we'll let you stay with us. Fight me, fight us and you'll find out what torture truly is."

A chill ran through him at Buffy's words and the continued sounds of Spike's crying. It wasn't just changes brought on by the violence of the night before. Something had happened in that moment of claiming. Needing to know if his suspicions were correct Angel reached for the light switch. The room was illuminated in the harsh glare of the overhead lamp. His mates turned startled eyes to him and he saw the truth in their depths.

The soul that burned in a pair of tortured blue eyes. 

And the glowing amber that told of the demon that now lived inside the Slayer.

_To be continued…_


	29. Loyalty

**Chapter 29 – Loyalty**

Angel turned the shower on and dropped the towel from around his waist while waiting for the water to heat up. He was still fuming over the dismissal Buffy had issued him. She'd thrown him out of his bedroom so she could calm Spike down. A part of him understood why but it still stung. His Childe was overwrought with remorse and the knowledge that he now had a soul. And Spike only wanted Buffy to comfort him thus the dismissal. 

Every idea, thought and suggestion he had was turned down by Buffy. She was in control of everything. Spike had pledged his loyalty to her leaving Angel on the outside just like he had feared. Not knowing how far she would go, Angel had decided to do as she said for the moment.

In his centuries of existence he had never heard of these changes happening before. There were so many questions that needed answering and unfortunately, Giles was on his way to England. The Watcher had gone to try and get information on Glory from the Council. This left Angel with very few alternatives. Asking Giles for help would have been uncomfortable and asking Wesley was out of the question. The younger Watcher, new to the group, most likely wouldn't be able to handle the news.

The only ones left were Jenny and the Scoobies and he didn't feel they would be of any use. So, for now all he could do was deal with what came along. Sighing in frustration, Angel stepped into the shower. If only Buffy would talk to him instead of trying to rule him, maybe they could figure this out. Maybe if he could change them back to the way they were some of his guilt would diminish. 

Giving in to Angelus' battering for control had been a foolish mistake. He'd known it at the time but had been too weak to resist. Buffy regaining her independence and knowing how close his two mates had grown while he was gone tore through him constantly. For a brief moment any risk was worth taking if it would keep his mates beside him. But now, in the aftermath, he knew how pathetic his choice had been.

The shower door opened to reveal Buffy intent on joining him. Angel swallowed back the flash of fear he felt as he stepped back. She stopped beneath the spray, acting like he wasn't even there as she put her head back to let the water run through her hair.

"Where's Spike?" Angel asked, watching his mate with wary eyes. 

"The poor boy fell asleep," Buffy answered lowering her head to look at him. 

Unconsciously Angel took a step back when she moved closer. A chuckle fell from those pink lips when his back hit the shower wall. Buffy had already hinted that she wanted to punish him for his betrayal. He just wasn't sure when or how it would happen and he wasn't taking any chances if she should decide to dust him. 

"All that weeping wore him out." Her hand drifted across Angel's chest in a leisurely stroke. "Did you cry so when you first were given a soul?"

"I wasn't given a soul," Angel said. "I was cursed with one."

"Mmm, yes, that's true," Buffy whispered. She kissed the spot where she'd bitten him the night before. "But did you cry and mourn?"

"Yes, for a long time," Angel answered, unable to stop the shiver of desire that coursed through when she suckled at his nipple. "You know this, Buffy. It will be the same with Spike."

Buffy looked up at him, stepped closer so her body was pressed against him, and let her hands settle on his waist. "No, it won't Angel because we won't cast him out of the family. He will be loved and cared for as always. The soul wasn't needed and once he remembers he'll be more accepting of his gift."

"Thank you," Angel said, daring to bring his hands to rest on her hips. "It will make all the difference to know you're there for him."

"That we'll be here," Buffy whispered, kissing his jaw. "This is only going to make us stronger. If that bitch, Darla hadn't been so blinded to the possibilities things might have been different for you. She sent you away, didn't she?" Her hands cupped his ass pulling him toward her. "Your sire and she wouldn't even take care of you, would she?"

The hypnotic lull of her words was making him remember those first days after being cursed. All those feelings rushed back to him, the loss, the bewilderment, the agonizing guilt and the horrible, horrible loneliness. 

"No," Angel answered, finding himself confess things he had never let himself. "I needed her, loved her and she looked at me with such disgust. It was like I wasn't hers anymore but I still felt the call of the blood."

"It hurt didn't it?" 

Buffy ran her fingers through his hair, tugging him down to kiss him softly. This was what he needed then. It was what he needed now. The comfort of his mate's loving embrace. Angel buried his face in the crook of her shoulder, letting her soothe him. Daring, hoping, he moved his hands upwards along her rib cage, capturing one perfect mound. Encouraged by the lack of protest, he kneaded it softly, falling so easily under the spell Buffy wrought. 

"You didn't answer me," Buffy said, pushing him away. 

Hating the weakness that made him gasp, he closed his eyes. Hating the need for this tiny woman, he let his hands fall away from her. She wouldn't let him go though. She wouldn't back away and let him hide. She reached through his darkness cupping his face in her hand. Her thumb left gentle strokes across his cheek. With a smile that gave him hope, Buffy hooked her leg over his hip and gave a small jump. He caught her, holding her up by her bottom, while she wrapped her legs around him. 

"Didn't it hurt?" Buffy asked again.

"Yes," Angel growled, turning them until Buffy's back was against the wall. Her small body was there, ripe and wanting but he waited. The power was hers and she knew it. Buffy teased him, until he wanted to scream. Her hands ran through his hair then pulled him to her for a kiss. 

Buffy sucked his tongue into her mouth, holding it in place with her teeth, and then she used her own tongue to play with his. She demanded his obedience and he let his body sag against her because now he knew. In his one word answer he had revealed his darkest fear and given it to her on a silver platter. Unlike Darla she gave him a choice. It was his for the making. He could be with her, follow her or be banished from their graces. He would be here with them but left emotionally in a desert to wander alone. He would be denied what he held in his arms and who lay sleeping in his bed. 

"Make love to me, Angel," Buffy pleaded. "I love you so much."

This wasn't the call of the demon but of the girl who'd given him her heart when she was still so innocent. The girl he had sworn to love forever, the girl he had given to his Childe, the girl he would die for without a second thought, the girl he had betrayed last night and he knew he had no choice but to surrender to her.

Angel pulled back so that he could gaze into her eyes. "I don't want to hurt you."

"It's all right," Buffy murmured. "Love is pain."

Her hand reached between them and led him home. Angel fearing that he would cause her pain, eased inside of her so carefully, that it was only her whispered pleas for more that kept him going. Their eyes connected again once he was fully sheathed inside her tightness. Tears rolled down his face as he stared into the satisfied eyes of amber. Unable to bear it he buried his face against her shoulder.

"I'm yours," Buffy said, her fingers digging into his shoulders. "Take me, Angel, give me everything you have."

There was still fight in him. He knew it when he heard the taunting of her voice. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her tight against him, before turning so she was leaning against the wall where the shower spray would fall over them. He pulled out then slammed back into her. She grunted but didn't ask for mercy. 

"Is that what you want?" Angel asked, thrusting ruthlessly in and out of her. "Is my girl gone completely? I don't believe it." 

Buffy only held him, her soft cries of passion, spurring him on. In the fucking of his mate, Angel fought his inner battle. Love, won and lost, taught and learned, retreating and growth was all there in the arms of this Slayer. He had faltered for so long, lost between man and beast. His fear of never being loved had started with his father, been intensified in the loss of his Sire and was being bargained for with his mate. She held all the cards, her love was his if he wanted it, but it came with a price. To keep her he would have to surrender completely which was something he had never really done. Always a part of him had been aloof. It was the part of him that lived in the terrible frustration of never being good enough. His fear had to be hidden away behind a façade of always being in control. It was him that had revealed all his flaws in one gesture the night before and in the end he could still lose what he had wanted to hold onto so tightly.

"I love you, Angel," Buffy said again. "I will always love you but there can be no doubts between us. Surrender to the bonds that exist between us. Don't fear anymore. Be mine. Love is yours if you want it. I'm yours, he is yours."

Angel shook under her words. His body sped up as he plummeted over the edge and filled her with his seed. When he gave his last shudder she unlocked her legs and slid down his body to stand on her feet. The loss of contact was too great for him. Having no choice he yielded to her desires. He fell to his knees, wrapped his arms around her, and sobbed into her belly. Any price was worth paying if she would only keep him with her and his Childe. 

"I love you, Buffy. I'm sorry, so sorry. Please don't make me leave, please."

"Shush, Luv," Buffy said, running her finger's through his hair. "It's going to be all right. Everything is fine now. You won't ever be alone again. I promise."

_to be continued…_


	30. Blood Ties

**Chapter 31 – Blood Ties**

Spike didn't want to wake up. The guilt was still there, filling every corner of his being and ruthlessly ripping his heart into shreds. No matter how hard he tried to rationalize his past, it wouldn't go away. He whimpered when his body continued to bring him to wakefulness instead of letting him slide into oblivion. If only it would go away. The tears started to return but before they could take him over, Spike felt someone crawling into the bed with him.

"Shhh, Spike," Angel whispered, molding himself to the curve of Spike's body and wrapping a protective arm around his torso. "I'm here." 

The kindness of the one mate he thought would reject him caused even more guilt in Spike's heart. He turned over so he could burrow against the larger body of his Sire. The arms tightened around him even more as they settled against one another. He was surprised that here in Angel's embrace things didn't look so bad just like when Buffy was holding him. Maybe things would be all right after all. His mates still loved him and that was the most important thing to him.

"I didn't think you'd want me anymore," Spike whispered. "I'm not the same." It was a stupid explanation for his earlier rejection of his Sire but yet it told everything. Garnering Angel's love had taken several lifetimes to accomplish and he had been afraid that if he wasn't the vampire Angel had fallen in love with then the love would disappear.

"I'll always want and love you," Angel said simply and kissed the top of Spike's head.

Spike relaxed under the confession. Now, all he had to do was learn to live with this stupid soul he hadn't wanted to get life back to the way it should be.

"You and Buffy made love," Spike said, inhaling the scent of the sex from his mate's flesh. It surprised him after the earlier encounter in the bathroom. It had seemed that Angel and Buffy would once again be embroiled in another argument and struggle for power in which he would be caught in the middle. 

"I gave her what she wanted."

Spike drew back look for the first time to look up at his Sire. He drew fingers along the face he loved so much and saw the truth there in brown depths. The arrogance was gone leaving behind a man who had been humbled by his greatest fears. He didn't have to be told what Buffy had done to Angel. He knew because she had done it to him. They both needed her love too much. It had been a catalyst for the changes in them both and it was her ultimate power over them. And somehow the demon had found it and yielded that power without a second thought. Spike nodded and let it drop. To make Angel talk about it would be pouring salt on an open wound. Instead he returned to cuddling next to Angel.

"Where's Buffy?" Spike asked, refusing to move from the comfort of where he was. His question ended up being mumbled against Angel's chest. 

"She's upstairs getting dressed."

"Is she handling it okay?"

"Well, enough," Angel sighed, rolling onto his back and taking Spike with him. Spike didn't hesitate to follow, entangling his legs with his Sire's, as they settled into the new position. "She's seems to be focused on changing things, us, LA and the general way things are being done."

"I don't like her like this," Spike said honestly. "I miss my girl."

"Shush," Angel whispered in his ear. "She has our hearing now, too."

"What happened to us, Ang?"

"I'm not sure," Angel replied, his hand leaving long strokes along Spike's back. "I hate to say this but I wish Giles was here to help us get some answers. I don't think two vampires and a Slayer have claimed each other before so there might not be answers really but only more questions."

"What about you, Angel? Why didn't anything happen to you?"

"The only thing I can think of is that I already have a demon and a soul."

"Well, who the bloody hell, thought I needed a soul and Buffy a demon," Spike groused. "We were just fine the way we were. Get rid of one fucking leash and get given another one."

An idea came to him and he leaned up one elbow to look down at his Sire.

"Do you think it was those witches?" Spike asked. "They lied about thinking it was fine and decided to do a spell? A spell that obviously got wonked up because they sure as hell wouldn't do that to Buffy but…"

"No," Angel said. "I don't think so because they wouldn't know what we did. Whatever happened, it was during our orgasms."

"Best bloody cumming I ever had," Spike said, smiling but then it faded just as quickly. "Why did you do it, Angel? Do you really think that we would stop loving you?"

"You thought it," Angel said, scooting out from under Spike. He walked over to the dresser and grabbed Spike's smokes. "Hell, we all do. Buffy was afraid I was going to stop loving her, you think you have to stay the same bad ass vamp for me to love you, and I'm afraid that the love between you two is strong enough to exist without me in the middle. We've been together for months, we've done the claim once before but still we're all acting like we're alone when we're not."

Spike watched as his Sire lit two cigarettes then handed him one. He took a deep drag and patted the bed for Angel to join him again. Angel settled with his back against the headboard with his knees drawn up. 

"Why does she still love us after what we did?" Spike mumbled, afraid of making it anymore real than it was. Somewhere in the morning he had faced what he had done to Buffy, her cries of pain and her pleas for him to stop, echoed over and over his head. It hadn't been about pleasure. It had been about the power of being able to hurt someone again. He wanted that power and had taken it without a second thought of what he was doing to Buffy. 

"I don't know," Angel said, taking a deep drag. "Maybe it's why she isn't fighting the demon. She's too hurt and angry to deal with us so she's letting it control her."

"She's acting kind of like Angelus…"

"And talking like you…"

"So, is the demon trying to be like us or is it a part of us?"

"I don't know, Spike, I just don't know." Angel sighed and stubbed out the cigarette. "I wish I had the answers. The one thing I know is that no matter how insecure we are the connection between us is stronger. I can feel the both of you inside me. If I reach out to Buffy I can find her…"

Spike furrowed his brows in curiosity. The only thing he had been able to feel all morning was the guilt but maybe because it was like Angel said about Buffy. He wasn't fighting back but had let the feelings from the soul take him over. No matter what he did now he couldn't change the past. It had been done, for whatever reason, and no matter how bad he felt he couldn't undo the damage. He could only go forward and try to do the right thing from thereon out. 

Thus accepting responsibility he pushed the emotions aside and concentrated on his mates. A tingling feeling rushed through his blood and then he felt Angel first. It was almost like looking through those brown eyes and looking back at himself. A warm glow infused him at the rush of love he felt from his Sire. He could actually feel the way Angel felt, like being in his skin. With a grin, Spike started a search for Buffy, wondering what it would feel like to have her connected to him, too. He felt Angel's hand entwine with his then she was there. He could sense her movements upstairs in the bedroom then she stopped. 

Something was happening because Buffy was reaching back. The glow grew in intensity until it was a hot flame licking at him. Spike could see it in Angel's face that he felt it too. A sense of power came over him like there wasn't anything he couldn't defeat if he wanted to. Whatever was happening to them was growing in intensity but before they could see where it took them, the phone rang breaking them from their trance.

Spike was still trying to shake the dizziness from him when he heard Buffy running down the stairs. Her frantic pace letting him know that something was wrong. Angel felt it too as he jumped up and headed toward the living room with Spike on his heels.

"It's Dawn," Buffy said. "She's disappeared again."

~~~~~~~~

The three were almost running as they came through the hospital entrance. Buffy was leading the way with Spike and Angel right behind her. Joyce had a doctor's appointment for a post-surgery checkup and had taken Dawn with her. Willow and Tara had tagged along to keep Dawn busy while Joyce was in with the doctor. The last anyone had seen of the littlest Summers was when she had taken off to find a vending machine.

They turned down the last corridor to the waiting room when Willow and Tara came running up to them.

'Thank goodness, you're here," Willow said. "Your mother is frantic and we've been looking everywhere."

"Why wasn't someone with her at all times?" Buffy growled.

Angel could see the moment that the witches saw the amber eyes. Their own eyes grew wide and Willow actually took a step back. Willow glanced between Spike and him with a questioning look. Angel just shook his head and mouthed, "Later." They had to find Dawn first. 

A pair of doctors was coming down the hall the other way and the four moved to the side to let them past. "Found him in the break room," one of the doctors said as he passed them. "You guys gotta see him. His head's almost twisted clean off."

"Glory," Buffy said, turning to watch the two men disappear around a corner. 

There was a familiar scent on the air. It was a scent that Angel and Spike both knew. A quick glance between them and Spike was opening his mouth to tell Buffy what they knew when she leaned her head back and sniffed the air. 

"Isolate the one you know," Angel encouraged. "It's Dawn's fear. Follow it."

Angel never would have allowed Dawn to be in danger a moment longer than necessary but he wanted Buffy to know what she was doing. It didn't matter anyway because Buffy took off at a trot with the rest of them behind her. There weren't any doubts as they followed the scent. It kept growing stronger and when Buffy kicked in the door to the exam room it revealed exactly who they thought it would be. Glory and Dawn.

"Get away from my sister," Buffy warned.

Dawn scurried over to them and Spike sent her off to a corner to hide. 

"Hey, we were just talking about you," Glory said.

"Conversation's over, hell-bitch," Buffy said, swinging the first punch. 

Angel and Spike circled around to the sides of the two fighting females. Watching, waiting to offer help when needed but for the moment it seemed equal. Buffy was giving as good as she was taking, slamming Glory into a display case. The slayer went in for another punch but was kicked back. Glory stumbled as she stood again and Spike grabbed her, wrapping his arms around her.

"I thought you said this skank was tough," Spike said, chuckling.

It was the wrong thing to taunt Glory with because at that moment she broke free and flipped Spike. Angel took his opportunity and punched as Buffy came up on the other side. Between the two they sent Glory rocking between them and their punches. Spike was quick to recover and wanted to add to the fray. The three began to move in synchronicity as they beat Glory. The connection between them flared again sending more power into their punches. Glory was backed into a corner when she found Dawn. She reached down and grabbed Buffy's little sister by the hair, hauling her up. The trio froze as they watched Glory wrap her hands around Dawn's throat.

"Back off now," Glory threatened. "Or little sis won't have her head."

The trio looked for an opening, a space that would allow them to get Dawn free from Glory who was inching toward the door. Spike was moving around toward the door when chanting could be heard behind them. It was growing louder and Angel knew that Willow was gaining power. He didn't know what she was doing but if it would give them what they needed that was all that counted. 

Then she yelled one word, "Discede."

Glory disappeared in a cloud of dust.

"What did you do?" Buffy asked even while she was catching Dawn.

"Teleportation spell," Willow said, wiping at blood that dripped from her nose. "Still working out the kinks."

"Where'd she go?" Spike asked.

"I don't know," Willow said. "That's one of the kinks."

"Well, at least she's gone for now," Angel said. "Maybe we had better go find Joyce so she's not worried."

The group gathered themselves together to leave when they noticed Tara staring at them oddly. 

"What's the matter?" Spike asked. 

"I'm sorry," Tara said, shyly looking away. "It's just…" Her fingers plucked at her skirt.

"What is it, baby?" Willow asked. "Do you know something?"

Tara looked back at them. "It's your energies. Usually they're really distinct, different colors actually but now they're…"

"They're what?" Dawn asked, stepping away from Buffy.

"They're mixed up," Tara explained. "It's like someone cut them into little pieces, mixed them up and passed it out between you. It's like with Spike, he's got his own plus pieces of Buffy and Angel's energies in him."

_to__ be continued…_


	31. Checkpoint

**Chapter 31 – Checkpoint**

The moment Giles walked into the Magic Shop, Angel noticed the change in him. No longer was he the tired, old man that had left Sunnydale two days ago. This man was vibrantly alive with a purpose. And it was that man that had called this meeting. They were all there, Buffy, Spike, him, the Scoobies, Jenny and even Faith and Wesley had been called from Los Angeles. Cordelia and Doyle had been told to wait by the phone so they could be included.

Giles had called before he left London, giving explicit instructions that Xander pick him up from the airport and everyone else be waiting at the shop. So, they were waiting. Mostly everyone was sitting at the tables that were set up to accommodate all of them except for Buffy and Faith. In mirror poses on opposite sides of the room they stood with arms crossed with their weight on one leg so their hip jutted out. And in their duplicate postures was Spike and Angel, standing along the back wall with their arms crossed and legs spread so their weight was evenly distributed. The four of them were trying to maintain their position in the group, to stand as the most important but Giles took one look at them and shook his head.

"Everyone sit," Giles said. "There isn't room for ego trips anymore. Everyone is needed from the mightiest of you," he glanced at Buffy, "to the weakest of you," his glance moved to Xander. When the younger man was going to protest, Giles held his hand up. "No comments." He turned to the four still standing. "I said sit." 

Reluctantly they sat, Buffy sitting between Angel and Spike while Faith took a seat next to Wesley. There was silence as Wesley called Los Angeles and got Cordy and Doyle on the phone. 

"Did you find out anything about Glory?" Buffy asked as soon as everyone was in position and ready.

"Buffy, please take those glasses off," Giles said, gesturing toward the sunglasses Buffy wore to hide her eyes from everyone. "I know about the change. Xander filled me in on the way from the airport. And I'd like to be able to see you."

The glasses hit the table while Buffy boldly looked at everyone who had yet to see the change in her. Angel squeezed her hand under the table for support. No one said anything. Not even Faith. The looks were mostly curious, a few that were wary but no one was outwardly malicious.

"Fine, now that we've looked at Buffy," Giles said, standing in front of the group. "Let's get down to business. First, the Council refuses to help us in anyway. Their words were, 'The world will be sucked into hell before we'll aid two renegade slayers and their vampire lovers'.

"My vampire lovers," Buffy corrected. "And they both have souls now so what's their deal?"

"Their deal is," Giles said. "Is that they are all uptight Watchers on a power trip with no one to have power over. I did manage to get one bit of information from them though and that's why I called this meeting."

"Uh-oh, this isn't going to be good," Xander muttered.

"Glory isn't a demon or a hell beast," Giles informed them. "She's a god."

There was silence for a few moments as everyone absorbed the news.

"What are you telling us?" Faith asked, breaking through the quiet. "That we aren't going to be able to beat her or what?"

"There has to be a way," Buffy said, turning to look at Giles. "She has to have a weakness."

"Unfortunately, none of the resources I have at the moment give any information on Glory," Giles explained. "Everything that we need is inside the Council's database."

"Ooh, that's where I come in," Willow said, raising her hand. "I can do a little accessing…I mean if you want me to that is."

"Yes, I do," Giles said, nodding. 

"There's a law firm in Los Angeles," Angel said, leaning his forearms on the table and clasping his hands together. "It's called Wolfram and Hart. Their clients are mainly evil but their computers probably have information, too."

"Well, it looks like Willow has her work cut out for her," Xander said. "What about the rest of us?"

"We hit the books looking for information on vampire claims and Slayers," Giles answered, walking around the group. "But first I want to deal with Faith."

"What about me?" the brunette asked sitting up a little straighter. 

"The ritual to link you to Angel, I want it done tonight."

"Are you sure?" Wesley asked. "We still haven't ascertained what exactly has happened to the three of them. If they are linked somehow, won't that put her under the power of Buffy and Spike, too?"

"Whoa," Faith jumped in. "I didn't agree to that and I don't trust Buffy, especially in her demon state, not to make me do something stupid."

"What? Like make you be my slave," Buffy said sarcastically. "You're not worth my time."

The two Slayers stared at each other in open hostility. Buffy refused to back down, her eyes darkening to deep amber and a growl broke through the tension filled air. 

"Buffy, don't," Angel said, putting his hand on her shoulder to prevent her from standing. "Been this route and don't need to go again."

Buffy sat back down with obvious reluctance. Her arms crossed as she leaned back in the chair and never took her eyes from Faith. 

"See, she wants to rip my throat out," Faith declared. "I don't want her to have any power over me. She's already tried to kill me once and who says she won't now?"

"We don't have a choice," Giles said. "We can't have any loose ends. All of our concentration needs to be on defeating Glory. We're probably going to need your help before this is over and Buffy isn't going to do anything to jeopardize Dawn's safety."

For a moment it seemed the old Buffy was back as her eyes faded to green and she reached out to clutch at Angel's hand. Angel squeezed the small appendage, reassured by the return of his girl. She was still there beneath the demon and he held out hope that she would soon fight her way back out.

"If the spell and ritual are done with Angel," Jenny said, leaning forward. "There is still the chance that it is only Angel that will have the control. I can't guarantee it because we're still not sure how deeply they're merged."

"Fine, but if something happens to me," Faith said, flopping dramatically back in her chair. "I'm blaming you."

Everyone seemed to breathe a sigh of relief that things between the two slayers hadn't gone any further and they turned back to Giles to continue the meeting.

"Not only do we need to do the spell to assure Faith's loyalty," Giles started. "We also need to give her a new identity."

"That's not a problem," Angel said. "I know some guys that can get us all the paperwork needed."

"Good, get it," Giles said. "Let her pick out a new name."

Tara raised her hand. "I was going to suggest maybe doing a glamour spell…I mean it would give her a new look. And we could modify it so that she would look the same to us but to the rest of the world she would look differently."

"Shit, is there going to be anything left of me by the time you guys are done?" Faith swore. 

"The choice was yours, pet," Spike said, sitting back in his chair and letting his legs fall open in his typical fashion. "You chose to help out instead of going to prison. If you would prefer a little cell to be your home…"

"Whatever," Faith said, turning to Tara. "So, you can make me look anyway I want to?"

"Yes, pretty much," Tara said. "When we get done here we can talk about what you want."

"Cool," Faith said, seeming to relax as she returned her attention to the group.

Angel grew wary as Giles paced across the floor a few times. He knew it was time to discuss him and his mates.  Only the briefest of explanations had been given in answer to everyone's questions so far. Shame filled him again as he remembered how it had happened. None of the others would understand Spike's and his need for violence and the hunger that had driven them. 

It seemed though that Giles knew too much as he slammed his hands down on the table in front of Angel. The vampire and the others jumped at the unexpected move from the Watcher and the anger displayed on his countenance.

"I told you," Giles said. "That if you ever hurt Buffy I would make sure you ended up as dust. The only thing keeping your sorry ass undead is that I'm afraid that it would hurt her or possibly destroy her if anything was done to you."

"Hurt her?" Willow asked, frowning. "They said it was done in a claim. And I thought that was like voluntary."

"It is done voluntarily, usually, but someone could be misled," Giles continued, never breaking eye contact with Angel. "Or someone could be forced into a situation they didn't anticipate. For the life of me I can't imagine Buffy willingly participating in the violence and blood that it would take to make this kind of change."

"Leave him alone, Giles," Buffy said. "What is done is done and I happen to like this change in me." She licked her lips and placed her hands over one of each of her mates. "Besides they understand the way things are going to be? Don't you boys?" She practically purred the question to them, seeming to take pleasure in their discomfiture and the look of confusion from the others.

Angel stared ahead and tried to ignore the looks they were getting from the others. It was hard to accept that he had promised Buffy his loyalty in exchange for the luxury of staying with her. He'd been played so easily as had Spike. And it irritated him that she was enjoying this so much.

Giles straightened and moved away from the table to stand with his back to the group. "Tell us, exactly what happened. How you were feeling? In order to research this phenomenon we will need details."

This time Angel closed his eyes in self-deprecation. He was a vampire, the scourge of Europe and he was cowering to the whims of a twenty-year-old girl who had a bad case of demonitis. He opened his eyes to look around at the group, trying to call upon Angelus to pull him through this, but was only met with scorn from these humans. Angelus, it seemed, had abandoned him.

Angel glanced over at Spike who was staring at his hands and looking as agonized as he felt. He wished he could comfort the blonde but knew it would only make things worse. It would make them appear weaker. It was time for him to stand up and be a man. To take responsibility for what he had done to his mates and try to find a way to fix them.

"It was after Spike's chip was removed," Angel said, straightening up and speaking without emotion. "Buffy invited Spike to bite her. From there we proceeded to the bedroom and to having sex. Buffy was on top of me and Spike was on top of her…we were both…taking her. She was fighting us…fighting it at first but then upon realizing that we weren't going to stop, she started to participate." He hesitated, swallowed and then continued. "We all reached…"

"Orgasm," Anya finished for him. "You all had orgasms together? Wow…that must have been very pleasurable."

"I don't think that's the point," Tara said softly. "The point is that they…"

"Raped her," Jenny said, standing. "You raped the girl that you claim to love. I can't believe that I fell for the line that you had changed." The small woman was shaking from a fury that was not only for Buffy but also for the gypsy girl that Angelus had murdered over a century before. "I am ashamed that I helped to free you from the curse, you murderous bastard."

Xander stood, knocking back in his chair in his own anger, as the full impact of the words became clear to him. "Did you know, Spike? Did you?" He ran around the side of the table and pulled Spike up by his shirt before anyone could stop him. He shoved the unresisting vampire against the wall. "I believed you when you said you would never hurt her. I was actually beginning to think we were…"

Chaos was breaking out as Giles rushed to comfort Jenny, Angel went to pull Xander away from Spike, Faith hurried over to protect Xander and there were shouts of concern squealing from the phone.

"Stop it," Buffy yelled, standing and overturning the table to get everyone's attention. "Shut up, all of you, now."  She turned to Xander. "Let go of him." Her hands clenched in fists rested on her hips while she waited for everyone to quiet down. "No one will do anything to either Spike or Angel. They are mine. Nothing has changed the fact that we belong together and are going to stay together. Is that understood?"

"But Buffy," Willow protested. "How can we just ignore what they did to you?"

"Any attempt to protect my virtue is a little late," Buffy said, smirking as she looked at her friends and colleagues. "I have lived with the two of them for months now and I knew what I was getting into when I walked into that bedroom. They're demons that thrive on violence and yes, they went too far but it is my business. If they had attacked any of you then it would be a group problem. They have given me their allegiance and Giles will tell you that things are now under control."

"So, what does it mean?" Willow asked, turning to Giles. 

"It means," Wesley said, jumping in when the older Watcher seemed stunned into silence. "That Buffy is now the head of the trio and Spike and Angel have agreed to follow her orders. It also means that if they disobey they have to submit to whatever punishment she deems fit."

"Is it true?" Giles asked, looking at Angel. "You've abdicated control to Buffy?"

"Yes," Angel said, stepping back into the shadows. It was unheard of for an alpha male to walk away from his position. The only way in vampire families for someone else to become head of the family is for the current one to be killed. 

There was a minimal amount of comfort as Spike came to stand beside him. Next Buffy came to stand on the other side of him and he sighed in relief. The message was clear to the others that the three were still a unit, standing beside each other, protecting one another, no matter what had happened or who was in charge. Slowly the others returned to their seats, but the air still vibrated with animosity. Once everyone else was back in their place, Buffy signaled for them to sit also. They righted their table and sat. This time they were closer than before and Angel knew they had taken a tiny step back to the closeness they once shared.

Giles coughed and everyone's attention returned to him. "Other than the obvious changes of Buffy's demon and Spike's soul, what else have you noticed?"

"The demon has also brought the acute senses to Buffy," Angel said. "The hearing, smell and sight."

"Have you been craving blood?" Wesley asked.

"No," Buffy said, shaking her head. "But I have been feeling more restless. It's like I want to hunt."

"Need for violence," Spike said. "Oh, and we did this crazy thing. We can link up together. We did it the first night. It was like a burning but we could feel each other."

"Almost like we were one being," Angel explained.

"So, other than the soul," Xander said, waving his hand in the air. "There haven't been any changes in you two?"

"Not that we know of," Angel said. "The only other thing I can think of is when it happened I could have sworn my heart beat for a second but then it stopped and I thought I was imagining it."

"It did beat," Buffy said. "I felt it."

"You haven't done any testing or anything?" Wesley asked. "There could be changes and you just don't know about it yet."

"Like what?" Spike asked.

"Maybe if the changes are because you're linked," Giles said, stopping in front of them. "And the three of you are sharing demons and souls then there is the possibility that you have Buffy's human characteristics as well."

"Like what?" Faith asked. "They could be sustained on food or something."

"No, something more profound…" Wesley started.

"Like being able to be in sunlight without repercussions…" Giles finished.

_to be continued…_


	32. The Other Side of Midnight

**Chapter 32 – The Other Side of Darkness**

Hopefully…expectantly…he tilted his face upwards. 

"Amazing, bloody amazing," Spike thought as for the first time in over a century he felt the heat of the sun on his face. He shrugged off his duster and tossed it aside. The warmth was too much of a temptation and he stretched his arms out to allow it to work its magic on his arms and chest. 

He curled his fingers in invitation to Angel who was still standing in the shadows. Buffy had been the one to suggest that Spike be the first to test Giles' theory. It still wasn't clear to him if it was because she wanted him to have the glory or because she thought he was the more expendable of the two. In the end he had shrugged it off. A chance to do something this magnificent was something he couldn't pass up. 

Angel hesitated on the edge of the shadow from the building. The memory reflected in those chocolate eyes was one that Spike understood well. The irony of both of them losing the sun in an alley by the women they had once loved and now being given the gift of day again in another alley by a woman they both adored. 

"Come on, Ang," Spike said enticingly. "It's the most fucking marvelous feeling."

A grin danced briefly across his Sire's face before he took the step that would change him. Angel stopped next to him, tilting his head in the same way as somehow their fingers interlocked together. "It's back," Spike thought, smiling as the connection returned between him and his mates. He looked over at Buffy as he felt her joy for them bubbling through her. She was actually giggling at their antics of turning every which way so that the rays touched every part of them.

"Well, I guess we have a lot of research to do," Wesley said dryly. "I think we've crossed a new boundary in vampire and slayer lore."

"I believe we have," Giles agreed. 

It came upon him without warning. Dizziness and incredible pain shot through Spike, rocking him on his feet. It was worse than the first time they had broken the connection. Like before it had been a chain reaction that had started with Buffy as she cried out and crumpled to the ground. The moment they were torn apart Spike felt his flesh began to sizzle. He stood in stupefied shock as he watched the smoke curl from his arm until Angel grabbed him and pulled him back into the shade. 

"Buffy, Buffy," Angel said, as he knelt at the Slayer's side. 

Spike shook off his confusion and rushed to join his mates. Buffy was moaning and her hand fluttered in the air before it went to her head. Her eyes opened but closed again as another cry of pain ripped through her. 

"Luv, we're right here," Spike said, gripping her hand as tears slid down his cheeks. He looked up at Angel. "We need to take her inside."

Angel stood, cradling their girl in his arms, ignoring the two Watchers hovering around them. His Sire barked orders for them to get some water and a wet cloth for her. Once they were in the building and everyone else had found out what had happened they rushed into action. Buffy was laid on the couch in her training room and things kept appearing for her, the water, a cloth, a blanket and even some aspirin if she needed it. 

"What happened?" Buffy murmured a few minutes later.

"You fainted," Jenny said, sitting next to her. She had pushed the vampires aside so that she could administer to the girl. Her hand caressed Buffy's cheek, brushing a strand of hair out of the way. "How are you feeling now?"

"Like somebody conked me over the head," Buffy said, trying to sit up.

"Don't pet," Spike said, leaning over her. "Lie there and rest for a little while."

Buffy nodded, her eyes shuttering closed as she lay back down. It was too much for him to handle as Spike felt the crushing guilt pressing on his carefully constructed walls. He had hurt her again. His own selfish desires had brought pain to the one person he wanted to protect. It was agonizing to stand there watching her be so weak. She should never be weak. She was a Slayer, built to be a warrior and he, a vampire, was leaving her defenseless. It was threatening to choke him. Spike wrapped his arms around himself as he backed away, stifling the scream that was so close to the surface.

"May I see you two?" Giles asked, gesturing for Angel and him to follow the Watcher out of the training room.

Spike took another look at Buffy to make sure she was okay for the moment before following Giles from the room. Wesley followed close behind him as they made their way into the main room of the Magic Shop. Unable to cope with too much Spike slumped down into one of the chairs. Angel could handle any questions or problems while he tried to remain focused on staying in control.

"Has this happened before?" Giles asked. 

I

"No," Angel said. "Buffy's been fine. No problems or side effects that we know of."

"Did either of you feel anything while you were out there?" Giles asked, looking between the vampires.

"Pain," Spike said, staring at the floor. "I was feeling Buffy. She was happy then there was this blinding pain in my head. Worse even than the chip going off."

"You did?" Angel asked. He turned toward the Watchers. "I guess its unanimous then. I don't think my pain was as bad as either of theirs."

"Interesting," Wesley said. "You said you were feeling Buffy?"

"Yeah, we had that odd connection thing going," Spike explained. "What do you think happened?"

"I think you were draining her," Giles said, taking a seat on the edge of one of the tables. "It's sounds to me that the three of you have more of a psychic connection than it an actual physical one. The energies of each of you are flowing into the other making you feel one another. Because of the demon and soul situation, I would say that whether you can feel it or not, it is there all the time. And when you concentrate you can feel it more. Buffy was pouring everything she had into the two of you to keep you safe in the sun. It was more than she could handle and she passed out."

"You mean this soul isn't actually mine," Spike looked up excitedly. "I'm borrowing from the two of them so it might go away?"

"If the bond between you is broken," Giles said, smiling. "Then yes, it would probably go away as would Buffy's demon but as long as the three of you are joined then I'm afraid you're going to be suffering."

"Bollocks," Spike groused. "I thought I had an out there."

"So, Buffy is going to be all right?" Angel asked, slipping his hands into his pockets.

"Yes, I believe so. She just needs to rest," Wesley said. "But think of the possibilities, gentlemen. If the three of you could strengthen that connection, work at it, you might be able to walk in the sun permanently and Buffy with her heightened senses would be almost unstoppable as a Slayer."

"No," Spike said, standing. His concern for Buffy pushed away his own pressing problems. "We are not going to start doing some damn experiments like we're your personal guinea pigs or something. Had enough of that with those Initiative blokes."

"I'm with him on this," Angel said, coming to stand beside him. 

"Don't you think you should let Buffy make that decision?" Giles asked, sarcastically. "I mean since she is in charge."

The Watcher's demeaning tone only served to remind Spike of how others perceived him. An evil vampire that had no feelings or thoughts, whose very existence shouldn't be and it didn't matter what they did to him because he wasn't good enough for them. The frustration and pain of what the Initiative had done to him had echoed in Wesley's desire to treat him as substandard. He rocked under the emotions that were threatening to take him under. 

"It is my decision," Buffy said.

The men turned to find her holding onto the doorframe. She reached her hand out to Spike who wasted no time in reaching her side. He slipped his arm around and helped her toward Angel. The two vampires closed rank around her. 

"Buffy, think of what you may be able to achieve," Wesley said. "It might even help us to defeat Glory."

"Research it," Buffy said, her gaze drifting between the two Watchers. "Find out what you can and when we meet tonight we'll discuss it. Then, Angel, Spike, and I will decide how much or how little we want to do."

"All right," Giles said. "That seems fair enough."

"Eight, tonight at the mansion," Buffy said, turning to look back at the others who had followed her out of the training room.  After receiving their acknowledgements she turned back to the Giles. "We're going to go home now so that I can rest."

~~~~~~~~

He was terrified. 

The horror surrounded him leaving him frozen where he stood. The blood oozed out of the walls creating rivers as it spilled onto the floor. It splashed over his boots, soaking the hem of his jeans. Spike swallowed as he looked around, looking for his mates. They would help him. He called out to the shadows he saw passing through the hall in front of him but no one answered. The blood was running down the walls even faster, reaching higher up his legs. He tried to move his legs again but it seemed his feet were stuck to the floor. He looked down, reaching for his leg to try and force it to move when a body floated by him. The woman was young, beautiful and her throat was ripped out. He screamed for help but none came. The bodies did though, hundreds floating past him, his victims and his screams turned to sobs.

"Spike, wake up," Buffy said, her voice was too far away and he could barely hear her. "It's all right. Wake up." 

"It's all right, boy," Angel said, reaching through the fog.

"Where are you?" Spike cried, his hands reaching into the blood. He couldn't find his mates. They were lost to him. "Please help me. Please." The blood splashed coating his body. He tried to get it off of him but it only spread. "Buffy, Angel, why did you leave me alone?"

"We didn't," Buffy said. "Open your eyes. We're right here."

Heat, comforting heat, reached through the icy dread of his nightmare. He could feel his mates surrounding him…touching him…reaching for him and he opened his eyes to find himself back in their bedroom. The fear was still there, mingled with the guilt, weighing heavy on him, forcing him back into the mattress.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," Spike muttered, not caring about the tears he was shedding. He just wanted it to go away. 

"Shh, Spike," Buffy murmured, turning him to face her. "It's all right, it's all right."

Angel's hands stroked his back and left kisses along his shoulders. He was safe. His sobs turned to ones of relief as he was caressed by the two he knew without doubt loved him. He buried his face in Buffy's neck, holding onto her while Angel continued to embrace them both. There was no embarrassment here in their arms. They were his and he was theirs and no matter who had what, they were a part of each other. He felt Buffy rolling onto her back and at first he resisted her attempts to take him with her.

"It's all right, Luv," Buffy whispered, pulling him on top of her. "Let me be your comfort." Her legs wrapped around him. "I love you, Spike."

Angel reached between them, positioning Spike at her entrance. "Take what she offers. It's yours." His Sire whispered to him. His hand was now stroking the blonde curls as Spike slipped into the sweetest heat. There was no need for urgency as he slowly moved within her. There in the rapture they were creating, Spike could feel Angel, too. It was their souls moving through him, filling him with their love and light. 

Spike wondered if he was still dreaming, just sliding from nightmare to bliss as he felt hands, hers, his, sliding over him, loving him. Somehow Buffy still wanted and accepted him. She was still willing to give him the gift of her body. His love for her flowed out of him, his hands touching her where he knew it would bring her the greatest pleasure. His thrusts shifted to grind against her, lifting her to slide deeper inside to nudge against the spot that made her moan so deeply.

"Love you, baby, love you so much," Buffy cooed, moving with him. "Let everything go but us."

"Always here, Childe," Angel whispered, kissing them both, touching and stoking the fire. "I'll protect you, stand with you, always."

Angel's leg was thrown over them, as was his arm, and his lips and cock were touching them. The fire was burning out of control as the three became one. It was there again, the flight, the soaring and the falling over the precipice. Buffy cried out, taking them with her, and for a moment again, Spike felt his heart surge and beat with the power between them as he spilled his seed deep within her. 

_to__ be continued…_


	33. Miracles and Freedom

**Chapter 33 – Miracles and Freedom**

Buffy giggled, making the other women in the room turn to look at her. She shrugged her shoulders and leaned back against her headboard. The others weren't going to bother her. Nothing was anymore. 

"Laughing isn't going to help," Willow said, trying to look stern. 

"I wasn't laughing at Faith," Buffy said, plucking a piece of lint from her red leather pants. "I was laughing more at what we are doing. I mean, we're sitting here watching her try on appearances the way she would clothes."

It was Faith's turn to shrug as she turned back to the mirror to contemplate the image that Tara had conjured for her. Until a final decision had been made the various looks were visible to all. Although the final choice was Faith's, everyone's opinion would be offered. Currently, Faith had auburn hair and fair skin with freckles across the bridge of her nose. 

"I look like some kind of preppy bitch," Faith declared, shaking her head.

"Thanks," Willow muttered.

"The red head look suits you, Will," Buffy said. "It doesn't suit Faith's personality. She's not as cute as you are."

The two women she was comparing studied each other for a second then turned back to Buffy.

"Still not sure if that's an insult or not," Willow said. "But I agree Faith needs something a little…stronger."

"A little bitchier, don't you mean?"

"It would fit," Buffy said, standing. She walked over to Tara and whispered in her ear. "Let's try this," she said stepping back.

"Look, I don't know if I want any of your ideas," Faith said. "You'd probably make me as ugly as possible."

Buffy just smiled slyly as Tara said the words to change Faith's appearance again. They all blinked as another woman stood there. Buffy had suggested making Faith of indistinguishable background. Her hair was black and hung in curls to just below her shoulder blades while her eyes were the same deep brown.  A slightly broader nose complimented the oval face to which the skin tone had been darkened by a couple of shades. Anyone looking at Faith would assume she came from a mixed ethnic background. Her body was a little rounder with broader hips and slightly larger breasts. Standing there was a stunningly beautiful woman that would turn anyone's head but ultimately would be hard to describe.

"I think it suits you," Buffy said, honestly, "mysterious, beautiful but someone that anyone would think twice about tangling with."

"I like it," Faith said. "Thank you, Buffy."

"Yeah, that's the one," Willow said, unable to take her eyes off Faith.

"Excuse me," Tara said, taking her girlfriend's hand in her own with a smile. "I agree though. It suits you and it leaves you as beautiful as before."

There were hints of tears in Faith's eyes as she stared at the other women. She blinked them back, returning to her previous blasé attitude and turned back to the mirror again. Her hand ran through the hair before she turned slightly to look over her shoulder at herself.

"I appreciate this, guys," Faith said, but her eyes met Buffy's in the mirror. "I'm going to do everything I can to help with everything. To pay you back for giving me a second chance."

"Actually I think this is your third or fourth," Buffy said, not smiling. When Faith looked hurt, she laughed and hugged the other Slayer in effort to keep the peace. "You'll be family shortly. Guess it's time to let bygones be bygones besides I have a demon now and can really kick your butt."

"Want to test that," Faith said, patting Buffy awkwardly on the back. 

"Nope, already done it and to do it again would be overkill."

It was time, Buffy decided, to start implementing the changes that she wanted to make. She had what she wanted, her vampires and what she needed, control of them. For once it was what she wanted and she was going to take it. Want, take, have, was what Faith had once told her and now with a little demon kicking around, she was going to live by that motto. Never again would she be that whining, little girl that begged for the attention of Angel. It would be his turn to beg.

The first step was to have Faith under Angel's control. Buffy smiled when she thought about the result of that spell. If Angel was doing Buffy's bidding it would mean that Faith would be too.  Slowly, they would fall like dominos until she was the ultimate one with power. 

"Are we going to show the boys?" Tara asked. "I mean, before we make the spell permanent. And we still need to decide on a name."

"Very good idea, Tara," Buffy said, smiling at the other girl. She knew that a little friendship would go a long way to making the blonde witch loyal to her. "Let's go," Buffy turned to gesture for Faith to go ahead of her. Let her have her moment of being in the spotlight. _It won't last long_, Buffy thought as she followed the other women downstairs. 

Upon reaching the lower level, she took her spot on the arm of the chair that Spike was sitting in. Her arm was draped along the back of it with her hand curved around Spike's neck. He instantly leaned closer to her side while Angel came to stand just behind her. Maintaining the solidarity of the three was important to her until she had everyone where she wanted them. There could be no apparent weakness to the others concerning the bond of the trio if she was to maintain control. 

It was actually amusing to watch Faith be bashful as the center of attention. Everyone looked her over and Buffy noted the glance between an equally bashful Wesley and Faith. The information was tucked away for when it might be useful to manipulate the two to her way of thinking.

"Are all agreed upon that this is the one?" Buffy asked.

"Yes," Faith said. "I can't believe that you well…thank you, Buffy.

"You're welcome. So, now what about a name?"

"Well, we have already chosen the last name of King," Wesley said, leaning forward.

The Watcher was barely able to keep his eyes from the brunette Slayer who was still preening for everyone. Jenny had come forward to turn a critical eye to the girl. She was speaking to Tara about a few details to be changed before the final spell. Xander's eyes kept watching Faith with a hungry gaze but his body was being kept on a leash by a jealous Anya. 

If hard pressed to give an opinion, Buffy would have to say that it was a family event with everyone gathering to help out one member. They would all contribute in their own way. Giles was right about that. They were all needed and no one could ask for a better core group. A few changes and a little discipline they would be unbeatable. Buffy was counting on it and Dawn's life depended upon it.

Buffy shook her head slightly to force herself to pay attention to the names that were being tossed around. Most were common names but none seemed to match Faith's personality or the new look she was being given. It was then that Buffy remembered the name of a nurse that had helped so much when her mother was in the hospital.

"How about Mia?" Buffy asked, offering the name she had remembered. "It's Spanish for miracle and I think we are going to need one in the days ahead."

"Mia King," Faith said.

"I think it's beautiful and appropriate," Jenny said.

"Very good, Buffy," Giles said. "I'm proud of how much you've helped Faith tonight."

Buffy only smiled. There was no need for them to know it had all been born from selfish desire. Angel's hand came to rest on her shoulder and she knew it was to remind her that he knew the truth. It didn't matter. Once it would have made her quake in nervous anticipation of how he would react. Now it only reinforced her desire to bring Angel to his knees. She took his hand and kissed it softly before replacing it on her shoulder. _It was only a matter of time_, she thought as she squeezed his fingers. 

* * *

In solemn contemplation of what they were about to do everyone had moved to a smaller room upstairs of the mansion. It was a room that Angel had chosen as a place for meditation and quiet reflections. Buffy and Spike rarely came to this room but had known of it. It had been taken over since the blondes stayed in their mate's bedroom more than their own. It was a part of Angel's personality to need somewhere to be alone and this room was where he retreated when he needed privacy. Once a coveted guest room with a massive fireplace, it was now more of a living room / study with comfortable chairs and arm chair. Books and drawing instruments were scattered on the tables showing the more sensitive side of the vampire. 

The ones that weren't needed for the spell were seated on the couch in the shadows of the corner. The trio had been split up by the Watchers hoping to keep the connection to a minimum. They formed a triangle around the room with Buffy and Spike on opposite sides of the room while Angel stood at the small table with Faith. Normally the ritual was one of only vampire rites but they had chosen after research to include a spell to help control the normal urges that came with it. They had also modified it so that Faith wouldn't drink the blood required from Angel but he would bleed into a cup. The changes were made to minimize the effects of the sexual connection usually found in this relationship. 

Spike's eyes narrowed as he watched Giles and Jenny set up the needed items. Everyone knew what the spell was for and why it was usually used but no one was brave enough to talk about it. Spike and Buffy knew the implications as sure as they could smell the arousal on Faith in spite of her feelings for Wesley. The bite was intimate and apparently one she was looking forward to as she stood next to Angel.  Spike looked up to meet Buffy's eyes and saw the same pain in her eyes. It was almost too much to ask that they allow their mate to be connected to this other girl. To make Faith more than human and less than a vampire so she could be joined with Angel. No wonder Buffy had latched onto the demon so possessively. Otherwise, once again she would be left out of the equation when it came to their mate.

"Are we ready?" Giles asked stepping back.

"Yes," Angel said, looking up to seek the approval from his mates. Buffy barely nodded while Spike tried to give him a reassuring smile. It didn't work. They all knew it was the only thing they could do. A compromise; give up a part of their mate in order to keep Angel at home with them. 

Faith pulled her hair back and bared her neck to the vampire. Her arousal deepened as Angel slid an arm around her waist. It was almost too much to watch and Spike closed his eyes as Angel bit into her flesh. In the old days it would have gone differently. The sharing of the slave's blood as well as flesh and the decadent games they would play to amuse them.  For the first time Spike openly admitted to himself how much he had changed since the relationship started with Buffy and Angel and the desire to be one of the good guys.

Words were being incanted and Spike opened his eyes in time to see Angel cut his arm. The blood dripped into the cup and Spike felt heat travel through him. Buffy was calling to him. Her eyes begged for him for understanding and he allowed himself to connect to her. It was warm and comforting. He could feel her love for him so strongly and he gave it back to her.

The cup was lifted while Willow spoke more words. Faith echoed the words then drank and it was then that Spike felt Buffy reach out to Angel. There was no way for him to stop what she was doing and as Faith swallowed the blood the link between them flared. It crackled in the air as if it was a living creature crying out for completion. The essence of Faith hit Spike, making him stagger, as he realized what Buffy had done. She had changed everything they had agreed to and made Faith a part of all of them. 

No one knew though except Angel who was in the throes of the blood lust. He growled and backed away from Faith. The spell had awoken a part of him that had been denied for quite awhile. Spike rushed to his side, forgetting for the moment what had been done, in his need to comfort Angel. 

"Are you all right?" Spike asked, cupping Angel's face. 

"It's almost over with," Buffy said, leaning against their mate and wrapping her arms around him. 

Their presence seemed to help the fury that was rushing through Angel. He clung to them as they continued to whisper words of love and caressing the vampire as he forced himself to temper his demon. They were left alone in the small huddle they had created even though the activity continued around them. Faith was being checked over by Jenny while Wesley asked her questions. The others waited in barely concealed anticipation to find out the results of the ritual. 

Finally, Angel shook his head to return to human guise and stepped back.

"Let's see if this works," Angel said. 

"How do you find out?" Faith asked, suddenly seeming to be frightened as she stepped closer to Wesley. "Because I'm not doing any parlor tricks just so you can have a good laugh."

"Come here, Faith," Angel said.

"Well, I certainly hope that wasn't the test," Wesley said, laughing nervously as Faith walked to Angel.

"Faith," Angel said, once the girl stopped in front of him. He looked deep into her eyes and instructed her to, "Pick the knife up from the table." 

Faith obeyed.

"Now, stab Wesley through the heart."

A few gasps were uttered and Giles stepped forward but Buffy laid a hand on his arm to stop him. Angel had chosen the one test that he knew Faith would undoubtedly have to be under his spell to perform. The vibes between Wesley and the Slayer had become more noticeable throughout the evening. There was no question of Faith's burgeoning feelings for the Watcher. A stunned silence fell over the group as they watched Faith approach Wesley and raise her hand.

"Stop now," Angel said, reaching around and taking the knife from her.

"What the hell did you make me do?" Faith cried as her face crumpled in tears. "Oh, my god of all the sick and twisted…"

"But most effective way of proving your obedience to him," Wesley said. He slipped his arm around the girl. "I think it's time for us to return to LA." He straightened up to look Angel in the eye. "Of course, if it's all right with you?"

"Wesley, I'm sorry," Angel said, quietly. "It had to be proven. Not only to her but to us and if she proves the ally she says she is then it never needs to be brought up again. All right?"  He waited until he received a nod from the other man. "The glamour spell will protect her identity from everyone. Do you still have the instructions to get her paperwork?"

"Yes," Wesley said, and then he turned to Faith. "You ready to go?"

The tender words were undeniable and after receiving the acknowledgement he needed, the two slipped away. The atmosphere was still tense and Spike knew that there would have to be some heavy reassurances tomorrow to bring everybody back together. He trailed behind everyone else as they made their way to the front hall. It took a few minutes for the group to say their good-nights and it was with relief when the door closed behind the last one.

"Well, you two," Spike said, trying to smile. It faltered as he saw the look that Angel gave to Buffy and he started to make a wish for them not to fight but he was tired of it. "I'm off to my own little cozy bed. See you tomorrow." He turned on his heel and headed for the stairs. If they were going to kill each other in some power play let them. He wasn't going to watch it anymore.

_to be continued…_


	34. Gentle Hands

**Chapter 34 – Gentle Hands**

Strong arms wrapped Spike. They pulled him back against the solid body of his Sire. In what he assumed was a declaration of peace, a tender kiss was placed on his neck. He hadn't heard any shouting or doors slamming downstairs which had left him wondering if his mates had just killed each other. The appearance of Angel a few moments ago had let him know that at least one of them lived. Not in a hurry to be Angel's confessor, Spike had remained leaning against the window until his Sire had come to him.

"I love you," Angel whispered.

Spike closed his eyes as his head dropped forward. A part of him wished he had the courage to leave. Or to stop loving them so much but he couldn't. He trailed his fingers along the arm around his waist knowing that no matter how far he tried to run it would be to this embrace that eventually he would return. There was no one else who could understand or love him as much Angel did. And, well, Buffy was the light in his heart. Her nurturing had opened part of himself that had never been seen before.

"What happened?" Spike asked, figuring he may as well hear and get it over with. Maybe there was a chance they would make up quickly.

"I told her that I knew what happened and I didn't appreciate her doing it without our prior knowledge," Angel said, squeezing him a little tighter. "I also told her that I understood why she did it. In the end I decided to trust her not to use the power she had unless it's needed."

"You what?" Spike asked, surprised by Angel's reaction. Previously his Sire had to be the one to hold the power and wield it but he knew this decision wasn't just to bend to Buffy's demon but something else. "Why?"

"Because I couldn't stand to see you or her in any more pain," Angel said softly. He rested his chin on Spike's shoulder. "Besides it's not time to confront her yet."

"Are you planning on confronting her?"

Angel sighed. "If she surprises me and pushes beyond what I think is safe for her."

"So, you'll still try to dominate her?"

"Not dominate, Spike," Angel said, turning Spike so they were facing each other. "You know as well as I do that she is playing a dangerous game. A game whose consequences I don't think she's ready to deal with. I'm counting on the fact that underneath this power play the basic decency that is Buffy will come through before it's too late. If it doesn't then I'll do what I have to protect her. Wouldn't you?"

The question was spoken softly but it rocked Spike with its intensity. His brows furrowed as he stared up at Angel.

"Do you think I wouldn't?"

"So, why do you make me feel guilty for the same thing?" Angel asked. He cupped Spike's face and kissed him softly. "I'm not trying to start a fight. I love her too but there has to be a limit to how far we let her go."

"And who decides?"

A hand was placed on Spike's chest. "Let those shiny soul twinges tell you how far she can go until she reaches a place she can't return from. Thinking she can control us is fine, the linking with Faith is acceptable because I don't think she can really do anything unless the three of us are linked. It's when she starts trying to play these games with everyone else with no regard as to how they're feeling then it's too late."

Spike nodded. He knew about that line that was so deceitful. He had been hovering on it since he had come to live with his mates. It wasn't always so easy to tell which side you should be on. The Buffy he knew and loved would never forgive herself if she crossed it and hurt someone else. Like the man that Faith had killed. 

"I understand," Spike said. "Thank you."

"For?"

"For not fighting with her," Spike said, shaking his head. "I can't…not on top of everything else."

"I know," Angel said, turning the blonde until they were facing each other. "I'm starting to see things differently since this whole thing started."

"It's a bitch not being able to control everything, isn't it?"

"Something like that," Angel agreed, chuckling softly. "Was I that bad?"

"Sometimes," Spike said, softening his word with a kiss to the lips so close to his own. It was meant to be quick but fingers slid through his hair holding him still so Angel could plunder his mouth. Spike didn't object. He let his body lean into Angel's, closing the gap between them. Spike slid his arms around his Sire's so there was no doubt that he wanted to be right where he was. The world seemed to brighten again. Things were changing but maybe it was to show them where they could improve their relationship. Spike would hold onto that hope and onto the two that shared his life.

"I've got an idea," Angel whispered when he lifted his head too soon. He came back for one more taste before stepping back. "How about we take her hunting?"

"Hunting? Are you daft?"

"Not like that, boy," Angel said, laughing. "Let's take her patrolling but show her what those enhanced senses can do for her. Let her see the other side of the demon. The side that would be positive for her."

Spike nodded his head. Excitement started racing through his veins at the thought of being out there on the prowl. It had been so long since they had taken the time to do anything other than routine patrols. 

"Sounds like fun, doesn't it?" Angel asked smiling. He took Spike's hand to lead him downstairs. "Tell you what. I'll let you guys have all the fun out there and when you're all revved up, I'll let you both fuck me."

"Fuck you?" Spike asked wanting to clarify the invitation. Despite the changes, Angel still preferred being top and it was a treat for Spike to be able to change the positions.

"Yep," Angel said, laying his hand on Spike's erection. "I don't know the thought of being surrounded by the two of you…"

"Hell, let's go," Spike said, pulling Angel faster downstairs. 

~~~~~~~~

It had been a good idea.

Angel loped along a few paces behind his mates. The blondes were chasing three vampires they had discovered in a crypt. There had been a rear entrance they had taken off through instead of standing their ground to fight. The loot they had been collecting was being dropped as they ran. They weren't going to get away. Not with Buffy and Spike on their trail. The two were in full battle mode and having fun at it. 

Spike whooped as he leapt over an above ground grave. His duster flew out like black wings around him as for a moment he seemed to take flight. His arms stretched out while he threw his head back in obvious joy before landing gracefully on his feet on the other side. 

Buffy not to be outdone followed closely behind him. Her hands leading the way as her feet left the ground to fly above her. One, two, so easily as her fingers seemed to be barely touching the surface before she continued over to land only a few seconds after Spike. 

Their combined laughter broke through the silent night and they were off again. They ran without exertion as they continued after their quarry among the graves. Moonlight illuminated their way. Streams of its soft light stretched toward the two supernatural beings caressing them. It was almost as if they were angels sent to fight on this lowly plane.

"Right," Buffy shouted, veering left to surround the vampires. 

Spike didn't even slow as he obeyed her command. The vamps were cornered. 

"Didn't really think you'd get away, did you?" Buffy asked as she slowed and pulled a stake from her waistband all in one motion.

The trapped vamps looked from the pretty, smiling young woman to the snarling game faced vampire that stood between them and freedom. 

"Let's go. Fight already," Spike said. "I need to get rid of your asses before I can get laid."

"Oh you will," Buffy beamed at him. "I'm so hot for you right now."

Angel laughed at the astonished look on Spike's face. It seemed Buffy's demon was bringing out a side to her they hadn't expected. But a very welcomed side as far as Spike was concerned because as soon as he realized she had really said it, he staked the vampire closest to him.

"One down, two to go," Buffy said, as she kicked out toward the vamp closer to her. "Stay back, Angel." She turned that bright smile to him as she turned to flip the vampire over her shoulder. 

Angel hunkered down to watch them dance. He knew they wouldn't need him but on that odd chance he would be ready. This was the way his mates should be. Happy, working together, their love for each other fairly making them glow. This time it didn't hurt him. He hadn't lied when he had told Spike he was learning new things. The side to Buffy's personality that reminded him of Angelus only made him squirm. He was ashamed of the dictatorial manner he had used in the past to deal with Buffy and even Spike. 

It was time to make changes. 

If they could forgive him, or at least live with what he had done, then why was he worried? The love between them had connected them. It would make them all stronger, better and closer eventually. This was where he belonged and he made the decision to learn what he had to so they would be happy. Angel stood as the last vampire that had been tossed between the warriors was put it out of its misery by Buffy and blew away in a gust of wind.

Two sets of amber eyes turned in unison to eye him hungrily.

Angel turned and ran. For the first time in maybe ever, he ran for the sheer fun of it. His mates were behind him, laughing, taunting that an old man like him couldn't outrun them. He didn't want to. He just wanted a slightly less public place for them to ravish him. There was a crypt in front of him and he decided why the hell not. He picked up speed and leapt, landing on the roof with ease. 

Spike slowed, turning to Buffy and bent over. A giggle escaped from her as she put her power into her feet again. Her hands found purchase on Spike's back as she flipped upwards. Angel caught her and pulled her over the edge. It was only a second later that Spike landed next to them. 

"I think someone is overdressed," Buffy cooed. Her hands undid Angel's belt while Spike pulled Angel's coat from his shoulder. Hot lust rushed Angel's system as his mates hurried to undress him. He surrendered to their need and nothing mattered but the feel of them, loving each other and him.

~~~~~~~

The last week had been almost heaven. Spike decided as he pulled Buffy closer to him. Glory had been strangely absent from the radar. Angel had been home with them. And Buffy had been fairly glowing with happiness. The amber in her eyes had almost faded to the emerald depths that he adored. 

She turned, nuzzled his neck, nipped on his ear, and said, "I wish we hadn't had to get out of bed this morning."

"Me too," Spike said, as he turned onto Revello Drive.

This morning had been like the last few as they tried to get back into their routines again. Angel had taken off to Los Angeles to handle some business but would return that night. Spike was going to drop Buffy off at class before he went in to see if he even had a business left. First though she had asked if he could drive her by her mother's house. The excitement was starting to make Buffy hum again.

"I can't believe my mother, my mother, had a date last night," Buffy exclaimed for the hundredth time.

"Yeah, I remember," Spike said. "We watched the bit. One more conversation about Justin Timberlake and I might have had to…"

"Behave," Buffy said, squeezing his thigh. "It's healthy for Dawn to feel like that. I did for Donnie Wahlberg."

"He would probably taste horrible," Spike groused, stopping the car in front of the house.

"You're just jealous," Buffy giggled, crawling out of the car. She held the blanket up for him so he could get out. 

Spike wrapped the blanket around him even as he ran for the porch. Buffy followed, pulling the key from her purse. 

"Am I going to have to hear a bunch of girly details about this date?" Spike asked, tossing the blanket over a chair.

"Probably," Buffy said, walking into the house. "Ooh, flowers. Someone still knows how to do this."

"Cheap ones," Spike said, watching as Buffy took off down the hall.

"Mom, where are you?" Buffy shouted.

"She's right there, Luv," Spike said, catching a glimpse of Joyce on the couch. He stepped into the living room and stopped short. His senses were going into overdrive and he shook his head to clear them. He felt Buffy beside him and he grabbed her around the waist before she could go any further.

"Mommy…"

_to__ be continued…_

Author's Note: Some lines were borrowed from the episode, 'The Body'.


	35. The Body

**Chapter 35 – The Body**

"Mom, mommy," Buffy cried as she fought to be loose of Spike's grip. 

Instead of releasing her, he went with her as she fell to her knees beside Joyce. Buffy shook her mother and begged her to wake up.

"Call 911," Buffy said, turning to him as sobs wracked her body. 

Spike didn't want to let go of her but he knew he needed to do something. He couldn't tell Buffy it wouldn't do any good. Her mother had been gone for a long time. There was nothing alive left within her. He dialed the number and gave them the appropriate information when asked. They asked if he knew CPR. 

"Buffy, Buffy," Spike said, turning her face toward him. "Do you know CPR?"

She grabbed the phone from him as she spoke with the operator. It wouldn't help but he didn't want Buffy to feel like something hadn't been done. Buffy tried, talking to the operator, her hands pressing down on her mother's chest. Spike wiped at his eyes and took out his cell phone to call Angel on his. 

"Hello," Angel said. "Miss me already?"

"Ang, it's Joyce," Spike said, his voice breaking. "She's…"

"I'm on my way," Angel said.

The sound of tires squealing could be heard before the phone was clicked off. It was stupid but Spike wanted…needed Angel to take care of things. He would know what to do. This was out of Spike's realm of experience. He wanted to run. Death wasn't supposed to make him feel like this. He was supposed to rejoice at the suffering of humans. The pain was real. His hand covered the spot on his chest where beneath laid his heart that didn't beat. Just like Joyce's. 

"Spike, Spike," Buffy dropped the phone on the floor and grabbed his hand. "Turn her, please, do something, Spike, make it better."

He fell to his knees beside her. "I can't, pet. It doesn't work like that…"

A siren sounded outside and Spike rushed to let the paramedics in. He couldn't fight the accusation in Buffy's eyes that he had failed her. The men rushed in pushing them aside. Buffy stepped back as the medics worked on the lifeless body of Joyce. He tried to comfort her. His hands running along her arms but she was cold. Her body shaking as she watched the futile effort to revive her mother. He smelled the fear wafting from his girl. He tried to comfort her, wrapping his arms around her, but she shook him off. 

They listened as the paramedic explained there was nothing they could do. Joyce was gone. The coroner's office would send someone to pick up her body. Buffy nodded and they left them alone. Buffy grabbed her stomach and Spike tried to get her to the bathroom, but she couldn't make it. In the middle of the hallway she lost her breakfast. Spike pulled her hair up. His hand rubbed circles on her back.

"It's all right, Luv...," Spike said, trying to find a way to comfort her.

"It's not all right," Buffy shouted, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand. "It's never going to be all right again. My mother is…Oh, god, Spike…"

Buffy was in his arms. The tears running down her face while her body trembled against his. He stroked her anywhere he could. Gentle touches meant to let her know how much he loved her. They both turned when the front door opened. Giles followed by Jenny rushed in.

"Angel called us," Giles said, holding his arms out. 

Buffy left his arms for the arms of her Watcher. The only father she had known for four years. It was heartbreaking to see her so hurt. She had been doing so well in the past week, so happy, under the attention of the returned Angel and Spike. They had tried so hard to make things up to her so she would know how sorry they were for hurting her. It wasn't fair that she had this to deal with. 

Spike stepped around her to return to the living room. Joyce was still dressed in her nightgown and robe. She must have died last night after her date. Relaxing with a cup of tea and then she was gone. She had died alone. A tear fell across Spike's cheek as he knelt and with a trembling hand closed Joyce's eyes. They wouldn't see anything again. 

"Dawn?" Jenny asked, placing a hand on Spike's shoulder. "Does she know?"

"No," Spike answered, standing up. "She spent the night with us last night. We'll have to go and get her when they're done here." He threw his head back as he fought for control. Later, he promised himself, later there would be time to sort out his own emotions. "I'm just glad she wasn't here when it happened."

"What are we going to do?" Buffy asked Giles before she broke down into tears again. "Dawn…me."

Didn't she know? Didn't she understand yet? Spike knew it wasn't the time or place but he couldn't help but be hurt by her question. It was so logical, so given, that Angel and he would be there. For Buffy and Dawn, it didn't matter. They were family. Had they hurt her that much? Did she think they wouldn't be there? He shook his head in astonishment because somehow Buffy still wondered who would take care of her. 

~~~~~~~~

"What happened, Spike?" Angel asked, turning in the car seat and watching Buffy approach the school.

He wasn't asking what happened to Joyce. He knew that. Giles had explained everything when Angel had gotten to the house while Spike had hovered around Buffy. His Childe had been trying so hard to comfort Buffy and himself, but she would have known of that. It was Buffy he was asking about. She had retreated behind the demon that was seeking control. Her eyes were the deepest amber he had seen yet. It tore him to shreds to know that she would hide now. When the pain was from them, because of them, he could understand her withdrawal. Not now when they needed each other. She was gone as surely as if she had left them physically.

"I tried to stop them," Spike said, tears running down his face. "Told them to wait but Buffy wouldn't move and they did it anyway. They put Joyce…the soddin' bastards put her in that bag and zipped it up, right in front of Buffy. She just made this noise, like they do when they know they're going to die. It was like watching her die too. She just gave up and went away."

Angel took Spike's hand and pulled him forward until his Childe's arms were around his neck. He ran fingers through the soft blonde curls as tears spilled over his own cheeks. There were sacrifices to be made, that much he knew. Things to give up and they had thought that they could win. How foolish they had been that day in Giles' apartment. They had thought that if they tried hard enough that they could beat fate, but yet fate was taking them out one by one. If Buffy was gone, if she let the demon take her away from them, then he didn't think Spike could handle the loss. Their girl had tamed a demon with love.  She held so much power already that there was no need to seek it elsewhere and she didn't see.

"Shush, boy," Angel said, kissing the forehead trembling with sobs. "She still has a soul. She still has us. She'll come back."

The arms tightened around him and Angel shifted so his hand could stroke his lover's back. He knew it was more. He knew it was Joyce. Buffy's mother had finally accepted them. The love of a mother was important to Spike…to William. It was like losing his mother again. He needed to comfort Buffy so that he could express his own grief. The others wouldn't understand his feelings for the human woman that had earned Spike's respect and grudging affection. 

"Here they come," Angel whispered, as he saw Buffy and Dawn exit the building. Buffy's glasses were perched on her nose to hide her eyes. She held her body stiffly, almost cold, to the young girl next to her. Dawn was someone else that was losing Buffy's comfort. Her face was contorted with tears as she desperately held her older sister's hand. 

Spike pulled away to lean in the corner of the car as he wiped at his face. The car door opened and Dawn crawled into the back. Angel watched as the youngest Summers' threw herself into Spike's embrace. The two who wanted comfort had found it in each other's arms. Spike hugged Dawn to him as she cried her grief to a vampire.

Buffy climbed into the car, keeping near the door, careful to keep from being drawn into the human emotions of the others.

"We need to go to the hospital," Buffy said. "The doctor was going to do an exam."

Angel merely nodded and turned so he could switch the car on. There was nothing else to do but be there and hope Buffy would come back to them again.

~~~~~~~

Spike fidgeted in his suit. He swallowed and forced his gaze up. Carefully, he looked over the people gathered at the graveside. Friends, co-workers, the people whose life Joyce had passed through were all there. He had never realized how many people had cared for the woman. 

There had been no funeral for him. He had simply disappeared and the only one who might have cared had been his mother. A few blinks to keep back the tears and he leaned closer to Dawn who was standing between him and Buffy. The teenager's small hand curled into his and he squeezed it.  

Spike glanced up at the clouds, courtesy of Willow, that hovered above them. A few people had murmured the sanity of having a funeral at dusk in Sunnydale. Guests gave furtive glances around but then they didn't know that the monsters they feared were there amongst them. Living a lie, pretending to be human, and just like them. How could they continue to walk the tight rope anymore? A decision had to be made if they were going to be men or beast.

Everything had changed in their lives with Joyce's death. There were so many questions and very few answers. Hank Summers had been unavailable to them. His company thwarted their phone calls and protected his location from his daughters who needed him. So, the trio had moved into Revello Drive. Dawn couldn't be moved right now. She needed the security of being in her home environment. It would be too much to ask of someone so young to lose everything at one time. But then a hell god wanted her for a reason they had yet to figure out. The whole situation was impossible.

The days of drifting through life and taking things as they came were over. Spike knew that much. A long whispered talk with Angel the night before had made Spike realize things he never had before. A hundred years of roaming were over, living without long term plans and structure was gone. It had to be if he wanted to continue to love Buffy. The whole thing had been a lark when it started, and then came the love that had surprised him, but the relationship, although it was something he wanted to hold onto, was never for him a life long commitment. Why would it be? He could live forever and Buffy only a few short decades if she was careful. It had never been discussed, even though Buffy had said it a few times, that she would probably die within a few years. Spike had assumed somewhere that when she did that Angel and he would take off again. 

Now, would he be asked to change, to make permanent plans, to live in a house in a neighborhood? How were they going to explain their relationship? A threesome was not fit parental units. Or would he be asked to leave? It tore him apart to even think it but he knew he would if it had to be done. Angel was the logical choice to stay, marry Buffy and to raise Dawn. He shuddered under the overwhelming thoughts that ran through his mind. 

The minister was saying the last words to close out the ceremony. Spike shook his head to pay attention and to stop the rambling of his mind. A hand rested on his shoulder and he looked up to catch his Sire's gaze. Relief flooded through him because his questions were echoed in those depths. He reached up to cover Angel's hand with his own but he had forgotten that he was holding Dawn's. Her hand was nestled between the two masculine ones when Buffy looked up, clear eyes in grief for the moment. Her hand came to join theirs and Spike was reassured that no matter what the future brought they were in it together. The four of them.

_to be continued…_


	36. Enough

**Chapter 36 – Enough**

The trellis creaked and wobbled from the weight of the girl climbing down it. She wasn't being stealthy enough. The whole house reverberated with the noise of her pitiful attempt at freedom. Spike shook his head as he waited behind the tree for Dawn to come closer. She took the final small jump to the ground, looked around quickly and headed toward the sidewalk which would take her right by him. He waited until she was only a couple of feet from him before stepping out.

"Where you going, 'bit?"

She screamed, her hand clutching at her chest, as she took a step back.

"Haven't we played this out before?" Spike asked, blocking her from walking away from him. "I mean only a month or so ago, wasn't it?"

"It's different," Dawn declared, looking down at the sidewalk.

"What makes tonight different?" Spike asked gently. He could see the tears that were silently making their way down her face. The past few days had changed everything between them. There wasn't any hesitation as he reached out to tuck her hair behind her ear and cup her face. "Where are you going to?"

Dawn looked defiantly up at him. "I'm going to see Mom. _She_ won't let me go by myself and _she's_ too busy to take me." She took a step back from him. "I'm going so don't try to stop me." 

Spike could see it though. The things this girl tried to hide from him. The fear, confusion, loss and the loneliness she felt. Since the funeral Buffy had become even more militant in her ways. Never before had he seen anyone as uncaring to the moods and emotions of the people around them except for Angelus. She didn't want anyone grieving even the little one. He and Angel knew Buffy was wrong and had tried to talk to her but to no avail. Buffy was adamant in her denial and in the hiding of her own pain. Spike looked up and caught the eye of his Sire staring out the window at them. He gave a small wave and Angel nodded his understanding. They had both heard Dawn leaving and Spike was the one who followed.

"Okay, let's go," Spike said, turning to head down the sidewalk. 

"You're going to take me?" Dawn asked.

"Yeah, unless you've got an objection," Spike said. "I mean if you'd rather be out here all alone..."

"Buffy will be mad at you for it."

"Something new?" 

Dawn giggled and ran to catch up with him. The silence as they walked was companionable. If something needed to be said between them then it would be. In times like these it didn't really matter what was spoken out loud because all the important things had already been said. Everything else was just to explain something new that they had discovered. Back when he was human, William, he often wished he had a sister, a companion, to share his time with. In Dawn he had finally found it. A soul mate that laughed at the things he did, wept over the same things and who he could communicate with only a glance between them. In some ways it was easier with Dawn then it was with Buffy. Being in love and lust only complicated matters.

"Is she ever going to be happy?" Dawn asked, as they turned a corner. "I know that things are bad right now but I can't really remember her laughing anymore."

"I can't either," Spike said. His mind went back to Daytona and to the girl they'd talked into coming back with them. She was all sunshine, laughter and content. Buffy wasn't her anymore and hadn't been in a long time. If they hadn't been so selfish they would have seen it was best to leave her there. Not drag her back into the dark where she was buried in death. 

Silence overcame them again as they made their way through the graves. So, many people dead, some brought back, but most just withering like Joyce. Spike stood back as he watched Dawn. The girl fell to her knees by her mother's spot that was still covered in dirt. He listened to her murmurs and her tears as she emptied herself of all the things she wished that she had time to say. It was always like that. He lit a cigarette and turned away, letting his mind drift over other things, figuring to give Dawn some privacy. Something tickled his nose. It was the smell of dirt as it was first overturned. He turned back to see Dawn putting some in a bag.

"What the hell are you doing?" Spike shouted.

"Nothing," Dawn yelled, standing and backing away from him. "I'm not doing anything. You don't understand. No one does."

With that she turned and ran. He sighed, knowing exactly what Dawn was doing. Now he understood her desire to hang out at the witches place and the Magic Box. She wanted to try and bring her mother back. He wasn't going to let her and neither would Angel. Buffy didn't need to know. He followed her home, always keeping her in sight but not wanting to fight with her on the street. It would be better coming from him and Angel together. Besides Angel probably knew how to talk to her better than he could. Always the authoritarian, he had become the father figure in the house on Revello Drive despite Buffy's attempts to rule them with an iron hand. She wasn't always with them so they had formed their own system for coping without her.

Dawn barreled into the house and into Angel's arms. He held her sobbing form and led her into the living room. Spike closed the door behind him, halted for a moment to locate Buffy, she was upstairs. Apparently oblivious to them as was the case lately. He made his way into the living room, looking away from the couch that only gave him reminders of Joyce's body. Now, Dawn sat on the edge with Angel sitting in front of her.

"What's going on, Dawnie?" Angel asked. 

"Nothing is going on," Dawn insisted, crossing her arms and leaning back into the couch. She turned her head away from the two vampires. 

"I know what you want to do," Spike said, sitting on the couch next to her. "So, why don't you tell him?"

"You tell him, 'Mr. I'm so important'," Dawn snarled. "God, I thought you were my friend."

"I am," Spike said, shaking his head. It seemed Buffy wasn't the only sister who could run hot and cold, leaving a bloke confused as to where he stood. "It wouldn't be your mum that came back."

There was a moment when Angel and he glanced at each other. His Sire had figured it out. It wasn't really hard. Raising the dead was pretty much what vampires did. 

"He's right. It wouldn't be Joyce. It would be her body but it wouldn't be her inside it."

"I want my mother back," Dawn said, turning infuriated eyes to them. "I can't stand this. It's like I'm the only one who cares. I mean really cares. Buffy doesn't. She hasn't even cried and tonight she's packing up mom's clothes. She's only been gone a few days and it's just another chore that she has to do."

Spike patted Dawn's hand before he stood. He left a small one on Angel's shoulder as he left the room. Something was different inside of him. It was like the night he had walked away from the impending fight between Buffy and Angel. It could all be summed up in one word.

_Enough._

Buffy was humming along with the radio when he stepped into Joyce's bedroom. There was a pile of clothes on the bed while Buffy stood in the closet sorting through more things.

"What are you doing, Luv?" Spike asked, his voice deceptively calm in spite of the storm brewing inside him.

"I'm cleaning out my mom's closet," Buffy said distractedly. She leaned out holding up a light blue blouse. "Do you think I should keep this? I might need some business looking things and this is nice."

"I think you should leave everything the hell alone for now."

Buffy froze. She hung the blouse back up, letting her fingers drift along the sleeve before she turned to face him. Amber eyes in a face that may as well have been made of stone. 

"These things need to be done," Buffy said, shrugging. "If we are going to be moving Dawn in with us…"

"Dawn can't live in the mansion, pet, or don't you get that? What are you going to say to the state? Excuse me, I'm a slayer, these are my vampire lovers and yes, I do feel that we are fit parents to raise an ancient key that was stuffed inside a teenager's body."

"And what am I supposed to do? Just give up?"

"You could bloody well try talking to us, grieving with us and giving a damn about what's going on."

"Someone has to hold everything together," Buffy declared, looking down her nose at him. "You and Angel are so busy playing Daddy that…"

"Is that what's wrong, pet? You're jealous of your little sister and so you're shutting us all out?"

Spike stepped closer to her and she backed away. He sighed in his frustration there had to be a way to reach the girl that he loved. She was in there somewhere. 

"I don't need to be jealous," Buffy said, skirting around him so that she had the door to her advantage now. "You all belong to me."

"Yes, we do," Spike said, moving so fast she didn't have time to run. He grabbed her by the upper arms and shook her. "We all belong together. We're family so why don't you start acting like it. Do you know what Dawn wanted to do? She's feeling so alone and unloved right now that she was going to try and find a way to bring your mum back."

Buffy struggled then gave up when he didn't relent. "I'll talk to her."

"It's already taken care of. Angel is talking to her now."

They stared at each other. There was no emotion on her face and he shook her again, hard.

"Are you going to try and beat me into submission?" Buffy laughed and he let go, shocked by her question. Was she serious? "I mean the chip is gone so your true side has come out. I should have expected it."

"What are you talking about?" Spike asked, shaking his head as she moved around him again. "My true side? Do you think that little of me?"

"Isn't it what I should have expected? Silly me," Buffy said, her voice cracking. "I live with two vampires. I was in so much denial. I thought you two loved me."

"We do love you," Spike said, treading carefully. 

"You hurt me," Buffy cried. She threw out an ineffective punch toward Spike. He didn't move. "You hurt me. I'm tired, and I hurt and I'm so confused. I can barely get up in the morning because everything is just suffocating me. I trusted you. I never thought out of the two of you that you would do that to me."

"What did I do?" Spike asked. He knew but he also knew she needed to get it all out.

"It was like Riley all over again but it was worse. The ones I thought were always going to protect me were the ones hurting me. You held me down when I begged you to stop," Buffy was sobbing now and advancing toward him. She hit him and he stood there. "You didn't care. You just laughed and kept pushing into me, now I'm all alone." She kept hitting him over and over. "I can't trust you, my mother's dead and I'm so scared that I'm going to lose Dawn to either the state or to Glory. Oh, God, Spike, I can't do this. It's too much. It's too much."

Buffy collapsed and Spike grabbed her on the way down. They landed on the floor, and he murmured over and over how sorry he was as she cried. The door pushed open and Dawn stood there with Angel behind her.

"Buffy, Buffy," Dawn called softly, kneeling on the floor beside the pair. She petted Buffy's hair that was buried in Spike's lap. "You're not alone. I love you. Please, don't leave me. I miss mommy, too."

"I know, Dawnie, I know," Buffy mumbled, sitting up. She reached her arms out to her sister and the two leaned into Spike's arms. "I'm sorry. I've been so scared. I don't know how to act or what to do. I miss her so much. There were so many questions that I never asked…"

Angel came to sit beside them and somehow he managed to pull his whole family into his arms. The feeling from the funeral was reinforced again but this time Spike knew Buffy was with them more than in words only. She trusted them enough to let them see her hurt and pain. She released all the negative emotions within her that had made her hold onto the demon. He could feel the three of them connecting as they all cried together. This time there was the added energy of Dawn and something else he didn't understand. 

All he knew was that it was time to move forward. It was time to put Glory out of their misery and get busy planning the future.

_to be continued…_


	37. Together

**Chapter 37 – Together**

Buffy leaned over to kiss Dawn's cheek. Her sister was almost asleep after a long talk with just the two of them. 

Tonight had been good. 

The surprise ambush from the usually supportive Spike had been like a bullet to her heart. It had made her see things without the glaze of amber she had been living behind and the stark reality of what she was doing. A part of her, the hopeful, the wanting to be loved, the needing to belong, part of her had been waiting for a chance to ask for help. The demon was so tempting to hide behind but she wanted the warmth of the life she knew she could have. She had been so emotionally hurt after that night that she didn't want to trust her vampires again but thankfully her heart had won out. The four of them had talked for awhile then she and Dawn had spent some time together. Now, she felt better than she had in a long time. It wasn't completely resolved but they were on their way. 

The soft sounds of her lover's voices resounded from downstairs and she quickly made her way to join them. The last few nights they hadn't slept together but tonight she wanted to be with them. It would be a tight fit with all three of them in her old bed but she needed them. And she hoped they needed her. 

It didn't make her any bolder that they both quieted when she walked into the room. Buffy hesitated for a moment before approaching Angel but he held his arms out, taking her down onto his lap. His arms immediately closed around her waist while he buried his nose in the soft sleeve of her pajamas. She reached her hand out to take Spike's. 

"What were you talking about?" Buffy asked. 

"Not much," Angel said, kissing her cheek.

"It isn't more of the 'don't worry your pretty head, we'll tell you after we make a decision' stuff is it?"

Spike laughed. It felt good to see him with his head thrown back and his eyes twinkling. They had been lost in a quagmire of depression and worry for weeks now but hopefully things had changed. 

"We didn't want to worry you," Angel said, with a smile on his face. "But you're right. We do need to include you in everything."

"So, what were you talking about?"

"We were trying to reach a decision on our living arrangements," Angel said. "I don't want to move Dawn right now but this isn't going to work on a permanent basis."

"What about our home?"

"Luv, it's an old rambling mansion," Spike said, tightening his grip on her hand. "It's great for us vampires and our cute little Slayer but as a home for Dawn? I'm not too sure. We were thinking someplace that you could make yours, a little bigger than this for all of us, but yet homey and closer to the school."

"You did think this out, didn't you?" 

"Actually we started thinking of it before everything started," Angel said. "It got put on hold but it needs to be taken care of soon."

"Were you going to ask me what I wanted?" Buffy asked. She smiled at the thought of two former evil vampires trying to decide on a house for their family. "I mean if the house is for me to make my own then don't you think I should have a say so."

"Can we have a pool?" Dawn called out from somewhere in the hallway.

"Dawn, what are you doing up?" Buffy asked with only a trace of frustration in her voice. 

"I'm sorry. I couldn't sleep," Dawn said, shuffling into the kitchen. "I wanted a cup of hot chocolate and then I heard you talking…"

"Didn't upset you, did we?" Spike asked, already standing to make the beverage for her. "With the talk of moving."

Dawn took his seat at the bar and looked at her sister and Angel. "I want things to be different but I know it can't. I guess as long as it's not just decided for me and you guys will be there then I'm okay."

"Good," Angel said. "You girls make a list of what you want and I'll see what I can do."

"Cool," Dawn said. 

For the next few minutes the four of them talked over what they considered essential in what would be their home together. Once the hot chocolate was consumed by three of them, Buffy returned upstairs with Dawn.

"Spike, Angel," Buffy said, stopping in the doorway and pinning them with the hope that shone in her eyes. "I'm going to stay with Dawn until she is asleep. Would you guys wait for me in my room?"

"Yeah," Spike answered for them. His eyes lit up at the thought of them reclaiming their former relationship.

~~~~~~

The bed was too small. The room was too girly. The sheets were cotton. It was perfect. Angel sighed as Spike curled into his side. His fingers tangled in the blonde locks that were tickling his chest. His family was together. It made everything else insignificant by comparison. Buffy had finally come back to them, Spike was dealing with the souls that were seeping into his conscious and Dawn was learning to trust them. His chest rumbled with the growl he emitted as Spike's hand drifted along his thigh. 

"It's not too bad," Spike said. "This life?"

"No, not too bad," Angel said. "Deal with things as they come along and I think we'll be okay."

The door opened and they turned to watch Buffy as she came into the room. Once again she hesitated. The first time had been earlier in the kitchen. It was as if she wondered if they welcomed her. 

"Buffy, come here," Angel said, enjoying the relief in her eyes. She slid into the bed behind Spike but he turned on his back to pull her between them. Angel settled her where Spike had been a moment before while Spike curled against her back. "I love you both." 

"Love you too," Buffy said.

Spike's arm reached across Buffy to clasp his hand. 

This was good. Reaching up, Angel turned the light off and waited for his mates to sleep first. To make sure the house was quiet and all was well before giving in himself. But Buffy wouldn't quiet. Her heart was pounding, her breathing erratic, and her body was tense with whatever was upsetting her. He waited for her to say something but she didn't. Deciding it was just the gloom of night that was causing her unhappiness; he reached for the buttons on her top.

"Let me," Angel whispered, nuzzling her hair. "Make you feel better."

She didn't protest and he slid the pajama top from her body. He rolled her over into Spike who welcomed her against him. She sighed softly as Angel drew closer to her. This was something he had never offered her. Had never given her much of his vampire side but knew that Spike had. It was time for beginnings and changes. He morphed into this vampire guise then gently sank his fangs into her shoulder. Not breaking the skin, he let them rest there until he was sure she wouldn't protest. Buffy only turned her face so that she could press her lips to his Childe's. The beauty of the connection was reborn. Angel licked over the indentations on her skin before moving to repeat elsewhere along her back. The soft sounds of their kisses spurred him on as his hands moved over their flesh while his fangs, tongue and gentle growls gave comfort to his mate. 

Buffy relaxed. Her body gave into their loving care and soon slept. Angel looked deep into Spike's eyes and rested his hand on the smooth flesh of his chest. The heart stirred beneath him. Not just a thing born from their lust but from their love too. Contented, he waited again, until he knew his Childe slept too. Finally he reached out into the night to the energy that hummed down the hall. Within their connection they had found they could reach beyond the boundaries of the realm they existed in. Dawn was truly a part of them. Once he was assured she wasn't awake again, Angel allowed himself the luxury of slumber.  

~~~~~~~~

Buffy reached into the back seat to grab the duffel bag. She had asked Xander to give her a ride by the mansion so she could collect a few more things they needed. Sighing, she turned back to her friend as she rested the bag on her lap.

"Did I do the right thing?" Buffy asked. She cast a quick glance to the house before turning to Xander. "I mean, I didn't tell them first and that's always something they've done to me."

Unable to cope with everything that had already happened, the changes yet to come plus the burden of keeping Dawn safe, Buffy had decided to withdraw from her classes. She couldn't study, barely went to class and it seemed the best solution especially after an attempt to catch up earlier by going to her literature class. The entire time had been an overwhelming trial of hopeless frustration. There were other things that needed her attention more than a hunchback and his Esmeralda. 

"They'll understand, Buffy," Xander said. "You can only do so much."

Buffy sighed, nodded, and climbed from the car. She leaned into the window, "So, you and Anya will come by for dinner?"

"Yeah, we'll be here."

Xander waved and drove off leaving Buffy to stare after him before she straightened her shoulders. It was time to face the music. The worst they would do is yell at her and the best is that they would understand. She was halfway up the sidewalk when she felt it. Terror, cold and unreasonable, and it was coming from her house, from Dawn. The duffel bag was dropped as she ran inside. She skidded into the living room. A woman she had never seen before was sitting in the side chair while her sister was huddled on the couch.

"What's going on?" Buffy demanded, slipping into Slayer mode. 

"You're home," Dawn squealed and ran to her. "She wants to take me away."

Buffy hugged the frightened teen and looked over the woman who had risen from the chair.

"Who are you?"

"I'm sorry for upsetting her. My name is Doris Kroger and I'm with Social Services."

"Why are you here?"

"To check on Dawn of course," Ms Kroger said, smiling.

"She's asking all these questions, like who lives here and why I'm not in school and where you work," Dawn cried, holding onto Buffy with an intense grip.

"Shh, Dawn, it'll be okay," Buffy said, stroking her sister's long brown locks. "No one is taking you anywhere."

"May we talk?" Ms. Kroger interrupted. "I need to assure that the living arrangements are adequate for the minor in question."

"Her name is Dawn," Angel said, behind them. He stepped into the room with Spike beside him. 

"Where were you?" Buffy asked. She knew her voice was too sharp but they were supposed to be here to guard the house.

Angel's arm came around her. "Sp…William and I had a quick errand to run and check on things at the office." He took Dawn's hand. "Will, why don't you take Dawn upstairs while Buffy and I speak to Ms. Kroger?"

"Come on, pet," Spike said soothingly as he took the girl's hand. 

Dawn gave one last look to Buffy and Angel before following Spike upstairs. 

Once they were gone from view, Angel directed Buffy to the couch. She accepted his support gratefully. Her instincts were to either run from one more problem or dust this woman who had upset her sister. 

"What do you need to know?" Angel said calmly, but his hand was wrapped tight around Buffy's.

"I was surprised when Dawn said that there were two men plus her sister living here," Ms. Kroger said, her pen poised over her pad. Her gaze was directed at Buffy.

"We don't live here," Buffy said, pulling herself together. "Technically anyway, I live with Angel and William somewhere else and we moved in here after my mother died." 

"You live with…both of them?"

Buffy looked up at Angel. A decision had to be made and she knew it would hurt Spike but at the moment there wasn't any choice. She could see it echoed in Angel's eyes. For a brief second she steeled herself before looking back to the woman that could destroy their family and betrayed one of the men she loved.

"Angel is my boyfriend and William is our roommate."

"Why would he move also?" Ms. Kroger asked, writing on the pad. 

"William is my cousin," Angel said. "He's part of the family and like a big brother to Dawn."

"What are your intentions then for permanent arrangements?"

"We're going to look for an alternate house," Buffy said. "One that is more adequately suited for all of us."

"Oh," Ms. Kroger looked up with a frown. "Dawn said that you only work part-time and are a student. How will you be able to afford this? I need to know that the permanent guardian can provide for the minor child. And also, will you have the time to supervise her?"

"I withdrew from classes this morning so that I can be there for Dawn and to get everything sorted out."

"And she works for me," Angel said, not even showing surprise at Buffy's announcement. She breathed a sigh of relief. "So, her schedule is flexible."

"So, if the two of you decide to break up then essentially Miss Summers is jobless and homeless with no marketable skills to provide for her or Dawn? Do I have that correct?"

Buffy sat up straight. Angel started to say something but she cut him off. "Ms. Kroger, I understand that your _job_ is to make sure that Dawn is safe. My mother has been dead for less than a week and I haven't even formed the capability to check into her finances. All we've been able to do is make sure that Dawn is safe, loved and getting through this. I'm here and I will do whatever I have to do to make sure that she is okay. I would die for my sister and so would Angel, Spike or our other friends. She is surrounded by people that love her. She has a roof over her head, food to eat and she is going back to school on Monday. Other than that I don't think we need to discuss anything else right now. Give me time to deal with everything before you come charging in here and tell me that I'm not capable of taking care of her." 

Ms. Kroger stood up. "Well, I'm sure that you _feel_ everything is taken care of but it is still my job…"

This time Angel got his say. "I'm sure that Buffy will be able to provide you with everything that will make your job easier but they need time. Right now Dawn is fine. And I promise that she will be provided for. We'll get all the back up we need to prove that to you but right now they are just adjusting to losing their mother. Call us next week and we'll make an appointment to ease your mind."

"I'll be in touch," Ms. Kroger said, and made her way out the door.

Angel's arms were waiting to hold her. She sank into them gratefully. Her body was shaking with anger and frustration. She knew the day was coming when she would have to prove her capability with Dawn, just not this soon. Time that she would be able to have everything covered not out in the open like this.

"Is she gone?" Buffy asked with a laugh. She was trying to get herself to calm down. 

"Yeah, for now," Angel said, kissing her forehead. "Next time we'll be prepared. Let's go check on Dawn."

They made their way upstairs to Dawn's room where they could hear the teenager venting about something. They didn't even get all the way into the room before she turned to them.

"He heard you," Dawn said, her hand gesturing toward Spike. "He says he's going to leave."

"It's probably best the cousin isn't here," Spike said, refusing to look up at them.

Buffy sat on one side of Spike while Angel took the other. 

"What did you tell me last night?" Buffy asked, wrapping her arms around him. "The whole spiel about us being family and being in this together. I hated having to say that but you're the one who also told me that we couldn't exactly tell the truth." She kissed his cheek. "I think you need to take your own advice."

"I want what's best for Dawn," Spike said.

"If you think leaving is what's best for me then your stupid," Dawn said, rolling her eyes. "It's like, duh, I need you to keep the 'rents from me."

"I'm not letting you go again," Angel said. "We'll work this out."  
  


Spike looked up and grinned. "At least you people know what's best for you."

"You stinker," Dawn said, laughing. "You were faking to get sympathy."

"A bloke's gotta do what he has to," Spike said, avoiding the tickles that were launched his way. "Stop, before I get violent…"

Buffy knew he hadn't really been faking. He was still insecure sometimes. They laughed and joked for a few minutes longer then broke apart to head downstairs.

"Oh, I hope nobody minds but I invited everybody over for dinner," Buffy said. "Xander is going to bring Anya over as soon as her shift is over. And Tara and Willow are going to some multi-cultural fair at the college this afternoon then they'll be over."

To be continued…


	38. The Gathering

**Chapter 38 – The Gathering**

_This was what family was_, Buffy thought as she stirred the spaghetti sauce she was making for dinner. It reminded her of the time before she was chosen and her own family was still intact. Her mother and father teasing each other as Joyce cooked while Dawn and she annoyed them because they wanted some of their attention. 

Carefully, she put the lid back on the pot, checked the noodles then turned back to face her new make shift family. Anya and Angel were discussing profits from the Magic Box and something about internet stock. Spike, Xander and Dawn were playing Crazy Eights. She smiled, at peace for the first time in forever. 

Buffy walked over behind Spike and he leaned back into her arms. His attention was never taken from his hand though because he was determined to win. Their laughter had been growing louder the longer they played. Dawn was cheating quite openly but neither of the men cared. The contest was between them not the teenager. 

Kissing Spike's temple, Buffy let her hands run along his shoulders and down his arms. The three of them had sworn to find balance somehow. This idyllic scene could only be a part of their lives. Not the majority. She understood their demons even more now. She had felt the hunger, the raging violence, and the coldness that her lovers controlled with their hearts. They needed freedom to release some of it just as surely as the slayer blood called for her to follow it. If nature could give equal time to day and night then she had faith they would find a way, too.

The telephone rang and she stepped away to answer it. A quick glance at the clock told her that it was probably Willow with an excuse for being late. They'd laugh about it then Buffy would promise to keep dinner warm until they got there.

"Hello," Buffy said, smiling.

"Oh, god, Buffy, it was Glory…," Willow said through heavy sobs. "Tara…she's in the hospital. Please come."

"We're on our way," Buffy said. "Hang on, we love you." She hung up the phone, turned the dials on the stove off then turned again to find everyone standing. Ready and waiting for wherever they were needed. "Tara's in the hospital. Glory did something."

Nothing more needed to be said. With moves that were too well practiced, the house was closed down, jackets donned, and they divided for the car ride over. Angel led the way barely keeping the car on the road with the speed he drove. Dawn's hand in hers, Buffy kept her gaze peeled out the window. She prayed that they wouldn't lose someone else, not so soon. The two cars were parked side by side, barely stopping before they were abandoned, as the group ran for the entrance. Ignoring the warnings that they couldn't all go in, they went anyway. They didn't even need to ask, Angel led the way, following the scent of the girls that were a part of them. 

"I'm so glad you're here," Willow said, hugging Buffy. "I've never been so scared in all my life."

"How is she?" Buffy asked, this time she was in the lead. Everyone else waited behind her as they waited for Tara's prognosis. 

"I'm okay now," Tara whispered. "If it wasn't for Willow though…"

"Her hand is broken," Willow said, returning to her girlfriend's side. "Glory was going to mind suck her. She's the one behind the crazy people."

"Eew," Dawn said. "How does she do that?"

"Puts her fingers into your head," Tara explained, smiling. "It hurts, too."

"How did you stop her, pet?" Spike asked.

"Flew her about fifty feet," Willow said with a soft giggle. She brushed back Tara's hair. "There was no way I was going to let her do that to my girl." 

Buffy breathed a sigh of relief and let herself accept that everyone was all right for the moment. Her eyes closed, she swallowed then it was back to business.

"Why was Glory after you?"

"She thought I was the key," Tara said. "She said something about me being the newest to the group."

"How did she know you weren't?" Angel asked.

"She tasted my blood when she broke my hand."

Before they could ask any more questions, the doctor returned to wrap Tara's hand. Spike took Dawn outside with the pretence of having a smoke to calm his nerves after all the excitement. 

"Yeah, right," Dawn said, rolling her eyes. "You just don't want me to look at the icky stuff. It's not fair." She opened the door. "Can I have a cigarette?"

"No," Angel said, watching as the pair left the room, both arguing over who should be able to smoke. He shook his head and leaned against the wall to wait. Buffy went to him, needing his strength, grateful when one arm encircled her waist. His thumb caressed her arm. 

They watched as Willow held Tara's free hand and the doctor wrapped the broken one. It didn't take long then they were told they could go. Tara was given instructions to care for her hand and a prescription for pain. The papers were signed and then everyone excused themselves to allow the patient to dress. Xander headed for the snack machine to get a candy bar while the other's waited in the lobby.

"This was really inconsiderate of Glory to do this," Anya said. "We had plans and now they are ruined. And poor Xander is reduced to eating chocolate. It's going to make him fat."

"It will not," Xander said, through a mouthful of chocolate. He raised one finger and added, "I am not fat."

Angel snickered but didn't say anything. Buffy just smiled. Maybe they could still salvage dinner. It was either that or they were going to be reduced to pizza again. She wrinkled her nose. She never thought the day would come when she couldn't stand the thought of eating one of her favorite foods.

"Help, help," Dawn yelled, running through the entrance. "It's Spike."

Everything else was abandoned as they ran to the parking lot. Glory had to be getting desperate. Her minions were attempting to kidnap Spike. Their nasty little hands kept grabbing him as he continued to fight them off. Angel was first by his side with Buffy right behind him. The creatures kept coming though. Buffy punched one then kicked another as it attempted to jump on Angel's back. He grabbed one by its robe and swung it, knocking down two others. Finally they took the hint when Spike threw one through a car window. They helped their comrade then scurried off.

"The little soddin' bastards were trying to get me," Spike said. "What the bleedin' hell did they think they'd get with a vampire?"

"Maybe they don't know you're a vamp," Angel said, with his hands on his hips. 

"She's going to go through everyone," Buffy said, "until she finds the key."

"Get everyone together," Angel said. "Nobody is alone from this point on."

Spike returned to the hospital to find Willow and Tara. The others stayed collected in the parking lot. Buffy stood beside Angel, watching as he pulled out his cell phone.

"Giles, its Angel. Is Jenny with you?" He paused. "Good, get to the mansion now. Glory is attacking. Bring only what you need and whatever research we've got on her. The rest of us should be there shortly."

It was done. Whatever peace they had been enjoying was over and it was time to prepare for battle.

~~~~~~~

The mansion was finally quiet. Earlier it had been filled with activity as everyone had settled in. A protection spell had been placed around the perimeter to warn them of any intruders. The bedrooms had been cleaned up so that everyone would have somewhere to sleep. Groceries had been procured along with items from the house on Revello Drive. Once everyone was there and everything in place, the long table had been pulled from the unused dining room to give them an area to conduct their research. 

Angel had a large pile of books in front of him with Giles mirroring him on the other side. Buffy was curled up with Spike on the couch wading through some information that Willow had printed out of the Council's files. They had sent Willow upstairs to check on Tara and Dawn. Xander, Anya and Jenny were also gathered around the table, reading and taking notes.

"Oh, dear," Giles said, softly. His finger was running over the page of a book.

"Did you find something?" Buffy asked, sitting up. 

"Yes, I think I may have," Giles said, absently. "Give me just one minute."

Everyone remained silent but continued to stare at him while he read over whatever text he had found. 

"Well, come on, Watcher," Spike said. "Give us a smidgen."

"Um…well, uh," Giles took his glasses off and laid them on the table. "According to this, uh, it's possible for Glory to be stopped."

Buffy hurried to the table to try and read over Giles shoulder. He blocked her by laying his hand over the page. 

"What, Giles?" Buffy said, straightening back up. "Is it bad or what?"

"I've read over this very carefully, Buffy," Giles said, standing. "And there's not much margin for error. You understand what I'm saying?"

"It might help if you said it," Buffy said, crossing her arms and standing a little straighter. 

Angel and Spike both rushed to her side, their arms sliding around her. Thankfully she took their support as they waited for Giles to finish.

"Um…Glory plans to…open a dimensional portal…by way of a ritual bloodletting."

"Dawn's blood," Buffy said, leaning back into her lover's embrace.

"Yes, once the blood is shed at a certain time and place…the fabric which separates all realities will…be ripped apart," Giles said. He paused for a moment to look around at everyone then he sighed before returning to look at Buffy. "Dimensions will pour into one another, uh, with no barriers to stop them. Reality as we know it will be destroyed, and…chaos will reign on earth."

"You said there was a way to stop it," Angel said. "So, how do we?"

"The portal will only close once the blood is stopped…and the only way for that to happen is…um…"

"Would you just spit it out?" Spike asked. "Just tell us what to do and we'll do it."

Giles looked at Spike then turned to Buffy. "The only way is to kill Dawn."

"Read it again," Angel said. "There has to be something you missed. Tell us why and how this ritual is done. We'll find a way out."

"There isn't," Giles said. 

"So, you're telling me that the only way to stop this is to kill my sister?" Buffy asked.

"Yep, that's pretty much what he said," Xander said.

"Can't we just stop the ritual from happening?" Anya asked. "I mean, Glory has to find Dawn first."

"I love smart women," Xander said, beaming at his girlfriend.

"Glory still doesn't know who the key is," Buffy said. "She pretty much figures its one of us but she doesn't know who."

"Yeah, but she's going to be looking," Jenny said. "If she was going to pick us off one by one then she knows we're together by now."

"We have to get Dawn out of Sunnydale," Angel said, pacing. "You said that it had to be done at a particular place and time, right?"

"Yes," Giles said.

"Then we get Dawn out of town until the time has passed," Buffy said. "Do we know when?"

"A matter of days," Giles said. "There's some text that needs to be translated that would give us the time."

"You and Willow work on that," Angel said. "I'll start making arrangements to get Dawn out of here." He walked over to Buffy and hugged her. "Don't worry. Nothing is going to happen to Dawn. I promise."

Buffy nodded. "I know. I'm just scared…and tired."

"It'll be okay, pet," Spike said, joining them. "I'll protect her to the end of the world."

"What would I do without the two you?" Buffy asked, smiling as she snuggled into their embrace. 

"Hopefully, you'll never need to know," Angel said, reassuringly as he reached for his ringing cell phone, "Yeah, hello."

"Angel, its Wesley. Doyle just had a vision and it's not good. Not good at all."

_To be continued…_

Author's Note: Dialogue was borrowed from the Buffy episode's Spiral and The Gift.


	39. Dancing

**Chapter 39 – Dancing**

Sometimes only a few words could change everything. Ten minutes ago he only had one thought, one goal, to focus on to keep his world intact. Now, he felt sucker punched, lost to the possible devastation that was seen in one man's gift.

_Buffy was going to die._

Angel had no need to breathe but he still felt suffocated as he listened to Doyle relay what the vision had revealed. Despite all their plans, their desperate attempts to keep Dawn safe, and their willingness to die themselves, it was Buffy that would pay the price to keep them safe.

A hand was placed on his back and he looked up to see Spike there. His Childe had heard. The fear in the cerulean depths seemed to echo the fear that was twisting in Angel's bowels. He heard the silence behind him and wanted to run but there was no where to go. They were, all, trapped in this house while a monster plotted their demise. 

There didn't seem to be many choices and it flickered through his mind that Giles' earlier solution seemed like it might be the only way.

Kill Dawn, save Buffy. But Buffy would hate him and she would never forgive him. She would be alive though. And as much as he hated to admit it, that was the most important thing to him.

"Thanks, Doyle," Angel said. "I'll call you about our plans later."

Dreading the next few minutes, hating the responsibility on his shoulders, Angel turned to face the others. They were all waiting even Willow who had returned from upstairs. Buffy stood, proud, beautiful, arms crossed, with a determined look on her face. A sob caught in his throat was quickly swallowed back. A lie hovered on his tongue but the weight of Spike's hand on his back only served to remind him that he didn't have to handle this burden alone. Angel glanced around at everyone. They all loved Buffy. They all loved Dawn. That love was enough to die for either of them just as he would. 

Together they would find a way.

Hopefully, they would all survive.

"We failed," Angel said, softly as he caught Buffy's eye. "The way the future stands now…Buffy dies."

There was a brief flicker of terror in Buffy's eyes but it quickly faded to determination. She didn't need to say it. If the only way she could save Dawn was by dying then she would. Her chin rose a notch as she stared at him and he only nodded. He would accept her decision but he would fight for her and…their future with everything he had including his own life. His gaze drifted to where her hand covered her belly before turning back to the others. 

"Then we change it," Xander declared, jumping to his feet to stand beside his friend. 

"Then we change it," Angel agreed, smiling at Xander in honest admiration for the stalwart friend with no powers who was ready to fight…and die for his friends. 

"Okay, people," Anya said. "We need ideas. Let's go."

They all gathered around the table. Buffy came to sit between her mates, the slight trembling of her body, discernable only to them. Angel watched as Spike's hand slipped between her own shaking ones. There was too much at stake to lose anyone at this point. He shook his head and returned to the conversation around them. 

"Okay, we need the troll hammer and the Dagon sphere from the Magic Box," Jenny said, writing a list. 

"I can get those," Angel said. "I think we need to return to Anya's earlier idea of getting Dawn out of town. And at this point Buffy goes too."

"Agreed," Giles said.

"No," Buffy said. "I am the…" She hung her head for a second then looked up at them with fortitude written on her features again. "I appreciate the gesture to keep me safe but this is my fight…my sister…I need to be here. I have to see it through…to know that I did everything I could instead of hiding like a coward. I want to see the finish."

"But what about…,"Spike started to say but was stopped by her fingertips across his mouth.

"No," Buffy said, softly. Tears filled her eyes but she blinked them away. "Now is not the time."

"Bloody hell it isn't," Spike said, pulling his hand back.

"What's going on?" Willow asked.

"Nothing," Angel said, making a decision before too much was revealed. "Nothing…Buffy stays here. Spike is going to accompany Dawn." He looked up into the angry blue eyes of his mate. "Spike, she's right. We both know it. We have to solve this before we can even express the future."

The younger vampire stomped toward the stairs. Angel stood to follow but Buffy's hand curled around his arm to stop him.

"Spike, don't please," Buffy said. "I need you to go with Dawn." Spike had stopped to listen. "She trusts you…completely. She'll listen to you…," she laughed, "way more than she will with me or…even Angel. The connection is stronger between the two of you…"

"The connection?" Giles asked. His hand holding his glasses was waved at them. "You mean what's going on with the three of you…"

"Eeew," Anya said.

"Not like that," Buffy smiled. "We've been able to connect to Dawn. It's like we can hear...feel her energy."

Spike had returned to stand on the edge of the group. 

"Maybe it's because she was made from Buffy's DNA," Willow said.

"Or maybe because she was made from all three of you," Jenny said, quietly. "She's not a carbon copy of Buffy. If you look at her, you can find traces of all three of you."

It was a revelation that rocked through Angel. It was reflected in Buffy and Spike when he glanced at them. It was more than he could accept at the moment. Right now he could only think of keeping his family safe. All of them.

"Spike, are you going to go with her?"

The younger vampire could only nod. The moment had moved beyond words for Spike and he was overwhelmed by all that was going on. Angel had faith that he would still come through when needed. The subject wasn't explored anymore. Maybe one day when it was over they would take the time to find out. It gave an explanation to much of what was going on lately. The closer it came time for the key to be activated the stronger the vibrations between the four became.

"I'll go," Spike agreed.

"I think it's a good idea," Angel said, nodding. "That not everybody knows the plan for getting Dawn out of town."

"If we don't know then it can't be tortured out of us," Xander said, flippantly. 

It was the truth though and no one said anything. The others started to slip away to catch a few hours of sleep before they would prepare for the final siege against Glory. Giles stayed behind and so did Buffy.

"Go Buffy," Angel said. 

"No, I'm…"

"Luv, it's time to decide," Spike said. "Do you trust us or not?"

Her eyes widened in the strength of his question. It was something that had floundered for weeks as she lived in the aftermath of what they had done. A war waged in those emerald seas before finally she gave a slight nod.

"I'll wait for you upstairs," Buffy said. "In her room."

The three men waited until she was gone before they returned to sit at the table again. It was time to prepare for what would be the single most important moment of their lives. If they screwed this up then their lives would never be the same. Giles put the phone on speaker and dialed LA.

~~~~~~~~

Love, trust, honor. They were all small words that sang their own tune inside Buffy's mind. She did to a point with Spike and Angel but could anyone be trusted completely? Beyond her own scope was a vast expanse of blackness that terrified her. It was there that she was falling. Her arms were tied tightly to her sides. All she had to do was break through the binds and fly. 

_I want to believe…I want to believe_," Buffy told herself over and over. She snuggled closer to her sister as she accepted the truths that were just now unfolding before her in blinding prisms of light. Dawn was made from all three of them. Champions chosen to protect one innocent, precious life that could destroy all of humanity. In some men's foolish arrogance their lives had been irretrievably altered forever. When this was over, neither vampire would ever willingly let go of what was a part of them. 

Buffy was forever tied to them. By Dawn…by…

"Come here, Luv," Spike whispering growl pulled her from her meanderings even as he picked her up. Instinctively, Buffy wrapped her arms around his neck as they made their way downstairs. They wanted her with them. In these last few hours before morning. She had no doubts. She wanted to be with them, too. 

"Put me down," Buffy said when they had crossed into their room. Spike obeyed. Once she was on her feet and the door was closed, Buffy disrobed. She wanted to walk to them. She wanted the control back and they were going to give it to her. She knew that. This time there would be no demon to hide behind or to control as she lay with her vampires again. There was a touch of uneasiness in the air as she crawled onto the bed and settled in the middle.

"Make love to me," Buffy said, as she looked from Angel to Spike and back again. "Please, I need to feel you."

There was no hesitation, no wasted movements as their own clothes were discarded and they joined her on the bed. She sighed as Angel kissed her first. His lips teasing hers apart before dipping his tongue in as hands smoothed over her flesh. Spike was there, nudging Angel aside, to take his turn in kissing her. It was almost magical as they played, and darted, from one mouth to the other while Angel suckled at her breast. She entwined her fingers through his hair, holding him to her, and struggled to bring her other hand out from between Spike and her body. But there would be no urgency this night. 

Her legs opened for Angel as his head dipped between her thighs. She brought her free hand over her head to hold Spike near. Two tongues teased at her and she smiled at the differences. Their unique personalities were evident even here in their oral worshiping of her body. Spike was action and movement; a dance that was filled with the wild beats of rock and roll while Angel was more of a slow waltz. It was night and day but all joy because their love shown through in each flick. 

The tongue in her mouth teased hers in a game of chase that never ended. And the tongue between her legs was moving in a lazy stroll that didn't miss a spot. Her heart beat faster beneath Spike's caressing fingers at her breast and she felt the heat radiating from her center as her body willingly gave its fluids to the questing mouth of her lover. 

Buffy could feel herself moving through that dark space that was just beyond her human limits. It was a free fall that gave her only a quiver of doubt before she exploded through to the light. Her body bowed under the intense pleasure that was rocking her soul. Here in this place was only the warmth of the love that was hers and she gave herself totally to it. 

Tears ran unchecked across her face as she was cradled between them. And when she started to feel the solidity of their bodies and the bed beneath her, she knew it was time to offer her total trust again.

"I want both of you inside me," Buffy whispered.

"Are you sure?" Angel asked.

"Yes," Buffy said, looking into the unsure eyes of Spike. "I want you."

It was Angel that prepared her and guided Spike to her. She lay on her side feeling the strength of Spike entering her and she yielded to his control. He murmured over and over his love for her. There was only a brief second when she wanted to scream for them to stop but she quickly pushed it aside. They needed to heal.

Angel came to lie in front of her, draping her leg, over his hip. His hand was on her side. His touch gentle and his entry slow. Cushioned between their larger bodies, Buffy felt safe. She felt loved. Their thrusts were almost a caress. Hands continued to soothe her as they moved together. The ecstasy was hers again as she felt them overcome by this ultimate truce. 

They were truly together in this moment.

~~~~~~~~

The sun was still hidden by the forces of night. Buffy held Dawn's hand as she led her downstairs. Everyone besides the two of them and her vampires were asleep. Spike and Dawn were leaving. Buffy still didn't know where or how they were going. Only that this might be the last time she saw either of them again. They joined the other two in the living room.

"You listen to Spike," Buffy said, brushing back Dawn's hair. She wiped the tears from the girl's face. "Be brave and don't ever forget that I love you."

"I love you, too," Dawn said,

They broke apart and Dawn went to Spike's side. Buffy and he had already said everything they could say. They had already given the last touches and he turned away with her sister. 

Spike stopped.

"Buffy, you have always made me feel like a man," Spike said over his shoulder. "Not like the monster that I am. For that I will do what I have to do. I'll protect her until the end of the world."

With that the teenager and the vampire walked away.

_to__ be continued…  _


	40. Walking Alone

**Chapter 40 – Walking Alone**

It seemed they had been walking down the same dank, smelly tunnel forever. Around every corner it was feared they would find trouble. The small hand in Spike's held him with a death grip. The path could only be seen by his demon vision. Man and girl would be lost in the darkness without it.

"I need to stop for a minute," Dawn said, tugging on him.

"We can't," Spike said, not slowing down but speeding up.

"Please, Spike," Dawn cried. "I'm tired. I can't do this anymore." 

Spike could hear the sob she swallowed back. She was trying so hard to be brave in spite of everything. He understood because even he felt an urge to cry about leaving everyone. He took a deep breath and stopped.

"Only for a minute."

Dawn nodded even as she stood there trembling in the dark. There was nowhere to sit or to lean. All she could do was stand in a puddle of something disgusting and shiver at the noises that echoed against the concrete. Spike wanted to comfort her, to tell her that everything would be all right, but he wasn't sure. Not anymore. The further he was from his mates the more pronounced his fears became. 

"Spike?"

"Yeah?"

"This isn't right," Dawn said, resting her hand on his arm. "You should be home with Buffy and Angel…planning for the baby."

His eyes widened as he stared at her in astonishment. No one had spoken about it aloud. They were all afraid of making it real then having to lose it in the upcoming battle. But they all knew. He shook his head.

"They were right," Spike said. "We need to see this through. Otherwise there won't be a future to plan for."

Dawn stood in front of him. Her fingers smoothed along the ridges of his vampiric face. She smiled then let her hand drop.

"Kill me," Dawn said. "I know that you'll make it quick. And once you do everyone is out of danger."

"Are you bleedin' daft?" Spike asked. "What the hell would I do that for? Much less what Buffy would do to me?"

"They never have to know," Dawn said, quietly. "The three of you deserve…to be together. And the baby…"

"We don't even know for sure…"

"Yes, you are. I can feel the three of you here," Dawn said, placing a hand over her heart. 

"We need to get moving again," Spike said. "If you're still tired, get on my back."

"Spike…"

"No, walk or ride?"

Dawn's hand slipped into his again as they continued to what they hoped was safety and the end of the nightmare they were living in.

~~~~~~~

Buffy was just standing there in an almost catatonic state. No tears, almost seemingly emotionless as she stared at a picture of her mother and sister.

"She'll be safe," Angel said softly.

"Don't make promises you can't keep," Buffy said. "I know you mean well but we don't know."

"You're right. I'm sorry."

There was heartbreak in the face she turned to him as well as the wisdom that came from every slayer before her. She nodded and moved to go past him but he caught her hand.

"It's time," Buffy said. "We need to prepare for when Glory bursts in here to claim what she thinks is hers."

"I love you, Buffy."

"I know," she glanced up at him only for a moment before turning away. "I love you too. And them," she added almost as an afterthought as she pulled away.

This time Angel let her go. She needed to time to prepare, mentally and physically for the hours ahead. Glory was running out of time and they knew the more desperate she became the harder she would be coming for them. They could only hope that Spike succeeded in getting Dawn out of town.

~~~~~~~

Dawn clung to Spike's hand as he dragged her through the dark. Her mind was desperately seeking to find a way out of this mess that was her life. There were times when she hated Buffy for having and being what she wanted to be. For getting all the attention because she was the Slayer but since the night Buffy had broken Dawn's attitude had changed. In the circle of Angel's arms, she had felt them. The love they had for each other and for her. It was intensely pure as it burned through her doubts.

Spike's refusal to take the simplest way out was only more proof that they really loved her. She knew Angel had considered it. And part of her had wished it had been him that had taken her out of Sunnydale. He might have been talked into it. Spike wouldn't. It only meant that she had to find a way to do it herself. All she needed was time to figure out a way.

~~~~~~~

It wouldn't be long until they were there.  Faith held onto the wheel with everything she had. She glanced over at Wesley but he continued to stare out the window. There would no tomorrow for either of them if they failed. If Glory got Dawn then Buffy would surely take everything back or just kill her this time. 

"Turn left here," Wesley said, pointing to a small road that was off to the side. 

It led to the water reservoir just outside of Sunnydale. It was where the tunnels ended and where they would pick up Spike and Dawn. She stopped the van outside the gate and looked nervously around as Wesley went to cut the lock off. 

_Please, please, don't let anything go wrong_, Faith thought. She watched as the huge link fence swung open, giving her the room to drive through. In the mirror she could see Wesley closing it again. He ran to climb back in and she started the drive down the road. 

Almost a mile in they found the field where the water was pumped in and out by huge pipes littering the ground. Through one of those Spike and Dawn would climb out. She stopped the van even as she scanned the area. 

"Do you know which one?" Faith asked, her hand waving in the direction of the pipes.

"Yes," Wesley said. "There are only two that are not presently used and the tunnels are empty. So, they should come through one of those. He opened the van door. "It's going to be sunrise soon. You'd better grab the blanket for Spike."

Faith nodded, grabbing the blanket along with a battleaxe. You never knew.

~~~~~~~

It had been one of the hardest things he had ever had to say. Giles wondered if anyone understood that or if they thought if his blood ran colder than the vampires themselves. This might be the only chance he had to make peace with his slayer. The last few weeks had been difficult and he felt that they were losing the bonds that tied them together. With a deep breath for courage, he rapped softly on the bedroom door.

"It's Giles, Buffy," he called. "May I have a word with you?"

"Come in."

Buffy was lacing up a pair of boots as the last of her battle gear. She was dressed in a white tank top and a pair of black exercise pants with her hair pulled back in a pony tail. He was given only a glance before she stood up to face him.

"I imagine you hate me right now," Giles said, awkwardly. "But I want you to know that I…love Dawn."

"I know."

"But I've sworn to protect this sorry world, and sometimes that means saying and doing…what other people can't. What they shouldn't have to."

"I won't let anything happen to her," Buffy said, crossing her arms. "And I'll kill anyone who tries."

Giles nodded. He wasn't certain how to breech the growing chasm between them. It almost felt like before she had runaway and they had lost her for that summer. The memories washed over him, the frantic phone calls and the search. The phone call from Angel saying he had found her and what it had taken to bring her back. 

"I understand," Giles finally said. "Buffy, I just want you to know that I'm proud of you. I know we've had our differences but…you are like a daughter to me and I'll continue to stand beside you. No matter what choices you make."

"Thank you," Buffy said, visibly relaxing. "It means a lot to me…that you're here…that you've been here."

"I'm going to leave you," Giles said, heading to the door. "Let you finish getting ready."

It had gone better than he thought it would. And it was all he could ask for. If he didn't make it through the next twenty-four hours, he wouldn't have any regrets.

~~~~~~~

Buffy could feel it coming closer. It was humming around the perimeter of the protection spell that Willow had erected. Evil was only a few steps away and coming closer. The spell would only last so long once Glory set her mind to getting through it. And once she was in, the battle would begin. They had to keep her fighting. Keep her occupied. And in the dark that they key was no longer holed up with them until after the time of opening the portal was past. 

It seemed simple enough but Glory would fight with everything she had. What could one Slayer, a vampire, a few witches and a couple of humans do against a god? They didn't have a choice though. Buffy didn't think they would all make it. Most likely somebody was going to die in the fight. She ran a hand over her still flat stomach and wondered if the child inside her would have a chance. Would Spike and Angel get to hold their baby? Would they be together again? Would she have the family she wanted?

But she knew she couldn't hide. She couldn't back down. This was her calling. Her destiny and she would see it through. 

The others needed her just as she needed them. 

And together they could do it. 

Buffy raised her chin, said a quick prayer and went to join the others.

~~~~~~~

It was almost over with. Soon, she would have the key back and she would be able to go home. Glory smiled as she stared up at the mansion. They thought they were safe there but they were wrong. All she had to do was punch a hold in the 'protection' wall and she would be inside. Then it would be a piece of cake to take what was hers while leaving the Slayer bitch and her little followers dead. 

It was going to be a great day.

A minion scurried up beside her.

"What?" Glory barked.

"Two of them have escaped, oh sweet magnificence," the minion crowed. "We can smell them in the tunnels leading out of town."

"Oh, really?" Glory turned to look back up at the house. "Did they think I wouldn't find out they were trying to take my key away?" She turned back to where her minions were awaiting her command and pointed to some. "You three come with me to find the little thieves. The rest of you follow through on the plan. Don't stop until the blood flows."

_to be continued…_

Author's Note: Some dialogue was borrowed from the episode, _The Gift_.


	41. Spiral

** Chapter 41 - Spiral**

Something wasn't right. Buffy could feel it through to her soul. She looked around making sure that everyone was in position. It wasn't necessary. They were and had been since the first attack on the perimeter. Angel and she were at the front windows downstairs, Xander and Anya were at the upstairs window, Giles and Jenny were at the back of the house while Tara and Willow were ready to supply weapons or whatever backup was needed. 

The protection spell was fading. It would only be a matter of moments before Glory punched her way through and the real battle would begin. Everyone was tense but ready. There was less than twenty-four hours before the time of the ritual. After that it wouldn't matter. Buffy closed her eyes for a moment as she hoped that Spike was able to get Dawn out of town without incident. Everything hinged on it.

"You okay?" Angel asked.

"No, but I will be," Buffy said. 

It was only seconds but it seemed they shared almost a lifetime of love as they stared into each other's eyes. Everything they needed to say was given in that one glance. She smiled at her Angel and knew that whatever the outcome, everything had been worth it. 

"They're through," Xander yelled from upstairs. 

"Coming through the back," Giles shouted from the rear of the house.

Glory's minions seemed to be appearing from nowhere. Little blobs of brown that flooded across the lawn and straight toward the house. Buffy raised her cross-bow, aimed and let it fly. She hit one and even as it fell to the ground, there were more to take its place. Windows broke as they crawled into the house. She could see the arrows flying from the upstairs window as Xander and Anya tried to stop some.

"Buffy, they're in the garden," Willow shouted, grabbing an axe and heading toward the French doors. Tara was right behind her. 

Footsteps pounded down the stairs as Xander and Anya came down to help with the invasion of the downstairs. Anya armed with a bat attacked one that was coming in from the kitchen. While Xander rushed out to help Willow and Tara.

"They're like cockroaches," Buffy groused as she fought hand to hand with one. 

They were everywhere at once. Angel was fighting with two. He snapped one's neck after he threw one across the room. Jenny came running in from the back with Giles right behind her. Buffy signaled for them to head for the garden. Contain them and they'd have better luck if all of their forces were fighting as one. 

Buffy quickly surveyed the area as she burst outside. Tara was hurt but Willow was guarding her. The red head was using her magic to send the enemy flying. The next few minutes were chaotic as they fought against the minions. Everyone gave everything they had. Their standing line besides Buffy was Angel, Xander and Giles. The other women stood behind them offering back up when needed. 

Finally the last remaining few were running. Buffy turned to see who was wounded. Tara was standing again but there was a large cut drawn across her forehead. Anya was nursing her arm and Xander was holding onto his side.

"Let's get inside and get everybody looked at," Buffy said. She put a hand on Angel's arm to keep him from following.  "We have something else to worry about."

"What's that, Buffy?"

"Where the hell is Glory?"

~~~~~~~

Spike leaned forward. "Step on it, Faith, I think there's someone following us." He turned back around as the van lurched forward. The car speeded up, too. Dawn went to pop her head up and he pushed it back down. "Stay down, niblet, don't want anyone seeing you."

Things had been going like clockwork up until now. They had found the exit through the water lines easily enough. From there it hadn't been hard to find Wesley and Faith waiting for them and to start the ride into Los Angeles. Spike reprimanded himself because he should have known it had been too easy. 

"Watch out, Faith," Wesley said. "The car is coming up beside us."

Faith swerved the van to avoid the car aimed at their side. She sped up hoping to lose it but the smaller car gained on them again. This time it darted out in front of them forcing Faith into a tailspin. The van was skidding out of control and Spike jumped forward to help. 

"I can't get the wheel to straighten out," Faith yelped, as she and Spike both tried to get the vehicle back in the right direction. It continued to slide until it bumped over the edge and finally stopped half in a ditch.

"Grab weapons," Wesley shouted.

"Stay under the blanket," Spike told Dawn as he covered her with it. "Don't move unless I tell you to."

"Okay," Dawn said.

There were three minions along with a man climbing out of the car. It took Spike a moment to recognize him. It was Ben from the hospital. He furrowed his brow as he wondered why the doctor was with Glory's minions then suddenly he became Glory. He shook his head as he contemplated if he had gone mad or not. There wasn't time though as he followed Wesley and Faith out to stand defensively in front of the van. He watched as Glory approached them with apparently no fear of them or the weapons they bore. 

"Which one of you is my key?" Glory asked looking first at Faith then to Wesley.

"'Fraid you got the wrong people," Spike said, stepping out in front of the others. "Don't know anything about your soddin' key."

"Search the van," Glory instructed one of her minions. "Make sure they haven't hidden anyone."

"Don't think so," Spike said.

Wesley and Faith moved forward to flank him. He glanced at both of them to make sure they were ready before swinging at Glory. She grabbed his wrist, trying to bring him to his knees but he kicked out to knock her off balance. She teetered for a moment in the boots that were too big for her feet but managed to keep from falling. 

"That was a mistake, vampire," Glory said. She grabbed a handful of his hair, twisting him around. "You are expendable to me because you are nothing." She flipped him easily with a flick of her wrist, sending Spike down onto the black asphalt with a loud thud. 

Spike rolled to his stomach as the blonde god reach for Wesley. The Watcher had been beating one of the minions with an axe handle until Glory grabbed his wrist. The snapping of bone was louder than the repeated thuds of flesh upon flesh. Wesley didn't cry but only tried to retaliate with his other hand. It was almost watching slaughter as Spike pushed himself back on his feet. Faith was going back and forth against the other two of Glory's helpers but she was backed against the van.

"Fuck you bitch," Spike snarled, vamping out and tackling Glory to the ground. He unleashed all his pent up anger on her, raining blows on her repeatedly as he watched her expression turn to one of fury.  

"Spike, watch out," Wesley called 

The blow came to the back of his head before he was able to react. Stunned, he fell on top of the enraged Glory. He was unceremoniously pushed off of her and through blurred vision he watched her stand up. 

"You can't stop me," Glory said, grabbing Wesley before Spike could move. She smashed his face into the side mirror. This time Wesley did cry out. Blood gushed from the wounds caused by the glass that was still imbedded in his face. Everyone seemed to freeze as Glory pulled the man to her. She licked along his chin, made a face before she spit it back out. "You're not my key." Pushing Wesley toward her minion, she headed toward Faith.

Ignoring the blinding pain that was echoing in his skull, Spike jumped up to his feet. He reached the minion before he was able to grab Wesley. Wrapping his hands around the grotesque little thing's head, he snapped it with one clean twist. He dropped it to the ground as he reached for Wesley.

"Spike, help," Faith called.

Looking over, he saw that Faith had managed to immobilize one of the minions but the other one had her pinned while Glory pummeled her. Spike quickly put the newly unconscious Wesley on the ground before rushing to the Slayer's aid. Faith kicked out at Glory but she only laughed as she caught the leg.

"When are you, people, going to learn?" Glory mocked as she brought her knee up into Faith's. The snap was audible. Unable to stand, Faith slid to the ground. Spike realized he was the last holdout between this god and Dawn. He quickly assessed the situation as he advanced on Glory. She was kneeling beside the fallen Slayer. "This is going to hurt, precious." A jagged piece of the mirror was jabbed into Faith's arm then brought up to the blonde's mouth. "Not you either." She laughed. "Well, well, it seems there must be somebody hiding. Dreg, search the van like I told you to before."

"Back off or he dies," Spike said, grabbing the minion and holding him in front of him.

"Do you really think I care about that little puss filled cavity face?" Glory said. "Kill him. All I want is my key."

It was then that everything changed. The minion that Faith had previously rendered unconscious had disappeared. Spike looked around when he realized it was missing but it was too late. The axe handle landed on the back of his head again. He let go of Dreg as he tried to defend himself but the blows kept raining down on him. The dizziness was overwhelming and he fell to his knees. 

"Spike, help me, please."

He heard Dawn's crying for him but she seemed so far away. His head lolling to the side he watched as Glory changed back to Ben as they dragged Dawn away. Faith tried to crawl to help but Ben placed a well aimed kick to her face that sent her sprawling backwards. His last conscious thought was that he had failed…again. He allowed the darkness to overwhelm him as the first rays of the new morning shone on his boots.

_to__ be continued…_


	42. Weight of the World

**Chapter 42 – Weight of the World**

There was something bright shining in his face. It kept forcing him from the dreams that he wanted to hide in. Reality was too much of a nightmare to return to but the light wouldn't allow him to stay in the darkness. Finally Wesley gave up and opened his eyes to the sun beaming down on him. 

The intense pain in his wrist and face brought the memories of their battle crashing down upon him. And their failure left a bitter taste in his mouth. They would have to go back and tell the others that Dawn was gone. His mind began to process things a little faster and as he blinked from the sunlight he remembered Spike.

Wesley looked around to find the vampire and was relieved to find him lying in the shadow of the open van door. However, the rays from his natural enemy were encroaching slowly toward Spike's unprotected hand.  Looking around Wesley spotted the blanket that Dawn had been trying to hide under. It was half hanging out of the van where the struggling girl had lost the last of her fight.

Forcing himself to his knees and holding his injured arm against his body, Wesley crawled until he could reach the edge of it. He started crawling toward the vampire, sighing at the amount of ground he needed to cover. The sunlight was only inches from setting Spike on fire when with one last rush of adrenaline, the Watcher flung the life saving material over Spike's still prone form. Knowing that he would now be safe, Wesley collapsed back onto the road. His breathing was ragged as he strived to reach beyond his pain.

"Wesley," Faith called weakly. "Are you…there?"

"Yes, I am."

Being the only one that was halfway coherent and mobile, Wesley knew he had to get them help. His cell phone was in the van but as he stared at the height that he would have to maneuver he remembered the phone that Faith often carried in her pocket.

Wesley rolled over and pushed to his knees again. Taking a deep breath he crawled over to the Slayer. She smiled weakly at him as he sat with his back to the van and cradled her head on his lap. 

"It's going to be all right," Wesley said, trying to reassure her. He reached over to her front pocket, praying the small instrument would be there. It was and for the first time since Glory had found them, he had hope.

~~~~~~~

Angel  said good-bye to Cordelia and clicked the cell phone off, instantly reaching for Buffy. It wasn't the good news they had expected and he knew she would be devastated.

"They never reached Los Angeles," Angel said, hugging Buffy tight but letting his eyes roam over the group. "Cordelia and Doyle are heading out to search for them. I think it's a good idea if we do the same."

"I should have known they couldn't handle it," Buffy said, pushing Angel away. "He failed me again."

"Don't say that. You don't know what happened or why or how," Angel said, hating the amber flashing in his girl's eyes. He grabbed her shoulders and forced her to look at him. "You know that Spike would die for her…for you."

"No, I don't know that," Buffy exclaimed. "I never thought that…"

"What? That he would hurt you…go ahead and say it, Buffy. Spike raped you, so did I, but no matter how many times you throw it in our faces, it's not going to change. It never will. Spike worships the ground you walk on and yeah, he was wrong, but do you really think he would hurt Dawn? Or that he wouldn't go down fighting for her?"

"He's right," Willow said. "And so was Spike when he asked if you were going to trust them or not. You can't keep wavering. It will destroy your relationship completely."

Angel watched as Buffy looked around at the others then finally back to him. She reached out her hand and took his. He knew what she was doing and allowed the energy to flow as they searched for their mate. The distance made it harder but they felt him, the pain that Spike was in, and the loss. 

"He's hurting," Buffy said, tears filling her eyes as she looked up at him. "We need to go to him."

"I don't think that's a good idea," Giles said, interrupting them. "The two of you need to stay here and figure out a way to stop Glory. Especially if she has Dawn. Xander and I will go."

It was decided. Angel knew it was better to keep the strongest soldiers at the home front. The women had magical powers and Anya…well, Anya had the heart of a fighter. It would be better if the two men were with them but someone had to go to search for the others. After the two had gone, the others gathered around the table to start strategizing. There was an air of resigned desperation to their words and their plans. They were being thwarted at every turn and Angel could only hope for a miracle.

~~~~~~~

It was all her fault. If she didn't exist then they wouldn't have gotten hurt. Dawn knew she would never forget the sound of breaking bones and bruising flesh as long as she lived. If she lived at all. 

They had put her in the backseat with Dreg. The other minion was up front with Ben, someone she had thought was good and kind. He was a monster, worse even then Glory because he had a soul.

"How could you do that?" Dawn asked. "How could you let her?"

"Now, now child," Dreg said. "Ben only wants to live like everyone else does."

"How is he going to live if everything on earth is destroyed?" Dawn asked, rolling her eyes. "That doesn't make any sense at all."

She had listened the night before as the others talked. She knew more than they had wanted her to know. Tears filled her eyes as she looked at the sun that was starting to climb the sky and remembered Spike lying there unprotected. He was the only one who really understood her. Understood what it was like to always be living in someone else's shadow except unlike her, he didn't seem to care as much. She knew how much failing Buffy, Angel and her would hurt him. And she knew what he was willing to sacrifice to keep everyone safe. 

It was up to her now.

Glancing around the car at the others, she waited until they had seemed to forget about her. She waited until Ben was pushing the car almost beyond its capacity at 90 miles per hour. It was time and with a deep breath she grabbed the car handle and pulled. 

Nothing happened and she pulled again…again…and again. Still the door refused to open. The sound of Ben's chuckles made her look up.

"Child proof locks," was all he said.

Unable to take it anymore, Dawn broke down into sobs. All she wanted was to wake up at home in bed, with Buffy hogging the bathroom and their mom cooking breakfast. But that wasn't even real…she wasn't real and she couldn't even be the hero.

Always second best.

~~~~~~~

Giles slowed the car as soon as he saw the van tilting precariously on the side of the road. His heart thudded in his chest at the desolation in front of him. There was nothing good here and the sight of his three comrades lying in the road made his stomach turn. 

"Oh god, oh god, oh god," Xander muttered, climbing out of the car. "This isn't good is it?"

Relief flooded Giles' system when Wesley looked weakly up at him. The younger watcher was clutching Faith's hand, letting Giles know that she was alive also. He quickly looked around for Dawn but already knew she was gone. They had been beaten. Giles crouched down on the road next to Wesley and searched the other man's bloodied, beaten face for any kind of clue as to what had gone wrong.

"It was Glory," Wesley said. "I don't know how…but she found us." He laughed but it almost sounded like a sob. "And she kicked our asses."

It would seem so from the looks of the three. Spike was trying to stand with Xander's aid to help keep the blanket over him until he was sitting in the shade of the van. 

"We need to get the two of you to a hospital," Giles commented, deciding that to load them in the van would be the best solution. "Xander, help me."

Xander was reaching to pick Faith up when Cordelia's car screeched to a stop next to them. She and Doyle hurried over to them with shock and horror on their faces. The illusions had been shattered that this was going to be easy because it wasn't. He knew there wasn't time to waste. Time was getting late and cars would soon be coming by even on this back road.

"Wesley," Cordelia called, kneeling beside him. She looked over her shoulder at Giles. "He called us but…this…it's worse than I thought."

"Not too bad," Wesley said. "We're alive."

The silent 'for now' hung in the air but there wasn't time for that now. Giles brushed Cordelia out of the way and knelt beside him again. 

"Doyle, help Xander and me," Giles instructed. "The two of you take Faith and Wesley to a hospital in LA. We'll take Spike back to Sunnydale with us."

It didn't take them long to get the pair in the van. Cordelia climbed in the back to watch over them on the ride while Doyle sat behind the wheel. He watched for a moment praying that he would get the chance to see them again. 

"We need to go, watcher," Spike said softly. "They've got Dawn."

Giles nodded and turned back to the other men.

"Yes, we do."

Spike curled up in the back seat with the blanket covering most of him. The vampire was still weak from the fight. Glory hadn't been kind to him at all, leaving bruises and welts over his face and head. Giles got the car going and headed back to Sunnydale. 

"Give him blood," Giles said, after getting the car going and heading back to Sunnydale. 

"Me?" Xander exclaimed. "Why do I have to feed him?" He turned to look back at Spike. "It's creepy to have him sucking on my arm."

"Xander, there's blood in the cooler," Giles said, with a sigh. He pointed to the small container on the floor next to Xander's feet. "Hand him a pack."

"Wouldn't want to drink from you anyway," Spike said. "You're not that nummy."

"Best you ever had," Xander said, handing over the package of human blood.

The only sound for the next few minutes was the sound of Spike gulping down nourishment. He would need all of the strength he could get when they got back.

~~~~~~~

The moment Buffy saw Spike she knew. She rushed across the room to take him in her arms. Only once had she seen him so battered and that was by the Initiative. Never again, she swore as she led him to the couch. If Dawn was taken then Spike had given everything but his life to keep her. Thankful that it hadn't gone that far she settled next to him. Her fingers ran over his face and head trying to ascertain how badly he was injured.

"Bring me…thank you," Buffy smiled up at Jenny holding a bowl with water and a cloth in it before she even had to ask for it.  Carefully she dabbed at his wounds to clean away the dried blood and dirt. 

"I'm sorry, pet," Spike whispered, looking at her with such pain in his eyes that it made her hurt. "I tried…we tried…Glory was just too strong."

"Do you know how she found you?" Angel asked, standing beside them.

"No…everything was fine. We had just pulled out of the reservoir when I spotted the car following us."

"She must have found how the two of you were leaving then," Giles said, leaning forward. "And followed it to the natural conclusion…damn it, we left ourselves wide open."

"We thought it would work," Jenny reassured him with a hand on his arm. "We need to find Dawn before tonight. There's only a few hours left."

"The connection," Angel said. "The three of us together should be able to find her location."

"Yeah, but how are we going to be able to get Dawn away from Glory?" Willow asked. "Look at what she did to Spike…think of what she'll do to us."

"There's a way," Spike said. "Glory is Ben."

"How's that?" Anya asked.

~~~~~~~

Spike glanced around at the blank faces except for Angel. He repeated his earlier statement but the others still stared at him expectantly. He leaned his head back on the couch in frustration.

"Spike," Buffy said, sighing as he dodged her hand holding the cloth. "I need to clean this up."

"Didn't you hear me, Luv?" Spike asked. "Ben is Glory and Glory is Ben. Ben is probably killable."

"I think it's some kind of spell," Angel said, looking around. "They can't remember it. It's her protection."

"What spell?" Xander asked. "Who's under a spell?"

"All of you are," Spike exclaimed, wishing he could shake it into them but knew it wouldn't work. Angel knew and understood. Buffy probably would if the three of them were connected. The demon would allow her to retain the knowledge. "We need to talk alone."

Buffy looked confused. It was like she had thought the head injury had loosened a few of his marbles but she helped him to stand anyway. He was feeling stronger but let her fuss over him. It felt good. Better than the anger and recriminations that he had been expecting. 

"I still want to know what spell," Xander said, as the three of them made their way into the bedroom.

"They'll let us know soon enough," Giles said, softly watching them. 

It was as if the Watcher understood that something was going on that he couldn't understand and trusted them to handle it. Maybe it was just Buffy being part of it but he didn't think so. He suspected that the man was slowly beginning to trust the vampires to do what was right.

"What's going on?" Buffy asked, as soon as the door closed behind them. "We need to find Dawn and…"

"Shush, pet," Spike said, taking her hand. The connection was always there but it could be masked by high emotions or pushed aside if the will was strong enough. This time it needed to be strong and he grasped Angel's hand, too. Without being asked Angel took Buffy's. The spark was instantaneous as Spike opened himself to the call of his mates. It flowed among them…making them one. "Buffy, listen, Glory is Ben. Ben is Glory." He waited until she nodded her understanding. "He helped to take Dawn and…"

"You want to kill him if we can find him instead of Glory," Buffy said. "Kill him…kill both."

"It makes sense," Angel said. "And it would be the easiest solution."

"And also wrong," Buffy declared. "He's human. We can't kill humans…well, I can't."

"Riley," Spike said softly, hating to push that button now but it needed to be done. She had allowed it before and this time the circumstances were a lot more justifiable. "He helped Glory. He's not an innocent bystander. He knows what's going on and he attacked Faith."

"We'll go after Glory if you want us to but…," Angel added. "But if we can stop this from even starting we have a better chance of everyone surviving."

Buffy pulled away from them. What they were asking her to do was condone murder. Spike knew it and Angel knew it but their hands weren't clean. Their morals weren't as defined as hers. She had been chosen to protect human life, not take it but she had to be part of the decision. And no matter what they thought they would abide by it.

Or at least let her think it. Spike met Angel's eyes. He understood and accepted it was for the best. If she said no then Spike would go alone, try alone and if he succeeded he would disappear when it was over. He would leave Angel, Buffy, Dawn and the baby to make a life together. It was the least he could for the life and the opportunities they had given him. 

There was a gentle knock on the door and Giles slipped into the room. The watcher looked at all of them before catching Buffy's eye.

"There is something going on that I can't understand," Giles said. "Or remember…or something." He laughed uncomfortably. "Maybe if we work around it, I can help."

Buffy looked miserable as she looked at the man who had guided her and she had trusted for a long time.

"There's an innocent," she said, sitting on the edge of the bed. Her hands folded in her lap. "He holds the key to killing Glory. If we kill him then it's over but he's human, Giles."

Giles knelt at her feet and took her hands in his. "I know I failed you once, Buffy and I have looked for a way to redeem myself in your eyes. I have trained you blindly to what the Council has told me to do until recently. And I've never told you that there are exceptions, situations that fall into a gray area. You can't save everyone, Buffy. There will always be someone that is beyond your reach and you can only do your best and give your best. The three men in this room love you unconditionally; trust us to make the right choice at the right time. Let us take this burden from you."

Buffy looked up at Angel first then turned to Spike then she slowly nodded. She put her hand on her stomach and smiled as tears slowly ran down her face.

"Save the world for us."

~~~~~~~

Through the connection they had found Dawn's location. Her energy had called out to them, seeking it's protectors to come to her. Giles drove while Angel and Spike kept themselves tuned into the vibrations that were coming to them in waves. Buffy was meditating at home to keep the three of them as one.  

"Turn right," Angel said. 

Giles followed the direction, turning down a small side street on the side of town that was slowly dying out. Fewer than half the streetlights worked leaving dark caves between the buildings where anything could hide. He shivered as the street they pulled into was even more forlorn looking. Suddenly two figures darted into an alley in front of them.

"It was Dawn," Spike said, grabbing the heavy metal chain he had brought. He climbed from the car even while Giles was pulling to the side of the road. 

Angel scrambled out and after instructing Giles to keep the motor running; he followed Spike into the alley. If Dawn was away from Glory then all they would need to do was to keep her in hiding until after the appointed time. Running he followed Spike into the alley where he could hear shouting. Suddenly Spike landed at his feet, sliding along the wet pavement until he was stopped by a dumpster.

"Glory's with her," Spike groaned. "Go…I'm fine."

Taking off running, Angel followed the sounds of shouting ahead. With relief he heard Spike following him. They would probably need the two of them. 

"This is not what I need," Glory's voice could be heard. "You guilt Ben into helping you and now I've got those blood sucking freaks on my tail. I am going to be so glad when you bleed, little girl."

The two vampires charged around the corner, temporarily blinded by car lights on the other side. Caught between them was Glory and Dawn. Giles climbed out of the car wielding a sword. 

"Give it up, Glory," Angel warned. "You won't make it out of this alley alive."

"Didn't your lover tell you what I did to him and his little humans," Glory taunted, pulling Dawn against her. "What makes you think that I'm going to lose?"

"She's weak," Dawn called. "Ben is influencing her…they keep switching out."

Angel signaled Spike to circle a little to the left as he tried to figure out how to get Dawn away from the beast. He met her eyes and saw the resignation in them. She was willing to pay the price if it was necessary. He shook his head. It wasn't worth it even if he and Giles had both thought it for a moment. Dawn was going to live.

It happened so suddenly that it took a moment for him to react. Dawn slammed her foot down on Glory's then brought her head back into the blonde's face. It gave her the edge to dart away leaving Glory in the middle. It also gave them the advantage because in her surprise and pain she faded back to Ben. 

Giles looked momentarily surprised at the change while Spike and Angel moved to attack. There wasn't any time to waste. They had to act before the two switched again. Spike went to swing but Ben kicked high into the vampire's stomach sending him spiraling backwards. The mortal started to run but was tripped by Angel sending him to the pavement. 

It was at that moment that he morphed back into Glory.

"What is your problem?" Glory said, standing and dusting off her dress. "I keep telling you that you are not going to win this." She turned, grabbing Giles by the back of the neck. "See this…crack it like an egg." Her other hand went to Giles forehead but Spike swinging the chain into her back knocked her off balance. 

"I've had it with you bitch," Spike snarled, slipping into game face as he wrapped the chain around her neck. 

Angel took the opportunity to begin punching her face as she clawed to get the chain off of her. Dawn was right. The god was weakening. They just needed her to switch one more time. Giles gave them the advantage they needed by driving the sword into her side. She gave a gasp as she faded to Ben again. His face held surprise and pain as he realized he didn't stand a chance.

"Help me, please," Ben whispered, holding his hand covered with blood in front of him. 

The two vampires and watcher hesitated for only a moment. There was no choice. Spike tightened the chain, Angel took Ben's head in his hands and Giles went to drive the sword in again. This time the human collapsed to the ground with one last sigh before he was gone taking Glory with him.

"Is it over?" Dawn asked, crawling out from beneath the staircase she had been hiding under.

"Yeah, it is Niblet," Spike said, wrapping an arm around her shoulder and turning her from Ben's body. 

"Let's go home," Angel said.

"Sounds good to me," Giles said.

The four climbed into the car. Dawn leaned over the seat between Angel and Giles. 

"Buffy is so going to kick your asses for letting me see that."

_to__ be continued…_


	43. What Matters

**Chapter 43 – What Matters**

The house on Revello Drive was finally still. 

It was only a shell. Standing empty and forlorn as the young woman wandered through the rooms that she once lived in. Gone was the furniture that made it a home, the pictures of the people who mattered, and gone was the laughter and the tears that made it alive. 

_I hope someone loves you as much as we did_, Buffy thought as she locked the front door for the last time. She handed the key over to the real estate agent before walking away. She was alone on this journey. Dawn had been hysterical when they had packed the place up and Buffy wouldn't put her through any more pain. Her sister was having enough trouble dealing with all the changes that had seemed to hit all at once the morning after the Glory showdown.

Buffy hadn't asked Spike or Angel to come along with her because neither of them could truly understand the depth of her feelings for the house. They were both wanderers and both were having their own struggles dealing with the changes in all their lives. Two vampires weren't meant to be fathers, domestic bound in a neighborhood and they were coming to terms with the fact that was exactly what they were.

And she hadn't asked her friends to come along with her. She could barely deal with her own grief much less theirs. Willow and Xander both haunted the rooms as much as the family had. The changes, the whispered secrets, the fun, and the truths laid out in her bedroom, the kitchen as well as the floor in the living room where they watched movies.

The corner had been turned and there was no going back. She crossed her arms and hugged herself to keep the chills away in the bright afternoon sun. Buffy Anne Summers was a slayer, a mother-to-be, guardian to her younger sister and lover to two vampires. It was wonderful and it was frightening as hell. 

This time she knew she was loved and wanted. Despite the pain they had caused each other, there was no doubt in her mind that Angel and Spike loved her. 

But she wasn't alone. And that was the most important thing of all.

Buffy stood outside the new house for a moment, watching the chaos with a smile.

Dawn and Spike had found the advertisement for the Mediterranean style house on the river. It had three bedrooms, two baths, a study for Angel, a pool for Dawn and a 'guest apartment' for Spike. It had been his suggestion. They had always had separate bedrooms for privacy if they needed it. He'd keep his gear in there, use it enough to make it looked lived in enough to satisfy social services but would still sleep with Buffy and Angel. 

Tomorrow, Angel, using his 'bought' papers would marry Buffy in the courthouse downtown to also satisfy social services. To the world they would appear to be a loving couple raising their own baby along with Dawn. To the ones that mattered they would be a loving trio raising their own baby along with Dawn. To them it was enough. The world's opinion didn't matter. This was what they had decided they could live with even if no one had gotten exactly what they wanted.

"You coming in, Buffster?" Xander asked, grabbing another box from the back of the van.

"Yeah, I am."

She followed her friend into the house. There was laughter from somewhere toward the bedrooms. Spike arguing with Angel about where the bed should go. And toward the kitchen she could hear Jenny and Anya discussing where the most practical place to store the dishes would be.

Deciding to solve the most urgent problem, she made her way into the master bedroom. Giles was cleaning his glasses as he waited for the two vampires to make up their minds.

"Against the south wall," Buffy said, softly. "There won't be a lot of sun in the morning."

Spike and Angel turned to her, sighed then shrugged.

"South wall then," Angel said and Spike nodded his agreement. 

It was her home. A gift from them to show they understood her need for some normalcy in their existence. And she had given them their freedom but they hadn't taken it. Spike told her that life was short enough and he only wanted to be with her for as long as they had. Angel had refused to discuss it. 

The mattress was dropped on top of the springs and the men turned to her.

"Looks good," Buffy said. She graced them with a smile. "Thank you."

"You're welcome, Luv," Spike said, dropping a quick kiss on her mouth. "Just want you to be happy."

"I am," Buffy insisted. "I think Xander needs help with the boxes piling up in the entry way."

"We're on our way," Angel said, squeezing her hand as he passed.

She looked up at Giles who was still standing by the bed. He had the telling look of wanting to give her a lecture but wasn't sure how to broach it. It had been coming for awhile now and she knew it was best to get it over with. At least he cared enough to lecture so she would accept it with good grace.

"Let's go out on the patio," Buffy said, leading him to the French doors that led to the pool area. Her first thought upon seeing the bedroom's exit over the patio had been midnight swims with naked vampires. Pushing away her hormonal needs, Buffy led her Watcher to two chairs at the edge of the canopy. "Say what you need to say, Giles."

He sighed and leaned back. 

"Buffy, you know I've learned to trust them…Spike and Angel…to a point. They're still vampires…still demons."

"I know that."

"They raped you as soon as Spike's chip was out. It doesn't forebode well for the future."

"I'm pregnant, Giles, with one or the other's baby. Do you think they would let me walk away from them?"

His head snapped around to look at her.

"Give me the word and you'll never have to deal with them again."

"I love them."

"In spite of it all?"

"Yes," Buffy confirmed. "In spite of what happened and what might happen tomorrow, I love them. I've learned something in the past few months. Something very important."

"What's that?"

"Today is all we have," Buffy said softly. "It might all disappear in the blinking of an eye never to return."

"You're right," Giles agreed. "But can you live with the possibility…?"

"Which possibility? Which fact?" Buffy asked with a wry smile. "Is my future a possibility or a fact? Things that keep me awake at night. Things like evil will never stop, that one day I might have to sacrifice my life to keep the world or even one person safe, or that one of my friends will. Maybe one day I'll be one to turn evil, maybe Willow, or maybe Spike without a soul will return to the killing fields. Maybe we don't know everything about Dawn and the power within her will one day be a great help or a great destroyer of the world. Maybe one day Angel's soul won't be anchored anymore. I could drive myself crazy with possibilities."

"Yes, you could," Giles said. "So, you're sure this is what you want?"

"Yes, I'm sure," Buffy said. 

"Then I'm here for you every step of the way."

"Thank you."

Buffy stood, taking the older man's hand to lead him back to the house. She was content with the way things were. The last few months had taken away the last of her girlhood and the future weighed heavy on the woman she had become. She stepped into her new home and walked into a new potential apocalypse. 

"Keep your grubby hands off my video games," Spike yelled as he stomped through the house toward his room. "Someone needs to teach you a few lessons about stealing."

"Oh, that's just rich," Dawn screamed from her doorway. "You're Mr. Evil incarnate. Keep out of my room. Do you hear me?"

"Wouldn't want to step into all that damn feminine stuff anyway," Spike yelled back. 

First Dawn's door slammed and then Spike's followed suit. 

"Uh, I think the honeymoon is over between those two," Angel said, smiling at Buffy.

"I think so," Buffy agreed. "Dawn's a handful and she's been really pushing it lately."

"I think it will help when everybody gets into a routine," Jenny said.

"Yes, momma," Spike said, slinking back into the room toward Buffy. He wrapped his arms around her. "Sorry, did I upset the little one?" His hand covered her stomach.

"Nope, the little one is just fine," Buffy said, returning his embrace. "Don't worry. She comes from hardy stock."

"He comes from hardy stock," Angel corrected her.

The others had been told of her pregnancy and were taking it with surprisingly good graces. It was Anya that had tried to push to find out exactly who the father was but Xander had silenced her. They had decided it didn't matter. The child would belong to all of them. It was their hope for a happy future and there was more than enough love to go around.

"Hey, is it time to order pizza?" Xander asked.

"Yes, it is," Willow said. "Is that okay with you, Buffy?"

"Pizza's fine. Veggie please," Buffy said, smiling at her friend. Willow had been close to her side since she had learned of the baby. They had spent a lot of time talking and reconnecting to the friendship they had before Buffy had gone away. The red head had become supportive and a pillar of strength that Buffy had needed. 

Everyone started to finish up what they were doing and congregating in the living room while waiting for dinner to arrive. Dawn and Janice even came out of the bedroom to join them. A movie was decided on and Buffy snuggled down between Spike and Angel. 

No, nothing was perfect but everything was good. She would accept it and be happy with it. What she had told Giles wasn't a lie. It was her new motto for life. Live for today. It was the only chance you had because forgiving was difficult, loving was easy, forgetting was impossible and living life was the hardest thing of all. 

It was a hard lesson but she had learned it. 

And within that she found hope for them all.

~~~The End~~~

Author's Note: Thank you to everyone who has stuck by this story, supported it and never gave up on it. I hope that in spite of the rather long scenic route that the journey was worth it. I doubt that I will ever visit this verse again so I have tried to leave them as happy and as hopeful as possible. Here's to a Slayer and the two vampires that she loves. May they have a long and healthy life together. Good night!!


End file.
